The moment of 'hands down!'

Somehow I have this feeling that many women know this moment. It can happen at any place, if your dominant partner decides to, though my favourite memories of 'hands down' are always from the bedroom. Probably because we do a lot of things in the bedroom. My memories mostly refer to sessions when Master used 'hands down' as a short command when I was about to use my hands, just because I was not bound and could not keep still in the heat of the moment. I don't want to go into detail here, but for me it is difficult to keep my hands down and away from him, especially when he is already half or completely naked and maybe his private parts are close because you kneel right in front of them and they would be easy to touch ... all you have to do is raise your hand ....'Hands down!' that's what I am going to hear next, then.
Master knows that this could happen easily to me. Not this week so far, but that's because I am a good girl ...well, maybe because I have been chastised and therefore I am very compliant and behave better than ever. But whenever I hear that command, it touches me deeply. It creates many different things in me. First, there is his voice, which I love, and when he sounds strict, I just cannot do anything but obey and enjoy this feeling of obedience. Then there is the anticipation. You know that you cannot do anything, because you would evoke the partner who is willing to punish you, or maybe just deny an orgasm, for misbehaving. This does not bother me too much, if we only talk about one evening and you are not already too horny. Sometimes you can breathe away a lot of emotion, not always though (speaking from personal experience; beware).
Next there is confusion, which I think is a mix of being horny, anticipating, maybe your expectations of what might happen to you, if you have been a good girl, and of course, what am I going to do with these currently pretty useless hands. If you touch yourself, all is ruined, no pleasure, only pain, because that is an a b s o l u t e    n o - g o  ! I have done that once and regret it to this day. Master has taught me the fast and painful way, from the bottom to the brains, never ever to touch myself without permission. And he knows that I remember that punishment, because it comes up now and then during  our talks and he has this devilish grin then, but he is also proud of me, because I have learned that lesson so extremely well. I'd rather go for a year without sex than break this rule again.
Ok, so where do you leave your hands? If you have clear instructions, like rest them on your thighs, fine. But what if you are too woozy from what has already been done to you? I for one can only focus up to certain point and then emotion and instinct take over for most of the ride ... 
Try to combine all that into one feeling --> a lot of confusion. But this is not an unpleasant feeling in that moment. I think somewhere anticipation prevails and also this willingness to play along up to the wonderful ending that might happen to you. 'Hands down' said in the right moment is also part of my triggers, probably only because of the voice and tone, but it works. It can be part of a major avalanche where all pleasant sensations drop down on you and you are buried under a phenomenal experience that lets you feel like being sent to heaven.
'Hands down' without the other parts of being together in an intimate moment is not enough, of course, but it creates part of the atmosphere and helps me to be in the perfect mood to let all things happen and do all that Master wants. For you, it might be another phrase or another moment that creates similar reactions, and it does not have to be a session at all. This is something that does not only happen in a D/s-setting. I know that it also works perfectly fine without that, just in bed or any other place, together with your partner who shows his dominance and exerts this quality on you. This ability creates wow-moments, where I am left speechless, for me it is part of this never ending supply of pleasure  that comes along with being able to let go and leave all control in the hands of your partner. It is marvellous.

What's your fetish?

