Adult content warning!

Adult content warning!

This blog includes texts which are not suitable for minors. So, if you are under the age of 18 or if my entries might offend you, please leave immediately.


Shoo! Shoo!

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Bag of mixed news

There are positive news in this entry, and I even mention TTWD again. Finally. Nevertheless, the day was still a rather mixed one. We had a family meeting which was lovely, but I spent early morning with granny and today that was really hard.

Granny’s is still fighting, and even though I don’t want to see it, her fight is harder than ever. She is the one who taught me most about not giving up, and she shows me how this works till the end. Writing this with the picture of her in hospital is so hard, I'd love her to be good again. Oh heck. She is so small in this bed, she looks so lost there. I went there early in the morning together with Tilda and today seeing granny like that hit me so hard that I just sat there and focused on breathing, so that my sobs would not alarm my little one too much.  I don’t know, I have been so uneasy when I went to hospital during the last week, but today was so sad that it hurt to have not one reaction from her side. This is so sad. :( I am sorry for the downer, I know that many of you are dealing with the same or similar situations. I wish you all the strength you need and the best possible outcome; something that makes the pain and grief bearable.

Sister, the car, Amy and I
Maybe I am also frustrated because I am sort of almost grounded when it comes to driving. Sister has been back home for the last few weeks, not on bed rest anymore, but only allowed to move a bit and not do much of the housework. So I took over for a while. Until last weekend …
Hubby has decided to limit the time I am allowed to visit my sister to not more than two times a week - and only when the weather is good enough. I can phone her all day long, but not go there by car, because one tour takes around an hour, so that makes two hours when I go there, in addition to going to granny or grocery shopping, going to the doctor’s and other things.

I am not even miffed because I know hubby is right, especially now since the roads have become slippery at times. In addition I do not want to drive that much if possible (yep, I really mean it!), and sitting behind the wheel too long does not feel good anymore either, that's why I am almost fine with this. But it feels like I let my sister down. She understood, and I believe her, so there is no grudge or anything, but I would have loved to help more. 

Amy shares half the driving with me now, because whenever she can, she comes with me to see granny, and afterwards we try to get back into town where I can help my sister then. Amy has expressed her displeasure of doing that at all, which is only because she worries that I might do too much. I promised to be careful, but it will not be much longer till she stops me for good. 
Hehe, she is not my nanny, but she is extremely convincing and my trust in her is too big not to do as she wants. Not to create the wrong impression, I am listening to my body and I do feel a little less nimble, which is ok, as I do not under any circumstances want to do anything that could harm baby.

Since I do not blog much at the moment (although I’d love to!) I rarely have a chance of doing my pregnancy countdown …. I am already in week 28!?! Whoa that was fast!

Seriously, I have already seen that this last year passed quickly, after all Tilda has already had her first birthday party! Her first birthday, imagine that, and there are moments when I do not know what I did in this year. Somehow it really feels more like Tilda was born a few days ago, and suddenly baby sweetie has grown and we are week 28 again?! Wow.

So, even  though I had a gloomy start into this entry, just thinking about my little one and her little brother or sister makes me smile. There are the pangs of sadness when I wish for granny to see Tilda play, to touch my bump, to have time with us, but for me, those two sweet little cuties mean the world and help me go through rough days like this one. And granny loves baby news. Knowing that helps me, at least sometimes. 

I do not know whether we will have a boy or a girl. Hubby would like a boy, though more because he wanted to tease me a little after I have said that I am almost sure we’ll have a little girl again. LoL, I cannot even say why, maybe it is because her kicks feel just like those I got from Tilda. Not surprising, is it? :) Baby has her own rhythm, she is more active when I go to bed and early in the morning. So, we do have our bonding time then, though less often on the sofa than I’d like to.
On another positive note I am pretty happy that there are only few pregnancy-related problems that I have to deal with. Ok, the loo needs to be close, but the only things that are not too awesome are a lot of heartburn and sometimes insomnia. Sounds familiar, and I think I handle both rather well at the moment. :)

Woohoo, finally I have TTWD in my blog again. But that does not really mean a lot, because dd is pretty limited for us at the moment. I mean, hubby is HoH, he decides, and he really does. He keeps an eye on me, I think he has noticed that there have been times after returning either from granny or sister when I was not like myself. I literally got some quiet time then, not like being in the corner, just a quiet thirty minutes to breathe, be a little sad, calm down, just take my time on the sofa or in the bedroom.
But somehow he has given me a lot of room in other situations, too. I am glad about that, because there have been moments when I was maybe tired, or simply over-emotional, and he has definitely warned me more than he would have done in non-pregnant times. I am grateful for that. Maybe it is just my lack of concentration, but I have had moments where I really did not know how to act the right way, it was like I just forgot completely. Probably doesn’t make sense to anybody, but I appreciate that hubby did not take away privileges and instead told me what I did, which was enough for me to be embarrassed. He didn’t always keep me out of the corner though. I have been a wee bit too liberal with some information online for his taste, so hubby was really vexed and in a way the only reason why he did not take away my online time was that I don’t have much time to be online anyway due to our current situation. However, I should better be careful, or else …. .

Just because ...


 Wishing you all a wonderful week with a lot of love.