Adult content warning!

Adult content warning!

This blog includes texts which are not suitable for minors. So, if you are under the age of 18 or if my entries might offend you, please leave immediately.


Shoo! Shoo!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

A hug, a hug, my kingdom for a hug

A hug, or even better, cuddling,  that's what I want a lot lately. Oh, and I get many and some are those that I really need and others are - polite. And when I can't sleep at night, which happens a lot lately, I start thinking about hugs, cuddling and other stuff. Therefore, what I wrote might be rather incomplete and I'd appreciate if you could help me completing the picture by adding your hugging-experience.
Some of this was inspired by this 'First Kiss' viral video. It's actually advertising, but I loved watching it over and over again, because those who kissed became so close for a moment, hugged too. I loved that (and I know some are actors).

You smell !

It all starts with the decision, do you want to hug your opposite? There are some people I'd love to cling to all day long. If only I were not too heavy for them. And you may laugh at me now, because one reason why I also hug people is that I like to smell some of them. Imagine what happens, when a friend of mine smells nicely. Yes, it really happens that a hug turns into outright cuddling, out of several reasons, but smell is one of them.
In addition the way someone smells could also be a reason why I'd rather avoid hugging someone.

Ladies, I want to hug you :)

But smell is not my primary reason to hug. My favourite reason to hug people is because I feel them, they are close, I can press them closer, to show affection and to show that I love them. Some of these hugs can be endless. And of course, with friends and family, hugs turn into cuddling easily.
Though, if you don't know me personally, you are not endangered. I won't do that to non-friends. Sorry, gentlemen, coming to think about it, I realize that I prefer hugging women. Maybe it is because I know more women than men? Hmm. I just tried to figure out who I hug and the clear majority are women. I mean, my all time favourite man to hug is my husband, obviously. The second best man to hug would be my dad, and then there are a few male inlaws who I'd put right after that. But actually I am always easier and more open for hugs with women and generally I enjoy that more, too. There are situations when I hug my (female) friend, look her in the eyes and we are all tuned in. Usually I only manage that with hubby and no other man. I am sorry if I hurt anybody with that.

Safety hugs

But on the other side, there is a kind of hug that only men can do with me. It's the safety and protection hug. When I need to feel safe, I might go and cling to a woman, if hubby was not available. But the biggest feeling of security and safety would be created by either hubby or my dad. Police officers would do, too, if they are men, that is. Security, protection and safety are important for me, and for me, everything concerning this is automatically connected to men.
Alternatively, two or three of my best (female) friends would do together, but that's more like getting comfort, less like feeling all safe. I must be strange, because this sounds strange even to me.

Greeting hug

When I get a hug and when I give one, there are differences in what I feel, what I want to express with it and also what I experience. There are those hugs  for greeting someone you know. These can be rather artificial at times and they are not a real sign of intimate emotional connection. They are ritual.  And even there you have the difference from someone who you might not know well, so the hug is only ritual, and the clear difference to the greeting hug your best friend receives. There the hug is emotionally loaded and always means something like 'I am happier because you are here, I love you and pull you to my heart, so that you can feel it, too'. Yes, this is definitely closer to cuddling.

Comfort hug

 The reasons could be many, as everybody knows. Loss, sadness, showing sympathy to the one who carries a heavy burden and so much more. And still, these hugs are not too far away from those showing affection. And when you are sad, you need this hug even more, I think. This is something you really cling to, longer if it comes from a friend or family, shorter if it comes from someone you don't know well enough. Hugs that give comfort are so absolutely important and I am convinced everybody needs them. Maybe even more, if someone doesn't accept hugs easily. I know that I had times in the past where I was very grateful that I got this physical expression of sympathy. But then again, usually I welcome all hugs I can get.