Mrs stereotype speaking here, my favourite fetish are ...... shoes! What else could it have been. I love shoes of any kind, from comfy to sophisticated, healthy to unhealthy, whatever they are, the right shoe in the right time saves my day, just like a smile and nice word from hubby. Lovely. When we have a session I do not always have the chance to wear shoes, though I love that, and my favourites are high heels then, everything that helps in creating endless legs.  Wearing them is a treat for myself, but I know that Master also loves to see me in them. In everyday life I am not required to wear high heels all the time, but nevertheless I do, quite often. Contrasting that are those shoes which I love because they are all comfort for me, like Mary Janes, flat sandals or trainers.
Shoes are not all about sex for me, so it is not the classical sexual fetish that I have here, but it has a connection to sex for me, at times, for example, when I wear high heels during a session or while hubby makes love to me.... they make me feel sexier, probably because I also notice the admiring looks from his side, and who would not love that.
Sure, there are some things which are only connected to sex, which make me fidgety rather quickly, like crops. We don't have a farm or own a horse, but Master has a nice collection of crops and other devices he can use on me. So, imagine what happens, when he decides that he wants to buy a new crop in a shop for equestrian sports or in a pet shop. I become very nervous in these situations, first of all, because I am always afraid that somebody notices that the riding equipment is for me, which would embarass me. Master keeps teasing me in these situations, because he knows what I feel like then, I am more or less a nervous wreck, though I must admit that nothing has ever happened. And deep within I know that he would not do anything that could harm me in any way.
We even buy bridles, rather parts of them there, which are quite good and cheap if you like the leather bits instead of ordinary gags. They are another item that I connect more with sex than with horses and playing around with these items has always been fun and pleasure for us.
Others have different fetishes, and the few items I have mentioned here are not the complete list of mine, it may be that I am not even aware of all things that would fall in such a category. Those I mentioned so far, have a sexual connection, or at least they can have it and sometimes we like to use that to our advantage, to enhance arousal, to feel better or to make a session more exciting and varied.
There are also items that are probably less connected to sex, though they appear incredibly attractive to many women, and they can also help to arouse women in the right moment. Let's come back to shoes again, but this time men's shoes. For me that would be Derby shoes, either in chestnut or in black and these combined with a matching made-to-measure suit, that's awesome and makes a man almost irresistable. I am married and owned, I know, but my friends are not all, and they say the same. Still, all these nice things can only work when you are also in a receptive mood, so that you are willing to pay attention to them.

If I understood sexual fetishism correctly, it could be part of a mental disorder, or a mental disorder in itself, if it has a major negative influence on your sexual relationship or important areas of your life (wikipedia). Hopefully, this does not apply to us, because we use what I guess could be a kind of fetish, to enhance our time together, to derive pleasure from it, but in the centre of the time we spend together are Master and I, the human beings, not the items that might have a connection to our sex-life. Nevertheless, I would not want to miss my shoes .... :)

Resistance

With the second night of good and uninterrupted sleep after my last punishment behind me, I had time to think about my reactions on demands, rules and discipline and how I cope with them. At first sight, it is plain easy. Slavegirls do as told. Sure, true, I love that, most of the time. But I am a human being and therefore I am moody, have fits now and then, temper tantrums included, always in the wrong moment, and sometimes I have the feeling they are out of my control, unless I have Master’s help with that. This does not mean that I am like a volcano, just waiting to erupt, and nobody knows when. I think I am just like any other human being and not in best form all the time. Therefore I also have moments of self-loathing, reproach, doubts, or unwillingness. 

Imagine, you had a bad day, one where everything went wrong, you feel bad, you broke a saucer, slipped and fell, got another penalty notice, ruined your favourite painting, ruined your favourite dress, your hair is a mess and you know it. Exaggerated, but I mean this kind of day where you should rather stay in bed. Then there is Master and orders you around, maybe they are just little things, but if it is the wrong moment, you might not be happy to oblige. And I think this is normal and this is also where the real work for a sub or slavegirl starts, because she has to find a way through this situation. Sometimes it is obvious to Master that there might be problems from my side, and we talk about that. It does not mean that I have to do less because of it, but talking about what went wrong, always helps me.When we have these talks, it might start badly, e.g. if I am not willing yet to talk. Sometimes it just takes a bit longer for me. At other times I might not even have realised that something was going on in me, and I need Master to tell me what I behave like. This does not lead to punishments automatically, especially if it is connected to my hormones. 

Still, for a while this feeling of unwillingness is there. In my case, I do not always find a way out of this and I can often only feel how I am growing restless, unhappy and discontent with the situation I am in at that time. Sometimes I really do realise nothing else but that something is not the way it should be, it feels somehow wrong and I cannot give it any name. Usually there are several different issues coming all together and then it is just there, the volcano might start sizzling and if not cooled down, it might erupt. 

Yoga helps! I am not joking here, but this is only one way among many, because any kind of relaxing is useful. Sex helps, definitely and the more strain is put on me in a session during such a crisis, the better. Workout, running, swimming, they all help, too. Sometimes you can virtually breathe it away if you exert yourself physically. Spanking is another excellent alternative, this has also worked miracles in me. These spankings are not punishment spankings, I consider them as therapeutic spankings. Master does these and he only continues until I have let go all that bothered me. There are always tears, I can cry it all out and afterwards I feel free of everything that burdened me.

