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Shoo! Shoo!

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

We are all in this together

With this our way through life is meant. For some life is like a race, although I cannot see what their goal might be. Hopefully it is not being there first. We will all reach the finish, sooner or later. For me, personally, it is like being on an endless ocean, in a boat. I want my boat nice, a big one, so that many people can be there, I think it is colourful. :) I don’t follow a direction, or have a motor, instead I have some sort of sail that will help lead us where the wind wants us to go. 
There are so many different boats, some ugly on the inside, some awesome, some only with a single seat (sounds dreary to me), some fast ones, some making big waves, some even endangering or sinking other boats and their crews, and I have also seen several boats sink and felt like sinking in my boat too, as there was a lot of water in it. 

You can guess that at different times and even simultaneously hubby and Amy were the ones who helped getting all that water out of the boat again. At different times, Amy and hubby have been captain of my ship, as much as they could, because I think a boat might appear strong, as if it could withstand any storm, but in reality boats can be pretty fragile and delicate, easy to break, and so easy to be separated from other boats so that they are lost.

You might wonder if I am completely nuts now, or if there is another reason behind my writing about boats. There is. Granny is not good at the moment. I am so completely worried about her, after rather minor surgery –which was not even really cancer related – she had an allergic shock and has been comatose ever since. The doctors have tried to wake her up, and physically she is healing, but she has not woken up yet. I am talking about two weeks by now.

Granny’s boat is not deserted at all, but it looks fragile and empty, and it is such a beautiful boat. I love people who are open and friendly because they mean it, granny is like that. I don’t know all the people that stayed on her boat, but those who I met have always been positively impressed by her and those who come closer love her. 

I want granny’s boat to go slow, so that there is a lot of time for all of us together. I want her to see Tilda, baby and our family grow up, have fun with us, and the kids would love to have more time with granny who has always been so awesome at steering her ship. Right now, my boat is definitely floating a little more than I like to. I am so worried, sad that this silly thing happened to her, and I am sorry to bother you with this but couldn't really stop myself. 

We are currently at the seaside, waiting for a call and could be back with her any time. We have watched some ships, so that might explain a lot, and the metaphors made it easier to sort my thoughts.

my Captain calls me to bed,

wishing you all a wonderful week, hopefully with some good weather, 
so that your boats go where you want them to. :)

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

We are doing fine

As usual, my original plan was to post far earlier. I had written down some, pregnancy related, but then I changed it all again and again after talking to my besty Amy.
She has hit an emotional low, she is in a very difficult situation that slowly seems to clear up again though. This is about love, so it can be tricky, oh heck, it definitely is complicated and tricky. However she is taking the right steps and all will be good I hope. But it has taken more than two weeks by now for me to figure out that all will come to a good ending. There is still a lot of struggling going on in her, and for Amy nothing is really solved yet, but she also is a very responsible woman and she has all the good characteristics you could wish for. And since I have bragged about her in other posts, :) some do already know that she is a real keeper. So, I am pretty sure she will do the right thing. Short version: It is an intense time for her, I wouldn't want to be her right now, and I'd never want to be in her current situation.
Sorry for being this enigmatic here. Maybe this was more like sorting things for myself, and I really couldn't put more about Amy's trouble here.

Holiday news
I hope Amy will solve this within the next two weeks. If not, I’ll be in real trouble with hubby, because we’ll go on a trip to the coast (oh yes!), and I can only go when Amy is in the clear (oh no!). This time it is not off to Britain, not even far away from Hamburg, instead it is a nice little holiday trip to the North Sea for a few days. 
I wanted us to go and meet family on the little island again, but hubby didn’t want to. He was so absolutely against it, that I had asked more than once if there was something going on which I should know. Rare occasion that I am like that, it sort of made me feel rather confrontational and pushy, which is awful. 
It is still a strange sort of behaviour from hubby's side. He was pretty vague about his reasons, and somehow I am almost expecting my in laws to pop up out of nowhere while we are at the Sea. But if I really expect that and it doesn’t happen then, I’ll be too disappointed. So, no expectations, instead I’ll just go with the flow and enjoy the time we have there. :) Oh, woohoo! This means hubby has time, which has been rather scarce lately !!!! 

