Adult content warning!

Adult content warning!

This blog includes texts which are not suitable for minors. So, if you are under the age of 18 or if my entries might offend you, please leave immediately.


Shoo! Shoo!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

blindfolded preggo

I sit at the edge of the bed and wait. I cannot even wriggle, but not because I am bound, no, just because I am too pregnant to wriggle around. I wait in anticipation of what's to come. 

Master is there. "Move further up" Uhm,  how? Our bed is a little higher than the average bed. It is like climbing up. Usually it is just right for turning around  and presenting my backside invitingly to Master. ... And wriggle. But not now. Wriggling nowadays is more what I feel, not what Master can see. 

Master's wish is my command. So I climb up. sit, wait. He follows and takes some leather straps. Where is my collar? He wouldn't forget that, would he? No, there it is, the oldest and most worn symbol for being his slave. In it, I feel safe and protected, because he puts it on me, is there and makes sure that everything is good. Maybe painful, but good. Perfect. Automatically I put my arms forward. He puts them on, and I feel a little more like his possession. I am waiting. What next? I watch him as he puts leather around my ankles. 

I cannot speak, because I have no permission. I am being prepared by him. He brushes here and there, comes close to my nips, brushes along my hips. I am still sitting and waiting. This is gonna be awkward. I feel immobile and am not even bound to the bed yet. I caress my bump a little absent-mindedly. He smiles. No reprimand. Instead he kisses my bump and tells me to lie on my side. Automatically, I put my arms a bit upward, so that the chains can be attached easier. I can see him do it. I can see everything. Master attaches the chains to the ankle wristbands. Oh, there is plenty of room for movement. For spreading legs. I can still see and I am tense.

What's missing here? He smiles, he is standing right in front of me, but unreachable for my hands. Slowly he takes off the old grey T-shirt. I can see his muscles, see the tattoo, a scar. So sexy. I want to touch him, but I can't. I don't get it. What's missing here? I am on my side as he walks around. Now I cannot see him any longer. I feel that he comes onto the bed. I feel his hands on me, feel his kisses down my neck, down my side. Oh, I feel his stubbles, too. It's massage and tickles. His hand has moved down. I am so in need, without anything having happened yet, that I feel the tension ease. But it is still lingering. I can still see and observe his hand moving forward, up again, caressing my breasts. He moves closer, so that he faces me. I am distracted and don't know why. But I smell leather. He kisses me once more, then, finally, he shows what is missing. "Head up!"A short command and the blindfold is on. Darkness. Tension be gone!

My anticipation grows endlessly. He kisses me and every touch sets me more on fire now. His hands move. After all I have asked him for lately, he is still hungry for more. He wants me and shows it. I want him so much, but cannot show anything. But my body betrays me. Always. Movement is almost impossible. I hear myself moan as he finally finds his way between my legs... and withdraws again. Master builds up my desparation slowly. He plays me and increases my fire. Nothing is missing any longer. I want to move, but can only pull my chains. He touches the right spots, my craving intensifies. He tortures painlessly. He lets me wait, lets my desire grow to endlessly sweet desperation. And then I feel him lift my leg up. I must look like a gymnast now, leg in the air. Awkward, but he makes me feel desirable. I am all open and he takes his time. Slowly he takes me and brings me where I want to be.

I hope you all have a lovely start into the week! :-)

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Amy and hubby

Amy and my husband

Initially I had just thought to write about last night's gossip and talk, because we had ladies' night, but then I saw that my thoughts were completely centered around the magic triangle of Amy, hubby and me. Therefore, I changed my plan and you can read a pretty 'unpregnant' piece of information, instead.

So, this time, ladies' night was in our house, and I am proud to say that I did not overdo this. I mean, I am not out to break any rules in general, but currently, I really try hard not to create trouble. Hubby makes sure, of course, too. When we were all enjoying ourselves, hubby came in and took my friends up on their promise to send me to bed at 11.30 at the latest. We were five women, and they all know that I am submissive and that I obey hubby. There was no discussion about the bedtime given by hubby, nobody frowned and most of my friends also actually think this is rather romantic, because hubby shows how much he cares. LoL, apart from me, poor Amy is the one who is actually held responsible by hubby, if they all fail to haul me into bed in time. It is because of her special relationship to me and somehow hubby and Amy have an unspoken agreement to act up a little parent-like concerning me, when the two of them are together. This entails special responsibilities and rights.

To avoid misunderstandings, hubby is my one and only partner, Amy has her partner, and hubby and Amy are just very good friends. I'll keep this short; acccording to hubby, she is too motherly for his taste. Amy knows about this, and according to Amy, hubby is too ... rough... at times to be of interest for her as a partner (good news for me!). The other reason why they can only be friends is currently writing this text. :)  Amy has a strong and dominant partner, too, and I'd say he is not much different from hubby. But then again, she is the one who can see right through people, whereas I usually fail. Nevertheless, of course I know what she is talking about, concerning hubby. It's a part of his attitude that I actually enjoy in him and it is extremely attractive for me.

When there are difficult decisions that have to be taken, he can do it, and he can be pretty assertive. This applies to his business and this also applies to anything else, friends and family included. Hubby is the most honest and reliable man I could ever wish for, but if he feels double-crossed, things can be really ugly. But this is something he doesn't do without good reasons and actually he is a real prince-charming and I think I have never ever seen anybody get along so well with virtually everybody, and the ladies have been doing ridiculous things in the past to get his attention. So, the basic idea of hubby is that he is easy-going and true to his word, and he cares for those he loves and for those who are his friends, but he has some edges, too.

Ok, so I have those two super-protectors, and when they are together, and when I somehow become the subject of their interest, the two of them really a-r-e pretty parent-like about me sometimes. Maybe I have mentioned that before, I am not sure, but the two of them discuss me, while I am there. Did I mention parent-like? This can be like being sent back to your early teenager years. Have you ever had parents who discussed your pimples? Or your first period? Or being with a boyfriend? Or...? Well, this could be embarrassing, which is pretty easy to do to me, but with them, it is not, and I am very grateful that I have them as husband and best female friend. 