So, what still remains is the attitude issue. I have never been in a situation where we did not find a way to lead me away from this bad attitude, when you are unwilling to do as told, where problems build up because of what is asked for. Maybe it is because generally I love to please Master and also always prefer harmony and ways to end disputes to ongoing quarrel. Actually, I take a lot of pleasure out of serving him and that surely helps us. But still, these situations, where resistance shows, are there for us too. Apart from the physical ways of getting rid of this, we also try to figure out what exactly was the trigger and when resistance might have started to build up. Usually this takes some time for me, because if it was only one day in a month, fine, that could just be because I had a restless night. But Master and I talk about that and we try to identify where it came from. Some kind of correction sometimes happens too, but usually this is more connected to broken rules that happened in such a time. What we are really interested in then, is how we can identify resistance, how we can spot it earlier and make sure it does not cause trouble. We have learned that expressing honestly and openly what I feel always works best. Do this kind of talking in a relaxed atmosphere, go to bed or some other nice place, where you could also cuddle, caress, hug and kiss. If you manage to do all this the rest of the discussion might also be easier. Once all is solved, it would be a good moment to please your understanding dominant partner, after all, hopefully the situation is completeley relaxed again after you talked and to turn that into sexual energy cannot be bad, either. I wanted to add this last bit, because when we have had this kind of talk, we usually feel better connected than before and then making love is something that adds to this connection.

The punishment of speedster girl - thoughts after the glow

After I had seen the penalty notice for driving too fast, the rest of the day was more or less ruined for me. This was not the first time that I got a penalty notice, not even the third. This year it is my fourth for being speedster girl. I am not intentionally driving faster than permitted, but it just happens…. to me. Hubby is better at that, he never drives too fast, or parks in a no-parking zone. No, I am the expert on doing these things wrong. Still, I actually have improved massively when it comes to penalty notices. They are faaaar less and the fines are lower too, because I try hard to do it right and I can actually see that it works better than ever. The reasons for that are mainly two, we talk things through, so that I always know what is acceptable and what is not, and I receive what I deserve for not sticking to these rather simple rules. And driving too fast is not allowed ?!

Having said that, I can only say that I knew what would happen and I would have preferred to receive my punishment rather earlier than later. This is not the kind of anticipation that I like. Waiting for a punishment, thinking, self-reproach and always with the image of Master in mind, who was annoyed, because this driving too fast has happened again. He was a bit annoyed and when he is, he postpones any kind of discipline decision, any punishment, because he does not want anger of any kind to influence his decisions. Good for me, physically speaking, but bad for me, emotionally speaking. I hate this waiting for punishment and the more time passes, the more I think about what I have done. This time, it was a rather cheap affair, but it doesn’t change much. I hate that I have annoyed Master with my thoughtlessness and that alone is something which lets me feel low.

Nevertheless, if things like these happen, which I obviously have a great talent to cause, we are glad that we have a procedure that enables us to get over the problem quickly. In addition, this procedure is an excellent way to improve my behaviour, because Master makes sure to drive his message home and I come out chastised, with a better and corrected attitude and in the long run, far happier, because everything about the affair is over and we don’t have to waste time on endless, fruitless discussions. 

For me, punishments also have the effect that they allow me to let go all frustration that I might have built up, and I always have built up some at such times. Waiting for a whole day for your punishment is another reason why I build up frustration. I guess it is part of my learning process, to think about what has happened over and over again. When the punishment finally comes, I am not keen on it, but I am more than willing to accept it because I feel that I deserved it then and in the end I always have this feeling of relief afterwards. Oh, and I drive slower afterwards too, again!

Late Wednesday evening, Master finally called me and I got my punishment. I got the cane for my infraction and though it hurt like hell, I know it could have been worse. Master can already vary how hard the cane strikes, with how I have to stand or bend. This time I could bend forward with my arms on the bed. If Master had me stand and bend down, hands on ankles, it would have been worse, because in this position, it is more painful for me. Master lectured me about safe driving and he also combined that with how much my driving habits have already improved, which I found rather nice of him to mention, but in that moment my crying intensified and I could let go, because of his nice words in such a moment. Since the caning was over, I got hugged and Master held me in his arms and calmed me down for a few minutes. But I would not get around cornertime, where I should think about ways to be better in sticking to speed limits. Master also wanted me to consider how devastated he would be, if I got injured because of such thoughtlessness. He loves me deeply, I know, but if he says something like that it always is a blow. If not because I want to be safe in the car, then I could at least do it for him. I’ll be better, promise.

