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Saturday, November 1, 2014

After Midnight



“Honey, it’s for you! Your little one is crying.” Uhmpf, my clock says it is after midnight. Isn’t she a little early tonight!? Light is too bright. Well, actually it's not, I am just too drowsy. Moments pass … What was that? Wait. Hey! “She is yours, too!” I am grumpy and him saying that annoys me. He had turned to the side again, away, probably sailing into the wide ocean of sleep. No. He chuckles? “You got me. But it works every time. You are much more awake now, aren't you?” He turns around, rests on his arms and in the soft light his skin has a golden kind of glow. Lovely. He grins at me, stands up, walks around the bed, to Tilda (Yes, the name is in active use between hubby and me - sometimes). 

She protests as he takes her out of the cozy little cradle, stops crying, but one or two little whimpers still leave her tiny mouth. The sound she makes is so pityfully cute that it hurts and I cannot do anything but smile. Her mouth is still lightly drawn down, as if she’s only collecting new air for the next round of crying. I melt when I see her doing that, with him holding her, talking to her so soothingly. … He definitely has a way with women, ... no matter what age. 


 
I do not even leave the bed, instead he brings her to me. “Thank you sweetheart.” I am still tired, but also beaming at him. This is a perfect moment, too bad that it cannot last forever. I open my nightshirt, hold Tilda, latch her on and she’s drinking eagerly. It is quiet, and the loudest I can hear is my own heartbeat which shares its rhythm with Tilda's sucking. 

Hubby returns to bed, turns to me and watches us. He moves closer, his face totally relaxed, no, even pleased and content. “Do you know how peaceful and content you look? You are beautiful.” That’s my text, isn’t it? I feel how my weariness leaves me and feel invigorated, thoughts race and I could give a hundred reasons why I think the same about him. “I wanted to say the same to you! You looked so pleased and content, as if there was only us. This was so …” Suddenly I notice the amused twinkle in his eyes. Yeah, sometimes saying less is more, I realize. He can still make me blush out of the blue. I smile, as I look down to Tildy and then back at him. He smiles too, kisses me onto the forehead, careful not to disturb Tilda. “Sleep well. Don’t let the bedbugs bite you." He pokes Tilda lightly. No reaction from her side. She is not interested, her priorities are clear. He turns around, off to dreamland. All that is left to hear now is a little of  Tilda’s rhythmical sound as she drinks and his regular breathing. 



I wish you all a fantastic weekend!
 

12 comments :

  1. Enjoy these beautiful moments! Good job recording them. I remember very few from my five children because of sleep deprivation. You think you could never forget, but you do.

    Biochemistry wins, unfortunately. But even when we do forget, the moments shape our souls forever.

    Hugs!

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    1. Hello Anon, I think you are absolutely right, there are too many things that I have already forgotten, and getting enough sleep proves a kind of challenge (and without enough sleep I forget everything!), so I do get you sooo well. Five children sounds awesome, I know this is hard work, but I'd love doing it all for a big family. Well, Mathilda absolutely needs brothers and sisters, we think. :) You are right, even those decisions and moments we are not aware of any longer, do shape us. Maybe even more than we could ever imagine, because we according to what we experienced, from deep within. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate this and will go on writing down some of our moments. It is a joyful experience to do. Thanks,

      hugs

      Nina

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  2. Oh so beautiful, I can almost feel it again!
    H hardly ever woke up from the cry of our babies, I think it's because he knew I would, if he had been on his own with them I'm sure he would have been ok.
    I used to have baby's crib right up against our bed. I learnt to eventually lean over and pick him up, feed him, change him and put him back into his bed without ever leaving my own. There are benefits to breast feeding!

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    1. Thank you Janey, I am glad that you enjoyed it. This was one of those moments that I’d love to last a little longer, but they don’t , so we have to make more of them! :)
      During the week it is usually just like you described it, hubby wouldn’t wake up (most times) and I do everything concerning Tilda, which is fine, because hubby needs his rest too. Weekends are better for us, because we have more time to rest and hubby enjoys being up with us at night (now and then).

      At the moment the crib is still a few feet away from our bed. I like the idea of having Mathilda right next to me, but I am a little afraid that I’d somehow bump into the crib while sleeping, or my blanket ends up partly in it. It would probably never happen, but I don’t feel safe enough with that yet, though I’d love to have her close by and never leave my bed at night. Sounds very tempting!

      hugs

      Nina

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  3. Aww, such a beautiful, sweet moment Nina, this made me smile. Enjoy these precious times :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thank you Roz, I loved this night too and I am glad that I found the energy to write it down, as it really was a precious moment. Glad that you like it!

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Those sweet moments in the night - not all will be so easy, but when they are, enjoy them. P would generally sleep through much of the fuss of night-time feeds, but when things got too hard, he would step up and help with things he could do, like changing nappies and rocking them to sleep. Breastfeeding has the ease of never having to leave the bedroom, but it is exclusive to mum. I'm glad dad has these precious moments with Tilda, they pass so quickly (in retrospect!)
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Hi DF, I can only agree, we had a (very) few nights when Mathilda was crying more than sleeping, and although hubby sleeps through most times, he has stepped up and helped too. Bit by bit the daily routine has to return to us now, so I'll see how well we cope then, when there is a bad night. Since Mathilda is with me most of the time, I also want hubby and Tilda to have time together, and I can only agree, this time will be over too quick. How fast time flies these days is obvious for me when I think back to my pregnancy. There have been days which felt long then, but all in all it feels as if it was over in no time. ... I am almost ready for more of it :-D ... almost!

      hugs

      Nina

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  5. It is amazing to me how creating a human together can deepen your love for your spouse so very much. It is just beyond words. I always had my babies in bed with me, it worked out really well for us. So glad for you that you get to experience motherhood, and marriage after children Nina! I hope your dream of brothers and sisters for Tilda comes true exactly as you want it to :-)

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    1. Hi River, you are absolutely right, if anything, our connection has become closer, though also differently, because there is so much more we are responsible for. Tilda is in bed for nursing, and changing diapers, but she's not sleeping in ours, because I am scared of something happening while we sleep, such as her being covered by one of the blankets. I know that usually parents do know that their baby is with them, but I don't really trust myself here, although the experience sounds lovely.
      Being a parent is something new and exciting, and I guess/hope we will grow into it and get more routine as time passes. I have been teased because of thinking about everything, micromanaging every bit of Tilda. Where experienced moms go with their newborn and carry not much more than a few baby wipes and an extra diaper, I still want my full bag of baby equipment for all emergencies (and I love it).
      Oh, the brothers and sisters are what we would love for Tilda and as a family. I mean, not right now, please, I really need a little more time before I could possibly start again, but then again, emotionally I am more than ready (not physically though!).

      hugs

      Nina

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