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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

This is a grey day

Mathilda news
Tilda is fine .... I am being followed by her. I mean when I am close by, she looks at my movements, and she can smile now while being awake, obviously she has entertainer qualities, because she tells herself things and is pleased, according to the noises. Well, and she still sleeps a lot. 
And we can play silly nursery or counting rhymes now. Itsy bitsy spider is one of our favourites, and one of the German ones is great too (Das ist der Daumen). They are great to count along Tilda's fingers and toes and guess what, it appears to be all new for her. Every time of the 999 times we have done it! ... She is persistent with this and her excitement is so cute. She stiffens her arms every time I count her fingers or toes. Every time!

She is far less excited when I feed her, though. There she takes her time, drinks a little, enjoys, drinks again, enjoys, drinks a little, ... you get the idea. If anything, trying to rush would make Tilda angry. She's relaxed, but not lazy. I need a little patience, sure, but actually she is easy to please, because she lets me know without doubt when she has finished lunch. She is not dawdling around all the time.

A friend of mine has a daughter who does that. Drinking, then only playing with mom's nipple in her mouth, maybe drinking again, playing with the nip. ... She should have been a boy, I'd say.


Black is not a colour, but it is my favourite one for now! Urgh!
Thank you so much for colours! I do not usually wear many dark clothes, but I have learned one, no two things by now.
1. Leaking can occur anytime, anyplace, usually in the most inopportune of moments possible.
2. Praise the Lord for black tops and pullovers. You cannot see the wet spots. But you can see every single goose bump on my nip if I wear a white shirt and forget the nursing pad. I'd win any wet T-shirt contest that way, I am sure.


It's the small things, too
This week has somehow not been too awesome yet. Therefore, when I started writing this, my mood was not really good. I think what's wrecking me is that hubby is pretty busy. It is midweek, so I cannot expect any other and don't want to. I simply feel more intensely this week that he has less time at the moment. Maybe you know what this is like, somehow all is fine but then again, you are not.

Sometimes they are only little things, and today, I can give a few outward reasons why I am not at my best, nevertheless, I am guessing a little, because I don't know for sure. So, I have a wee cold, am a little cranky, want to go to bed only, hubby is not here, friends are busy having a life (how dare they?! :D ), the outside world is grey, and I get a depression from having to wear black. Maybe it is this brooding that brings me down. I don't do that usually and believe that it is very unhealthy. Over-analyzing, yes, all the time, though I stop that often enough as it is an infinite supply of creating trouble. I think this has been the first day for ages where we only had one short appointment in the morning, but otherwise, nobody was visiting or calling.

Add to that, when Tilda and I went out in the morning, I thought the grey colour of this day was awful. Usually being out with Tilda is cool and invigorating, because of the fresh air, cold faces, we are both busy and I can tell her something about the world around her. But today? Not bad, but not too good either.

Gloomy times suck. But there are days when all it takes is a little incentive to make them awesome. If possible I want to do all so that our days here are awesome too. After lunch I decided that this was going to be a day that would be awesome in a way. (Another cunning plan of mine :D )

So, first I got some hot and healthy tea, then I put on my brightest red T-shirt, pads were fresh and dry, and even if I'd soak them, it wouldn't matter, as hubby is fascinated by my wet spots. This is where I want my sex drive back!
Second, light, give me light and more light, let it be bright. Much better! I switched it on after lunch, but early in the evening we actually switched most light off in the living room. It was cozy, Tilda and I on the sofa, we had done a lot of nursery rhyming today. When I put things in her hand, she grabs and holds them now, too. In a way, we had a half-lazy afternoon. There were a few chores, but apart from being around Tilda and playing a little with her, there was not much to be done. It was an easy day. I could not sleep, although I know I should have, but that was ok. Instead Tilda and I made it a quality time afternoon. Accordingly, the day was much better than its start. Hubby has returned by now, too, my best friend called, right after hubby returned. Hubby got dinner and afterwards Tilda had hers. Suddenly life is much brighter again.





