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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Give me sex - no wait, chocolate, no sex, I don't know anymore, I am all lost atm

If you have read my last entry, you know what I felt like then. This is about one hundred gazillions worse than ever. Master has not granted me anything that could give me some release, though I really have to admit that it is my own fault by now. Right in the middle of Master's game of tease and denial my monthly need for chocolate, additional hugging, sex, if possible and all the other things, set in. I am emotionally out of balance at the moment, which is just the result of my silly hormones, and I am still extremely frustrated, because Master would not touch me sexually this week, because I misbehaved. Taking cold showers does not help at all against sexual desires, it is only good to get a nice and healthy skin! And to add to that, during my period I don't like cold water at all. So, whatever is going to happen this week, I have this feeling that not much is going to be good about it.
I was out of focus and started being a brat and behaved the way I should not. Pouting was the nicest bit of it, but because Master likes my mouth a lot and because he knows what's working in me these days, it was not part of the real problem (trying to avoid following rules, starting arguments without reason, doing chores badly, not doing chores, because I forgot about them and grouching among other things). I did not use swear words, though I felt like it, but I feel bad, because I really know that I was bratty, at least yesterday and Monday. Today I am all sorry, and Master knows that. He is around to spend time with me, which is lovely, so I get a lot of hugs, we talk a lot, he openly shows a lot of love and affection towards me.  Actually, I am so glad about this that I could cry, but on the other hand I also have a really bad conscience, because I was such a brat. My behaviour was not directed against him, it was against anybody and anything and against myself. There will be no punishment for me at all at the moment, apart from me still remaining sexually frustrated, because he won't give me a climax this week. He told me that is more than enough to bear for me this week and all will be good again, if I try hard to behave my best. Jogging did not help much against my frustration and bad conscience, and the dark grey weather outside just made me feel depressive (don't worry, I am not). Chocolate is good, but even though I love it, I stop eating after a few minutes, because I feel fat then. I am not fat, just vain, but whatever I do, does not help much. I am not sure whether I would get a spanking, if I asked for one, but I am close to asking for it, so that I could have a true ventile for my frustration, because that is still lingering in me and I hate that feeling. Well, I don't know yet what to do, but at least I have apologized and I really regret that I misbehaved. Still, this mix of being horny and frustrated from it, and at the same time, not being able to calm down because of the hormones is a horrible mix for me, hard to endure, and surely hard to endure for my Master as well. Where is my chocolate? Afterwards I could go jogging again. Oh, it is dark outside, so I would not be allowed to leave the house alone, no sexual activity in sight, well, I might give the cold and hot water another try before I definitely will ask for a therapeutic spanking from Master, otherwise I am never gonna sleep for the rest of this week.

Sorry for my rambling

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