This is the next attempt of a sequel to Sue and Martin.
and
Sue felt every
inch of her poor bottom. She winced every time her skirt made the slightest
move. But this was what she had needed and she felt at peace as a result. If
her bottom had not hurt that much, she would have smiled. She looked around, to
catch a few more impressions of the Irish sea, from the Scottish side. Apart
from the old fishing boat that went south, only the motor boat that came
quickly closer, was to be seen on the water. As they moved towards Angus' lorry, she gave Martin a hidden smile from the side "You are a real meanie sometimes, you know?!".
Sue loved it
when Martin was so strict with her, because she simply enjoyed the strength and
this display of assertiveness he showed then. What she could not stand, was him
being seriously mad at her, though. Nevertheless, she found that she absolutely
deserved an answer. “Martin, I am not a little girl. I want to know what is
going on here. Please. I will be good, and do all you say, but
please, tell me. I can see that this is serious, because you are so tense. You can
barely speak a word. Do you think I don't notice that you are worried?” Sue was sincere. She needed this answer from him now. No
fussing, no excuses, just the plain truth. And Martin pondered whether he
should tell her or not. He seriously didn’t want to tell her because of
the implications his news would have. She’d be hurt and devastated, if not
worse. But one glance into her direction also told him that she would not be
fooled. Maybe, if he had not spanked her to her senses this short time earlier,
she would have let that topic rest; not now, though. In addition to that, she was
right, she was involved and therefore she should know, even more so, since he couldn’t be
sure that he’d always be around to keep her safe. Sue waited patiently, and
Martin’s obvious worry made her nervous, in return.
He stopped, looked at her and sighed. “Ok, I’ll tell
you what’s wrong, Sue. Your actions in Belfast have caused a lot of problems.
Everybody who is still holding a weapon over there thinks that you have brought
offers meant to weaken those groups that have not been disarmed up to now. You
know, you are the only person ever in the history of the city who has managed to
bring those sworn enemies together. If only to
bring you down for some stupid assumption that you, out of all women, are a serious
threat to them. This is the result of your colourful display in the streets of
Belfast. You went through the different quarters, wearing the wrong colours,
stopping at the wrong places, looking at the wrong people. I still have no idea
how you survived this stunt first of all, and if anything, I am as happy as can
be that you are still alive, even if I have trouble showing this to you right
now, because this whole affair drives me crazy.”
Martin halted
his barrage when he saw that Sue had understood what he had told her. He took
her arm and drew Sue with him. “Girl, they are hunting for you all over the
British Isles and I am going to make sure they won’t get you.” Tenderly, he
brushed a streak of her soft blond hair out of her face. “Come, we
have no second to lose, we have been lingering around far too long.”
Sue was
dumbstruck. She had not followed anything of what Martin had said after
‘hunting for you’. He was joking. It must have been a prank. Maybe it was a
goodbye-joke from his military friends? No. She knew that were futile hopes.
Martin had been too serious and tense lately. One look into his direction told
her that he was not up to any kind of joke at all. She wanted to sit down,
because she felt her legs falter. Now she understood. This was real danger and
no fun trip. Unable to remain standing on her own, she felt Martin catch her,
as her legs gave out. He simply took her and went on to Angus’ lorry. Martin
would not have waited if she had fainted now. “We have to get away from here.
Now!”
Sue saw
everything that followed in a haze. She was in the lorry’s cabin. From there,
she saw the sea all the time as they drove north, but she could not have said
if it was five minutes or five hours. ‘I have caused such trouble? Did that
mean everybody I have talked to was in danger?’ They stopped now and then, went
on. She heard ‘Edinburgh is blocked’ but did not comprehend what they meant.
Sue was too shocked. She couldn’t even notice Martin’s concerned face as he saw
her ponder the implications of what she had learned from him.
Martin saw her
drift away and couldn’t do anything against it. She retreated inside herself and
her eyes lost the typical vividness that only Sue had in this intensity.
