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Monday, September 7, 2015

The mess continues, sorry



This is only a short update on what’s currently going on around us. I am not sure what to make of how I feel, I really am confused … yep more than usual. We are still not in a good place, and in addition to our deepest sorrows about granny, my younger sister has been brought to hospital at the weekend. :( She is pregnant too, only two weeks further than I, and she has had contractions and is slightly dilated. What makes me really angry is that she has taken a lot of time before she finally told her husband that maybe she should go to hospital, only after things started to intensify. (I learned this part of the story only today) AAAAAHH!!!! I found that risky, but then again, maybe that is only due to the miscarriages I had before Tilda. As some of you know, I go the other way and phone my doc more often than I need to.

I love my sister, but this is where I had thoughts of spanking her. However the good news is that her little one is ok; due to the medication in hospital the contractions have been reduced, almost stopped. The doctors have not decided yet whether she has to stay in bed till giving birth.

So, let’s see …  we have my younger sister in hospital in Hamburg, but her baby and she will be fine we think. Then we have granny in hospital outside the city, the place where she wants to be for her last journey. I still can’t say it. I am shaking my head about all this and feel helpless.

Since Sunday my mom is a mess because she is afraid now that my sister might have a miscarriage because it seems to run in the family. She forgets that my older sister had no problems ever. And according to the doctors there is no immediate danger for my younger sister of losing her baby either. So, my mom is currently more irrational than I am. A rare occurrence. I still don’t like being without Tilda, but I have given her to my mom for a few hours, while I was visiting granny and my sister in one morning. It made things easier for me, it made my mom happier, and in a way, I had a quiet time for the first time in days, with Amy gone for a few days, and hubby working. No other relatives were around, no friends either, because I had not bothered to call anybody. Nevertheless, I cannot even say that I enjoyed this alone time. It was good to see that my sister was ok, but obviously my mood is not at an all-time high.

The weird thing is that my mood concerning granny has improved a lot, once I learned that my sister and her baby would be fine. I don’t know if that is good though. I love granny, seeing her motionless makes me sad, and I have not told granny about my sister. I mean, maybe I should, and I would, if I had hopes that it would wake her up again. My love for granny is where it always was, however yesterday, and even more so today, seeing her like this did not hit me as hard as it often did before. I don’t believe I am losing my love for her, but I feel cold from this happening and don’t like it. I don’t know what to make out of this really. Did I mention that I am confused?! 


 granny likes angels


Anyways,
Wishing you all a great week, and I simply hope that there will be nicer news soon.
I’d love to have good things happen here,
and I’d love to have good things happen to you.



P.S. Jan, I did not forget answering your mail, it was just a little busy, I’ll get to it as soon as I can. <3

20 comments :

  1. (((hugs))) Nina, hang in there! Glad to hear your sister and baby are out of danger.

    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, thank you for the hugs. You can imagine how glad we are about her and baby being better. I’d still have loved to give her a few smacks, because she should have made sure earlier that all is ok. Over the last days, the contractions have almost disappeared, so she is on a good way, and we are all grateful and happy about that. Wishing you a great weekend.

      hugs

      Nina

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  2. I don't think you are cold Nina...I think perhaps with Granny you are becoming at peace with the idea. Your sister is young and trying to bring a new life into the world. The fear of losing that might have changed your perspective a bit. Perhaps ?
    I haven't mentioned publicly what was going on b/c you and my niece are the same distance along in pregnancy~ she has been struggling to keep this baby alive since 16 weeks. We just got the best news (possible) this week, but it is still a 50/50% chance. When you get the 'good news' all else seems to fail in comparison. Perspectives change.

    As for your Mom being irrational? Well I don't have a daughter ( my niece is a cross between a daughter and little sister) but I can tell you it is a double whammy for those who are in a care takers position. You Mom worries about the baby your sister is carrying, but she is also worried about HER baby. In short, she's allowed to be irrational! LOL

    love
    willie

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    1. Hi Willie, thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry that your niece has to go through this, and I am sending positive thoughts her way. I am happy for her and you that the chances are much better now and I know just how much of a relief this must be and how much hope this creates. When I was pregnant with Tilda I had my weekly baby countdown on the blog, because each day and later each week was a success, then there were some additional dates that gave me a little comfort because I knew that Tilda would be safer and safer every day. I hope so much that all will be well for your niece and her little one, and I think you are right about the change of perspective.
      My Mom really has not been in a good place lately, and what you say is true, she worries so much about her grandbaby and her baby. Oh my, I know I have added to that too. :( At least I can give a little bit by taking Mom with me to and fro granny and sister, so that we have time to talk in the car. It turns out that the car is a good place to let it all out. Wishing you a great weekend, with lots of good things happening.

      hugs

      Nina

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  3. You are not cold. I think you've turned the situation over and realize the outcome is out of your hands and in God's hand. He is giving you the strength to get through this time of stress. Don't forget about the bundle you're carrying - I'm sure stress isn't what you want for him/her.

