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Friday, January 10, 2014

opposites attract - loving the 'different'

After a hard Friday evening, I have a few minutes to write before sleep. This came up during a discussion after a punishment today, when everything was resolved and lovely again. And yes, the punishment was well-deserved and I cannot sit well, but that does not matter atm. It is over and when it is over it really is. So, we spent time in bed afterwards, no physical sex, only comforting, showing affection, love and showing that all is well again. ----> aftercare. Master saw that I really needed that badly this evening after the punishment. Well, so we discussed, what we found attractive in each other and in other people in general and the analogy of what hubby and I described to each other was really noteworthy.
We agreed in most of the ideas we had, and the most noteworthy aspect was that we only found people interesting who were different from ourselves. This is rather tricky to describe, but I'll do my best. I am submissive, so what I find attractive in a potential partner is dominance. I know enough about being submissive, being docile (believe me, I do!), about being a complete mess at times, about women, emotional ups and downs, pms, chocolate etc. . A potential partner who would show the same traits, would not help to create a certain balance in the relationship. Please don't misunderstand what I wrote now, it is not meant to disregard anybody who has any of these traits, I want to drive my point about being different home, nothing else.
Therefore, what I find attractive, is everything that I am not (I know that I set myself up with that one). I find alpha males attractive, I like it when they are dominant, men who are calm, determined, assertive, who can push you to the limit at times, who can maintain an overview, especially in precarious situations. Since I often have this feeling that I need someone's shoulder to lean on (and enjoy it) I find someone attractive who oozes this strength to support me accordingly. Opposites attract. Of course, there are also other characteristics, but they are another category. Someone who shows that he is different from the politically correct male mainstream, is definitely more interesting for me than those who do not show some of these traits which are diametrically opposed to my own.
Hubby told me that what he found attractive are also those people who are the opposite of him in some areas. For him women are attractive if they are submissive, if they show it in their behaviour, even without being aware of it. And now something I really loved to hear: He obviously and absolutely prefers order and structure but he still finds it attractive in women if they openly show the emotional states they are in and have this air of being carefree around them, because for him there is a connection between being carefree and being creative. I don't know if there really is a connection, because if you looked at it from the other side, it would mean that I was looking for an uncreative dominant man, which is not true, he is as good at drawing and painting as I am, I believe. Anyway, I loved that he said that.
Since the queen of chaos is writing this, she wanted to find out about how much Master liked chaos in her personality. Master said, pure chaos in a human being is nothing to be enjoyed, though if it is tamed and structured, but there is still a bit left that shows now and then, it can be incredibly attractive because it creates a lot of spontaneous action. .... :) This is my licence to chaos :) Nah, I wouldn't enjoy a return to former disaster. But I loved what he had said.

Being attracted to people who are as different from ourselves as can be, does not mean that those who are alike ourselves are uninteresting. On the contrary, they are probably great company and friends, but being only interesting and being attractive are not identical. The first could be best friends, but only the second could be life partners.

So, what we find attractive in others is what is different from ourselves. This fits so well with the two of us, and is also reflected in our way of life. In my opinion it is probably quite similar for the majority of people, but I also believe that D/s couples are more likely to show that they obviously have partners who are more or less diamtetrically opposed to them in many character traits.

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