Self-control

I know, it is hard to believe, but I have that too, because you can learn self-control. Obviously it is easy to achieve, if you have somebody right behind you, willing to prove on your bottom that self-control is good for you.

That I write this passage about self-control is because I had it highlighted in my text on what qualities good dominants should have. Of course, all the points in that list are worth thinking about, but self-control could be vital. I just imagined what could happen if, let’s say I started wriggling around during our activities. I know from personal experience … :) ...   that Master is aroused then too. Ok, if it were just a vanilla situation, where he could virtually jump onto me and nothing dangerous could happen, fine, I love that.

But what if you were bound, helpless, and he does something which could cause harm if he did not stay on top of the situation? Imagine your partner would not stop in a situation when you tell him to? Or even worse, there is no self-control and he does not feel the responsibility that he has, maybe because this partner drank alcohol before you started playing, which obviously is a bad idea because it weakens self-control and definitely the ability to judge situations correctly. That could lead into outright dangerous situations. E.g. if you did something like breath-control, it could be quite deadly, if your partner lost control. Therefore, I believe that a good dominant partner needs this trait in him.

But I also think that it is good for the submissive partner to have that. First of all, it makes life easier, because it helps a lot in every day life. Ok, not only good for subs, also for dominant partners. Self-control has been one of the traits that I had to learn more about in our relationship. Actually it helped me a lot to learn that, during sex too. It really makes a huge difference sometimes, when you wait to be allowed to orgasm and you wait and wait, completely absorbed and just waiting for his permission. When you finally have this permission and you let actively go, the feeling which I get from that is completely overwhelming me, it is like you walk up a mountain and as long as you are not allowed to jump from it, so that you can fly, you walk on and on but finally, from the highest top, you are allowed to fly. All I can say is that I had enormous flights which seemed as if they would never end. Marvelous. This is one lovely reason to learn self-control. 

Still, there is another one, which is as important as the chance to elevate orgasms with it. Learning self-control helps to do what Master wants me to do. I love it, when I am able to please him by doing as told. It makes me incredibly proud if I manage something I did not manage to do before. They are sometimes petty things, very mundane or even minor events, that I think about now. E.g. not driving too fast, finishing chores in time, preparing meals, not spending money, not eating sweets, following a daily schedule, and so on. I know they are simple examples, but you probably also know that it is not always easy to succeed in all these things. Self-control has helped me a lot there, and I have become considerably better in doing all these and other things successfully. And if you manage all these little things successfully, suddenly, your life starts being easier than ever, there is more room for other activities, spending time together, meeting friends, sewing, and whatever you like. One of the best bits about it is that suddenly you have less reasons to argue, because there is far more structure and order in your life which helps preventing that. No more dirty dishes that Master might have been annoyed about. If you stick to the rules, there is no bickering, and if you don’t stick to them, you know you have to face the consequences. For us, self-control and everything that comes along with it, has done so much good. It created a lot of harmony from the beginning and left us free of many minor quarrels. Much of this is connected to me learning discipline, being more in control of myself, because Master is in control of me and helps me on this good way. 

Having said all that about self-control, It appears I have lost control in the wrong moment and did not have enough self-discipline to drive the way I should have, i.e. slowly. I am going to be punished tonight, because I got another penalty notice for speeding that Master will have to pay. We just got the letter, nice picture of mine included. There is no excuse for that from my side, but I am sorry for it, and I am more than willing to accept the consequences for something that nobody else but me did. I am angry about myself because of what I have done. Master is annoyed too, which is the reason why I will get my punishment only later tonight. Never do that when you are angry, another rule where you need enough self-control to be able to follow it. … here it proves to be good for my bum, too.