Usually, her eyes would shine, sparkle, leave the impression that you could
lose yourself in them. And even when she was angry, she wouldn’t lose it. On
the contrary, Martin found her incredibly attractive and sexy when her eyes
flared and flashed in anger. She was able to let you feel every ounce of her
displeasure, just by looking at you. ‘You are more alive than anybody else I
know. Don’t lose that. Don’t let me regret that I told you the truth’, he
thought while he watched her. Martin felt as if he had doubled his sorrow by
telling her the truth.
He took her
hand, which was suddenly as cold as ice. Her vividness was gone. Martin had
seen this happen to young soldiers when they had killed for the first time. Some
of them broke and never recovered. How could Sue cope? She had no training to
help her absorb the shock and she was one of the most peaceful beings he had
ever known, maybe not suited to life-threatening conflict. He took her in his
arms, held her, but felt no reaction from her side, for the first time ever.
Even anger would have been welcomed. Martin tried to keep her warm, because she
felt like ice in his arms. He knew that even though the lorry’s cabin was
overheated, none of that reached Sue.
Although Martin
had not told a word about her friends, Sue had absolutely realized that they
could not have survived, ‘If the others have the means to stop us from reaching
safe ground, then what will be with my friends? They lived right in the lion’s
den.’ She felt her tears running as she accepted responsibility for everything
that had happened. Up to this point it had only been one of her many silly
escapades. But with two dead friends it had turned into the worst nightmare
ever. She had no idea how she should be able to cope with this guilt. She was
desperate, lost and lonely. She couldn’t look into Martin’s eyes, but was happy
that he held her in his arms throughout the journey. He was the only support
that meant anything to her and in this moment of utter despair, Martin was the
only one who gave her enough strength to live on at all. Two had died because
of her.
Beautiful as it
was, Sue did not notice anything at all from the outside world any longer.
Nevertheless, Martin
was there. She felt him, envisioned him, though not in a lorry. She saw him
right in front of her, in a hotel room in Belfast. She remembered that moment
after the spanking there. It was wonderful, because he had freed her from all
that was a burden. She waited for him to free her now, but he did not react, in
fact, he did not even move. She had his picture visualised, but he did not
speak and he did not respond at all. She spoke to him, ‘Hold me tight’, but
couldn’t hear her own voice either. Sue held him tightly at his lower arms,
though she found he was less existent than she remembered. But his smell was
there. His lovely smell was for real, therefore everything was real. She would
find a way to talk to him. Sooner or later he would understand.
When the lorry
finally reached their destination, a rather utility-like white hotel, which
looked as if it had been there for ages, with some local architect adding here
and there, Sue was completely unresponsive. She didn’t see the
middle class comfort the hotel promised for the coming and going tourists. A
construction site with an almost finished bridge loomed further back.
“We have to get to
the ferry, love.” Martin took a long look at her, then shook his head. “Can we risk
staying here for a while? Sue needs a break.” Angus nodded. “One night is safe,
they don’t know where you want to go, but tomorrow morning you’ll have to leave
again. And stay away from the road.” With that he left them. Martin and Sue
went into the hotel. Sue was more or less sleep-walking and Martin led her into
their room.
Martin kept
looking for signs of Sue’s old self returning, but to no avail. She sat where
Martin had seated her, at the corner of the bed. Her empty eyes saw the streets
of Belfast again, her friends, her, walking along, looking at people, the pubs,
their way across the Irish sea. She even remembered that she was in Scotland, Martin
was with her and then her thoughts went back to Belfast again. She imagined
explosions, gunshots, screams, dozens of possible deaths her friends might have
died. She had the feeling that she’d experience the fear that her friends must
have felt when they died. This pushed her over the edge. Sue felt desperate, as
if she was drawn down into the deep. Her memories of the short sea voyage
returned. Maybe they had been pleasant pictures, but where she had experienced
blue sky, a warm breeze and Martin, who had been with her, she now only saw
everything turning into darkest grey. She felt as if she’d drown in pitch black
sea water. ‘Help me! Anybody!’, but she was alone and nobody heard her screams.
