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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Batman, Joker and pirate queen edition



(The title is less arbitrary than it sounds!) We were good with choosing food that I can eat, so that Mathilda is comfortable. Now, over the last days I have been busy, which is no real surprise with a newborn. We are happy that Mathilda is there, we are grateful for the help and support we receive from family and friends (see below), and I think we could do far worse, and apart from some bumps in the road we are doing fine.



This is the part where I am not on Batman's side for a reason
Nevertheless, the last three days and nights have not been too brilliant, because I have been awfully moody, not that I let it leak out too much, but hubby knows, my mom and my best friend too. This is not like me. Uhm wait, maybe with pms it is, but that’s far away. :-) 

Usually I am not negative at all, but during the last few days I had some of these moments when I was angry with myself because I don’t do more than caring for Mathilda, which means I have a really bad conscience in some moments when I see others doing things for me, while I sit or am even sent to bed. This is like a conflict in me, because I know perfectly well that we have arranged all help since the first weeks after birth are strenuous. Yeah, then there is the other side saying that I should be able to do more, like other moms who gave birth and never had a break.

Sitting around or even sleeping, while hubby, mom, friends, sisters, do the work around the house, sucks a lot. I know it is meant as a nice gesture, and I appreciate it so much, but I also get a bad conscience from it, and that’s awful. It doesn’t always last long (fuzz brain is there to help nursing moms forget such things, isn’t it?), and one of the best things for me to get over this has been talking about it; that, and holding my little one. 

This is what I am absolutely happy about: none of this negativity is connected to Mathilda in any way. I don’t know if I were able to cope with that, and I also know that other women have such problems and end up with a post partum depression.

I have had some really silly mood swings during the last days, from crying for no reason to laughing just ‘because’. I am not really into Batman and all the other super hero insomniacs, but this reminded me a lot of the Joker (Heath Ledger), and I think my make-up looked almost the same too at that time! But all in all, it is getting better again, otherwise I would not have had enough distance to see what I am actually doing and everything would sound far more like an emergency. Hmmm, maybe it just helps that Mathilda and I have found a rhythm which I am adapting to.

Hubby doesn’t really want me to spend time doing more than nursing, sleeping, changing nappies and having tummy time with Mathilda. But I am not overdoing things by writing this text either. I am tired as a log, sure, but not completely depleted yet (not moody!) and need the distraction. I know, not sticking to the ‘baby sleeps, you sleep’ has its disadvantages. However, I couldn’t resist watching a bit tv last night (Germany’s got talent; but there are also some participants who obviously are talent-free), and even went online for a short while, just to have some distraction. LoL, Willie caught me immediately and I was sent back to bed even from there! (hugs for that, Willie!). 






Feel-good ideas for the pirate queen
The reason for my sleeplessness is so lovely that she can make me smile just from thinking about her. Now, if that isn’t positive, I don’t know. 

Some of the things that helped me during the last days were maybe silly, but they worked. I know that I have dark under-eye circles at the moment and even though we only do short walks outside, I do use my make-up, as a treat for myself. Concealer is my new best friend! Another treat are comfy, wide clothes that make me feel good and don’t let me look like a complete mess. Ok, my vanity has been pampered enough with that, and maybe healthier than the last two feel-good ideas is getting out into the sun/rain/wind. For me, wrapping Mathilda up and being out with her for a short walk is real fun and the fresh air literally is enough to blow away any bad mood. 

Nonetheless, what has been most helpful was talking. There are ups and downs, which I know is normal. Some of these are trivial for experienced moms, some are just the overwhelming kind, some are simply silly but if I had to keep it all in, I’d explode sooner or later. Now, that would create a real mess, wouldn’t it? So, Mathilda and I roam the house, and when we want to talk, we simply enter the kitchen, as there is almost always one who can just listen in such a moment.  … And if not, Mathilda and I simply do the dishes. Believe it or not, this makes me almost feel like the pirate queen, as if I did something forbidden, but at the same time it is a big adventure. 






 I hope you all have a lovely Sunday!

8 comments :

  1. As I had a c-section I had little choice on the help front, I really couldn't do much physically for several weeks, simply standing up (I was like a stooped old woman) took gritted teeth. I don't think it matters how you give birth, you have to rest when you are given the opportunity, because that's it, you can't make them for yourself if your baby wants to be fed NOW.
    As for the blues / moodiness, it is natural. All women have some kind of drop triggered by the lost of progesterone, some feel it more than others. It has no indication for post-partnum depression. Breast feeding does help reduce the likelihood. Remember fatigue and extreme tiredness make you feel depressed. I quickly recognised my low points coincided with my worst nights. Once my sleep improved, the blues lifted. When you're ready, get out, walk, baby groups, keep busy, but don't over do it.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. DF, I am so sorry that you had to go through the c-section. I have only seen what a friend of mine had to endure and she was in pain for long weeks. Stooped old woman fits pretty well, for sure!
      And you are absolutely right about the opportunities to get rest, I’ll try to be better, because not using my chance to sleep is silly and invites a lot of trouble.