How to walk the thin line between pleasure and punishment

Haha, as if I could walk that line. Seriously, I am still not sure what has happened, but I think that I asked Master to test a cane on me. Bad idea, all in all, but maybe worth it, too. There is no severe punishment that I have to face at the moment, so maybe it will not be as bad as I see it coming at the weekend. Master is pretty busy these days (which is one reason why I have time to write) and therefore our chances to spend much time are better at the weekend. The coming weekend might be especially interesting for me, though, because of this dreaded cane. He bought a new one which is covered in leather and is considerably softer than the ones that he usually uses on me. So this is strictly speaking, nice. He just gave me one with it, to test it, so that I could feel it and find out what I thought about this cane. It is decidedly less severe than the nasty ones that we have. We talked about the different implements and  there I seriously said that I wanted Master to try the new one on me during the weekend. I am still pondering whether this was clever because I might be in for a treat or whether I am only starting to be completely nuts because it might also hurt a lot.
Whatever it will turn out to be, I absolutely did not think before I spoke, the words came out rather quickly, and Master was only too happy to oblige. If you had seen the anticipation in combination with a devilish grin, you would understand why I am not clear yet on that matter. Concerning the title, I am not sure if I am of any use in telling anybody how to tread this thin line, because obviously my own approach was kicking something off in a mad rush, but if you need someone to help you how to use that approach, I am convinced I can help.

the quality dominant

I couldn't resist the title, though I do not want to leave the impression that dominant partners are like objects (that's their sub's part, if they like it).

I always wanted to write a list of qualities a good dominant partner should have, according to my ideas only. The list is based on my personal experience, it includes what I have learned so far, which means it is to a certain degree a list that is based on my own dominant partner/hubby/Master. It is an incomplete list and should not be misunderstood as a list that claims to be valid for anybody else. If you have different needs, your list would surely be pretty different from mine. Still, I think some of these virtues are more or less universal.

1. trustworthy

2. sensitive towards the one he is in charge of 

3. able to take responsibility for the both of us

4. protective

5. honest  ->closely connected to number 1

6. be able to judge situations correctly ...

6.1  ... and act accordingly -> a matter of self-control, which is a must-have

7. be able to communicate with a partner, not only on a superficial level

8. care for the well-being of his partner

9. be able to stop bratty behaviour in a partner

10. be able to see the difference between bad behaviour and emotional issues

11. wanting to lead and decide for his partner (tricky: I want that from my Master, but in our relationship, I also want to have responsibility for it, because I think that only two can make a relationship work)

12. he should know the ropes  ... and chains, scarves, candles, whips, crops, etc. 

13. he should know how to tease, how to drive his partner crazy; sometimes a single touch in the right moment means so much more, at other times you need a hug, or being caressed, or something like that  .... and he has to enjoy this to be good :)

 

Would you do it, if your partner asked for it?

Hubby and I had a discussion about what partners in love would do for each other, sexually. If you are not into anything more than missionary style, anything else already poses a major challenge. For us, it is slightly different: due to our kind of relationship, I always let Master lead and decide (bitchy moments excluded). This has never been a problem, because we have complete trust in each other and even though he decides, I know that he also considers my point of view. This is even more important when you talk about limits. What is ok during a session, what is not? We definitely stick to safe, sane and consensual as the first commandment. We have always talked about what we like and dislike and Master questions me a lot about that, because he wants to make sure that my limits are never crossed. Pushing limits might be ok, if it is done nicely, with a lot of sensitivity.
Master and I have no written list of hard or soft limits, though we have started with such years ago. It has changed over time and especially hard limits are still more or less the same. We talk about such things, but don't write them down any longer and that works for us, because we have been in a relationship for more than a decade. If the above title referred only to an unknown playpartner, the answer would be completely different.
So, what if it was only a minor nuisance that was asked for? No doubts, I would do it for my Master. These things could be only annoying, or just be uncomfortable at times, but nothing that shakes you to the core, therefore, I could handle that, at least for a while.
But what, if Master suddenly wanted something we both dislike completely (hard limit), for example to draw blood? (Mind, it is just an example, and I feel safer with Master than with a complete platoon of Royal Marines, although they are nice guys, too) I would give it a try. If he wanted that, I would try hard and probably fail, because breaching such hard limits would shake my innermost self. This is already one of the worst case scenarios, where you really could expect resistance. If I could not cope with what he wanted, I would ask him to stop.
There is no doubt in me that he would  never be as insensitive, and I know that I enjoy many privileges with him, too. But since there is trust and love between us, it is easy to give what he wants, or at least give it a try. And once again, another key that helps to answer the question is, that we talk and talk and talk. If Master saw that I had problems with something that he wanted me to do, he would not leave me in such a situation unattended, depending on what is going on, he would even stop a session or at least take me out of the situation I have trouble with and we would talk things over. I never get this feeling that I am kept in a state of emotional helplessness. Defenseless, yes, sure, all the time, but that is done willingly and  not a cul-de-sac, Master does that towards me, too. As a result, I can only say, yes, I would do it with Master and for him.