If anybody, Amy is the one who has special rights concerning me, because she has done more than anybody could expect from any friend. Hubby knows that and respects it, too. This is not a matter of choosing between hubby and her, which is out of question. And, hubby knows how much of a mother hen Amy can be and she is always first only choice if he wants someone to have an eye on me, when he cannot. Yes, I know what this sounds like (imagine my rolling eyes here). I am not a little child, I can make my own decisions, I am all grown up, I also have other close friends, but Amy is special and counts as closest family; hubby trusts me, and I think in general having a relationship where DD does play a vital role, demands two partners who can take a certain amount of responsibility for themselves and for each other. Anyway, the two of them do care a lot and I love them just as much as they love me, and I am also first choice when Amy needs company. Besides, of course, I am attracted to disaster, followed by catastrophe. But apart from that, I am really nice and cute. :-D

Hey, originally I wanted to tell about how good everything went that night. When we are together, the nights can be quite long and busy, depending on our mood. Accordingly, I had discussed with hubby, what was best to do, but since I had problems with sleeping and since I would not even want to strain baby and myself just for some fun night, we had agreed on a decent bedtime, which would leave me enough time to spend the evening with my friends. But we did not want to spoil the fun for the others either, so they should stay and enjoy themselves and hubby would arrange their safe transport home.

I did as told, went up in time and my friends stayed until I was in bed and they continued their evening, while Amy and hubby were the ones who actually put me into bed. I love such moments in general, but when the two of them do this, it is outright wonderful (doesn't happen often, though). If you have two loved ones of this kind, I think there is no way you could get more warmth and security. Think back to your childhood, when you were brought to bed by mom or dad, who made sure that you were safe and warm in your cozy bed. This is what it reminds me of and I want baby to learn how wonderful this is, too.

Well, Amy wanted to feel my bump, and originally she had come upstairs to find out if baby was dancing, which did not happen then, but she'll have another chance to feel baby kick next weekend at the latest. Talking about Amy's special rights, she actually mentioned in her best motherly manner that I should maybe reconsider my choice of nightdress. I was admittedly not wearing much at all, since I thought it would be a warm night and I felt very heated from this evening, but when Amy mentions something I have learned to listen to her message, which was that I would probably catch a cold. I have had some light cold throughout spring and a little up to now, and did not want it to become worse, so I reconsidered and let her help find something warmer. Plain, white, boring, but warm. Mother-hen had chosen wisely for the night, which is lovely, but it was definitely only a utility decision. She even put out some socks for me, and offered to help me put them on, because my bump is a little in my way by now and I look incredibly awkward when I put on socks (But I can do the job!). With some talking between us, I felt that it really was a cool night and let her help me. Plain white socks, another utility decision, btw. They are all clothes that I have in store for the clinic and if those get ruined there, I don't care. Actually I would have loved it so much, if baby had kicked in that moment, so that Amy would have felt her too, but baby was very tired. So was I. I think that my body is adjusting again to the next round of baby growth and that's somehow exhausting, just like carrying the pumpkin around all the time.

So, the other girls stayed far longer, and when I came down around 2.30 am after one of my obligatory bathroom visits, they were still having fun. And they had a little alcohol. I don't believe that they had much, but when I came down, in my plain white nightdress and socks, and  before I was even fully there, they had already started talking about the marshmallow who came downstairs. That's what I felt like and that's what my nightdress made me look like. They were only teasing a little and I would have enjoyed staying with them for a while, but really, I do try to get all sleep I can, especially because I feel that I need it at the moment. They were discussing my bedtime now, because I had come back to them. ... Is getting up again very early in the morning bending rules? I did not do it, but I thought that since I had slept, this could be a borderline case. Since I felt tired, the decision was obvious enough. When I need sleep, I have to sleep. Besides, this is currently a rule for me here, and if I do not stick to it, hubby is really miffed, because it is detrimental for baby and my health and hubby has to handle a tired and rather unreasonable preggo-monster then. Therefore I wished them all good night again and the marshmallow went back to bed and slept on, and hubby let me sleep into the morning.

Maybe you know how one single moment is enough to keep your thoughts occupied for hours and days. This being tucked in by hubby and Amy was one of those. It left me thinking about Amy most of today. I have even changed some parts of 'I quit - part 2' because of it. It is far longer now, than I had ever thought it would be. But that's fine. And if you have survived more than one of my entries you know that somehow they are at times on the lengthy side. Sorry for that, but blogging helps me organize my thoughts. And the essence of this is, that I listen and obey (gladly) when hubby speaks, and I listen very closely when Amy speaks. I mean I really listen, want to understand and am all willing to follow her advice and have learned that these two are the best that ever happened to me (and baby, of course!).

I hope you all have a very lovely and enjoyable weekend !

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Be nice to yourself - edition

Fitness, exercise and being nice to yourself

This is one of the days where I'd rather stay in bed again, but I am just very tired and not feeling bad at all. Baby must have been doing extra fitness lessons again, :)  and that's what we should do, too. And we do, but, as you might have read before, all in moderation. ... I think that one of the more important things is that you are nice to yourself during pregnancy. I know this is open to discussion and I think my own opinion about this has gone from one position to the other and back again. But as long as you don't overindulge all the time and as long as you look a little at what you eat and do, I think this is the right time to give yourself some additional feel-good-treatments. Actually lots of it, because there are days when you feel rotten and deserve a reward for coping with all the minor and major inconveniences that you have on a daily basis. (Just in case this doesn't come through  yet, I love being pregnant!)

I am not talking about expensive spas or things like that. I just think about not counting every calory, do not worry if you gain one pound more than the average pregnant woman. In fact, you shouldn't even worry if you have five pounds more. Ask your doctor, if she says your weight gain is normal, then believe it! ... And eat another cookie!

Still, I don't say that you should be inactive, because that's not healthy and you'll probably regret some of this during delivery. But don't overdo it. I guess one reason why I write this, is because I have seen myself reduce what I did concerning physical fitness and exercise. And I have seen it go down continuously, the rounder I become. And I feel good with it physically, but mentally I keep feeling guilty, because 'maybe I should do more'. Nope, I should not. I go swimming, do my walking, do some pilates, kegels, and a few more stretching and strengthening exercises for preggos. But I don't overdo it. And I give in to some of my cravings, definitely. I have had dramas unfold where I argued with myself, "To eat or not to eat, that is no question. But how much, that is a good one!"

