Passing week 16 successfully :) ... See my smile?

Your chance for success is ....

Ever since I have started getting used to being pregnant, I had this emotional coctail, the mix of hope and fear. The reason for that is, that we have never made it beyond the sixteenth week - before. So, in week ten, when I couldn't wait any longer to let everybody know, I felt this doubt. Will all be ok this time? Some doctors we have had to deal wih in the past told me the percent chance to succeed, the most positive way they could: "The chance is between 55 to 65 % due to past miscarriages."  Did it mean the chance not to survive is 35 to 45%? Horrible. Ok, so this is a little of what bothered me every day so far. Not the numbers but the message, there was a pretty high chance that it would not work out. Depending on my emotional state, I chose clinging to the hope or being sad.

After week 10 the fun began

The first hurdle we had taken was week twelve. This was the date we had set originally to tell that we are pregnant. Well, that was the original plan, but I couldn't wait that long, as some of you know.

And in the weeks that followed, I got used to this idea, "Hey, I am feeling better than ever. It might work out!" I could add a whole line of '!' to express how strongly I felt and how my hopes grew every day (and still do). That I had less doubts and felt more on the safe side has proven to be so important for me. Only inbetween I still had some hours when I thought that chances are pretty high that it doesn't work out. These nagging doubts were there, somewhere in the back. Actually they were not doubts. I am mortally afraid of something going wrong  this time, but our belief that all will be well, grows. All we want is that our baby is safe. I keep writing that, I know, but it is my mantra till October.

 

The land of hope

Nevertheless, all in all our hopes have reached an all-time high. This is new territory for hubby and me, in a way it is like reaching a new land of hope. It is the first time that we have made it beyond week sixteen and I feel great. This is my first seventeenth week experience ever and I already feel like a champion :) . There are funny things going on with me, some of which I have already written about, e.g. my sexdrive that still dominates many of my thoughts. The intensity of it really hit me hard, but hubby and I enjoy it, too. I feel tired (sometimes), feel the urge to eat after midnight, couldn't eat in the evening, can't sleep at night, feel overactive, constipation, lots of other changes I am not writing about, with regard to my readers :), and the best of this is I enjoy every minute of all this. Lol, I can see some experienced mommies roll their eyes now, but so far passing week sixteen is the greatest success that we have ever had when it comes to pregnancies. And it goes on. It is getting better every day.

In the third trimester, when I am maybe swearing like a trooper, with swollen feet and hands, when it might feel uncomfortable, you might remind me of how much I praise the little inconveniences that I only have to deal with so far. But as long as these changes and inconveniences continue, I believe my hopes will grow, because this means that baby is fine. That's all that matters to us.

Our current way of DD

For those of you who wonder if there is still anything DD-related in my blog, well, yes. Actually I have some texts but somehow I end up writing about pregnancies at the moment. We are still in the dynamic, living without that is something we couldn't even imagine. But we are also doing some  things differently than usually, e.g. the spanking and punishment-part. Currently I have more room to do things my way, which does not mean at all that the general rules don't apply. They do, and if I work against them, I am disciplined/punished, though differently. E.g. with more corner time and restricted online time or early bedtimes. There is more that hubby has in store and I do not really want to know about his ideas concerning non-physical punishment.

So, I actually try hard to be a good girl and we adapt to the changes that have come with me being pregnant. We are already discussing how to go on once baby is there. We do that in a general way, because there is some time left, but I remember vividly all the reports from DD-couples with little ones and with the kids who are curious and spill out information to whoever, about dad whacking mom in the evening. Well, so far I understood and could laugh, but now, I understand, can still laugh and wonder how we will manage that. I think I'll re-read many blog entries for these pieces of information.