Two misconceptions about DD and D/s

 The reason why I write this little entry is, because I have thought about how negative some people speak about BDSM. Some don't get it. Since I have been one who did not understand it, more than a decade ago (oh, now I really feel old), but has learned a lot by now, I want to tell what DD and D/s feels like for me. It feels better than good :) 

 

political correctness and consensus in D/s

Before I learned more about DD and D/s, this unfinished thinking, that a woman who submits to a man is acting against her gender and acting against political correctness, was mine too, long ago. If the things we do are consensual, nobody has the right to speak against that. If you love sexual submission, it is probably easier to see, but I think that this is true in every situation where one submits to the other according to the arrangement between two partners in a relationship. 

Sexual submission feels great for me. It is what makes me very happy in different ways. It is probably more consensual than some of the sex that some vanilla couples do (if that was not a little teaser...) and all I do when I submit, is to live my sexuality according to my choice and ideas. The decision to submit was mine, I was not coerced and I don't live in any criminal form of slavery. What I have here is the loving and caring kind of slavery that has been talked about first and then entered with the best of intentions, voluntarily and with the knowledge, that there are responsibilities that come with it - for both partners. So, the decisions about it were all mine, as far as I was concerned. This sounds politically incorrect, but it is not, because it is just the way of life, I decided for --> chosen by me. 

Them over there

And, in contrast to some others, neither Master nor I, would force our way of life onto anybody. Master would not let me run through the shopping mall naked, just because he could. Well, if it were his and empty, he surely would, but it is not his and usually it is crowded. So, if Master and I did anything which was not considered acceptable and decent behaviour by the majority of people, we would impose our way of life on others. But they have not given us any form of consent that they would like to be participants in anything we do. It would not be consensual if they were involved unasked. Therefore, we'd never do such a thing. I sort of have the idea that some who do certain forms of D/s want to do that in public and might sometimes forget that they interfere with the lives and well-being of others then. Just a thought, and I don't have any right to criticise or to say that my kink is better than yours. 

But I am allowed to say that I would not like to see her doing oral to him right in front of a group of kids, or right in front of me. Neither the kids nor I have given consensus before and that would always feel completely wrong for me then. When it comes to minors, I think such actions would qualify as harassment, if done to anybody else it might be higly offensive. For me it would be like that.

It's all about the beat, babe

More than once I have written about some scenes, and beatings were part of that too. And  there are also lots of descriptions from other blogs that contain texts about subs who are beaten, so that one who does not read the wonderful descriptions of bliss that usually follow, might conclude that there is something abusive going on. It is definitely not abusive. If anything, it is the complete opposite. If they are punishments for breaking rules, they might hurt. But again, there has been a lot of talk going on before, consensus is there and has been there, before even one single slap has happened. Nothing has been enforced. We are talking about mutual agreement within a relationship here. Imagine, ladies, this is maybe an additional incentive for you, if you really want to do it right and give it a try, you have to talk a lot and then talk again. I mean, with your partner, the one who is going to whack your bottom. According to the rules that you agreed on. But imagine, you actually talk about your relationship, your feelings, your desires.... ! :) Sounds wonderful to me.

Master and I clearly differentiate between the good and the bad spankings. The bad ones are for infractions. They are meant to hurt, then everything about the issue is forgotten, hopefully, if you learned to be better next time. It's a good way to solve problems for us, but not for everybody, maybe. But :) there are also the good girl spankings :) Ladies, this is for you again. Spanking can be a most wonderful, sensual experience. I am not only talking about your juices that will be flowing if you are hit on the right spot. I am talking about a kind of sexuality that is connected to it, which is endlessly rich in the way it can feel for you and which will bring you and your partner close together. And the orgasms you can have as a result will be mind-blowing, too, if you want to. Maybe you observed that I am slightly in favour of this way of sexuality.

So, it is about the beating?!

Well, I should choose questions as titles that I could answer at least half. I am still dealing with the good girl spankings, and they can be absolutely fabulous. But the real beauty of it all is hidden to many.  For me, as the one who lays control completely in the hands of her owner, it is about submitting to him, to obey him. Therefore, I'd say it is not really about the spanking. But I'd miss that tremendously, because it is sexy, erotic and can add so much to feeling  submissive, which feels wonderful in itself. The dominant partner would get part of his reward from being completely in control. He is the one who literally can hold the life of his love in his hands. He can do with her whatever he wants to. This is where I want to remind you once again, to be safe and sane too, not only consensual. But if you can trust your partner, it feels better than anything else. The depth of emotional reward and the depth of intimacy that hubby and I have derived from this kind of being together goes beyond anything that we have ever experienced in vanilla-life. But that does not mean it is not possible there. It just means we have not found it in vanilla-relationships.  

Open your eyes

So, what you see is not what you get. You see a beating and you hear screams, you see someone burned with hot wax, you see torture, you see someone looking like a pin cushion, there might even be dark red spots from a little blood. You see her cry. Then you see her going all limp. Then you see her smile, probably after three to five minutes. So, is it time to call the police? An ambulance? Oh no, time to call for refreshments, after so much hard work. Time to cuddle and kiss. What you see is not what you get. It looks severe sometimes, but it feels like love and affection because it is just that. Those who experienced a scene want to spend time together afterwards, to find back to reality slowly. They have maybe just had the time of their lives. You can't always see it, but you can definitely feel it. It is mind-blowing, it shakes you to the core and will help you in finding your inner balance. I for one, am completely at peace afterwards. Actually I never reach that degree of inner peace in any other way. If you want to, laugh, but for me it is often enough transcendental. You may laugh at me now, but I am still at peace from last night. Om.

Sensuality

Somehow, I always stop at the mind-blowing idea, but I wanted to go beyond that. DD and D/s are  about sensuality, far more so than anything else I know. The way you can live your innermost, hidden fantasies, you  can let yourself fall into a complete scenario that you might have developed with your partner, they all add to it. The torture that she experiences creates so much arousal and desire, the trust that you have to have in your partner can help you to fall completely into this lovely place where you only feel and experience. It is beyond reason, it is pure emotion. Try to describe the kick that you can get from trusting someone completely, the dominant might get that from being in control. Imagine what it feels like to do something for the other, just for the pleasure of it, for the pleasure that the other one can have from it. When you have this partner you trust completely, think about how much you can feel, if you let him control all about you. You have no fear (unless it is part of the scene),  you can completely let go, no thought about faults, responsibilities. All you are is just the pure and raw emotional being.  You expose yourself completely to your partner in these times and as he can see you, you also see him, the real being that you are, without reservation. It is when you are completely naked emotionally. This is not about beating, but if it takes one to bring me there, I am the first in line, because it feels so good. 

Is it just me, or is it hot in here?