Hey, maybe I am wrong with my idea, but that's how I feel about it at the moment. If you have different ideas, they are surely as good as mine or even better. I think if there is one thing that all mommies-to-be have in common, it is the well-being of their babies. Therefore I do definitely not claim that I know what could be right for others. All I can do, is tell you what feels good for me and hope that I did not get it completely wrong.

Weekly countdown time: today we have reached week 26 !

Yippie! That's just awesome. :)  This morning I have had my sugar baby test. I don't know the English name for it and did not bother to find out. It is the tolerance test which tests you on diabetes during pregnancy. The fluid that I had to drink was too sweet, even for my current tastes, but it stayed inside, and the best of it: we passed; no diabetes; all fine. I have asked about fatigue, because over the last days I have slept well enough and still felt as if I had partied throughout the night. She said that is part of the package and I should go on with my usual schedule, you know  mountain climbing in the morning, saving planet earth in the afternoon and inventing a cure for all diseases late in the evening. ... <--This is a sure sign that I am close to letting my head crash onto the keyboard due to falling asleep. Must.Sleep.Must.Sleep. :) ... I'll have a nap later on, for sure, but the only important news is that everything is as it should be. So, basically this is a fantastic day and I can eat my cookies, too (within limits).

Monday, June 23, 2014

Kegel exercises-edition

What muscles?

Kegel exercising is probably the most important exercise you should do, throughout pregnancy and after delivery, to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles. By doing so, you do a lot for those muscles that will be stretched and strained immensely when you give birth. First of all, what muscles do you need to exercise? If you really want to know that ... go to the loo. When you pee, sorry for the unceremoniously simple expression, stop it and start it again. These are the muscles that you need to strengthen. No, sorry, peeing itself is not an exercise, and start-stop peeing is good to begin with, to find the muscles that you want to strengthen (They are also the same muscles that contract during your orgasms, btw). Once you have mastered the basics :) , you should move on, because this start-stop exercise can have some serious drawbacks. Doing kegel exercises with a full bladder might weaken your pelvic floor and it might also increase the risk of urinary tract infections.
Therefore, another way of finding the right muscles would be to put your finger into your vagina and try to squeeze it. That's them.

Daily exercise

First of all, don't forget to breathe. Second, don't work your abdominal muscles or your buttocks, try to relax those and focus on the pelvic floor muscles. If you start practicing kegels, you should maybe lie down on your bed, so that it is easier to focus on the pelvic floor.
The basic routine is that you squeeze these muscles: depending on who you listen to, the number of seconds and times may vary. One good variety is to squeeze your muscles for 5 seconds and afterwards give your muscles a 5 to 10 seconds period of rest. Do that ten times, for one completed exercise and do it three times a day. 
With a little practice, nobody will notice that you are exercising at all.

Once your muscles are stronger, try tightening them over a longer period of time. No, if you aim at hours, you are doing it completely wrong. Still go for seconds. When you are nice/bad, you might do that during sexual intercourse. Hubby likes it sometimes, but at other times, he wants me to 'stop that' (there is a name for 'that', too, it is called pompoir).
What you should do is that after tightening your muscles, you relax them again. This does not mean to overdo the period of rest,  but if you feel you need to go to the loo, you relaxed your muscles quite well. I did not ask about it, but I imagine that if you do not relax your muscles, the strengthening effect you are looking for would be reduced.

For the easiest advanced form of exercises, you can try ten second squeezes and reduce the time you relax your muscles, down to three seconds. 

And a little more advanced is doing your exercises while standing. It doesn't take long to be able to do that while standing, so that you can do your exercises whenever and wherever you want to.

I've got balls :-)

Ben Wa balls are very useful too. They come in metal, glass and silicone and in different sizes and with differing weight. I think the exercise connected to all of them is pretty straight forward. Put them in and keep them there. Obviously, the heavier ones are more difficult to keep in. If yours are silicone, you could squeeze them, too, as an additional way to strengthen your muscles.
It doesn't really matter much, since they simply cannot get lost, unless they fall out, but I prefer those pairs which are connected by a string, so that you can tug them out.

If you are interested in the stimulation they can provide, put them in and go for a busride. (Unless you have Hank at home, ... :-)    )

Jade balls. Not the typical example, but I think they are really cool

Ben Wa balls

-> Kegel exercises can be done everywhere and nobody will notice. I think one good way of doing them is during housework. Doing dishes or folding laundry are great times. You can even do that while watching tv, while queuing, while sitting and writing blog entries, etc. 

-> Doing kegels three times a day, for a few minutes each, is already enough to strengthen these precious muscles.

Have a lovely Monday and a wonderful start into your weeks !

Saturday, June 21, 2014

builder's cleavage - edition

Woohoo, I have overslept! Well, did not make much of a difference. I feel pretty tired, but that's fine, after almost nine (!) hours of sleep. There were only the usual necessary interruptions. But nine hours is like 'boah is that long?!' ... Sorry for my rambling. Back to topic.  

In my flower faerie edition I used the term builder's cleavage, which is a word I got from hubby (=South of England language style). Autumn guessed correctly what it was, but the term was not known to her. Therefore, I decided to find alternative terms that are in use and to show what it is. Not mine!

One neat example of builder's cleavage. But the Tshirt is really great.

Other terms I found:

builder's smile

coin slot

plumber's crack

So, I assume that even if you never wanted to know about this, you probably knew it from what you had to see in the past, and maybe you even have other words for this.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody ! :-)

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Flower faerie-edition

Over the last weeks I enjoyed our garden immensely. There were all sorts of colours from the different flowers that we have here. And I never made a picture, though this year's colours have been marvelous. Now, that it is almost too late for some, I tried to take a few pictures. I am still waiting for much of my lavender to flower, though. There are many blossoms, but it doesn't look yet as if that part of the garden is completely violet, as it should. I would love to take a nice picture with a lavender carpet in it. 

And, since I don't know how to change that with hubby's camera, the pictures seem to use up a lot of disc space. Sorry for that. If anybody is able to explain how to change that to a tech-dummy, I'd love to give it a try.

