Physical distance

Yeah, I know, the title is like for a medical abstract. But actually it is the opposite of academic thinking. And it is only a little bit bump-related,  even though the thoughts started with my bump. I have written in a comment that if a man (a stranger; a non-friend) touched my bump, I'd always pray to have hubby around to stop that immediately and convincingly. I probably could do that on my own, but not as quick and not as good as my husband. This little space around me is too important for me, but not only this, also the way I use it for communicating.

So, the first thoughts are about my physical comfort zone. I don't mind, if friends and family hug me, kiss me, touch me. On the contrary, I need that so much, a lot of it. I want to have it and I want to give it. If anything, I'd probably become stunted if I had to live without loads of physical contact. It helps to connect, it has meaning, it helps me to bond, it adds to feeling good or better, it is a lot of comfort for me. Have you ever tried to remain unaffected by a tender touch? I guess it is impossible and you cannot avoid being affected and feel closer to each other. And, it definitely helps to create a feeling of safety, which is very important for me.  I could really recommend hugging as a therapy form. If you do that, or even just squeezing someone's hand, not out of pure habit, but consciously, this really makes you feel better and you have a mutual connection. Well, it works for our family and friends.

What I don't say to friends and family can sometimes be expressed better by hugging them, or touching them in the right moment. This does show so much affection, or does help so much to comfort one. You are simply closer. And these are only a few out of a very long list of positive and strengthening feelings that you easily express by using physical contact. Think about reassuring your friend. You could go for the verbal approach: "you will manage that, you can do it, you are fantastic, lovely, ....." Of course, but if I want to give reassurance to a friend, I think the verbal form is not enough for me. The other half of my message would have the form of hugging someone, squeezing, patting, etc..

And still, if someone who I don't want to have there, enters my comfort zone, I am immediately upset and in a fluster, and the nicest thing that I do is asking the intruder to step back.

I am not talking about situations where you simply cannot avoid close contact, e.g. in a crowded subway. I don't like that tooooo much, but it is ok, as long as the gentleman behind me keeps his fingers away from my bottom.

But there are people who intrude in situations where they could just keep this little distance  and don't do so. I don't want people that close who I cannot do the complete physical communication with. It is disturbing. I am known for even having preferences to who I might let closer. I have no problem with women who are intruding into my comfort zone and female friends are usually the ones who get the full benefits of much physical contact from me. If I have a really bad day and am less enthusiastic about showing much affection physically, they just ask what's wrong, because not hugging and touching is unlike me. :) And they want their hugs and being touched, too, which I think is so lovely.

But with men, it is far more complicated. Within family, it is ok, but with male friends I am far more reserved and reluctant. They get less of the good stuff. :) The major reason is of course that I don't want to give any wrong signal, neither to them, nor to hubby. So, it is another way of sending a message and keeping the distance, alas, some men don't understand that.