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Saturday, March 8, 2014

EsMay and Sara's questions and answer

Sara: What do you enjoy most about being in a DD/TTWD relationship?
EsMay: What are you most happy with in your marriage since you started DD?

If it is ok for you, I’d like to combine the answers to your questions into one , because our marriage and dd have started at the same time and I would not have had marriage without dd.
Sara, EsMay, thank you for your questions, I think this is going to be a longer answer. :) It got me into thinking about hubby and me a bit, therefore I apologize If I am not too light-heartedly in my answer.

Compared to the non-DD relationships I had, I can say, everything is better now. But I guess, that’s pretty vague and there are some points for me that are outstanding.

I think I have never ever in my whole life felt so much cared for and loved for than with hubby. We have had DD from the beginning of our marriage and I pretty much just take so much of it for granted, because it has always been there. But sometimes I can feel the differences so much, or I suddenly realize just how good this is. Since hubby and I are talkers, we enjoy a lot that we can communicate openly and closely. We are in our cozy bed and talk, and often this leads to alternative ways of connecting, which we also enjoy.  Our way of talking is probably at the core of most of our being together.

I have never before hubby had someone who fulfills my needs. I have a husband who spends time with me and understands me. I don’t always get what I want, because that’s not always important, but hubby makes sure that I get what I need. Similarly, he is a really protective type when it comes to family and me. And that’s something I cherish. I need this feeling of being protected and I really can enjoy that too. Actually, it is the feeling of being safe that I need even more. I feel like a queen in her castle then. It’s a pleasant feeling. 

There is one thing which also goes deeper than anything I have experienced that way before. It’s trust. I am gullible and I am prone to trust too easily, but with hubby it is all right. I have never trusted a man more than him and I think that our mutual trust has grown over time. For me, there is a connection between DD and this trust we have. When I go over hubby’s lap, I trust him, I do, I enjoy this in a way. When the punishment starts, I don’t enjoy that, but I can lean back later and enjoy much about the situation and also am able to identify that I did trust hubby in that moment when I was chastised. Trusting your loved one makes it easy to accept discipline, too. And there is something erotic about spankings, even if they are not the bedroom-type.

With discipline, I learned to relax, to let problems go, not to let them grow beyond proportion. We use discipline as a means to take down my frustration and also to give me the feeling that an issue is settled. Often enough I have to feel that physically, or I’ll never let it rest. Additionally, through discipline, maintenance and also simple bedroom-type spankings, we connect to a degree that I also have not experienced before hubby and before DD. I have written in some entry that sex has a transcendental quality at times, and I’d also claim that for some spankings and the way they bring hubby and me together beyond words. We are simply connected and in a complete state of harmony then. This connection is even deeper when I have been corrected, because  I have broken rules before, or I have had a moment of resistance.

What I have not mentioned yet are submission and obedience. They have always been part of our relationship and I am very glad about that. I love when I can show hubby my submission and I enjoy being obedient. I have my chance to show hubby all this and he encourages me with it. It makes me feel more complete and a day when I can show submission is usually a far better one than a day when I cannot. Though there are always exceptions to that, of course.

And then there is hubby’s love. Maybe I sound mental now, but this is the one love I have never ever doubted. I wanted to mention that, because it is part of the complete picture.

So, there are love, care, protection, safety, trust, communication, and a connection between hubby and me which I have never experienced before he was there. My needs are fulfilled by him and into this life of ours there is DD interwoven in many ways. All this creates something which is absolutely unique, at least for me. And even though I don’t always take the time to see and enjoy what we have, I sometimes review what we do and where we are and this moment, when I realize that our situation is special, it’s the  best, and it is when I cry out of happiness, like now. :) They are really good tears, I love that. 

So, this all adds up to one huge package of happiness and joy for us/me. Occasionally, I feel how much I am fully engulfed in all this and it makes me happy. Additionally, I have this feeling that I am very much at the center of hubby’s attention for a lot of his time. I love hubby endlessly for that, but try to show that in a way which really tells him that I am fully aware of his love.
Let’s see, I have a loving husband, he also is my guide (he really is!), he provides for us, he gives me the structured life I crave, he is there for me, he is in charge, we have grown over time because we have dealt with difficulties over time, we are close, we care. Hmmm, I think I feel more than happy with our marriage. :)

In my idea of perfect marriage, I’d love to have the baby we are waiting for. So, when we really are blessed in that way, if everything works out till October and baby will finally be there, alive and kicking, I wouldn’t have words for it, because it would go beyond any experience of happiness that I have ever known. 

P.S.:I really have tried hard to identify one trait that makes me happiest or I enjoy most. The only single trait that would qualify at all, was hubby.


  1. Oh you wrote: "With discipline, I learned to relax, to let problems go, not to let them grow beyond proportion."

    Yes, yes a thousand times yes.

    Have you ever pondered what life would be like without that?


  2. Hello mostly mouse, I think I have a very clear about life without dd. It's what my life was like to a large degree before I met hubby. It was a disaster and a period of time I have no reason to be proud of, to say it nicely. Hubby has shown me a way out of all this and he had enough patience to teach me.


  3. That's lovely Nina. I can really appreciate how your husband is the thing that makes you happiest. That all encompassing sort of love just outweighs everything else. <3

    How long have you guys been married? If you have answered this before, sorry. I forget easily.


    1. Hello Sara, hubby and I have been married for almost eleven years by now. It has been the best time of my life. And I absolutely agree with you, hubby is my everything, and this love is so special. Lol, I think I am on my way to being overemotional again, I think I need to go into the sun, it’s finally the beginning of gardening time for me. :)



  4. I am very gullable too, so I understand needing to have someone you trust in. I loved so much of what you had to say, and find the same in our marriage. I need his leading, I need his protection, I need him behind me. Thank you for sharing with us. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. Hello EsMay, being gullible has often been a problem for me, because it’s something that some use to betray trust, and that’s so horrible. The good of being gullible is maybe a few days before it’s our birthday and we don’t have clue that there is a pleasant surprise in store. I love that part. :)
      And I would not be here writing happily about hubby, if we had not found together. I can only agree with you, when you write that you need the Duke. For me it is the same, and it makes me so happy. It feels right.




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