    Stay strong and be happy about your little one, your sister's good fortune. Your mom will be fine - we all have our days and she is going through the same things you are.

    Hugs and prayers to your family.

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    1. Hi Sunny, thank you for your kind words. Thinking about what has happened to granny is still awful. She used to be so full of life. But I think you are right, there is nothing I can do, apart from being there for her until she leaves, so, none of this is in my hands. I try not to do too much, so that baby will be ok, and I think what I miss most is a little bit of unburdened quiet time with baby, because that would work so well against stress. However I do know that I have all sorts of reasons for happiness too, and I try to focus on these, Tilda, bump, sister’s baby and some more. :) Wishing you a great weekend.

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Hey Nina...no, you are not losing your feelings for or being cold regarding your granny. I agree with Sunny...you have turned everything over to God and are now willing to accept His decision.

    Breathe and stay positive for all of you...the less stress you carry, the better for everyone around you as well as the coming bundle of joy. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts.

    Oh and sending tummy tickles and hugs to Tilda from Auntie Cat.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, I think Sunny and you are right, I am more and more able to accept what is happening. It doesn’t really feel good, but it makes things easier for me. I’ll focus on the good things that we have, two babies so close, that is awesome. I love that they will be able to play together. And I try not to be stressed, as this is so important for baby. Thank you for your prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts. I appreciate that a lot, and I know that granny does too. Tilda got tummy tickles and hugs from you, actually several times as part of our quality time. :) Hope you are having a wonderful time with your grands and wishing you a great weekend.

      hugs

      Nina

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  5. Definitely not cold. I know when I get overwhelmed with raw emotions I shut down and it's self-preservation, and necessary for coping. Your love is still there, but you're finding different ways of coping with all that is being thrown at you. Don't be hard on yourself, you're dealing with an awful lot at the moment. I'm glad your sister is okay.
    hugs to you and your family. Del

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    1. Hi DF, I am very sorry that I answer so late. We have been pretty busy ever since my sister was brought to hospital. I have volunteered to take care of her kids during the afternoons, so suddenly I was either in the car or surrounded by my nieces.
      I think I get you on shutting down, and my reaction is often like that too. Self-preservation is not my best ability I think, but for the moment I have a way of coping with granny’s situation, somehow. I cannot think too much about it without feeling like breaking apart, though. There are good news, though, this afternoon, my sister was allowed to leave hospital again, she is at home and ok. :)

      hugs

      Nina

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  6. Hey Nina,

    Glad to hear your sister is okay, and only two weeks ahead of you, that should be fun times ahead of you even if that is hard to see at the moment. Sending you a big hug!

    Julia

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    1. Hi Julia, oh yes, that means we will have lots of chances to spend time together with the babies, and we love that idea. And since my sister is better again, she has left hospital and is at home. So, finally, some good news for us. :) I am sorry for such a late reply, but it has been crazy around here ever since my sister was brought to hospital.

      hugs

      Nina

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    2. Been thinking of you, and finally thought maybe its because I didn't read your reply yet! And even that one is a bit old by now. How are you doing?

      Delete
    3. Hi Julia, sorry for the delay, things are still mixed here. Granny is waning, I can see that, I have even a blog entry prepared where I mention that, but somehow putting it into my blog makes it so official. So, from that side it is not too awesome. My sister is home, much better, but not allowed to do anything, apart from walking a little bit, but that's better than bed rest. :) I had some discussions with hubby about going to granny and sister the same day, because it becomes too much. Seems I should publish my blog entry. :) And the best is that baby is growing nicely, all is ok with her. I think I need a day off to find my balance again, but don't know where to get that from. So, I'll try to find other ways. I hope you are ok, and that your wish comes true soon. :) I can't wait for more baby news.

      hugs

      Nina

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  7. Oh Nina darling, It is really good that you can accept Granny's situation, I know it is awful but she is suffering now. I hope you all have peace soon. As to your sister, well at least she is in the best place now and hopefully all will be well with her and her baby. Your poor mum must be a bit stressed at the moment. it's no wonder she is a bit off her game at the minute. I hope you continue to be well and just think soon you will have your new baby to add to your family. Try not to lose sight of the excitement of your own lives while everyone else is dragging you down. much love and lots of hugs to Tilda. I wish I was near you I would love to babysit and help you.
    love Jan,xxxx
    P.S. Grandbaby is growing 7lb 3oz now :)