      I wouldn’t want to think that I’d develop a depression and actually believe I am not even close to that. I think a serious signal for that is also that you retreat more and more into yourself, and do not talk. A bit baby blues? Yes, probably, though I think it has not hit me as hard as it could have, because my mood swings absolutely went into both directions, from sadness to silliness, and there were hours between one fit to the next, so I have somehow been lucky with that, I guess. I won’t overdo things and really try to rest! … I’ll go to bed again right now, good night!

      hugs

      Nina

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  2. Yup...all normal stuff. The horror moans leaving the body. Night sweats yet? Man those are fun....NOT!

    As for your guilt KNOCK IT OFF! Listen your job is milkmaid right now. You are very fortunate to have help, use it. Enjoy it. Embrace it. It doesn't matter that other Mom's might not have. You feeling guilty is never going to change that. And TRUST me, when the daily help is gone, and sweet baby is throwing up. or messed through everything, and the dishes are ten feet high....you'll miss this time! LOL.

    Walk and talk that is what I did too. I never stopped talking to our babies. Now they never stop interrupting me! LOL Getting outside is so wonderful for both of you. A change of scenery does a world of good, and no messy house to come home to!

    One more thing about the help, have you ever considered how important it is to THEM that they are helping you? How good it makes them feel? Don' take their usefulness ( as they can't breastfeed) and joy away by feeling guilty. Now get back to BED! lol

    love willie

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    1. Hi Willie, … night sweats yet? I have my own rubber boat in bed as a safety measure against drowning! It does not even matter whether it is cold or warm in the room, that only changes how much milk I leak out at night.
      You are definitely right that we are very fortunate because of the help we get. I do appreciate it and try to enjoy it, too, but can only sometimes sit back and not be fidgety.
      Walk and talk is great, and getting home to the clean house is really pretty cool and more than I would have expected (though I could have known). My thinking never went beyond our good elves preparing some meals and lending a hand when carrying laundry. But this has developed into a complete take over! And, yes, our good elves love doing this, so I should better learn to let them do their good deeds without me complaining. :-) You are right, I think I’d really disappoint them a lot if my appreciation was mixed too much with guilt. I’ll try harder, though doing the dishes has never been so tempting! Yes, ma’am, off to bed! :D Thank you!

      love

      Nina

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  3. So right, all normal then.
    The first couple of weeks after I gave birth reminded me a bit of my teenage years when, as my hormones changed rapidly I could find myself crying or laughing or even doing both together (!) and not knowing why.
    I think mums are expected to get back to 'normal' too soon now a days. When my mum had me she was made to stay in hospital for 10 days after the birth and then on light duties at home. Often people are in and out of hospital so quickly now and can be expected to get up and on with stuff too quickly.
    Your body needs to rest and recover (and make lots of milk!) accept all help and make the most of it without feeling any guilt.

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    1. Hi Janey, yes, probably all normal, I hope. I am glad that you wrote about ‘not knowing why’, because this has been unsettling for me, when it happened.

      You are absolutely right, women do get back to normal too quickly these days. I do not even mean myself with that, because I am only on baby care and milk production duty, so this is far better to deal with than many others have it. Well, and I am learning to appreciate what our good elves do without feeling guilt. I try hard!

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Hi Nina, I'm glad you and Mathida are getting into a good rhythm. It sounds as though things are going well :) I agree with the others about the guilt. Accept the help and enjoy the time bonding with your precious little one:)

    Had to giggle at Willie sending you to bed. That sounds familiar, she is so bossy :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, we are doing well, and I am learning my new lesson in acceptance. Oh, and we do love our time together. Mathilda loves being on my tummy. Uhm, I love her on my tummy, too, this is marvelous and we both sleep well in that position. She has both eyes closed, I try to keep one open, but doze off, too.

      LoL, Willie caught me red handed when I went online, instead of sleeping. I have no idea how this google+ chat works, and suddenly this chat window popped up and left me dumbfounded. I imagined Willie with a critical look, like hubby and my best friend do in such moments and I had to giggle too, but did as told, because she was right and I really felt very much caught by her. :)

      hugs

      Nina

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