Some months are like that

We are back in our daily routine, which is something I am very happy about. I don’t know why, but at the moment I am really bad at dealing with much more than that. Maybe it is the time of the year, no idea, but I feel that it is currently pretty easy to unbalance me. I can go from happy to sad in no time lately. I got so overwhelmed from watching my daughter sleep at night that I started crying out of happiness and afterwards sat down and wrote what I want to protect her from and what sort of happy things I'd wish her to experience. They are pretty impressive lists, so I should cherish this sort of emotional overload for the creativity it includes. :)

Well, and I also learned just how easy it is to upset me when I read something on Facebook. It was prejudiced, an expression of pure intolerance, and it really hurt. At other times I would have been able to shrug it off, but at the moment it seems all comes close and hits me.

The moments of intimacy and reconnection we have are wonderful and right now I feel hubby’s love so much stronger, just like I miss him so much more when he is gone. I need him a lot at the moment and I absorb all he is willing to give. Sounds strange, I know, but actually I am glad that I see what’s going on at all. In past times we have had it worse, when I did not notice these things. Maybe things have changed to the better because whatever I do, I am on Tilda’s schedule in the first place. I love this, as it automatically structures a lot of our time, which is good for me.

Then there was last Monday. My lovely mommy car broke down … ha, but the good news is it wasn’t me. Tilda and I were somewhere not far away from nowhere and this was one of the moments when I appreciated our mobile phone rule so much more. Hubby gets mad when I leave the house without it and I am so glad that he insisted on always taking it with me. At first I was really down, because it was something car-related again and it had happened to me – again. So I called hubby in his office and was relieved that he only wanted to hear that we were ok (‘Forget the car for a moment, what about  y o u!?’). It did take a while but then we were brought home safely. And it turned out that there was something wrong with the motor, so it was nothing I had dabbled with.

 

After the trouble around me messing up hubby’s business was over I think we had a really close connection. Apart from ongoing sleeping troubles there was nothing that could somehow disturb peace and harmony. And still, somehow I found myself in a strange place at times, focusing on nothing in some moments, daydreaming or being absent-minded, then overthinking, overanalyzing. Whatever it is, for me it was something that leads to distancing, and it can grow if you let it.

Hubby did not notice that I had been somehow a little away, and I guess it was pretty ghost-like, which makes it really difficult for me to even describe it. Well, and usually I notice these things too late. 

This time it went a little different though. At the beginning of this week I had asked hubby for a spanking that would be well below punishment, more like maintenance or stress relief. I thought this could help me with the sleeping issues, because if anything, I am relaxed and at peace after these. So, it happened, and we had a wonderful time and sleeping was no problem at all that night. It took me another two days to see just how much hubby spanking me had helped. It was after hubby told me that I was so much more myself again that I realized that he was right and that all this what could lead to distancing, was gone again. It was not why I got spanked, but it had definitely helped me.

So, as the weather is getting better, we are finally spending a lot of time outside again which is wonderful. We got two new plum trees which I dug in a few weeks ago and I loved every moment of doing that. The lawnmower is my favourite machine in the garden… and I am allowed to use it again, too! Doing these things in the garden is so much fun, and at the moment it is all I want because I know I can handle that. Sorry for the melancholic sound in the first part, but all in all I can say we are in a very good place!

I hope you are all having the most awesome weekend ever!

DD in the vanilla world - a well meant warning

Compared to my last post about communication between men and women, this one will be dead serious. The place we live in is favourable for our way of life. We have a house, a garden and no nosy neighbours within earshot, at least we can keep everything unobtrusive if we close the window. ... And that's exactly what we do.
We would never recommend to tell anybody about ttwd. Even less so, if you are just like Joe Bloggs. The idea behind this is avoiding unnecessary trouble which can threaten more than just your reputation. Once you've lost your reputation, you have nothing left to lose? I wouldn't bet on that. Being a social outcast can be a burden. Maybe this could be solved if you left the area and moved elsewhere. But what about friends? Not everybody you want to be friends with, is able to understand that whacking your wife is nice, can be a fulfilling and thrilling experience and does not demean her the least, but shows your affection towards her. In other cases, once she is known as a sexslave, some men might try to harass her, or worse. Again, not everybody is able or willing to understand that the agreement of safe, sane and consensual between two people was meant to enhance the relationship of those  two, and none of that was meant as an invitation for others.

Job
What about your job? Are you a freelancer where stories of your amorous adventures might increase your income? Well, perfect, go on, whip your willing sexslave right in your office, listen to the sound of your cash register and enjoy. But, if the major part of your income is based on your blameless reputation, well, close the window, shut the door, don't let anybody know how much you enjoy beating the bottom of your loving and very willing wife. She'll get rid of the money you earned with your job, later, don't worry about that. :) Discretion is the key. Since hubby  deals with people who look closely at their business partners and whether they have an unblemished reputation, anything but keeping a low profile would cause problems for him. Ok, so commonsense tells us, to do ttwd without others knowing.

Friends
Nevertheless, there is this urge to communicate about ttwd. Admittedly, it is more my urge than hubby's. But I have only told a few friends after asking hubby first. We have discussed it and he could simply have forbidden it and nobody would have known anything. But since we are talking about those friends who have heard worse from me than that we do ttwd, the risk was acceptable. Besides, I started out by testing them, to see their reactions and found out some juicy details I had not been told about before, as well.
But there have been others, where we could not reckon what the outcome would be, so we never lost a single word about what we do - and never will. Those trusted few know that this is the kind of information you cannot pass on. They would not, anything else would be an unexpected and very unpleasant surprise.

Family
Did we tell the family? Yes and no. Some know, more from hubby's family than from mine. Is it a topic that we discuss much with them? I have never heard hubby discuss it with his brothers, but his sisters-in-law know a bit about us and told a bit from their personal experience. I would never discuss that with his brothers, but with the sils who also do ttwd, I have done so (only DD, nothing beyond that). Would I tell my parents or wish they ever found out any of it? No way, José. They would simply not understand and a lot of problems could result from them knowing.

Warning
Before telling anybody anything about DD as part of your life, test those you want to inform first. You'll be surprised, how intolerant people might suddenly appear to you, if you start talking about DD. Many are simply uninformed and unwilling, most are prejudiced. Therefore, I would not advise telling anybody about it at all. If you have this urge, try to make sure that you really chose someone who you can trust absolutely and who will not end their friendship with you, or who will start attacking your partner, or call the police. Accordingly, you should not let your wish of telling somebody interfere with the sober assessment of the pros and cons. And don't decide against your partner's wishes, that's probably the worst you could do.