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    1. Hi Jan, I am very sorry that I answer so late here. It is embarrassing, but ever since my sister was brought to hospital I have been kept busy. In parts it is my own fault, because I volunteered to take her kids for most of the time. Well, that was fun to do, but it is why I am so late here. :( One of the little rewards for doing that was a concert one of my nieces played in. She was amazing. :)

      I think I am currently separating bad and good news from each other much more than ever before. So, seeing Granny like this gives me the shivers, it makes me sad and more. On the other hand, my sister’s condition has so much improved that she could leave the hospital today. :) Good news. And this has had such a good effect on my Mom too. It was great to see her smile and feel better again.

      I have tried hard to listen to what you wrote about not losing sight of the excitement in our own lives. I think sometimes I have managed that, but time was scarce lately and I would love to have a little more bonding time for baby and me. The one who took all these things best was actually Tilda, because she had plenty of exciting things going on, with her cousins around and us being in the car so often lately. I have given her lots and lots of hugs from you, and these moments when we do that are precious. I love that, but when things are so busy and sometimes even hectic, the moments when we just play and cuddle are the best.
      I am so happy that grandbaby is fine and growing well. She is such a little cutie and I wish you have lots of time with her.

      hugs and love

      Nina

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  8. Nina, :) I am sending you big hugs and love! You have a lot going on, as do the rest of your family. Everyone copes in their own way- it is something that I have learned, and tried hard to see more recently as I have interacted with others in my family regarding Dad's death and Mom's very poor state. It helps to think of things in those terms, you know?

    I'm sorry about your sister's situation. Sounds like things are moving in a positive direction there and that is great!

    As for how you feel about your reaction with Granny as things are, give yourself a break. I think that when faced with a tough situation- someone sort of "between worlds" so to speak, we all come to realize what will help us to cope with what is in front of us. For me, I have come to realize that given (and I hope because this has been toughest for me through it all) Mom most likely is unaware of much of anything, I have found that going there every couple of weeks, and staying only one night is just right for me. Should things become imminent, that will change. But I know what I need to do to stay on the up and up. So that is perhaps where you have come to- finding your way to "get through". It is A-OK! Trust yourself. And you have your man to help you with all of that too.

    Take good care of you and your babies! Tilda must be such a joy at her age now. Have some fun, and Jan is right- don't lose sight of the really wonderful things happening in your family through it all. We are here for you too! Big hugs, love and for Tilda- here is her teeny tiny squeeze too,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie, I am so sorry for my late reply. It was busy once my sister was in hospital, and I made it even busier because I took my sister’s kids. This took most of my time away, but I think it helped in finding my way through some of the sadness around granny. I don’t know how good I really do cope, but maybe I sort of get used to what has happened. I only hope that some of our love reaches her. It would be wonderful if it did because she’d feel better then.
      I am so sorry about your mom, and I fully get you on finding a way to ‘get through’. Hubby is doing all he can to help, and we do talk a lot. This is where I’d love a spanking, not for fun, but to get it all out. Hm, we’ll wait till next year. Tilda is great fun, because she is almost a year old by now and exploring her world. :) I have given her lots of hugs from you, it is part of our morning routine and playtime, because we both love and need that. :) Thank you for these!

      hugs and love

      Nina

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  9. You have plenty of warm loving feelings!
    I think it is natural to have those up and down emotions when dealing with a loved ones illness. I felt much the way you describe at times with my mom. I think it's a time when you are coming to terms with things..... It is part of it all. But love is what I see!
    I am sure you were worried about your sister
    and I'm happy things are good with her and the baby!
    As for mom.... Being of an age with young adult children.... I understand how worried and stressed she must be! We love just as hard when our kids get older!
    I'm thinking of you all. Give Tilda a kiss and hug!

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    1. Hi Minelle, I am sorry for my late reply, it has been so busy lately with all the things going on … and I have made it busier by volunteering for looking after my sister’s kids. Due to all that I have maybe come to terms a little more than before. I am still not able to think too much about this, but it is getting better, somehow.
      You are so right, we have been awfully worried about my sister. For me the thought of losing a child is the worst nightmare I can think of. I guess that is also because I have had several miscarriages before Tilda, so anything that could mean preterm labour or miscarriage makes me absolutely panicky. However we have good news about that! My sister was allowed to leave the hospital today. Best news of the week. And these were the best news for my mom too. She is so relieved that all is better for my sister, we all are happy about this. Tilda loves kisses and hugs, and I love every chance for giving her some, thank you. :)

      hugs

      Nina

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