Resistance

With the second night of good and uninterrupted sleep after my last punishment behind me, I had time to think about my reactions on demands, rules and discipline and how I cope with them. At first sight, it is plain easy. Slavegirls do as told. Sure, true, I love that, most of the time. But I am a human being and therefore I am moody, have fits now and then, temper tantrums included, always in the wrong moment, and sometimes I have the feeling they are out of my control, unless I have Master’s help with that. This does not mean that I am like a volcano, just waiting to erupt, and nobody knows when. I think I am just like any other human being and not in best form all the time. Therefore I also have moments of self-loathing, reproach, doubts, or unwillingness. 

Imagine, you had a bad day, one where everything went wrong, you feel bad, you broke a saucer, slipped and fell, got another penalty notice, ruined your favourite painting, ruined your favourite dress, your hair is a mess and you know it. Exaggerated, but I mean this kind of day where you should rather stay in bed. Then there is Master and orders you around, maybe they are just little things, but if it is the wrong moment, you might not be happy to oblige. And I think this is normal and this is also where the real work for a sub or slavegirl starts, because she has to find a way through this situation. Sometimes it is obvious to Master that there might be problems from my side, and we talk about that. It does not mean that I have to do less because of it, but talking about what went wrong, always helps me.When we have these talks, it might start badly, e.g. if I am not willing yet to talk. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer for me. At other times I might not even have realised that something was going on in me, and I need Master to tell me what I behave like. This does not lead to punishments automatically, especially if it is connected to my hormones. 

Still, for a while this feeling of unwillingness is there. In my case, I do not always find a way out of this and I can often only feel how I am growing restless, unhappy and discontent with the situation I am in at that time. Sometimes I really do realise nothing else but that something is not the way it should be, it feels somehow wrong and I cannot give it any name. Usually there are several different issues coming all together and then it is just there, the volcano might start sizzling and if not cooled down, it might erupt. 

Yoga helps! I am not joking here, but this is only one way among many, because any kind of relaxing is useful. Sex helps, definitely and the more strain is put on me in a session during such a crisis, the better. Workout, running, swimming, they all help, too. Sometimes you can virtually breathe it away if you exert yourself physically. Spanking is another excellent alternative, this has also worked miracles in me. These spankings are not punishment spankings, I consider them as therapeutic spankings. Master does these and he only continues until I have let go all that bothered me. There are always tears, I can cry it all out and afterwards I feel free of everything that burdened me.

So, what still remains is the attitude issue. I have never been in a situation where we did not find a way to lead me away from this bad attitude, when you are unwilling to do as told, where problems build up because of what is asked for. Maybe it is because generally I love to please Master and also always prefer harmony and ways to end disputes to ongoing quarrel. Actually, I take a lot of pleasure out of serving him and that surely helps us. But still, these situations, where resistance shows, are there for us too. Apart from the physical ways of getting rid of this, we also try to figure out what exactly was the trigger and when resistance might have started to build up. Usually this takes some time for me, because if it was only one day in a month, fine, that could just be because I had a restless night. But Master and I talk about that and we try to identify where it came from. Some kind of correction sometimes happens too, but usually this is more connected to broken rules that happened in such a time. What we are really interested in then, is how we can identify resistance, how we can spot it earlier and make sure it does not cause trouble. We have learned that expressing honestly and openly what I feel always works best. Do this kind of talking in a relaxed atmosphere, go to bed or some other nice place, where you could also cuddle, caress, hug and kiss. If you manage to do all this the rest of the discussion might also be easier. Once all is solved, it would be a good moment to please your understanding dominant partner, after all, hopefully the situation is completeley relaxed again after you talked and to turn that into sexual energy cannot be bad, either. I wanted to add this last bit, because when we have had this kind of talk, we usually feel better connected than before and then making love is something that adds to this connection.