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Monday, May 12, 2014

Problems, problems, problems - love is where you find it :)

I think hubby's life is not always easy, because he has me. :) Ok. I could leave this statement as it is and stop the entry, but there is more to it. Only a short while ago, I have written that respect is an issue here at times. And since there have been moments when I showed a certain lack of that and I know that this vexes hubby, I'll elaborate on this and some more. This is actually DD-related again, for a change and the event it refers to has been about a year ago (May? 2013). A happy time, when spankings existed for me, though my bottom was not fond of what happened then. Ah, I am reminiscing about the good old times. :)

So, I have been an exceptionally good girl all my life ... Just kidding! Throughout our time together, hubby and I have worked on issues that caused problems. I am talking about all the little things that happen to everybody, such as being thoughtless, being moody, breaking rules, trying to be right although you are not, bumping into lamp posts and such things. These little conflicts and problems happen, even though we are willing to work on a good relationship and succeed.

Well, no, it is not only the little things. This is also about the bigger problems that could occur. Those silly stunts that could happen as a result of being thoughtless, or because of PMS or whatever other reason. A major issue is for example if you left the impression that you wanted to provoke your loved partner, or if you give him the impression that he doesn't matter as much as he should. The last one really hurts, and I never did that intentionally during our marriage, but hubby has felt that way once, very very long ago, because I was thoughtless and my behaviour could be understood the wrong way; I simply gave the wrong signal, but definitely unintentionally. Well, there are more, and since I don't really believe that the issues hubby and I deal with are much different from what others go through, I sort of believe that most of you know what kinds of problems could occur. I also believe that there are some special issues that maybe you have to deal with more often than we have and, of course we have some issues that are bigger for us than for you.

But, although the focus of what I wrote up to here, has been on the problems, this does not mean that our relationship doesn't work, or has ever been jeopardised. No, far from it. We have problems to deal with, like everybody else, and we discuss and work on our problems, first of all by means of communicating. This is most important for us. The second most important way of working on our problems is very much based on DD. We have set boundaries and especially I should try not to overstep those, because usually it is me who is boundary-challenged. <--Sounds nicer than 'I break the rules'. And over time, these transgressions have become less and less. 

I guess I have learned something from hubby and the boundaries are good ones. There is nothing restricting in such things, as the restrictions that we have are only there to keep us and others safe, to create room for harmony and being together without any negative thoughts, without resentment. If a bedtime that hubby imposes on me results in me being relaxed, calm and more joyful, then the restriction is a very positive one. If our communication results in showing that he and I want to be treated nicely, then this is absolutely positive. If speeding penalties result in me getting the bottom heated and I drive slower (only) after being disciplined, then this is very positive. And it works for us! 

Don't get me wrong, though, ever since I have learned about baby growing in me, I have become really careful with the car. DD has taught me a lot before, but having baby on board makes a real difference!

I guess I feel inclined to emphasize how much good DD did for us, because from my experience, loving a partner is not always enough to make a relationship work well. There is a lot of work involved to make it a really good one, where both partners feel cherished and loved, problems that exist are solved or at least dealt with, so that they are not overwhelming. Maybe for other couples this is completely different, and I just don't find the right words, but apart from love, I think a certain kind of commitment, the willingness to give something positive into the relationship, is very important, too. 

Now, I have given examples of what problems there are, or could be, and also written that DD works. But nevertheless, sometimes things just go wrong. They did completely go wrong this good year ago. Yes, it was the time of the month again, and I had no real idea that I was pms-ing, because otherwise I felt pretty relaxed, I thought. From what I have read in other blogs, the pattern is so similar to what others experience: pms is there and you don't notice, until it is too late, because things have been said or done which could be detrimental to an unstable relationship. The moment when you realize that pms struck again often enough comes far too late. Pms is a perfidious bitch! (Sorry) I know, it is no excuse, but since I am currently more on hormones than ever before, I sort of feel inclined to say that hormones have an influence. Duh!

So, there was this slow build up that neither hubby nor I had noticed. It was about the little things, as so often. I wanted contact to hubby on the one hand, but then again, I had somehow distanced. I don't know if it makes sense, it is pretty contradictory, I know. Then there have been situations where I maybe behaved less attentive towards hubby than usual. Depending on his own situation, he is faster or slower in seeing what's going on with us, but usually he is the good one at that and often enough it is him who stops this process in time, with a little reminder via the bottom into the brain, which helps me to come to my senses again. But what happens when hubby is busy and cannot help? Then I spiral downwards into the unpleasant regions of weakened connections between him and I. 