 Too bad that I only had them in the shade of a tree. I'll try again, though most marguerites have already faded.

 Cranesbill. Somehow we have lots of violet and red in the garden at the moment. Early in spring we had white and yellow and later in summer and autumn we should have different shades of yellow to deep orange.

 We have much lavender but currently the ones which blossom look like single straws :-( I am waiting for more. If you cut them down early after the first blossom you should actually get a second before autumn. But don't cut into the old wooden part of your lavender, because then nothing will grow from it. Instead cut it a little above the old, in the new parts. Your lavender will be far more bushy.

Climbing roses. We have a wall where they grow along an old metal grid. Currently they are in full bloom and there is a lot of of buzzing and humming from bees, bumblebees and other insects.

Jasmine. I don't know how to take a decent picture of it, because the whole bush is covered in white, which does not look impressive at all, when I try to take a pic. Hey, the smell is lovely.

My climbing roses again. I did not tie them together, they are that close.

Poppy is so beautiful, too bad we only have a few in our garden. This is one of them.

The pregnant-section 

 Maybe some of you have guessed it, it is countdown-time: we have reached week 25 :-)

 I think I am allowed to say that hubby and I feel blessed. We can enjoy life to the full, and I think that the changes my body goes through are wonderful ... with a few little exceptions.  You might know what I mean, because I have whined about that in past posts. Nevertheless, I know from friends and family that my current physical problems are pretty small ones compared to what they went through. Oh, and by now I think I have heard most horror stories about labor and delivery, too. I mean, I didn't want to, but who cares. :-\

Last night a friend of mine said that no matter what I do, how much I gain depends on genetic disposition. Why do I think  now that I have a gigantic builder's cleavage in my old gardening skirt? She did not say that I should stop exercising, because this will help me when I finally give birth, but otherwise, if I don't overindulge, I will just gain as much as the genes say. I am not sure if I can believe that. And does it change anything about my eating habits? Nope. But if it is true, it takes away some of my bad conscience, after I have eaten the third cookie. And I'll do my exercises, obediently and only moderately. 

Talking about exercises: if anything, do your kegel exercises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I  think I should do a post with a handful of easy to do kegel exercises, because this is so important and it becomes even more important if you give birth to more than one child. Since baby has started pushing onto my bladder, I have made first hand experience with what happens when you sneeze. Maybe it won't be much better after giving birth, and this is only one of the problems that you might encounter. Therefore: if anything, do your kegel exercises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 16, 2014

10 things that are different now

After my initial surprise about writing down what our meals are like at the moment, I noticed that this is different from before pregnancy times. I don't believe that I would have had the idea of describing food in a blog under different circumstances. And this is not the only thing that has changed, obviously.

1. Describing meals makes me hungry.

2. Sweat pants are my best friend.

3. I crave spankings more than ever (no real news).

4. I eat like a hobbit.

5. Oreos. If anything, they are my new symbol for pleasure and pain. I don't like them, but until I had my vanilla cookies I could not resist either. So I ate them with pain in my face and they made me feel good. I am obviously more masochistic than I had known before pregnancy.

6. I gain weight and think it is wonderful, most times. 

7. I do my exercises and sweat, huff and puff and enjoy that I can do it, though I am less mobile than before.

8. I drive like a saint!

8.1 This is the first time ever that I do not really want to drive much.

9. Over-emotional fits come as quickly as they go.

10. Sex. This three-letter word is too short and nondescriptive to describe how important it is right now. You know, when I have nothing better to do, I come up with weird theories and one of them (not as foolproof as my hobbit-thesis yet) is that maybe men need viagra because they cannot be pregnant.... :-D Beat that!

11. I have compared my maternity dresses to a tent in a supermarket. Not sure whether the tent was bigger.

12. Flip flops are my new friends, too. I mean, for the beach, fine, but now I am really absolutely into them.:-)  Hubby would not let me drive with them (safety; I agreed completely), but otherwise, I admit that I learn to love them more than I had ever imagined.

13. My idea of the term 'big girl pants' has undergone extreme revision and covers a wider range than before.:-)

14. There is a huge difference between just not paying attention and this foggy brain that lets you forget things from one second to the next.

I hope you all have a nice start into your week !

Sunday, June 15, 2014

The days are just packed, well...a little

Somehow the weekend was busy, but only in positive ways. Sunday was all about being lazy. since the weather was good, I spent the day outside, in the hammock, too. This hammock makes me feel like a sailor, by the way. At first I thought I got it wrong, but by now I am sure that I feel the swaying of the hammock hours later, just like you feel when you spent your day on a boat. It is a little irritating for me, and I have the urge to grab something to steady me, no matter whether I sit or stand. Hubby had a good laugh because of that, because I did not move at all, but I felt like I was on a boat in rough water.

Saturday. In the morning a friend and I went swimming. It was lovely and pure quality time. Lunch was more on the sandwich side of things, but that was ok. After all, I had brought additional cookies, fruits and some juice, as a kind of picnic in the park.
Towards the end of it, hubby called for some food that I should bring along. Ok, so I went shopping on my way home.
When I returned, hubby was a little busy, but he told me that he'd help me with the salad. Ok; which salad was that, Sir? Hubby had found Cat's strawberry-avocado recipe which I had printed out and put into the kitchen. But that would be for dinner, so I had time left during the afternoon. Hammock time ! And making a list for our trip to the familiy - time! I did both, but sometime while writing the list I dozed off.
Later in the afternoon, hubby woke me with some strawberries that he fed me. Yummy. Problem: wake-up time usually means loo-time. You know, this is absolutely annoying by now, because I have the feeling that I have run more often to the loo only the last three months than in the three years before.  Hmm, I really should get a diaper-supply for the ninth month. River's idea. In addition, loo-racing  has the potential to destroy any romantic moment. Imagine that, a pleasant summer day, your husband next to you, slowly feeding you strawberries, to wake you up, and then, ... you have to scramble out of the cozy hammock in a very urgent way. I mean like really urgently. More than a short 'sorry, have to...' was not possible. These are face palm moments, in a way.

