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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Looking for Mr Right – is he a good or a bad guy?

Before you get me wrong here, I am not looking for Mr Right, I have already found him, hello Sir! This topic came up with a friend of mine and we were discussing, what her perfect partner would have to be like and what we are looking for in men. At first, I thought, that’s easy, because I know that I love Master out of many reasons, e.g. he loves me, he respects me, because being a slave is not like being nothing, he is honest with me, protects me whenever it is necessary, he is the one I can always talk to, at least when I have permission to do so. He is a lot of fun to be with, does unexpected things, he is true to his word, is compassionate, he is even tempered, physically and emotionally extremely attractive for me, so that I cannot resist at all and he knows which buttons to push in me, either physically or emotionally. He is a decision-maker and he prefers traditional rolemodels and cannot only be Master, but also be a real gentleman. This is the short version, I am sure it is not much different from the lists that others might have, and the order I wrote everything down in is more or less arbitrary.

But then she brought up the idea that we are usually looking for two kinds of men, the bad guy for fun/excitement and the protective one (daddy-type) for having a family, ideally you find the bad guy first, so that you could settle down peacefully with your own family after you got over the bad guy. I mean, her life is a bit like that and she is adventurous in relationships and still looking for Mr Right, but I don't believe that her thesis is true and what she is looking for in a man is not at all different from what I find attractive in men. But I seriously dislike this idea of being together with one man for the fun and later on with another for a family life, it sounds wrong for me, as if you betray someone.
Maybe it is just that you need to find this right combination of Mr Right and Mr Wrong, so that you can love him and feel comfortable with him for the rest of your life without being bored. But maybe it is just that some don't need the feeling of love, friendship and security that you have once you have decided for one and only one partner. Personally, the relationships before Master were all a complete mess and I know why. They were not what I was looking for, though at first I really had no clue what kind of man I actually was looking for. If you go away from this soft kind of women whisperer (not sure if that word exists at all) and step into the direction of someone who likes the more traditional way of life, also between men and women, then you go into my direction.

According to my friend, this bad guy, Mr Wrong, is more fun to be with, because he would be breaking rules and do things that are at least inacceptable, but exciting, because he does them. I could only disagree with that again, because I like (→ need need need) rules and structure in my life and I never had the feeling that Master would only be someone like the daddy type without also being the bad guy type. He is the best and most perfect mix for me, I know that for sure, but somehow I would have liked her to see that too, which was silly of me, because there is no need for me to convince anybody of anything (and actually she agrees that the two of us are a perfect match).

This proves to be quite difficult to put into words at all, but the short version is, that I felt offended, because for me it sounded as if she criticed Master and me. She did not, because I told her what I felt like, but the thought is still not gone. Maybe my idea about relationships is just too simple or too queer for others, or I am just too intolerant which is another thought that I don't like.

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