Hips everywhere

I guess this is the moment for some of you to think that I am halfway nuts again. But nevertheless, where are your hips when you hug? Yes, I know they are not going shopping while you stand somewhere and hug. But what do you do with them? Some hugs that I do are maybe more like cuddles. And in some, I use my hips. You can guess, of course, with hubby. And with him, it definitely is a sexual allusion. But I'd also use my hips with some female friends. They are close friends and it just is the way we hug. Even in public, and this is surely not any kind of sexual display. :-)
So, my hugging experience easily turns into cuddling and it is a full-body experience, too. I love that I can do that, and it does not mean that I am bisexual or anything. We are still dressed and talk about ordinary things, yes about sex too. And yes, we have seen each other naked, but that's not sexual stuff, it's what happens with close friends, like dressing in her presence.
And, apart from hubby, I couldn't imagine any other man to turn hugging into a full-body experience where our hips touch. Imagine doing that with your dad. AAAAAAAHHHHH. I won't get that thought out of my head for hours now.

The hugster's problem

What if your hug is not answered? It's a message. There probably is a rift between the two. Maybe it is an argument that stops the opposite, maybe there is more about it. The reasons could be many, but the effect would always be the same. It's disturbing or even shattering, if you get the feeling you are rejected. I have not had that experience for years, which I am grateful for. But the effects of an unreturned hug can be rather saddening and call for a lot of talking, if you get that chance.

When words are not enough

There are some more kinds of hugs that I could write about. They all vary in degree and intensity. Some are culturally marked rituals, others are pure emotion. And in many situations, they let us feel better. I think one of the reasons why we all like hugs so much is, that we can show someone what we feel with it and both partners understand. Try to express in words all you can say with a hug. I guess sometimes it is impossible to put some into words at all. Even more so, if you try to express emotional states.

I want to thank Sara for her cute virtual hug. I think if I had not seen this one, my thoughts on hugging would not have come out. :)

You get a big virtual full-body experience hug from me for that. :-)

Instead of waiting for a chance hug, I'll go now and hug hubby. Full-body experience, hips and more :-)

My advice for you? Go get them tiger! Hug your loved ones and enjoy !


  1. Aww what a sweet post. (((hug))) I enjoy hugging too but I didn't come from a hugging family really.
    My mom gets offended when I say that because she is a big hugger now but that started after I was
    grown. I can't remember being hugged as a child or kissed much. I can't hug or snuggle my kids
    enough. Even though they are both getting so big I want lots of snuggly time from them. I sometimes
    ask SM for a hug when he walks in the door, especially if it has been a hard day. My friends are all
    pretty much non huggers except for one but I believe they secretly need and crave hugs so I try to
    give them one sometimes anyway. I see the way their faces light up and the smile, giggle that comes
    afterward. It makes me happy.

    Many hugs to you.

  2. Sara, (((hug))) :-) it’s great that you love hugs so much. We have always been a hugging family, though at the age of 10 to 12 I was actually not always too eager about it. I think that was because one of my grandmas kept almost crushing me with her hugs. Now, I understand her far better and wish I had had more from her hugs. But it is great that your mom is a big hugger now. Lol, I think I can even understand that she doesn’t want to hear about the times when she was not a big hugger.
    I think it’s great that you have your kids and I can understand so well that you want lots of snuggly time from them. Even if there are moments when they appear as if they do not want that too much, secretly they probably do. I have seen that with hubby’s youngest brother who let it happen at times, but was not too eager to respond with others around. Once he was around 17 he returned to normal and hugged his mom naturally. I think it was part of growing up for him, to separate himself a little from his parents.
    Oh yes, you definitely should go and ask SM for a hug when you need it. I love these moments and they are often so very intimate ones from one second to the next. :-) I found that hugging is highly contagious with friends. I also believe that everybody craves and needs hugs and once you start that with someone, they very often expect that hug from you. I think that’s cute and it definitely makes all happier. And I for one am also always happier and feeling better afterwards.

    lots of hugs to you



You are invited to leave a comment. I appreciate your interest and feedback and will try to answer. But please, no insults and don't be rude.