Martin had fed
her and his grave face showed all shades of concern for her, but Sue had not
noticed any of it. He had held her in his arms, tucked her in, so that she
would sleep, and went downstairs into the hotel lobby. If anything, Martin knew
that Sue would not move an inch for the time being. He would use this time.
When he came back into the hotel room, it was as he had left it. Sue had not
moved, as Martin had known, but at least she slept. Martin’s hopes were that
some sleep would help her to process the events. ‘I shouldn’t have told her. I
am an idiot and should have foreseen what the truth would do to her. Oh Sue,
I’d do everything to protect you from harm. From now on that includes lying to
you, when I am not sure about the outcome of things. I should have handled this
affair differently from the start, even more so, since you are involved. You
want to be tough enough, but what happened is not part of your world.’
Nobody
saw how much his face reflected his inner turmoil and self-reproach. The others
were still at their heels and would very much enjoy seeing them both perish.
His hands moved up across his face and through his hair as he tried to wipe away their sorrows.
His hand went to his pistol, about the hundredth time this day.
“Sweetheart,
wake up, we have some things to do”, Martin whispered with a soft and hoarse
voice. He was afraid that she would not even hear him any longer. But she woke up, though her eyes were as empty as before. She was still lost in
her own maze. Seeing her in such a state almost broke him, since she was the one
who mattered for Martin.
If he had left her
standing there, she would have stayed where she was, for hours, and then? Maybe
shock therapy would help her? He rejected his idea immediately. He was no
psychiatrist and shouldn’t dabble with that. And for one day he had made enough
mistakes. Instead of following his gloomy thoughts, he led her to the bathroom
and undressed her. He tried to bring her back by caressing her, by massaging
her lightly where she liked it, but finally gave up, since she did not show any
reaction at all. It was as if she was numb. She'd need time to heal. He took
out the hair dye and went to work.
Finally, she was
done. Instead of her wonderful golden hair, hers was dark brown now. She looked
like a beautiful Spanish Flamenco dancer. Her fiery eyes would have completed
this impression. But they remained empty.
He put her into
the shower. Cold water gushed down on her. Sue did not even flinch and only stood
there, as if she was a marble statue. But her warm body showed goose bumps all
over. ‘At least one reaction’, Martin thought. He took her out and dried her. Like
a sleepwalker, Sue was led back to their bed. She did not notice any of it, nor
did she notice that Martin tucked her back into the cozy bed. She did not
notice that he changed his clothes into the typical backpacker style, nor that
he had taken the clothes she had worn in Belfast and thrown them away. It was
summer, it was tourist season, so they’d look like those. He had organised a
backpack and put his ammunition, clothes and what else they might need, into
it. Wary as he was, he did not bother to undress for the night. He considered
it wise to be ready and to keep watch till they could leave inconspicuously in
the early morning hours. The ferry across would not take more than five minutes
and he wanted to go as early as possible.
At sunrise, Martin had a
plain breakfast and fed Sue again. He had washed and dressed her, but
yesterday’s apathy was still there. She ate all he fed her, but she never
showed any reaction to what he did or said. She was so vulnerable, and even though her face remained blank, he could see her wince and distort her mouth slightly in some moments. He heard her sigh repeatedly and
once he thought she’d come back to reality, but she didn’t. He tied her shoes,
reciting The rabbit goes around the tree and down through the hole. He remembered it from his own childhood days
and hoped that she’d react, but to no avail.
His guilt lay heavy on him. ‘Oh God, what
have I done to you.’ He regretted each word of the truth he had told her. Nevertheless, they had to leave. When they were ready, Martin knelt down in front of
Sue, as parents do, when they want to explain their children something
important. “Sue, we have to go now. We’ll go into hiding, in a safe place.
Nobody will find us there.” He caressed her, waiting for any reaction, but
without much hope for that to happen. He took her cold hand and led her out of
the hotel, into the early morning.
