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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

How to end up in trouble –expert advice – do not do this at home!

I know, what kind of topic is that, everybody knows how to end up in trouble. Ehm, yes, but not everybody keeps doing it again and again. If you want to find out more about that, read on, because you have just met an expert.
First I want to state I am not a deliberate trouble maker, but I am a natural talent and can be awfully clumsy at times. 

Deliberate trouble making
If you create problems because of some inner urge, you have a real problem. If we talk about some minor mischief, meant to be funny, little problem, but it might still lead to trouble, e.g. if somebody feels treated unfairly as a result, or worse. You could cause serious damage. This kind of behaviour is inacceptable,  most likely in all households, not only ours.  This would lead to serious punishment and I think on the long run, this could break up a relationship, if the trouble-maker would not stop that. I would never do such a thing, but I know there could be very serious reasons behind such behaviour, I am talking about somebody who might be in need of professional support and help.

Unintended trouble-making
Ever wanted to meet somebody who almost burned the house because she forgot to blow out some candles? Ever thought about flooding a house because you let the water run and forgot about it because of a phone call? What about spilling water on the floor and forgetting to clean that away and leave the floor dry again ? Guess who went along that corridor without knowing that it was all wet and slippery? Yes, my husband and Master remembers that moment when I had sent him flying through the door, without me being there. It’s magic :) No, just stupid, thoughtless. Master could not laugh about it, because his foot was sprained as a result. Well, that’s what happens with me around. This is probably the category I am the real expert at. Being thoughtless, forgetful, not focused on the tasks ahead and too easy to distract. Sounds horrible and I hate that it is me who does that.
On the positive side,  I have become considerably better with avoiding all these things. Ten years ago it could really have been dangerous with me around, by accident, of course. This is where Master has saved me, because with him, there suddenly started to be structure and we set rules to deal with these problems. All I can say is that it worked. The accidents that happen are few, if any at all, penalty notices are fewer than ever, I am not as thoughtless as I had been then. For me the only reason for this major improvement is that Master made sure I followed our rules. If not, I know what the result is. Even though there are punishments that I receive for such things, there are also exceptions. If me being unfocused  is just because of PMS or similar problems that I might have, he would never punish me. If it was because of pure thoughtlessness, he would. This distinction is important for me, because I never have the feeling that I am treated in an unfair way. I still hate punishments, but they help me a lot and the results have been impressive for us. Actually I am proud that I have managed to create few and fewer problems and those that happened were usually considerably smaller than those before Master  helped me.

Positive trouble-making
Stand your ground. If you feel that something is wrong, somebody is bullied or needs help, do it. If this old granny needs to cross the street and you have to stop the traffic for her, do it (Actually this  could be fun). I know it is not easy and I am more of a coward myself often enough, but nevertheless, if somebody needs help, do it. Helping your friend because she is treated in an unfair way, is such a situation. The worst incident that I had experienced in that category was in a subway where some drunk guys bullied an Asian-looking woman. I called the police and stood with her, but defending her verbally made one of those guys only more aggressive, so that finally the two of us left the train together before the police arrived, but at least we were safe.
 If you don’t help in such a moment, be assured that you will suffer from a bad conscience for a long time, maybe forever. If you helped, your reward will be this feeling that you have done the right thing, which feels great. Because of this incident in the subway, I came home late, which is usually a bad idea. Then it was no problem, because I had had a good reason to leave the train with the other woman.  As a result, I got a lovely evening with Master, a treat instead of a punishment, because of doing the right thing. I like ‘Stand your ground’ as a motto , because it is not aggressive and it sometimes reminds me not to dash forward thoughtlessly – and end up in trouble again. Hubby’s approach usually is far more resolute (<-euphemism), but he is always glad that I don’t like that, because of my unique ability of attracting trouble of all kinds even without additional vigour.

To conclude, don’t start trouble deliberately, if you need attention, try positive ways or get professional help. If you keep ending  up with problems because you are like me, try DD. That will surely have positive effects for your relationship and it will prevent major damage to your house and partner, if applied correctly. If somebody seriously needs help, you should do so, the least thing is to call the police if the  situation is like that, or you ‘stand your ground’. The feeling of having done the right thing is worth the trouble of not being passive.

And thank you for being patient with me and my rambling.

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