Sorry for the jumpy thoughts, 
seems some sleep is in order now.
I wish everybody an awesome and most fantastic second half of the week!

10 comments :

  1. Hang in there Nina...please don't put so much pressure on yourself...your body is still adjusting and overcast days are hard on our moods. Hey lady...go ahead bright colors...if you leak...so what! That's what nursing mothers do sometimes. Right now, only you, Tilda and your husband are important...everything and everyone else can wait. Sending lots of positive energy your way. BTW...sometimes when I am in a blue mood, happy upbeat music will help...just a suggestion.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    Replies
    1. Hi Cat, today is much better again, and I am wearing bright colours. Not matching, just bright and colourful and that helps. You are right, I am still adjusting, and sometimes just (want to) forget that. The leaking is ok, actually the only man I absolutely don’t want to see me leaking is our postman. That would embarrass me more than anything else. I don’t even mind nursing in public, so I don’t think I am prudish or something, but the postman? No thanks.

      I hope that I will never ever forget that hubby and Tilda are all that matters. I think that would be the most horrible day ever and I do manage to step back from other things. … Sometimes with the well-meant and loving hand of hubby. He also says that I can take my time, because anything else would only create tension where there should be love and connection. Wise man. And sometimes it is easier to listen and sometimes I need somebody to hammer the message home. Repeatedly. I do hope that these grey days are not there too often, because I don’t like that and also feel a bit as if I betrayed Tilda and hubby. Thank you for sending positive energy, and I believe that such things do help, so this means a lot to me. Hey, I did not have the idea with the loud happy music until it was far too late yesterday, but I did turn up the music in the morning, and that was awesome. I was singing in the kitchen, it was more like screaming from the top of my lungs … and I loved every moment of it. I couldn’t do it for long, though, because I couldn’t hear Tilda with the music turned up, but this was great.

      quiet warm hugs

      Nina

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  2. Being a new mum is an up and down emotional ride. There are grey days, and sunny days, energy peaks and troughs. I was told it takes up to 6 weeks for the milk flow to regulate, then those boobies settle down, so maybe black tops will fade into white ones :)
    hugs
    DF

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    Replies
    1. Hi DF, you are absolutely right with the ups and downs, and also about the milk flow. In general it has become better with leaking, but there are moments when it simply happens. I am not bothered by it at all, well, but I also don’t want to show everybody too many details of my girlies if I can avoid it. I’ll gladly change the black tops back to white, or any other light and bright non-black top. That’s something worth waiting for too. … and a very valid excuse to go shopping for clothes then.

      hugs

      Nina

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  3. ((Hugs)) Nina, I'm glad your day ended much brighter :)

    Hugs
    Roz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Roz, oh yes, it really did end much better and this was one of the days where I needed positive thinking so much and it made a difference.

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Right now you are looking at life through sleep deprived eyes and mind and see still a rainbow at the end. Good for you. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Leigh, the first half of the day was pretty dreary, but I think we made the best out of it in the afternoon. Besides, just writing it all down helps making it better again.

      hugs

      Nina

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  5. Gray & gloomy days are hard for most people NiNa, but for a new mama whose hormones are still trying to balance out it can be worse-so take it easy on yourself ; ). Nursing is wonderful for you & for Tilda but it adds a hormonal component also- mostly for the good but over all being a new mama is a bit of an emotional roller coaster! But one I wouldn't trade for the world- sounds like you are really having fun with your little love & she is having fun with you also, that is so wonderful! Thanks for the rainbow-I hope the rest if your week is great also!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Scarlet, you are right, the roller coaster is still around, though not as bad as in the beginning anymore. I love nursing, the peace of it and it is the time when there is just the two of us, no matter who else is around. I might lose this later, with all the routine, I don’t know. But at the moment I just love this about nursing, it is very fulfilling and absolutely wonderful, even at night, though we are both sleepy then.
      Oh hey, the rainbow was really necessary, anything too bleak would have brought me down, and in the afternoon and later it was all much better again. Hopefully hubby has a bit more time, then all should be well for us.

      hugs

      Nina

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