How do we share emotionally?

before anybody starts getting angry, I don't believe that women love more than men, but I believe often men and women love differently. This is my attempt to organise my own ideas about that topic and I don't want to criticise anybody with it and I apologize if I appear to do so.
Let's start with sex again to serve as an example. Done with the right partner it is all heaven and bliss, but I could not even imagine doing any kind of sexual activities if I was not emotionally involved with a partner, it would spoil the fun in it on the one hand and I would have nothing but a feeling of emptiness in me. I do not even believe that it is possible to have sex and not be emotionally involved. If so, it would be a saddening experience. I know that there are many women who don't have this narrow-minded point of view, and I think this is something that they share with many men who are serial womanisers and enjoy sex with people they do not even know. But this is not my cup of tea.
Sex is not the same as love, instead I automatically connect sex to intimacy, showing hubby/Master myself most vulnerable and being in harmony with him, because we see each other's needs in that moment. But perceiving your partner's needs does not even have to be a physical activity at all. We connect sex to it, because sex helps a lot in creating this moment where you either show yourself emotionally completely unprotected or you perceive your partner in this most vulnerable state. And sometimes sex is the right means instead of finding the right words to tell your partner what you feel, or instead of speaking in the wrong moment where you'd only lose this connection and destroy the moment.
Nevertheless, on an emotional level, we do not necessarily need sex to exchange intimacies with each other (although I love that part a lot a lot a lot), it also happens if you hug, laugh, cry, look at your partner's needs, talk and listen (!!!!) to each other and more. As a result you might have this feeling that your partner is there for you. If you don't feel that you can talk to your partner on a deeper level, so that you get the impression he does not give you attention when it is needed, then this connection might suffer too. Instead, if you have this moment of being truly together, even if it is only short, it might strengthen the relationship a lot.
The other important point is that your partner is there and able to perceive underlying messages in what you communicate with him. What if he only takes everything at face value? For me this would cause a lot of problems, because what I say does not cover all I feel. Sometimes I am not even able to verbalise emotions, because I have not realised what I feel somewhere in the back, in a deeper layer. That's where you need your partner to be able to read you, to read between the lines of verbal communication.  If your partner is able to do so, this strengthens your bond and if you can do the same for your partner, perfect.

What I enjoy about pain - what I hate about it

This is only about physical pain, because emotionally painful situations hold no pleasure for  me at all.
I don't think that I am a pain addict at all, because I clearly differentiate between the good and bad kind of pain. The good pain is connected to pleasure. It would never be pleasurable, if it was not built up very slowly in intensity. So, if somebody suddenly came up and pinched me in my bum (hello foothills 1981 :) ), three things would happen. 1. Master would come and give that one a real thrashing 2. I would feel bad for what had just happened 3. I would hate the pain and definitely not be able to eroticise it. For me it only works well with a very slow build-up. It starts like a soft massage, maybe it just is a massage at first, then it is a very light spanking, or soft whipping, then you use the crop, lightly first and then over time, it intensifies. That is what gets my juices flowing. I don't need the cane for that, it also depends a lot on my emotional state. Sometimes what we would consider a light spanking, would be more than enough for me. That's Master's job to identify and judge how much I can take in a session, because I easily lose myself in such moments and am busy dealing with all kinds of emotions that I have then. In the end, I have been carefully prepared with this slow building up of pain, which would have been all nasty, if it had started as severe as it sometimes ends. But if done right, that alone is enough to get me off. If Master then touches me in the right spot, he can send me to heaven without actual intercourse.
Another way to inflict lovely pain in me, is if he starts mixing light pain which increases lightly over time, with other sexual activities. If you try squirming around, away from sudden, unexpected light pain, but at the same moment you feel lovely sexual sensations, it is another -rather quick- way to send me reeling to heaven. Playing around with ice cubes and candles is a bit like that, too. Be careful with the wax though, we have tried different kinds of candles and some wax is too hot on the skin to feel nice. Either use other brands, go for low temperature candles (which are more expensive) or let the wax drop down from a higher spot than before. Don't set your bedroom on fire, have a fire-extinguisher next to your bed, too!
The bad pain section is easy to deal with:
-getting your finger jammed in the door -> nasty pain, because there was no slow building up of it .... imagine that
-punishment from Master -> nasty pain, definitely no slow building up, it is meant to hurt
-headache ->same, s.a.
the list could go on forever, if it is not done and intensified slowly, pain does not work for me, and I know from some friends that they cannot eroticise pain which is not built up slowly, either.