But we don't give up! Three cheers for Romance! Thank God, hubby can wait better than I. Well, but my place in the hammock was gone by then. Hubby was in it, eating strawberries. I was a little disappointed, because he really could have waited. Hmmm, no, instead he was lounging in my anti-insomnia-hammock. The way he lazily writhed inside the hammock  had something very sexy, though. Oh, well, everything has something sexy; this has not changed at all, yet.

Hubby did not really look at me, he was focused on having a fantastic time and I was waiting there. I pulled a chair closer, because I thought my cozy place was occupied for the time being, so why bother.
Obviously it was not what hubby wanted. "No, come closer" Well, ok, so I pulled my chair right next to the hammock, so that I could rest my arms on hubby's tummy. I pushed hubby's T-shirt up and started caressing him. I was not disappointed any longer. :-)

He had stopped munching strawberries and asked me where I had put my wedding ring. Well, it was inside, in the kitchen, because my fingers are a little more swollen than they should be. So, I had taken it off in time. Yes, I can and do listen to expert-advice, and I think this has been commented on by many here in the past. Good advice! Hubby asked me to bring it to him. Oh? No chance for romance, it seems. Why does he want to have my wedding ring, anyway? I asked about it, but hubby just told me to bring it. Not nice. I was a little hurt, because he cut off my questions so bluntly. :-(

I went in, I knew exactly where it was, but it was not there. This is not funny! I knew where I had placed it and the wedding ring is among the very few items I do not lose. This really plunged me into a state of desperation. How could my ring disappear from there?! Hubby was already inside. "Where is your ring?" I think he saw that I was close to crying in that moment, because he hugged me immediately. "No reason to worry. Have you looked into the little box?" What box?????????? There is no .................. Oh! There was a little lengthy box which I had not seen and I was sure that it had not been there in the morning. I opened it and in there was, of course, my wedding ring, on a little silver necklace. "So that you won't lose your ring, sweety". I loved that and was relieved too, because I really thought I'd have a heartattack if I did not find my wedding ring. Well, we hugged and cuddled and hubby helped me put the necklace on. Now I have a safe place for my ring. ... After a short while I could even  have my hammock place back. In there, I wanted to sleep, but instead I played around with the ring. Since having it around the neck, I have played with it. This really has toy-qualities at the moment.

Me, when I thought I had lost my treasure ring :-D

The rest of the afternoon went smoothly. I even had a few more minutes of sleep in the hammock (and I sleep better again, all in all!), but not for long, because we had to prepare dinner. Actually dinner was a typical hobbit-like affair. The salad was delicious, and we had three kinds of bread with it, sliced chicken in it and cheese cubes and pepper extra. ... I don't know why I start describing my food. It must be the hormones.:-) Besides, I am pretty hungry lately, and you can see around the belly, bottom, arms, etc. that I do eat. At the moment I feel as if I gain by the hour, though I am not as hoggish as I might sound; I am only a little hobbitish. :-) 

And I do my exercises, always and with joy ... as long as I don't have a mirror nearby.

Have a nice Sunday and a nice start into your week!

Friday, June 13, 2014

Sue and Martin III – The journey northwards

This is the next attempt of a sequel to Sue and Martin.


Sue felt every inch of her poor bottom. She winced every time her skirt made the slightest move. But this was what she had needed and she felt at peace as a result. If her bottom had not hurt that much, she would have smiled. She looked around, to catch a few more impressions of the Irish sea, from the Scottish side. Apart from the old fishing boat that went south, only the motor boat that came quickly closer, was to be seen on the water. As they moved towards Angus' lorry, she gave Martin a hidden smile from the side "You are a real meanie sometimes, you know?!".
Sue loved it when Martin was so strict with her, because she simply enjoyed the strength and this display of assertiveness he showed then. What she could not stand, was him being seriously mad at her, though. Nevertheless, she found that she absolutely deserved an answer. “Martin, I am not a little girl. I want to know what is going on here. Please. I will be good, and do all you say, but please, tell me. I can see that this is serious, because you are so tense. You can barely speak a word. Do you think I don't notice that you are worried?” Sue was sincere. She needed this answer from him now. No fussing, no excuses, just the plain truth. And Martin pondered whether he should tell her or not. He seriously didn’t want to tell her because of the implications his news would have. She’d be hurt and devastated, if not worse. But one glance into her direction also told him that she would not be fooled. Maybe, if he had not spanked her to her senses this short time earlier, she would have let that topic rest; not now, though. In addition to that, she was right, she was involved and therefore she should know, even more so, since he couldn’t be sure that he’d always be around to keep her safe. Sue waited patiently, and Martin’s obvious worry made her nervous, in return. 
He stopped, looked at her and sighed. “Ok, I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Sue. Your actions in Belfast have caused a lot of problems. Everybody who is still holding a weapon over there thinks that you have brought offers meant to weaken those groups that have not been disarmed up to now. You know, you are the only person ever in the history of the city who has managed to bring those sworn enemies together. If only to bring you down for some stupid assumption that you, out of all women, are a serious threat to them. This is the result of your colourful display in the streets of Belfast. You went through the different quarters, wearing the wrong colours, stopping at the wrong places, looking at the wrong people. I still have no idea how you survived this stunt first of all, and if anything, I am as happy as can be that you are still alive, even if I have trouble showing this to you right now, because this whole affair drives me crazy.”
Martin halted his barrage when he saw that Sue had understood what he had told her. He took her arm and drew Sue with him. “Girl, they are hunting for you all over the British Isles and I am going to make sure they won’t get you.” Tenderly, he brushed a streak of her soft blond hair out of her face. “Come, we have no second to lose, we have been lingering around far too long.”

Sue was dumbstruck. She had not followed anything of what Martin had said after ‘hunting for you’. He was joking. It must have been a prank. Maybe it was a goodbye-joke from his military friends? No. She knew that were futile hopes. Martin had been too serious and tense lately. One look into his direction told her that he was not up to any kind of joke at all. She wanted to sit down, because she felt her legs falter. Now she understood. This was real danger and no fun trip. Unable to remain standing on her own, she felt Martin catch her, as her legs gave out. He simply took her and went on to Angus’ lorry. Martin would not have waited if she had fainted now. “We have to get away from here. Now!”

