Where’s my coffee?

Before anybody worries about Mathilda, I am not drinking coffee … yet, because I want to avoid anything that could cause problems for her. …But I have sipped one tiny little bit of this hot juice, just for the taste.

Oh, I have waited for the taste of my beloved coffee for almost a year, was anticipating what it would be like. I must be strangely wired, as this coffee is something I missed almost as much as I do miss spankings. Imagine the months-long torture of brewing hot, black, pure liquid ambrosia (add milk and sugar, if you like), smelling it, when it is fresh, and passing it on to your beloved husband who enjoys it then. Every time, no exception.

Well, this has been my situation up to now, but hubby allowed me this one little tiny sip this morning, only for the taste of it. It was really hot, so it was only on my lips and I took it in by tongue, waiting for the sweet bitterness to come.

…. Waiting

…. Waiting

…. ok, waited long enough.

 Mr Coffee, you disappoint me

I did not like what I tasted. The smell of fresh coffee is still unbelievably awesome, but the taste was boring. How disappointing! Nevertheless, in a way it makes me laugh, because skipping coffee as long as I am nursing will be pretty easy if the taste is that of dirty old socks. Tea, anybody?

She is there! We have our little lovely baby girl !

Somehow, most of what happened in the labour ward is in a haze and although labour really felt long, I could not tell you how long this actually took, if hubby had not told me. Monday to Tuesday night, around 3 am I woke up and at first I was not sure, but after a few minutes I absolutely knew that this was ‘it’. Not BH, not gas, not anything but real labour contractions. You know what, this made me happy, as it was the signal for what we have been waiting for all the time.

3930g, 50cm long (head circumference 37cm), healthy and with broad shoulders, like a wrestler! Well, that’s what it felt like when I pushed her out. I thought she got stuck, but she didn’t, all it takes is ‘push,…Push… P U S H !!!!!! Very good, she’s almost there, only one more time….’  Actually, when the midwife said that, she meant it. Only seconds later I had our beautiful little one on my belly. Hubby was with me, holding hands and he was as happy as can be when she protested a little. I think she was pretty tired from the last 14 hours, so she took a little nap as soon as she could. After cutting the umbilical cord and her being in my arms for a moment, hubby had some time with her while we were cared for.

Our little one has brown eyes and pretty dark brown hair, which is definitely from hubby’s side of the family, as we are all blond here from the continental side of the family. She is such a cutie with tiny hands and feet and has such a lovely smell. When she is on my belly, I have an additional cushion under my head, so that I can smell her away as much as possible. I love her smell.

Smelling her is not enough for me, though. In some moments I am afraid of waking up and finding out that all was just a dream. Sounds probably completely weird, but I cannot change that either. And in one of these moments I need to hold my little one, to actually see, touch and smell her, to believe that she is here and real. You know, she is the best that ever happened to us.

Maybe you have guessed that we had a few days in the clinic, and thank God I had a nice midwife there who helped me with latching her on the first time. I mean, it is not that it is difficult, but doing it wrong can definitely be painful, and therefore it is so much nicer if you have someone to check whether you are doing it right. 

During the last days, everything was somehow surreal. No, I am not on drugs, well, maybe on happy hormones. I must have a lot of these, as I am sweating loads of them out. Fuzz brain and what have you is here. At least I don’t have to worry about things which should be done in the household, since my mom is here to help for the first days.

Everything is somehow overwhelming. Hubby is happy,  baby is happy, I am happy, but nevertheless, now that we are back home with our little babygirl (for the name, see below), so many things are somehow different. I am always on alert, listening out for her, probably far more than necessary, but I cannot change this (and don't want to). During the last night she was really hungry and I didn’t sleep much. This was a little better the days before, when we had a two hour rhythm.

From Friday to Saturday has been my first night back at home, with a lot of restlessness, because the situation is so different from the comfortable circumstances in the clinic. There, the nurses looked after the babies for a while, so that we mommies could get some more sleep. I did that and had baby when she was hungry, crying, and during the day. Day one was a sleepy day for both of us, but then she became hungry. I love nursing, apart from that it happens around every two hours. Knowing that it would be (at least) that often and experiencing it for real are definitely not the same. Nevertheless, I enjoy these moments endlessly and experience them as deeply satisfying … with side effects.

