Stupidity unleashed

This week has been strange for me, after the weekend had turned me into a case of a slightly bad conscience. Actually it started on Saturday. Hubby really needed some time to find back to himself. Stressful week syndrome. Since he has been really great in giving me the feeling of being loved and having ‘us’ time, not getting that much of it left me puzzled. The lack of it was so obvious. Well, no surprise that I hate that, is it?

 

So, yeah, maybe the round-bellied one is on a hormone-high. Might be, and once hubby really had had some time for himself, all was better again, too. But Saturday was half gone by then! “Man, he really needed a lot of time for himself”, said the spoiled princess.” Not because of me?!” she added quickly with an uneasy glance into his direction. 

Hmm, the trouble was, that hubby had been pretty much away during the week, too, so I was waiting for some time together and waited, and waited, and waited. I was disappointed, at first by hubby, but after a while I was just disappointed because of the situation, not because of hubby. I did not want to get on his nerves, but I did not want to leave the impression that I would not care, either. Therefore, I went into his office, where he was, and asked if I could do anything for him. 

It quickly turned out this was a mistake, but it was too late. Hubby was pretty sleepy, and I was noisy (by accident!) when I came in. I think he would have fallen asleep if I had not interrupted him. Hubby just wanted some rest and not being disturbed by me. Ok. Now I also had a bad conscience. So I was still waiting, no idea what to do, because towards the weekend I usually have all things done. Haha, not currently….I F everything is sorted in all kinds of ways, neat, tidy, clean, spick and span, …. who says you shouldn’t do it all over again…?! With the best of intentions, I started sorting pots and Tupperware in the kitchen, because I thought once hubby was better, I could stow that away quickly and continue later, without leaving a mess.

Did I say mess? I managed to let several pots fall (two big ones for the big sounds; two small ones for the dramatic sounds; four lids, for awfully loud noise). According to the noise, I let them crash, from the counter onto the floor. If hubby had fallen asleep, he would not have slept any longer.

Right. So I just collected all the noisy kitchen things and put them aside and tried to sneak peek into the office again. I wanted to see what hubby did. Done with the best of intentions again! It was just to find out whether he slept or not. Well, he did not. And was annoyed, because he was really tired and wanted a little quiet time. Really, good job from my side! I should have watched tv or something like that. 

 So, hubby was a little vexed when I opened the door, quietly. He had been on his way to see if all was fine with me, but when he saw me peeking in, he thought that this was a bad joke from my side. Seriously, I would never do such a thing. Well, maybe I would, but not when I can see that he needs some rest. Next time I’ll just ask him to sleep and I’ll go shopping, so that he has his peace.

He actually gave me corner time! Not the standing one, only the preggo version of it. He put me on a chair, face towards a boring corner, and he was still in the room. He fell asleep in his office with me facing the corner.… wait, something was wrong! ... I had to pee about five minutes after I had been put there. Which was about four minutes after he had started sleeping. This was a real problem for me. I did not want to wake him again. I did not want to leave without his permission either. Did I mention that I did not want to pee in hubby’s office? Pantyliners are only for small accidents, so this would not help much either. 

What a dilemma. I really tried to wait. But with 36 weeks there is no real waiting, at least not for me. When baby pushes the button, the bathroom better be close by. Baby pushed twice. Therefore, I could only wait another minute and since I knew that hubby was asleep, only around two meters behind me, I tried to sneak out quietly.  

My second attempt at being soft-footed. Ta Da! I got out silently, went where baby had forced me to go to and almost sneaked back into the office …  right into hubby who had opened the door conveniently when I wanted to step in. Uh oh. “I am sorry. I had to pee and I didn’t want to wake you up this time. I could not wait. You had only fallen asleep a few minutes before. I did not want to disturb you. Not now and not the second and the first time. I only came in to help in the first place. I was only away a moment and came back without delay. I did not want to avoid cornertime. It was only because I had to go urgently. I really couldn’t wait.” Oh, I think I had that before. Had I mentioned that I love him? Hmmm, he had not really said much up to now, had he? Nothing, to be precise. This is a bad sign. Hubby made the way free for me to sit down again, in the corner.

This was a very quiet corner. It was a good one to start thinking and it did not make me feel better that I had unintentionally done everything to stop hubby from getting some kind of rest. So, I sat there and was very miserable. The disappointment that I had had because hubby wanted to relax was gone, instead I only felt bad because I had made it pretty hard for him to get any rest at all.  In a way I also felt pretty disobedient, because I had intentionally left cornertime.

There is one type of cornertime that helps get rid of guilt and helps to think positively about ways to change something. Then there is the other cornertime. This one was of that kind. It doesn’t help much, it only serves to let you realize that you did something bad. It did not take long to happen and I felt sorry for creating this silly situation. I think what worried me most was how much I must have annoyed hubby with my actions. Usually he wouldn’t be too annoyed by this, but when you are tired and strained, this might reduce any positive mood or tolerance. 

I don’t like it when hubby feels bad and I hate it when it is because of me. Yeah, so I sat there, was miserable and felt sorry and a few tears had already dripped onto my bump. ‘This will be a really wet spot’ I thought and heard a sound from behind. Hubby. He made some noises, as if he was clearing his throat. I did not turn around, but as he was not asleep and he was maybe a little better than before, I  said “I am sorry Sir”. But not in a loud way, because usually I am quiet during cornertime.  I heard him hustle and bustle behind me, but did not dare look behind. He had come closer and gave me a kiss from behind. He hugged me lightly and chuckled. I could not find this funny at all, but was so relieved in this moment that I turned around and hugged him back and let my rivers flow. But not for long. Maybe another minute before I said “I need to go to the toilet again.” ...

Hubby was laughing loud now, and ushered me to the bathroom. We went upstairs afterwards. Next stop: the bedroom. We did not talk much first, but hubby showed me in very obvious ways that we were very much in tune. I loved that. We are careful, but I am still the same sex-addict I have been for months by now. Then he told me everything I needed to hear and my bad conscience is more or less gone by now, but I still feel sort of silly for my Saturday way of acting. Ha! But at least hubby got his sleep, and after a while, when he was awake again, we had the snuggly time together we were both looking for. The situation might have been strained in the office, but the gladness I felt after that, was all the bigger.  This doesn’t mean I want to repeat the office part, though!

It took me some time to get last weekend sorted out for myself. Hubby had more or less forgotten about this on Sunday morning. But I was looking for additional signs of affection and additional moments where I could just make him feel more loved and cherished during the week. 

According to him, it was no big deal, and if he had not been that tired and his head too full with business stuff, he could have stopped me earlier, too. Ok, maybe it was not necessary for him, but I felt stupid and like a complete klutz, so it was absolutely necessary for me to be especially good for him! 

And here it is again, my weekly countdown-time:

we are in week 36! 

we are less than a month away from our due date

baby is signalling that she is more or less ready to meet me in person, I am ready, too and feel I need some serious renovation afterwards, inside and outside. 

There is no sign that baby would come now, which does not mean much, I know. But I am already excited about seeing her soon and I feel safe and supported by all around me and this gives me a lot of confidence.