Sue saw everything that followed in a haze. She was in the lorry’s cabin. From there, she saw the sea all the time as they drove north, but she could not have said if it was five minutes or five hours. ‘I have caused such trouble? Did that mean everybody I have talked to was in danger?’ They stopped now and then, went on. She heard ‘Edinburgh is blocked’ but did not comprehend what they meant. Sue was too shocked. She couldn’t even notice Martin’s concerned face as he saw her ponder the implications of what she had learned from him.

Martin saw her drift away and couldn’t do anything against it. She retreated inside herself and her eyes lost the typical vividness that only Sue had in this intensity. Usually, her eyes would shine, sparkle, leave the impression that you could lose yourself in them. And even when she was angry, she wouldn’t lose it. On the contrary, Martin found her incredibly attractive and sexy when her eyes flared and flashed in anger. She was able to let you feel every ounce of her displeasure, just by looking at you. ‘You are more alive than anybody else I know. Don’t lose that. Don’t let me regret that I told you the truth’, he thought while he watched her. Martin felt as if he had doubled his sorrow by telling her the truth.

He took her hand, which was suddenly as cold as ice. Her vividness was gone. Martin had seen this happen to young soldiers when they had killed for the first time. Some of them broke and never recovered. How could Sue cope? She had no training to help her absorb the shock and she was one of the most peaceful beings he had ever known, maybe not suited to life-threatening conflict. He took her in his arms, held her, but felt no reaction from her side, for the first time ever. Even anger would have been welcomed. Martin tried to keep her warm, because she felt like ice in his arms. He knew that even though the lorry’s cabin was overheated, none of that reached Sue.

Although Martin had not told a word about her friends, Sue had absolutely realized that they could not have survived, ‘If the others have the means to stop us from reaching safe ground, then what will be with my friends? They lived right in the lion’s den.’ She felt her tears running as she accepted responsibility for everything that had happened. Up to this point it had only been one of her many silly escapades. But with two dead friends it had turned into the worst nightmare ever. She had no idea how she should be able to cope with this guilt. She was desperate, lost and lonely. She couldn’t look into Martin’s eyes, but was happy that he held her in his arms throughout the journey. He was the only support that meant anything to her and in this moment of utter despair, Martin was the only one who gave her enough strength to live on at all. Two had died because of her.
Beautiful as it was, Sue did not notice anything at all from the outside world any longer.

Nevertheless, Martin was there. She felt him, envisioned him, though not in a lorry. She saw him right in front of her, in a hotel room in Belfast. She remembered that moment after the spanking there. It was wonderful, because he had freed her from all that was a burden. She waited for him to free her now, but he did not react, in fact, he did not even move. She had his picture visualised, but he did not speak and he did not respond at all. She spoke to him, ‘Hold me tight’, but couldn’t hear her own voice either. Sue held him tightly at his lower arms, though she found he was less existent than she remembered. But his smell was there. His lovely smell was for real, therefore everything was real. She would find a way to talk to him. Sooner or later he would understand.

When the lorry finally reached their destination, a rather utility-like white hotel, which looked as if it had been there for ages, with some local architect adding here and there, Sue was completely unresponsive. She didn’t see the middle class comfort the hotel promised for the coming and going tourists. A construction site with an almost finished bridge loomed further back.
“We have to get to the ferry, love.” Martin took a long look at her, then shook his head. “Can we risk staying here for a while? Sue needs a break.” Angus nodded. “One night is safe, they don’t know where you want to go, but tomorrow morning you’ll have to leave again. And stay away from the road.” With that he left them. Martin and Sue went into the hotel. Sue was more or less sleep-walking and Martin led her into their room.

Martin kept looking for signs of Sue’s old self returning, but to no avail. She sat where Martin had seated her, at the corner of the bed. Her empty eyes saw the streets of Belfast again, her friends, her, walking along, looking at people, the pubs, their way across the Irish sea. She even remembered that she was in Scotland, Martin was with her and then her thoughts went back to Belfast again. She imagined explosions, gunshots, screams, dozens of possible deaths her friends might have died. She had the feeling that she’d experience the fear that her friends must have felt when they died. This pushed her over the edge. Sue felt desperate, as if she was drawn down into the deep. Her memories of the short sea voyage returned. Maybe they had been pleasant pictures, but where she had experienced blue sky, a warm breeze and Martin, who had been with her, she now only saw everything turning into darkest grey. She felt as if she’d drown in pitch black sea water. ‘Help me! Anybody!’, but she was alone and nobody heard her screams.

Martin had fed her and his grave face showed all shades of concern for her, but Sue had not noticed any of it. He had held her in his arms, tucked her in, so that she would sleep, and went downstairs into the hotel lobby. If anything, Martin knew that Sue would not move an inch for the time being. He would use this time. When he came back into the hotel room, it was as he had left it. Sue had not moved, as Martin had known, but at least she slept. Martin’s hopes were that some sleep would help her to process the events. ‘I shouldn’t have told her. I am an idiot and should have foreseen what the truth would do to her. Oh Sue, I’d do everything to protect you from harm. From now on that includes lying to you, when I am not sure about the outcome of things. I should have handled this affair differently from the start, even more so, since you are involved. You want to be tough enough, but what happened is not part of your world.’ 
Nobody saw how much his face reflected his inner turmoil and self-reproach. The others were still at their heels and would very much enjoy seeing them both perish. His hands moved up across his face and through his hair as he tried to wipe away their sorrows. His hand went to his pistol, about the hundredth time this day. 

“Sweetheart, wake up, we have some things to do”, Martin whispered with a soft and hoarse voice. He was afraid that she would not even hear him any longer. But she woke up, though her eyes were as empty as before. She was still lost in her own maze. Seeing her in such a state almost broke him, since she was the one who mattered for Martin.
If he had left her standing there, she would have stayed where she was, for hours, and then? Maybe shock therapy would help her? He rejected his idea immediately. He was no psychiatrist and shouldn’t dabble with that. And for one day he had made enough mistakes. Instead of following his gloomy thoughts, he led her to the bathroom and undressed her. He tried to bring her back by caressing her, by massaging her lightly where she liked it, but finally gave up, since she did not show any reaction at all. It was as if she was numb. She'd need time to heal. He took out the hair dye and went to work.