Just as the milk coming in has been different than I had thought. I mean, my breasts have grown  during pregnancy … but now they are really heavy and have been expanding again (I think I need a 'handle with care' sticker now). 

Throughout the week their weight has absolutely increased, which seems to be good. But they are really dragging me down! Baby does get enough milk from me. Not having enough  milk for her was something I dreaded so much. Weeellll, now I wonder why, as there is more than enough in this milk bar and my worries were without any reason. 

One additional piece of advice that I got: to minimize engorgement, nurse often. For me, this is most important to obey during the nights, when I’d like to sleep, But even when baby and I are sleepy, I better nurse her around every two hours. I don't know why, but just thinking about it makes me smile.

Baby's got a name!

Our little honey bee has three forenames. The first and second are from Scandinavia, and the third one is from hubby’s family. The funny thing is that one of my friends also goes by that name. Nevertheless, apart from being written in the passport probably no one is going to use it. … Apart from me, here in Smacking Bottom.

So, I have permission to publish that our little sunshine’s third name is Mathilda. Baby has got her name now in my blog! To see her name here, published, is strange. After such a long time when Mathilda was only known as ‘baby’ here, I can use her name, which is great. 

As some of you know, hubby would not allow to tell more, which I still find pretty disappointing. Well, I can tell you Mathilda’s first and second name are the best ever, of course. :) What I also found a little vexing was that in 15 years she will probably have every detail of her life in her Facebook account, readable for everybody.

If anything of what I wrote tonight was not understandable, this might just be from me trying to tell so much and not finding the words for any of it. I don’t think that I am able to organize my thoughts clearer than this at the moment, since I am pretty excited, tired, happy and also a little bit overwhelmed (positively).

I have not even had time to see what I have missed here in Smacking Bottom during this week. I’ll try to catch up again quickly and I am sorry for not having commented. Someone kept us a little busy here, I guess.:)

I wish you all a very happy and lovely weekend!

Inducing labor - like a boss

Saturday, 4^th October. No, this is not the 'I am in labor' entry. We are still waiting. As long as it is only such a short time after the due date, most docs suggest waiting, unless there are good reasons to have your doc induce labor. But there are some methods of how to lend nature a hand, so that labor might start. I have tried a few of these methods the last two days, but have not been successful with them up to now, which doesn’t mean much, because this might simply take a little more time. Besides, today, waiting is somehow less of a problem, it doesn't chip away my patience as it did during the last week.

 

Walking. Definitely not my favourite at the moment, because I waddle pretty much. If I got it right, walking helps to put baby into the best position. Yes, as if you had not guessed it, the aim is your pelvis again, walking might help in getting baby lower down into your pelvis.

Sex. My favourite (what a surprise). Whether orgasms might help to induce labor is still disputed. But it might just be what it takes to start labor. First of all, in semen is a substance that resembles (or is it identical? Not sure) a hormone that a pregnant woman produces to prepare the cervix for delivery. So, you know where to put this. The lovely contractions from your own orgasm might also just be enough to let the uterus start actual labor.

We have been in the favourable position that sex is still allowed. Maybe I should say  ‘I have been in the favourable position’! :) It is a lot of hard work, but someone ‘s got to do it… The work is hubby’s job. :)

I have primrose oil here and am allowed to take it, but have not, because I don’t like meddling with my body by using substances without a really good reason behind it.

Primrose oil also softens up the cervix and it might therefore help dilating. But I think this is definitely N O T for every pregnancy. If there have been problems with the placenta, this is probably a no-no. And I have asked doc and midwife whether this would be ok, and got all thumbs up.

Something which I cannot really do is eat spicy food. It is supposed to help with digestion and that might somehow help to start contractions in your uterus?! I cannot comment on that one, because I cannot try. I simply get heartburn immediately, from everything spicy, sweet or too salty.

