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Friday, November 22, 2013

"I love your bum!" "I am not FAT!"

The title line refers to an incidence that happened a while ago, it went like this:
Early morning, I was already up and had just returned from taking a shower and doing my morning self-inspection, to see whether I had gained weight somewhere.You probably know the routine, if you have a large mirror in front of you, you look at yourself and sometimes rate yourself, legs nice, breasts ok, bum, ... .
Back in the bedroom I found Master watching me, while I started dressing and he said something that I knew was meant nicely, because he had his positive and admiring looks, which is a real contrast to the strict and 'I am all in control' looks he can do: "I love your body, you have lovely legs, lovely tits and I love your bum" Oh what a killer in that moment. I was still dealing with whether my bum had become huge or only large when I had returned from the shower and then he started so nicely and ruined it by mentioning my bum.
My excuse now: I was not rational in that moment. My facial expression then: How could you say something so nasty to me. My answer: "Do you think I have a huge bum?" He was still at ease then, but I was immediately agitated. He was still playing along, I think up to that moment Master still thought it was a relaxing moment "all fine, you are just right the way you are." He said a bit more, some of which I really loved to hear, like I am beautiful, I think that is lovely to say, but since he did not really answer and I was  out for only one piece of information at that moment I asked again, which was already daring from my side, because if he did not stop me in time, I might just end up in trouble, with a red bum. Sometimes I can't stop myself and that's another reason why I am on the receiving end.
Master obviously wanted to be nice but then he mentioned something like I am not too skinny and not too curvy either, just right. What a feast, if you want to pick on someone. I swear that I did not want to raise a quarrel, but I heard the wrong words in the wrong moment and did not listen to the real meaning behind them and was still with the 'not too skinny' part. "So you do think I am fat?" He saw that I had a real issue at that moment and was not reasonable at all. He came up and hugged me and told me to stop being self-destructive, assertively, but not as if he intended to punish me, he comforted me a lot instead, just that, and I got a lot more lovely things to hear from him, but not another word about my butt. At that time I could listen to what he said again and the whole episode was over right then. We talked about that later and although I have become better with the bum-problem all in all, I have to admit that the self-esteem issue concerning my looks is still not solved completely.

This is something I really feel self-conscious about. If Master says something like 'I love your bum', chances are high that I start wondering if there was an underlying message for me, like, my bum is too big, I should go on a diet, I should do more physical exercise or similar things. Sure, whether I have doubts about my appearance or not depends on how well I feel emotionally, but most of the time I don't feel emotionally challenged at all, feel well, unless my close friend PMS has arrived again. I am grateful that Master knows how to deal with me in such situations, and I know that the problem I have here is connected to self-esteem. We are working on that together, and from Master's side I get all the support I could ever wish for. He wouldn't want to change anything about my body and always gives me the feeling that he loves me, body included, and I am all happy about that.
But nevertheless, if statements about my looks come in the wrong moment, they leave me with some lurking doubts and I need time to get rid of these again. At other times, I might not care at all about a statement which would have left me in doubts in another moment, still I have these fits and hate them, because I have learned that it is silly, but on a deeper level, it has not sunk in completely yet. But it has reached a deeper level than last year, because I can laugh about it, and Master can even tease me a little bit with that sometimes, but only about once a year.


  1. This is one of those things that sort of highlights the difference between men and women, or at least many women in the modern age.

    A shapely bum, or even a LARGE bum, speaks a sort of instinctual language to men. Maybe because it speaks of healthy birthing hips and has some sort of procreative nuance, the bum is seen as beautiful.

    Now not all men are the same. Some men truly like thin women and so smaller butts are what they look for.

    But not me. I tell my wife, often, that she has a big butt. I say things like "Wow, your ass looks huge from this angle, I love it!" Although when we were first married this may have bothered her, but after years of conditioning she's come to see, at least in regards to her butt, the way I do. She knows I mean it as a sincere, heartfelt compliment to her external beauty.

    A very healthy woman could have a large butt, or a very unhealthy woman could have one - a bum's size is not a necessary indicator, either way, of a woman's health or beauty.

    Now size isn't the only factor that makes a butt attractive - there are many things - its relative size compared to the hips, its shape or fullness, or its position relative to the rest of her body.

    It's freeing for me to be able to tell her this (that I like her [relatively] big butt without fear. It's freeing for her, because she KNOWS I love it and that she's being ridiculous in calling herself 'fat' for having a bigger bum. And that freedom to appreciate each others bodies as man and wife is precious. It's not being in denial about your bodies imperfections, but neither is it being unhappy with it. Bodies of all shapes and sizes are beautiful, and should be appreciated.

  2. My wife takes the compliments I give her about her butt as empowering. I love that she's taught herself how to look at it this way. I'd like to think I had something to do with that. :)

    I have a post about this general topic here too: - I'd love for you to stop by and comment. This blog post does sort of summarize my feelings towards the bum!

  3. Hello Sir,
    I stopped by and commented, your point of view is fantastic and I love every word of it. It is just that I am too touchy ... :) with my bum. And the way you describe how much you like your wife's bum sounds similar to the things my husband says about mine, but I think that it will take more time for me to be more relaxed about that part of my body. I am a slow learner, again.

    1. If you can learn to love your body and see it the way your husband does, you will be able to continue to learn. Regardless of how slow or fast, you'll be moving in the right direction! I think that's a huge benefit married women may have over others - a man who loves her for who she is inside and out. He can slowly help to see herself as he sees her.

  4. Hello Sir,
    thank you once more for your nice words. What you say is true, I know that, it is something hubby has said as well, but I have to take that completely in, when I just think about it, it is ok for me, but behind that, on a deeper level, I still have to accept it completely. But I am obviously getting better, because apart from hubby, I have never ever discussed my bum with a man so intensely... :)

  5. Well give it time to sink in, there's no rush!



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