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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The Ok-timebomb


Yesterday, early in the morning, hubby saw me when I entered the kitchen with Tilda. “Hey, there are my two lovely girls! Good morning.” He was in a hurry, came over, hugged, we cuddled and without me having said anything I got one of his long looks and he asked “Are you ok?” I thought I was, seriously, only a little tired. Hubby left, but he was not too sure that I was right. He is my reader, but if you block off reading is not always easy, is it?
 
Tilda and I kept ourselves busy throughout the morning and I told her the newest stories about Mr and Mrs sock who went on a stroll, they went here, tickle tickle, and there tickle tickle, tickled the tummy, kissed the cheek, well, you get the idea. Laundry time is fun time. :)
Hubby made a short visit for lunch, which means there is not much time, but he got me into talking about my 3rd granny. He did not ask whether I was ok verbally, he asked by looking at me, and I did not tell anything, because I thought all was under control; I am maybe tired. He got his answer nevertheless. ->I cannot even buy a birthday present secretly because it shows in my face and I am excited like a four-year-old and want to tell and everybody knows what’s going on. So, I am one of those who has to tell “I have a birthday present for you, but don’t ask me what it is because that would spoil the fun.” 

After lunch I had time to look at my emails. In Cat’s comment about Cora she had asked whether I was ok and I still thought I was, but this was the third time that I was checked on and actually it was the first time that I wondered about it. I had been worried all the time because of my 3rd granny. She is currently in hospital and we had no news on Monday. She’ll be there at least till Friday and maybe later today is the only chance for us to visit her there this week. “It’s only a short stay” she said and I do get that she doesn’t want too many visitors or phone calls. No, I don’t really get it, maybe some. I don’t want her to feel lonely and I know she must feel that way, because she wants distance at the moment. Not from me, from everybody. :(

The last wake-up came from Amy later Monday afternoon. She had called and it has taken her about three words to interrupt me and tell me to let it all out. She had thought about my granny and knew beforehand that I’d have difficulties. We talked a long time, but all in all more about very old memories, because they start coming up with force these days. But I did feel much better from talking about it too, some stupid memories are there but I can handle that. I get a lot of support, online and at home, so, once the first days of March are over, all will be fine again.

But I do admit that there are too many things going on that bother me. I woke up last night, couldn’t sleep on, went to my easel, taped some paper on it and made some drafts. If Amy had seen any of these she’d have been worried, because she would have recognized them immediately as she has been through this with me and because of me. But I am not going to worry her more than I already have. She does not deserve any of that. I threw the drafts away and that made me feel really good.

Nevertheless, I wish that I had a ‘be an enigma-day’, only once a year, so that nobody could read me this easy and a down-time like this could quickly be forgotten again because nobody notices. Only one day, because otherwise I do not want to have any walls up, they are horrible because they stop those we love and who love us. 
 

Tuesday morning, I am certainly hormonal and still worried, but all it took to be better was Tilda. I breathed my little honey-bee in, we cuddled and played and she will help with the laundry again. :D  Maybe you know that there are moments when more sun and a complete make over are in order. I think right now I am there.
I don’t know how Tilda would cope if I was not blond, had a darker colour instead and the hair were shorter. Hmm, hubby is not strictly against it, but I’ll see that I do only something he likes to see. We’ll discuss that in detail and maybe my willingness to cut off hair will leave again, but I’d like a change. If I do change my style it could mean that the next baby would see me dark-haired first. Definitely no baby yet, but we are currently doing all it takes, with a lot of pleasure. :) So, it is not only the blahs here, but some worries have overshadowed the last days so much more than I was aware of. 






And even more so now
I hope that you all have a wonderful and awesome week 
with lots of kisses!

