I've got a cunning plan

Last year's September I started my blog as some kind of diary where I would write about domestic discipline, bdsm, our lives, the good and the bad. This was the original idea and I had absolutely no idea that I'd ever write more about pregnancy than about dd. Besides, writing about dd was good and I did not want to wait until Mathilda turns 18, so, here I am. No spanking yet, but nevertheless, I am writing dd-related, at last.

Anticipation before Christmas

Somehow this Christmas is my magic date for returning to some of the original topics. Hubby and I would like to start some kind of spanking again around Christmas, and we'll just see if this works out.

There might be one or two things speaking against it, but nevertheless, I'd love to try it, to get some (oh heck, a lot!!) kind of our 'old normal' back (sort of). 

Well, and I don't have to ask hubby about starting spanking again, I have eyes to see how he measures my bum and now, that I can already take light slaps, I get some of those, the lovely and soft ones. 

Then again it is quite obvious for us that I am not ready for more than that yet, neither physically nor mentally. This must sound so strange, but the physical aspect is a challenge for me. I am feeling quite well, but I simply could not take any spanking now. Not even one of the soft, lovely ones. I am afraid that I'd just go to pieces. I am fine, don't get me wrong, but not yet able to cope with much more than the good vibes. Confusing. I could get what I crave, but if I did, it might be too much to cope with for the moment.

Since we are doing fine (feels like another kind of honeymoon period, but with rings under the eyes), our worries are only about Mathilda, when she's maybe crying more than usual ... or keeping me awake longer than I'd imagined. :D Nevertheless, at the moment, I am a little afraid of more demanding situations that will come sooner or later.

So, what's my plan? Sleep more, recollect my senses, be more able to cope with the new again. .... And ask for more ... spankings! (in the longer run)

Why that? I have learned a lot about us this year, most of it was only possible because we had to give dd a sort of major break. Sure, I had alternative discipline, like cornertime, no tv, short computer time  or early bedtime, and it served its purpose. But it was incomplete, compared to what we had before. DD without spanking, the physical experience of it, is so different. 

I don't say it is better or worse, but I felt this lack of being held responsible in a physical way, to the extreme. Hubby too, because there have been a few situations when he would have loved to put me over his knees.

The 'other me'

From my side of things I can only say that I have tried hard, very hard (I mean it!) to be good for hubby. This was because I did not want to fail him or use my pregnancy as an excuse for being stupid and irresponsible. On the contrary, I wanted the opposite. Well, there have been times where I simply could not think, remember or act responsibly. Did I mention forgetfulness? But hubby knew this was not because I am trouble, so he was really patient and comforting. 

This must have been hard for him, too, but I am happy that I had him at my side in these moments. During the last months I was so grateful for his leniency that I don't have the words to express it. He sometimes simply knew that it was the 'other me' who did not know what she did. Hmmm, tricky, sounds a bit too much like a split personality, doesn't it? :) For the record, I felt great while pregnant, apart from sleep issues.

Stress stresses me

Anyways, back to my learning process. One of the things I learned is that stress stresses me more than I knew. :) What I mean is, this happens when hubby is under a lot of stress. Maybe it was different in the past, but his business has been soaring over the last two years and with that, his level of stress has increased considerably. I thought it was only a lack of time that I'd feel, but no, the pressure he carried around with him spread to me on a regular base, and we did not know that it did. So, as a result I was pretty flustered on some occasions and had no idea why. And I had no outlet from that, so it frustrated me for long. 

Wait, this is still dd-related! And it is still about asking for more!

We had an outlet, but it took us these last ten months to see it for what it is. We always knew that maintenance spankings make me calm, relaxed, let me find balance and we would wonderfully reconnect with it. Wonderful. But we did not have this awareness that I am actually a stress-copy of hubby when he is overly busy. It really has not been clear to us. Before pregnancy, this was no serious problem, because I got spanked often enough and the stress that I had accumulated, simply disappeared. We could not do this while I was pregnant. So, this accumulated. Imagine a volcano that erupts once the pressure is high enough. Imagine an unreasonable, ranting and raving preggo now and you get the picture.

I couldn't write about this before, because I had no idea about this pattern. Hubby and I discovered that together a few weeks ago, because some of how I behaved then, the way I am out of balance, until I get a spanking, have happened before.

Hubby has a very high stress tolerance. He can cope pretty well and all it does in him is that he is more energetic and alert. He is not even hectic or anything like it when I'd already be panicky. This can be frustrating. When it happens I always feel like a complete dork! But somehow, in the undercurrents you feel that he is also strained, maybe it is also because he has less time, then, too.

My cunning plan :) ... thanks to Baldric from Blackadder

I am not too good at stress management, obviously. I need harmony and peace. We knew that before, but just how much of it, is a little surprising for me.

Hubby is good at stress management and enjoys a challenging job. (He likes a challenge in general, that's why he has me! :)  )

Then again, he also wants peace and harmony at home. No, let me rephrase that ... he needs it!

But sometimes he might bring stress home and it spreads to me. If you compare the way we deal with it, I should say it multiplies in me. And we know that spanking has done us a lot of good. That's where my cunning plan kicks in. Once I am able to, I'll receive the spankings that I need. In addition, hubby and I have discussed that I have to relearn asking for spankings when I am not my balanced self. The problem with that is that I am usually the last who notices, but I'll try. 

She asked for it and they lived happily ever after :)

It is Saturday afternoon here and I hope that you all will have a lovely and fantastic weekend!