Finally, she was done. Instead of her wonderful golden hair, hers was dark brown now. She looked like a beautiful Spanish Flamenco dancer. Her fiery eyes would have completed this impression. But they remained empty.

He put her into the shower. Cold water gushed down on her. Sue did not even flinch and only stood there, as if she was a marble statue. But her warm body showed goose bumps all over. ‘At least one reaction’, Martin thought. He took her out and dried her. Like a sleepwalker, Sue was led back to their bed. She did not notice any of it, nor did she notice that Martin tucked her back into the cozy bed. She did not notice that he changed his clothes into the typical backpacker style, nor that he had taken the clothes she had worn in Belfast and thrown them away. It was summer, it was tourist season, so they’d look like those. He had organised a backpack and put his ammunition, clothes and what else they might need, into it. Wary as he was, he did not bother to undress for the night. He considered it wise to be ready and to keep watch till they could leave inconspicuously in the early morning hours. The ferry across would not take more than five minutes and he wanted to go as early as possible.

At sunrise, Martin had a plain breakfast and fed Sue again. He had washed and dressed her, but yesterday’s apathy was still there. She ate all he fed her, but she never showed any reaction to what he did or said. She was so vulnerable, and even though her face remained blank, he could see her wince and distort her mouth slightly in some moments. He heard her sigh repeatedly and once he thought she’d come back to reality, but she didn’t. He tied her shoes, reciting The rabbit goes around the tree and down through the hole. He remembered it from his own childhood days and hoped that she’d react, but to no avail.

His guilt lay heavy on him. ‘Oh God, what have I done to you.’ He regretted each word of the truth he had told her. Nevertheless, they had to leave. When they were ready, Martin knelt down in front of Sue, as parents do, when they want to explain their children something important. “Sue, we have to go now. We’ll go into hiding, in a safe place. Nobody will find us there.” He caressed her, waiting for any reaction, but without much hope for that to happen. He took her cold hand and led her out of the hotel, into the early morning.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

wife-proof areas around the house - nettle seeds edition

Hubby had not told me, but he had installed a handful of child-proof socket covers, to see if they'd work. Well, he did not want me to know, at first! Instead, he suggested that I'd vacuum the corridor, because it was dirty. Ok, I did not know about the dirt, but as a good wife, I do as told. :-) So, I tried to plug in the vacuum cleaner. Strange, did not get it in. Tried again. And again. Hubby was behind me, waiting. I told him, that it doesn't work. I think with anybody else I would have been pretty embarrassed, because if something technology-related can go wrong, it does, with me. But since I could see him smiling, I knew that he had done something and looked closer. Obviously, the socket covers are child-proof, now. There is still a lot of time for the others, but hubby wanted to finish this in time. You have to get started, first of all.

Hubby has been at home most of the day, and he has brought some parcels with him. But he would not let me peek into them. :-(  Ok, so it was hammock time! After all, sleeping is good, sleeping is necessary, chrrrr. A lot later, hubby called me, because he had installed our baby gate / child safety gate for the upper part of the stairs. He let me in and closed it. Hubby dared me to open it again. Otherwise I would stay upstairs. It is summer outside, so I had no intention to stay inside longer than necessary, besides, I thought this is only a little gate to stop kids from falling. I thought that was easy, but I did not know how this one worked, yet. I pushed and pulled and begged and prayed. But it did not open. Stepping over it is not allowed, either.

Hubby let me try and suffer for about ten minutes. Then he had mercy and showed me. You had to pull it up, before you could pull it back. I did do that, but not high enough, because I thought I might ruin it. Yeah, good thought, if I could ruin it that easy, it would not be the right one, once baby learns to stand. So, this one is at least wife-proof, and a toddler will not be able to open this. I do hope that hubby takes it away for the time being, though, because we don't need it yet.

Hubby is a bit (=very) early with this, but I am glad he does it. It's part of preparing the last bits of baby's room. We are on the same page by now, concerning positive thinking about baby's well-being. I think now that I can tell him that baby is doing fine, because I can feel her, he has lost most doubts he still had.

yeah, so where do you hide the rest of it?

not ours, but this is more what ours looks like :-)

I have never had to think that far, but last week I asked my doc when I should have my hospital bag packed. She smiled and said I could do it when we return from our trip this summer, but I should have a list to see what's missing, so that I don't get started five minutes before baby is born. Her actual message was that there is plenty of time for it, but start listing some of the little things that you might forget otherwise. Usually you should have packed it around week 36. So, I am only 12 weeks early...
Hmmm, I have packed my hospital bag two times by now and unpacked it again, because I needed this, or wanted that. According to some recommendations, I should bring my mobile, which sounds like a good idea, and I have music and a camera with it, too. I should not forget the charging device. Another post-it on my bag, next to the other fifty..
You know what, packing my bag is fun. I don't know why, but actually I could have done it all over again.

The best countdown ever: We have reached week 24 :-)  

 nettle seeds

Since I called this one the nettle seeds edition, I thought mentioning them would be a neat idea. Nettle seeds are nutritious. You can buy them in health shops. They are very good to replenish your blood iron, because throughout pregnancy you have an increased need for blood iron. If you don't have enough you will feel tired most of the time and your doctor will surely prescribe iron replacement poducts. Nettle seeds can help a little. Their taste reminds me of nuts, and I have about one spoon a day on top of my cheese, or in my salad.  Don't buy the biggest pot when you try them the first time!

Monday, June 9, 2014

10 things you better not do when you work with colours

You might have guessed, I have done it all (not 7). And (!) some of this stuff has happened to the real professionals, too. I write this down since I do work with colours occasionally, and I love it. Well, writing about my 'I quit' experiences has brought up some of those old stories, but some of it is actually pregnancy-related, because I end up drawing more again, as I can draw anywhere, even in a hammock.

So, if drawing/painting has no appeal for you, this will be dead boring and you should jump directly to the jokes at the bottom of the entry.

1. Do not put your drink next to the can with turpentine or brush cleaner. The procedure then is usually as follows: you dunk your most expensive brush into your coffee and if you did not pay attention, you apply coffee to your painting. Alternatively, you grab your coffee mug, only to find out that you have turp or brush cleaner in your mouth.

