Adult content warning!

Adult content warning!

This blog includes texts which are not suitable for minors. So, if you are under the age of 18 or if my entries might offend you, please leave immediately.


Shoo! Shoo!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

DD in the vanilla world - a well meant warning

Compared to my last post about communication between men and women, this one will be dead serious. The place we live in is favourable for our way of life. We have a house, a garden and no nosy neighbours within earshot, at least we can keep everything unobtrusive if we close the window. ... And that's exactly what we do.
We would never recommend to tell anybody about ttwd. Even less so, if you are just like Joe Bloggs. The idea behind this is avoiding unnecessary trouble which can threaten more than just your reputation. Once you've lost your reputation, you have nothing left to lose? I wouldn't bet on that. Being a social outcast can be a burden. Maybe this could be solved if you left the area and moved elsewhere. But what about friends? Not everybody you want to be friends with, is able to understand that whacking your wife is nice, can be a fulfilling and thrilling experience and does not demean her the least, but shows your affection towards her. In other cases, once she is known as a sexslave, some men might try to harass her, or worse. Again, not everybody is able or willing to understand that the agreement of safe, sane and consensual between two people was meant to enhance the relationship of those  two, and none of that was meant as an invitation for others.

What about your job? Are you a freelancer where stories of your amorous adventures might increase your income? Well, perfect, go on, whip your willing sexslave right in your office, listen to the sound of your cash register and enjoy. But, if the major part of your income is based on your blameless reputation, well, close the window, shut the door, don't let anybody know how much you enjoy beating the bottom of your loving and very willing wife. She'll get rid of the money you earned with your job, later, don't worry about that. :) Discretion is the key. Since hubby  deals with people who look closely at their business partners and whether they have an unblemished reputation, anything but keeping a low profile would cause problems for him. Ok, so commonsense tells us, to do ttwd without others knowing.

Nevertheless, there is this urge to communicate about ttwd. Admittedly, it is more my urge than hubby's. But I have only told a few friends after asking hubby first. We have discussed it and he could simply have forbidden it and nobody would have known anything. But since we are talking about those friends who have heard worse from me than that we do ttwd, the risk was acceptable. Besides, I started out by testing them, to see their reactions and found out some juicy details I had not been told about before, as well.
But there have been others, where we could not reckon what the outcome would be, so we never lost a single word about what we do - and never will. Those trusted few know that this is the kind of information you cannot pass on. They would not, anything else would be an unexpected and very unpleasant surprise.

Did we tell the family? Yes and no. Some know, more from hubby's family than from mine. Is it a topic that we discuss much with them? I have never heard hubby discuss it with his brothers, but his sisters-in-law know a bit about us and told a bit from their personal experience. I would never discuss that with his brothers, but with the sils who also do ttwd, I have done so (only DD, nothing beyond that). Would I tell my parents or wish they ever found out any of it? No way, José. They would simply not understand and a lot of problems could result from them knowing.

Before telling anybody anything about DD as part of your life, test those you want to inform first. You'll be surprised, how intolerant people might suddenly appear to you, if you start talking about DD. Many are simply uninformed and unwilling, most are prejudiced. Therefore, I would not advise telling anybody about it at all. If you have this urge, try to make sure that you really chose someone who you can trust absolutely and who will not end their friendship with you, or who will start attacking your partner, or call the police. Accordingly, you should not let your wish of telling somebody interfere with the sober assessment of the pros and cons. And don't decide against your partner's wishes, that's probably the worst you could do.


  1. Interesting post Nina, and you bring up a lot of good things to consider. We'll probably meet some DD people in person before we would tell real life friends about DD. But we'll see :)

  2. Hello Sir,
    thank you for your comment. We have tried something similar, meeting D/s people in person and had luck with one married couple that was in a similar situation and shared our idea of keeping a low profile in public. They have become friends and we still meet now and then. There have been other people we have met in the past but we just did not match well enough.

  3. Hi Ni Na,
    I love this post, I also think we need to be careful who if anyone we reveal this lifestyle to. We have met 3 other DD couples who we have become friends with, that has been the best support for me, sometimes I just need a friend to talk to, and as close as I am to my sis and mom I am not talking to them about it LOL

  4. Hi Ashley,
    yes, I can only agree with you. When I tried to find out who of our friends we could really trust enough for telling anything about ttwd, we immediately saw that some people who are nice and get along well with us, are completely intolerant towards DD. They don't know anything about it and consider it abuse, as a result. Horrible if we had told anything to them. But since we have found a few, we can talk about ttwd, if needed. Actually I don't discuss that much anymore, because we have exchanged most of the details over the years and now go more for some special moments. But it helps to have someone outside the relationship to talk to.


You are invited to leave a comment. I appreciate your interest and feedback and will try to answer. But please, no insults and don't be rude.