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Monday, December 30, 2013

When is a scene good?

I had some time to think back to sm scenes we had in the past. All of them were brilliant ....  Come on, you did not believe that, did you? For me, there are some reasons why I liked some scenes more than others and why some did not work well.
Let's take wax as an example. In general I love wax play, even more so if in combination with ice cubes. If Master does that, usually it is a safe bet that I can come whenever he wants me to. And then, there are those moments where a single drop of wax is too much for me and I just can't stand it. Sometimes it simply doesn't work, just like you are not in the same mood every day. Believe me, I know about different moods. I could give other examples, no matter whether they are floggers, whips, clothes-pegs, nipple-clamps or even a massage, under normal circumstances they are all fantastic and I can let myself fall into the sensation.  Then again, at other times I just can't stand these. So, if you have such a moment during a scene, either you have a loving dominant partner who is able to change his plans immediately, or you probably cannot enjoy the scene.

At other times, I am just too tired to let myself fall into the situation. What I mean here is not that it does not work out, but you can feel the difference in a scene, if you have had too much coffee, not enough sleep, your thoughts are distracted, then again it might just be the cuffs which are suddenly too tight or something pinches or there is pressure in a spot where it shouldn't be. Often they are tiny things which could be cleared easily if dom and sub talked. Even though I am under speech restriction during most scenes, it is my obligation to communicate such things to my Master. If I did not tell him that something wasn't the way it should be, he would be seriously annoyed with me. Not saying anything would ruin the scene for him as well as for me.

Then again, there have been scenes, long ago, where we had too many different things going on for me. When I am blindfolded and bound, either on the bed or standing, with arms bound above me, I can only feel, listen and smell. So, if there are many different sensations, they sometimes distract me. For me, it is easier to cope with the situation I am in, if let's say, there is wax and beating, but I do not move around too much, like standing bound, then back onto the bed, then afterwards standing again and back onto the bed. That's something that disturbs my focus. I know that I could still relax and if allowed to, I could also have an orgasm, but it is different then. The orgasm is less overwhelming, the situation has captured me less. We can usually see that in how fast I am able to return to reality. If it was one of the better scenes, I am gone for a good while, somehwere between Nirvana and my own house made out of chocolate. Yummy yummy.

Yes, it is a miracle, according to what I wrote, you could assume that scenes rarely work. On the contrary, we are usually able to circumnavigate problems that might arise, if they arise at all. The scenes that did not work at all have always been rare, which I am glad about. Since we kept talking about what had happened then, we were able to learn from these moments. None of these scenes were a complete fiasco, therefore it was easy to take them as another step to greater joys.

What we learned from that is, instead of doing too many things at once, keep it simple. Instead of doing four different things, do only two, but take your time to make your sub hot and hotter. Subs, communicate clearly what might distract you, otherwise your dominant partner will never find out why some nice treat was not nice for you. Doms, read your sub, though I also recommend not to ask all the time 'are you ok?', because if it was the fifth time in five minutes, be sure that it also is disturbing, and of course, be safe, sane and consensual.

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