There is another one that I have not tried yet. Massage. This is about the levels of a hormone called oxytocin, it is one of the feel-well-hormones and it is connected to starting labor. Massage can increase this level and therefore can help. I know that you release this hormone in other situations too, e.g. cuddling and being in a warm bed, possibly sleeping. And, surprise, surprise, in our family most moms-to-be had labor start at night. So sleeping, cuddling, being in a cozy place is  maybe just what it takes…after a long walk.

There are absolutely more methods that might help induce labor naturally, and I guess just as many myths about others, such as castor oil. If in doubt, I'd always ask the medical experts, and getting on their nerves is definitely better than doing anything that might cause harm. 

I wish you all a lovely weekend !

Late night baby name trouble edition

No, nothing has changed yet. This is 2nd October, currently 10.30 pm and baby is still in me (teasing me from the inside with kicks). River, this means you only have another ninety minutes to win in Europe, but I think there is still much more time in the US. :) 

Yep, so we are still waiting. No big news. But nevertheless, there was real trouble here today. It was about baby's name. I thought it wouldn't be a problem to publish her first name here, and mentioned that to hubby en passant. Others have published more and therefore I thought 'no big deal'. But hubby would not allow to give away names. 

Well, the name issue led hubby and me directly into conflict. That was awful. I didn't want to argue, but thought I could just give you the first name. Nope. If I had not given in, hubby would have pulled the plug on my blog. He was serious. This was really sobering. He was not out for a fight either, but would not let me give away her name. He might be right, I'll grant him that. But when he forbade this out of all, I was so frustrated that I could only cry.... at first.

.... I didn't give up that easy. And I did not break any rule either with my approach. Hubby doesn't want me to give away information that would make it easy to find us. Ok, I am with him there. But seriously, I don't believe that the name of a newborn would be found in one out of a huge number of blogs and connected to us. I know that basically, hubby is right, but I thought that there is no real risk. Hubby had doubts, so he wouldn't give in. I did not want to annoy him either, since there would be no discussion at all then, but if the first name is the problem, what about the others?!

In the end hubby gave me expressed permission to use the last of baby's forenames, because this is the one nobody else will use. Well, maybe baby will hear her complete name only when she is in really big trouble, at least that was when my parents used my complete name on me.

The argument we had was something I could have foreseen, as it is about something which is important for us. Nevertheless, I had not thought that I would create a problem at all, by using baby's name. And if the first you hear then is something like 'No way José', it is like running against an invisible wall.

So, for anonymity's sake, we have compromised and although this is a little bit disappointing, I am happy that I can use one of baby's names at all in my blog. It makes writing about her so much nicer and more personal (absolutely sure it's a baby girl, but only hubby knows for sure).

Maybe this is the last countdown for a while ...

We are in week 40 and our due date was 

yesterday!

One day more doesn't make us overdue, btw. 

The due date is an estimate, and the normal time for delivery is somewhere two weeks before and after this date. 

As far as I know, 'overdue' only starts two weeks after the due date.

Seriously, I am more than ready now.

Still waiting .... but sooner or later....

This morning, at my doc's, they checked my weight again. It has been a little depressing at times, to see it go up bit by bit over the months. But then again, eating like a horse can also be a great experience. :-)

Wait, the best is yet to come. I have eaten more lately again and thought I'd be in for a real shock that would probably start labour, ... but .... tata.... I have actually lost weight again. Only roundabout 600 grammes, but suddenly I feel so thin again. :-D

My first question was, if everything was ok with baby, but my doc told me that it is pretty normal and often happens towards the end of pregnancy. Nothing to worry at this late stage.

Hear me? Towards the end of pregnancy!!  Baby?!

Still waiting.

The good news is that according to my doc, I should go into labor soon, it could start any moment. I am not dilated yet, but it seems that my cervix is more than ready, soft and in position. I wanted to know what 'soon' actually means, but she said that things could change quickly ... or not.