Bump news
Finally, my belly is looking like a bump! I look less overstuffed, and a little bit more like pregnant now. :) I love that, it is so much better for my body image, and I don’t have to explain every second minute that I eat for two. Ok, I might take that too literally at times and have eaten for two adults now and then, not only the obligatory 300 calories more. Yep, I know I’ll suffer a lot next year when I want to get rid of extra weight. Nevertheless, for now, all is good. Week 14 means that baby is about the size of a lemon, fine, but I love that with the beginning of the second trimester baby is much safer again.
The other good news is that I did not really doubt that she’d be fine. This is an achievement for me. Feeling like this is awesome and I have not known that much confidence in my bump before. With Tilda I felt pretty safe after week 32, but this time I have been better from the start and felt like nothing could get between baby and me at all.
I have only had a little morning sickness, which is currently almost gone, and my cravings are still about spicy things. Yeah, and when I eat that, it seems I get heartburn from it. But I can handle that. :) You know what is best? It is summer, Tilda will start making her own real steps soon and I am not too bumpy to help her. We can do all sorts of things together in this year’s summer! Woohoo! Awesome.

Tilda news
So far, Tilda is standing, but not walking yet. However she can work her way up from sitting to standing alone, too. Sitting down is slightly bumpy at times, but her bum is well-padded, so she doesn’t worry much, … if she falls on her bottom, that is. A few days ago she landed on her face, but it didn't bother her. Seems to have been a recurring experience. 
She is becoming quite a character now. Hubby and I had discussions about that. From her looks, she is so much daddy’s girl. Hubby says from what she does, she’s mommy’s girl. That’s because she loves putting things into boxes. :) I can’t let her play in the kitchen when I work there, too dangerous, but I do give her some Tupperware and she has lots of blocks. I showed her how to put these into the boxes and she still does that all the time now. Put them in, empty box again, put blocks in, empty box. Oh, when she’s in the playpen it goes like put them in, empty box outside playpen, protest until mommy gives them back to her. :)
I am not always sure if it is her or me who really has bouts of separation anxiety. But I am getting much better about it (really!!!). Tilda on the other hand has had some bad moments when I was around the corner where she couldn't see me and crying like mad because of it. The door was open, she could hear me, but could not come because of the safety gate. I think this is something she has to get used to. I am not away, she can always hear me, most of the time she is right with me, but sometimes not. Well, we are both learning and we are in this together; it is the first time for both of us. :) 

Exercise, hormones and corner time
Apart from collecting things for Tilda, we do more of our morning walk than ever, but last year’s rule about not going into the forest/fields alone is there for good. I got a reminder about that when this crazy customer of hubby’s turned up at our house earlier this year. As it turns out, this guy was a bigger problem for hubby than he had told me, but it seems to be ok now.
So far this year the morning walk has become a wonderful tradition which has given Amy and me lots of time to talk. Now, with the hot weather we have not always been walking through the forest, sometimes we only walked to a little café (no coffee for me, no thanks). I am not like avoiding exercise though. Exercise is important, and I love it, even though I am not overdoing sports either, but I do a little something every day. I am fully back into yoga and do some extra swimming too, but only to feel good. Walking is ok, but running? No thank you, maybe next year.

In general I think that Tilda and I are doing a great job at keeping everything around the house going. Accordingly, corner time is rare at the moment. The last one I got was because I was pretty snappish towards hubby. I have no idea what I was up to, but I was pretty moody that day. Actually I think that I am pretty moody in general lately, not too horrible, but sometimes I am overwhelmed, even by little things. Monday I found some cute little feathers next to our door, and I could see that a cat had eaten the little bird they belonged to. Well, there are cats around, and they do hunt, I know all that. My tears were rolling nevertheless and I felt silly. It happens just as easily in other moments, and I am glad that this is not always about sadness.

Anyways, hubby was so right with giving me time in the corner to come to my senses again after I had been snappy, but this was one of the hot days and I start having problems with swollen ankles while standing. So, instead of standing I was ordered on the floor with a blanket underneath, feet up against the wall. It felt great and actually it was not like a discipline measure for me, I found it yoga-esque and after a while hubby brought Tilda and made this the best corner time ever. She was moving through the office like a pro, hubby had an eye on her, because I was still not allowed to leave my place, but I was allowed to look what she was doing. So, actually I have been lounging on the floor, feet up the wall, nothing to do, only watch our little kiddo discover the office. It was family quality time. :) It worked, I was so deeply relaxed. :)
Well, there has been another sort of corner time, but that was in May, which feels  pretty long ago. However that one sucked, as a result I’ll try to stay out of the corner for the coming weeks.

Sue and Martin – Lost and forgotten
Haha, I still have three Sue and Martin stories in store which I found again among my unpublished posts. You know what’s best about that? They are almost like unknown stories for me too, as I barely remember a word of them, because I wrote them last year, under the influence of preggo brain. So, I guess I’ll better rewrite them before putting them here, … under the influence of preggo brain, oh my. Currently I am into forgetting things. I keep writing everything on my post its, and that helps a lot. What I do not want is forget something that involves hubby. He does understand that I might be a bit more touched these days, but so far he is really nice about that. I think he is just as happy as I am, because his wife is so sure all will be well. :) 

Wishing you all a wonderful second half of the week!