But if it is done the right way, wow!

"I love your bum!" "I am not FAT!"

The title line refers to an incidence that happened a while ago, it went like this:
Early morning, I was already up and had just returned from taking a shower and doing my morning self-inspection, to see whether I had gained weight somewhere.You probably know the routine, if you have a large mirror in front of you, you look at yourself and sometimes rate yourself, legs nice, breasts ok, bum, ... .
Back in the bedroom I found Master watching me, while I started dressing and he said something that I knew was meant nicely, because he had his positive and admiring looks, which is a real contrast to the strict and 'I am all in control' looks he can do: "I love your body, you have lovely legs, lovely tits and I love your bum" Oh what a killer in that moment. I was still dealing with whether my bum had become huge or only large when I had returned from the shower and then he started so nicely and ruined it by mentioning my bum.
My excuse now: I was not rational in that moment. My facial expression then: How could you say something so nasty to me. My answer: "Do you think I have a huge bum?" He was still at ease then, but I was immediately agitated. He was still playing along, I think up to that moment Master still thought it was a relaxing moment "all fine, you are just right the way you are." He said a bit more, some of which I really loved to hear, like I am beautiful, I think that is lovely to say, but since he did not really answer and I was  out for only one piece of information at that moment I asked again, which was already daring from my side, because if he did not stop me in time, I might just end up in trouble, with a red bum. Sometimes I can't stop myself and that's another reason why I am on the receiving end.
Master obviously wanted to be nice but then he mentioned something like I am not too skinny and not too curvy either, just right. What a feast, if you want to pick on someone. I swear that I did not want to raise a quarrel, but I heard the wrong words in the wrong moment and did not listen to the real meaning behind them and was still with the 'not too skinny' part. "So you do think I am fat?" He saw that I had a real issue at that moment and was not reasonable at all. He came up and hugged me and told me to stop being self-destructive, assertively, but not as if he intended to punish me, he comforted me a lot instead, just that, and I got a lot more lovely things to hear from him, but not another word about my butt. At that time I could listen to what he said again and the whole episode was over right then. We talked about that later and although I have become better with the bum-problem all in all, I have to admit that the self-esteem issue concerning my looks is still not solved completely.

This is something I really feel self-conscious about. If Master says something like 'I love your bum', chances are high that I start wondering if there was an underlying message for me, like, my bum is too big, I should go on a diet, I should do more physical exercise or similar things. Sure, whether I have doubts about my appearance or not depends on how well I feel emotionally, but most of the time I don't feel emotionally challenged at all, feel well, unless my close friend PMS has arrived again. I am grateful that Master knows how to deal with me in such situations, and I know that the problem I have here is connected to self-esteem. We are working on that together, and from Master's side I get all the support I could ever wish for. He wouldn't want to change anything about my body and always gives me the feeling that he loves me, body included, and I am all happy about that.
But nevertheless, if statements about my looks come in the wrong moment, they leave me with some lurking doubts and I need time to get rid of these again. At other times, I might not care at all about a statement which would have left me in doubts in another moment, still I have these fits and hate them, because I have learned that it is silly, but on a deeper level, it has not sunk in completely yet. But it has reached a deeper level than last year, because I can laugh about it, and Master can even tease me a little bit with that sometimes, but only about once a year.

12+ embarrassing moments

This list is very incomplete and does not contain the most embarrassing situations, though some felt bad enough when they happened. I think the supply of embarrassing moments in my life up to date is almost endless.


1. Fell through the open door of a cafeteria full of people, skirt hitched up and stockings and bottom could be seen ( I made many happy that day)

2. Walked into a glas door which was meant to open automatically

3. Lost a bet with a friend and had to walk through town while she was wearing a T-shirt with 'I am with stupid' written at it, the arrow on it pointed at me

4. Went swimming naked and someone stole all my clothes (actually it was not too bad, because it was a hot summer day)

5. Let go a fart in the presence of strangers

6. Got caught in the park while having sex. They were the police and had found us, because I was too noisy. We did not get arrested!