Don't be worried about my mental state, by the way. I have given up being normal long ago (very liberating) and currently I have also reached a new all time high at being a fuzz brain. Obviously, I have thrown away some freshly sun dried laundry. Into the dustbin. Hubby found it yesterday and I only recollect that I had folded it in the garden, as we had great weather, and I also remember that I enjoyed the thought of not having to do any kind of laundry at the weekend. This really was satisfying for me, it felt as if all was finished for the moment! I was absolutely convinced that it was all in the wardrobe, not in the bin.

Hm, is this considered child-labour?

(source: http://news.distractify.com/people/amazing/amazing-products/)

I think they seriously sell this onesie somewhere. Funny idea, but my mom told me that I put everything in my mouth for at least the first 18 months, and I know I wouldn't want baby chewing on dusty fringes more than she will do anyway, without giving her that onesie.

I will be so obedient!

Everybody, have a great start into your week.

Still learning patience ... with Lucy!

Hi, just a quick note, first of all, we are still waiting for baby. So, I need to be patient. I have not really thought that I was impatient, but obviously, since this is not the first time that I wish baby out, I must be completely wrong. 

Anyways, the reason why I actually am writing here today is an unexpected surprise. The 'I love Lucy' dvds that we had ordered have arrived unexpected early, so we will have a chance to watch some of it before I go to the clinic. 

Uhm, the plan is to watch a little this evening, so baby might still prevent us from watching tv, but so far, I don't feel any different from yesterday and don't expect baby to come today.

...I am expecting, these are the last days before the due date,  

admittedly... I am really treading on thin ice when I write I don't expect baby to come today.

I wish you all a lovely weekend!

Patience required

I am well-seated, calm, relaxed. Om.

... Om

---Om .... !...!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm, doesn't seem to help much lately. I'm restless, inside out. Hubby found me almost stuck in the oven this morning. Final cleaning, but he insisted that all was spick and span, tidy, clean, desinfected, new, replaced when necessary, folded, put away, labled and sorted. 

.... He is right.  Anyway, hubby banned me from all activities which might lead to me putting my head into some machine. 

So, in a way, all I do is waiting for baby to come. I have not written a note for my blog yet, saying that my water broke. I will hopefully have something ready by tonight. But I cannot even be sure that I will recognize it when it starts. I might just try to take another warm bath and 'suddenly' I am having a water birth? 

Actually one of my bigger concerns is about water breaking. I have seen in some films that pregnant  women have somewhere in their bump a water tank right next to their baby. I mean, I know that baby really fills me out pretty much to the limit. There cannot be that much water I'd say. So, my water might break and all I do is change the pad, because it is just like any other sneeze-leak experience I have had? Wait, the best is yet to come: my doc told me that water breaking often enough does not happen naturally, instead it would be done by medical personnel.

Since this is the beginning of week 39 for us :-), I feel pretty safe and cared for, and I want labour to begin. I think that we have come such a long way, the first time ever and with no catastrophic experience, that in some way I can enjoy to just let it happen (soon, please!). Yes, I am slightly nervous about giving birth, but somehow we have been through all the details so often that I don't feel uninformed or not prepared. I can handle that and actually I am pretty confident, paired with being afraid of some embarrassing things happening during delivery. And right now I feel I can handle these too. I am also sure I can care for baby's physical well-being, I have learned what I need to know, I have been told what I need to know, in addition, I will be shown more when baby is there. 

And then? 

I want our little one to feel loved, cared for in more ways than just the physical basics, of course. I want her to feel safe and want to see her happy, like in really happy. I am curious how well we can do that and currently this is where my self-confidence leaves me. This is a big load of responsibility we will have for baby and now it is so overwhelming when I think about it. Hubby doesn't seem to have this insecurity at all and in a way that makes it even worse for me and I feel somehow inadequate. Urgh. I have to switch off the over-analyzer immediately. Sorry for the last lines. This is not supposed to be a down post and maybe all I need is more time to get used to the idea. Up to now thinking about what comes after delivery was so surreal and suddenly reality kicks me in the shin full force.

So, with a final Om 

I proudly present ourselves in week 39!

And I hope you all have a great Wednesday, 

not too many doubts about your own capabilities 

and 

I wish you an even better second half of the week!