So, the rule is: no food or drink where you paint.

2. If you have turp in your mouth  (which you should not; it is unhealthy), don't spit it against your nearly finished oil-painting. The painting will suffer a lot. Haha, try not to spit it out immediately :-)

3. Think twice before you agree to portrait someone you love. And sometimes cheating is the right thing to do with a picture.

4. Clean your hands carefully after drawing with charcoal and before touching hubby's business contracts.

5. Keep a complete set of old clothes that you take off when you leave the place where you paint. This is very important for your shoes, too. Cleaning red stains off the carpet can be hard work.

5.1 Do not ever try to change just a little bit in your picture, when you are wearing good clothes, or, even worse, your best dress. The following three things will surely happen: 1.the change in the picture will be bad and you have to undo it. 2.The dress will get dirty. 3.You'll  keep asking yourself how you could have been so stupid to play with your paint in your best dress, in the first place.

6. Don't phone when you have a big pot of paint standing next to you. If there is anything that can fall into it, it will.

7. No fire or excessive heat where you have turp or similar flammable substances !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to try that.

8. In oil painting I have learned not to use black. One reason is connected to the old formulas they used for creating black oil colour. If applied, the time it took to dry was significantly different from that of other oil colours, which meant that the painting would have small, fine cracks from it. As far as I know, this is not true for modern black colours, but not using black had an appeal, because I don't like it. With charcoal that's different, I love charcoal.

9. Cooking lunch and drawing in the kitchen are no good friends. Therefore, do not even think about working next door while you are supposed to prepare lunch.

10. Not every hubby deems it funny if you draw him a black charcoal moustache while he is sleeping on the sofa.

art joke section

Recently someone nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out, and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a foolish error, he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the VanGogh."

 A convent was going to receive a visit by the Pope, so the mother superior wanted to get the place spruced up. She assigned two nuns to repaint the guest bedroom.

"Do a good job," she ordered, "and don't get any paint on your habits."

The nuns decided that the best way to not get paint on their clothes was to work in the nude. They had been painting for a couple of hours when there was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" they asked.

"It's the blind man."

They figured that a blind man wouldn't be able to tell that they were naked, so they told him to come on in.

The door opened. "Hey, nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"

Last year's summer spanking

I might not get any spankings till Christmas, but I still remember them. The memory about this one came up this morning, because the weather is so sticky today. Too warm, wet air, not all enjoyable but nicer than the cold, grey, dull weather we had before. It reminded me of last year.

Last year's summer had such days too, of course. And I thought I felt good, but had not recognized at all that I was strained. When hubby and I had arranged everything and wanted to leave, meeting family, he suddenly stopped me, right before I wanted to leave the house. "Wait, there is something we have to do before we can go." I was a little surprised and had no idea what this might be. Maybe I was a bit antsy, but I thought I did not show. I was wrong.

Let me just add one little detail. I was ready to leave the house, so this means clothes, hair and make-up were done and perfect. And I like that a lot, it helps me to feel good, and I don't like looking into a mirror when I look as if I had been chewed on and spit out.

So, hubby took my hand and led me back to the living-room. Meanwhile he informed me. He was caring, but in that moment it really sounded like being informed, which I found rather detached. I had found out afterwards that he had seen what I was like, but was not sure whether he should use the last chance before or the first one after our family visit. 

Well, I stood in the living-room before we started. And I was all spick and span. "I have seen that you are very tense and not yourself. I was not sure yesterday, but today it has become obvious. Before we go, you need to get rid of that." What does that mean? There were only two options that came to my mind. sex or spanking. We were in the living-room. Both things could happen here, but sex was more likely to happen in the bedroom or in the kitchen. So, I got a slightly hectic look and was scanning the room for any implements. I could not see any. Maybe spanking and sex? sounds neat, but I'd look so dissheveled afterwards and would have to start all over again. Oh, no, better afterwards? "Why now? We have to leave!" This was only half-hearted protest, more because the situation was so unexpected and I was so completely unprepared, that I was a little overwhelmed. "You need this now. Bend over." Oh, so this sounds like spanking now. He was too matter-of-fact. 

I was not even over his lap. Too bad, because I enjoy that. So, I bent over the sofa and felt my hair fall and dangle down. Actually no big deal, because I could fix that quickly. But it made me angry. I am not sure if it was the head down position or whatever, but in that position I could inwardly only agree, 'yes I am very tense and strained and can't get out of it at all.' But outwardly I wanted to protest and was angry. Hubby had brought the spatula, pulled my skirt up, knickers down and he started moderately, but at first, I could not let go. I was already crying lightly, and some of it made me angry again, because this would destroy my make-up completely. 

For me, applying some make-up without a hurry, is very relaxing. Usually this is a peaceful moment that I enjoy. But I did not enjoy knowing that this would be gone within seconds and I'd almost look like a drunk clown. Hubby went on, I felt the swats, my crying intensified and only after a while, I felt just how much I had to let go. And I did. I was bawling it all out. Hubby went on for a while, and I knew that the swats were not hard ones. He did not punish me at all. This was all for me, a real release and towards the end of it, I had understood that and felt better and better. When he stopped, he helped me up again and held me close. I was still crying,  sobbing, and when I looked at him, I could even smile again. I tried to say "Thank you" but this must have been incomprehensible. Hubby caressed me and only let me go after a good while, when he knew I was well. And I was. I felt fantastic. And looked into the mirror and was immediately frustrated again. My eyes were swollen from crying, make-up? Argh! So, after cooling my eyes I started my ritual all over again, still with red eyes. 

Hubby came in, he had called my parents, to explain our delay. And he had his devilish grin. "Yes, you know that she always needs ages in the bathroom. No, she still has to do her make-up, and then we'll start." What? Oh yes, thank you, now it is all my fault. I was shaking my head, waving my hands, signaling 'no!' but of course, it did not work. Hubby had the time of his life, watching my silent protest while he told my father that I had been so slow and wasn't done with the make-up yet.

Once I sat in the car, I felt every inch of my bottom. And I was smiling and felt great during the ride and throughout the day. I told hubby in the car, and he was happy that he had pushed the right button.