16 comments :

  1. I will have a great week and hope you do the same. Your picture reminded me of someone who used to blog - her name was Betsy and that picture was her avatar.
    MAKE it a great day. Hugs

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sunny, thank you, we are working through this here, slowly. I only want my granny to be better again, that would help best. But I also try to make days good and Tilda always cheers me up. I have never seen a blog with this picture before, but it is a lovely one. :)

      hugs

      Nina

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  2. Oh Nina--I am praying for your 3rd granny, and wishing you strength and courage. Little Tilda is a lucky little girl to have you and your hubby--your hubby sounds very intuitive and caring :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Autumn, thank you for your prayers, they mean a lot to me and I am sure this will help my granny. She is having surgery tomorrow and only afterwards we’ll see how this will continue, but the doctors want to start chemo quickly. I only want her feel better and be safe. And I always think we are the lucky ones, because we have Tilda. :) Hubby is caring, he knows I am not at my best and he knew it before I did. Hey, I am going to ask him tonight for what you got from your husband (Begging for it), just to get rid of all the worries and more.

      hugs

      Nina

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  3. Aww Nina! :) Big hugs to you and little Tilda! Babies can be such bright lights- they bring such joy! Sorry that you have such worries. Lean on that loving man of yours. Thinking of you and hope that your week gets better and better. Let's all have a great week ahead! More hugs,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Katie, thank you for the hugs, we do need a lot of them these days. :) Mathilda is my bright light and joy, and a week like this shows it more than ever. For the first days this week I had trouble and some only because I was not aware of what was going on. That’s better now and hubby helps so much to make me worry less. I just hope that especially tomorrow will bring good news for us, and I want to make this a good week too! I hope you are having a wonderful week at your mom’s (read your entry).

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Sending lots of prayers and healing energy for your 3rd granny Nina. Part of TTWD is communication...let your hubby help you with your feelings...don't bottle them up. Give Tilda a hug and a tickle from her auntie Cat. ;)

    Big Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    Replies
    1. Hi auntie Cat, thank you for this, you made me smile a lot, because of the ‘auntie’ and because I tickled Tilda a little in your name. She loves this, it’s wonderful and she can go on for ages with these games. You are so right, we do talk, but I really have times when I wouldn’t see what’s going on if my life depended on it. And I had bottled my feelings up, without seeing that at all. It is obvious for everybody around and I am glad that I have been poked several times on Monday. The worries are there and we will only know more tomorrow, but I can let it all out again. I hope for a very much needed relief tonight, nothing naughty, only a way out and I am going to ask hubby for it. I haven’t had this for a very long time and wish for hubby to help me with this.
      Thank you so much for the prayers and healing energy. At the moment my granny does need that for sure and I pray that all will be good for her.

      hugs

      Nina

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  5. Hi Nina, oh am thinking of you all,especially your third granny. I hope her stay in hospital is a short one. Hope you can just lean on those around you for now. hug to Tilda
    love Jan,xx

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jan, thank you so much. I wish so much for my granny to recover. Tomorrow she’ll have surgery and afterwards we’ll see how fast she’ll heal. After my post it was already better, and I do have hubby and Amy in the first place to lean on, and if that doesn’t work, I go and create more quality time with Tilda. Hubby and I will have our own quality time and tension relief tonight (I hope), because there won’t be much sleep anyways. Thank you for the hug, Tilda loves them a lot. :)

      hugs

      Nina

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  6. Keep breathing your little honey bee, Tilda will help you through this. Prayers for your third granny.
    hugs
    DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi DF, I breathe Tilda in whenever I can, thank God she likes all the attention she gets because of that. :) Thank you for the prayers, I am happy about them and I am sure this helps.

      hugs

      Nina

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. sorry, only placed the comment in the wrong spot :)

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  8. Sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers Nina, and huge ((hugs)). I'm sorry to hear about your 3rd Granny and hope het hospital stay is short. Keep breathing in Tilda and give her a hug for me:) I'm glad your husband reads you. Lean on him.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Hi Roz, thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they do mean a lot to me and I know they will help my granny. Currently we are waiting for news from the hospital and hope that all will be good for her. Just like Tilda I am glad about all the hugs I can get, thank you in her and my name for them! Hubby is great and he has made it possible for me to calm down much more. I do feel how he did it on my bottom today, but it helped more than anything. I didn't even have to ask for it. :) He is there and I do lean on him and don't bottle up. Thank you once again Roz and ...

      many hugs :)

      Nina

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