7. Swallowed vegetables the wrong way and coughed it all up, across the table and onto Master (He looked as if he had green freckles :) ) ... in a posh restaurant

8. Got drunk from a few sips from a lady pint of guiness and gave it all to the roses (->not used to alcohol; the roses and me) ... we had arrived at the pub around 8.30 and I felt like dying only 30 minutes later

9. Locked myself out of the house only dressed with a towel on, after I had taken a shower.

10. Went swimming in a swimsuit, but did not know that it was see-through when wet

11. Got lost in a department store in Hamburg at the age of 26

11.1 Got lost in a department store in London at the age of 26

11.2. Got lost in Ikea's multi-storey car park, yes, at the age of 26

12. Had a temper tantrum in a crowded shopping mall

12.1 Got scolded by Master in a crowded shopping mall for it

Silly girls are scared about the unknown, the others are just too curious to stop opening wrapped boxes

What would you do if somebody brought a box and told you not to open it? Hm, difficult to answer. If Master said so, ok, easy, I’d obey, would still be left curious and would ask later on, what the box contained. But if anybody else told me not to open that box … that’s the tricky bit. Unless they told me there’d be an immediate threat of life, I probably would shake it, weigh it, try to guess what is in it, and maybe open the box, unless I’d have the feeling that I would seriously breach somebody’s trust, or let somebody down, which I would not do. But I really love surprises, preferably the nice ones.

Being gullible

I think, if you know answers to questions like these, you might know yourself well, or even better, you might know what other people are like. There is no bragging intended here from my side, because I am usually awfully bad at such things. The example with the box was taken out of reality, I have faced this situation and therefore I just recounted my actions then, but otherwise, you could tell me that Pinocchio, The Wizard of Oz or any others are not liars, Jack the Ripper was just a nice guy and so on. I guess I would believe most of it, typical case of being gullible, ok. What makes matters worse is that I for one need a lot of time to find out what people are like in general, until the penny has dropped, whether they are genuinely friendly characters or not. That's where my hubby (a.k.a. Master) and friends (-> real friends ->catastrophy-hardened and reliable) help me to sort things out.

What to look out for

What I should look out for are traits like reliability, honesty, whether this person is really trustworthy, is that one tolerant, fair, does he/she care for others? Is the person in question honestly compassionate? Does that one have a lot of empathy and is considerate?  Even if so, how do I know if it really is genuine? Sometimes it is just a matter of time, till even I do see what kind of character someone is. In the past, I have only had one really terrible encounter with another woman who apparently was nice and I believed that, took her behaviour for the truth. The truth was, that she had tried to get me kicked out of my job then (Duh, I have not always been a housewife!) and never said an unfriendly word into my direction. That the truth came out, was just one of my friends' achievements, because I would not have believed that someone who had treated me nicely could be such an evil character. I am still puzzled about this incident, though it is long over and its only purpose now is to serve as an example, how difficult it can be to see what someone is like.

Shades of grey :)

So, here we are, my conclusion so far is: if I am going to have a look at somebody's character, I need a lot of time, to find them out. My friends and Master need about one glance only, and then they are informed and can tell about someone. Since I don't believe that I am the only one with such a problem of seeing everything through rose-coloured glasses, there are probably at least two groups of people: those who can discern the good ones from the bad ones quickly and those who cannot (I don't like black and white as colours too much, but in developing my idea thinking in black and white terms is easier, for the moment). If there are those two groups, there are probably many others who can discern some traits quicker and others slower, too (the grey ones).

The wrapped box

What could you do to help you  find out about someone quicker? I love spending time with people, if they are  friendly ones, that is. Nevertheless,  after one evening, some of my friends can tell so much about others that they just leave me flabbergasted. I would love to have that ability, and whatever I do, I don't have the feeling that my way of looking at others has improved over the years, I just have learned to listen to those I know I can trust. If strangers behave nice, I consider them nice. On the one hand it is annoying, but on the other hand I don't mind too much, because I don't have the feeling that I could change it. I would just go on believing that even the worst culprit must be nice, if given the chance. I think even if told that someone was an infamous liar and whatever, if anybody, I would be the one who would still spend time with that one. My great luck in such moments are my Master and our friends who have always been there in times of need. As you can see, I would always opt for opening the wrapped box, even if it was a smelly one.