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Thursday, February 13, 2014

DD - my decision from the heart

What would you do for the one you love most?

If you really love somebody, you'd do all for him, I think. Would you ask about paychecks first? No, definitely not. The whole thing started when a friend of ours and I talked about 50 Shades. She has said something I found vexing. She does not know about ttwd and she said something like she'd leave immediately if someone treated her the way Mr Grey treated Ana in 50 Shades of Grey. So, for her it is more important to be independent than to be with the one you love most. I know this is very controversial, because there are reasons for both sides, but I would not consider leaving my husband under any circumstances I could think of. I can understand the idea of independence from a partner, rationally, but I could not enjoy it at all, because emotionally it would leave me empty.

It would be too cold for me without this kind of love

That I don't want to live independently, but the opposite, is not a decision of careful thinking, it is something from deep within. If I had the choice, indepence, a life without restrictions, a life with friends but without the one and only who also has demands, without the one who insists on his  place in your life,  or love with the closeness that I see as part of it, this would always be easy to decide for me. I have already decided for love and all that came with it. Since I consider our relationship the best possible (hopefully, you consider yours the best possible, too :) ), this is easy to say. One important part of our relationship is about him deciding over me, fine, I love that. I feel good with it and it helps me to feel submissive too, which I love so much, too.

I know I am not really fair, because the ways relationships work, are a little complicated at times. I know that I should not portray anything in black and white here at all. The point is, that I have had a period of time in my life, where I was what many women call 'independent'. It was empty, it was cold, I had friends who saved me from much, but I did not have my hubby and Master then. My experience from that life is bad. I had so much 'freedom' and  'independence' that it hurt. Well, now, I don't have that unrestrained kind of life, because I have someone who cares more for me than anybody else. I have someone I care for more than for anybody else. I have given up something I was glad to push away from me. I sound dramatic, I know, it ended a good ten years ago, so no  reason to worry. But I see and feel the difference every minute.
The life before hubby and before submitting completely, was empty for me. If you have ever had such an experience, then you know that it is not worth reliving. And what I have learned from this empty time, is that it is not for me. This is why I don't see more than black and white there. I guess I don't want to differentiate tonight.
What hubby and I have, is so much more than anything I have ever had before. I feel rich, blessed, lucky and it makes me happy. It satisfies my deepest desires.

I should probably apologize for my rambling, for being too oversentimental lately and for being unfair towards those who enjoy  another way of life than the one we have. I do, I am sorry. I don't want to annoy anybody here, and I don't want to offend anybody. On the contrary, I hate when I am the reason for anger of any kind and would always prefer to produce a nice smile and create happiness.

They talk more than average couples ... they must be doing dd

I know I exaggerate endlessly, but whenever I see vanilla couples and hear what some women have to say, I have this idea that they must miss something that touches them deep within. It is an idea only, and maybe it is completely wrong and just a product of my imagination. 
But since I could feel the difference and the advantages between what vanilla and dd relationships are like, my experience tells me that dd is such a huge enrichment of everything that is part of the relationship two partners can have. 
They have to talk more, to make it work. They have to trust each other, they have to learn from mistakes and if the HoH fails, he has to be able to learn from that just as the submissive partner has to learn from mistakes. 
The role of spankings is another additional benefit. It can help to create discipline, it definitely helps to stick to rules that the partners have agreed on, and the positive changes as a result of that are tremendous. So, dd-partners sit and talk and discuss what has happened to them, probably also why e.g. she could not listen or do as told. If they have come a long way, they already know well how to talk, so that  both feel valued and nobody is hurt as a result of them talking about what led to a punishment. If they are still finding their way through dd, they will surely notice that they have to learn how to talk differently when they discuss things. This alone is a huge benefit. I don't say that vanillas don't talk or can be as close as I imagine a majority of dd-couples to be. But I think that if the dd relationship works, there are effects that bring the couple together. 
I could probably rant for hours about the positive emotional effects of loving domestic discipline. Spankings have been most beneficial for me, and according to those who blog about spanking in blogland, it is the same for them. 
There are different ways to connect to your partner, sure. According to my experience, spanking is a safe bet to connect. The way I connect through spanking goes definitely far beyond anything I have experienced before I learned about dd.  The second best way that I know is related to scening. So, it is sex-related. Talking is the third one and I think that talking adds to the other two as well.

I bite my tongue

Well, the friend who I mentioned in my introductory paragraph doesn't know about ttwd and I should be used to people who disapprove or dislike the whole idea and concept of dd. Still, such remarks always leave me uneasy and I would love to tell them something like 'You have no clue' or similar things and tell them about the benefits. Instead, I bite my tongue each and every time. If the circumstances are right, I'd always admit that bedroom-spankings are charged with erotic energy. My friends understand that, but that's only bedroom spanking. I'd never say more than that and would always prefer to change subjects. But deep inside, I always regret such moments and would have loved to tell them all, 'Go for it, forget about your prejudices, look at what happens if you try it.'


  1. I have lived both ways, where I was very independent and where I am now always working on being submissive. For me it is far better this way. You can't really convince people of things I think. They have to come to it themselves and if they don't they don't. Glad you found your niche.


  2. Sara, I can only agree with you :) . I wouldn't want to change anything, but then again, there are so many women of whom I always think, 'if only...', but as you say, if they don't they don't. It is just hard to accept that sometimes.


  3. I agree with Sara, it would be very difficult to talk someone into this. But the great thing is, you know what works for your marriage, and you can be very happy knowing it and living it. :) We too have done both, and this is the way that works for me, and thankfully, for him as well. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. EsMay, you are so right, I also think the risks of talking someone into ttwd could pose a real problem. And if they are not prepared to change their lives, it doesn't work anyway. Therefore I absolutely keep my mouth shut, although I sometimes feel like the doctor with a cure for their ailment. And what you say is true, we have found our way of being so endlessly close, it works and we are very grateful for that.
      EsMay, I had a sleepless night because of the flight to London tomorrow. So far I was more focused on my coffee this morning, but your comment really lets me cherish what we have and it made me smile out of joy. Thank you for that,



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