So, basically I had three days where I extended my bedtime rule here and there, maybe did not do all the chores as good as I should have, forgot about a few things which were important, I did not show how much I love and cherish hubby and talked back for no reason. And then hubby took his time with me. He was really busy, but he skipped some appointments to settle matters at home, because I had gone besides myself. As soon as he held me accountable for my behaviour, it was like a wake-up call. He stated that my behaviour had been completely inacceptable and I could do nothing but admit that he was right. In a way it was a cold shower when you want a warm and cozy place, but then again, it worked and brought me back to the place where I really want to be. I had no excuse, though hubby told me that I was obviously pms-ing. If anybody else had said that to me, I'd probably have called him a chauvinist or something like that, but actually hubby was right and once it was said it did not take long to see where the trouble came from and that the pattern was the one it often takes with me. Maybe I am a complete moron, but I do not always  rarely  see what's going on with me and obviously I need a man to tell me about pms. 

Well, hubby had admittedly given fair warning before and I had not listened. Therefore he had a more extensive form of punishment in mind. The first punishment is nothing that hubby does. It is about the sudden awareness of what you have done. I mean, breaking a rule is something that happens now and then. But what I have dramatic problems with is when I realize that I have disappointed hubby, or even worse, when I realize that he must have felt less cherished and loved than he deserves. This is most devastating for me and the physical punishment that I receive after that is more than welcome to me, because otherwise I'd go for a long time full of self-reproach. To have done such a thing to the one you love most brings me down completely. And if I recognized that earlier, I'd stop, but I do not see any of that until it is far too late. Bummer. Even one year later this creates a whole bunch of mixed emotions in me. 

Enough singing the blues! I had undressed and got the hairbrush and arnica. But hubby had brought two other implements which did not bode well for my bottom. He had brought a round wooden spoon for the very stingy biting part. And in addition to that he had brought the dark and heavy paddle. I was close to asking him for the nasty cane instead of the paddle, but I guess that would only have come as an additional implement, not as a replacement for the paddle.  So, I went over hubby's knees and he lectured me and I got a rather extended session with the hairbrush. My bottom felt very warm and it was no fun session with it, but as I was to learn soon, this was the relaxing part of punishment. What followed was a long session with the wooden spoon. I had once put one of them into the dishwasher, to get rid of it, because they are plain wood and usually the spoon has cracks from the heat, afterwards, but to no avail, because they are really cheap and hubby had two new ones the very next day. I knew why I had wanted to get rid of it. This really sets my bum on fire. This implement stings so much that I have difficulty remaining over hubby's lap. The message behind this is: it does a great job. As does the paddle. I had been bawling from pretty early on, though the wooden spoon added a lot to bawl about. I thought that the paddle would be too much, but then again I also know that hubby looks very closely at how much I can take. So, actually the paddling was the shortest of the whole punishment, and for me, the wooden spoon felt worse than the paddle. 
Afterwards hubby put arnica on my bottom and I was still flustered, but so much more relaxed than before. I thanked hubby and I was grateful for the discipline I got. It was a big relief for me and I felt that I had deserved every single stroke of it. We hugged and cuddled right there, me naked and still sobbing and hubby said something, not to soothe me (no reason, I was fine), but because he meant it:

"You have made every mistake possible by now, ... and you are wonderful."

And he was proud of me, too! I loved that moment and I loved what he had said (still do; that's why I am bragging shamelessly with it, now). I had a really dark red bum and had a reminder for days, every time I sat or when hubby touched my bum, but I felt so good! After hubby had said that, aftercare only became an additional treat.

I don't want to provoke any punishment  and really do want to be good. But I'd definitely love a good girl spanking, I can't wait for Christmas 2014.:)


  1. Aw, that is really sweet what he said to you after your punishment! This us a great picture of how dd works, and you're right, we all have similar issues. I think Christmas will come faster than you think too. There is so much to prepare for and think about and make ready for baby as your time to deliver grows near, then as soon as baby is here, you'll think of nothing else for some time :-)

  2. Hi River, I love what hubby had said in that moment so much. He doesn't always say it that way, but generally, he is very positive after punishment, giving me a lot of strength and showing that he loves me. Wow, I am overemotional right now, I am having one of those moments when I realize that he loves me so much. :) And I can already see how fast Christmas will be there. Time really flies. We are in the middle of preparing baby's bedroom, while hubby is packing things together because he has to travel next Monday. I think I have no clue yet, how much baby will keep me busy, because everything will be completely new. I mean, everybody says that the first months are really hard, but I cannot even imagine what this will feel like. Well.... I am gonna find out:)



    1. The first few months are hard Nina, but the overwhelming and fierce love and wonderment totally makes up for it. You are going to do awesome!


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