The no-I-don't-want-to-sit-entry

Another one of the pregnancy-related entries. Not for long, then this is over (for the moment!) and I will go on with baby-related entries. :D …. And DD, BDSM, TTWD, gardening, cooking, sewing, painting, and weird things. 

… But not yet. First of all, I think I have to apologize, because I haven’t been here too often lately. One reason is that hubby and I need some time together. At the moment I really feel  am clingy and want hubby near whenever there is a chance. He knows that, because at other times I have far less of a problem with him being away. Currently I cannot stand that at all and hate it. Poor hubby really is there for me, whenever he can and one of the best ways out of hubby-blues is being with friends and family. 

Maybe this sounds strange, but another major reason is that I have trouble sitting for longer periods of time, lately. It simply hurts. It has been for most of this September and of course I can sit, but I only last for a short time before I don’t want to sit any longer. Even ten minutes corner time are a kind of challenge. 

Moving, changing position, stretching on bed, standing up, well, and then I can try sitting again. Eeew, I sound whining again, sorry for that. Imagine my rolling eyes here and now. This kind of annoying pain is completely harmless stuff. I just get the clear signal that baby is where she is supposed to be, ready to be born. But I really wish I could say something like ‘the eagle has landed’ (<--hubby imagined himself saying THIS in the labour ward!); I would like some kind of announcement, but only in cute!

  

Well, much time without much blogging means more family time, which is really great, too, and I try to make the best of it (while standing). My mom told me about lightening (dropping) only a few weeks ago. She was not the first one, but since she had a very vivid and pictorial way of describing how I sunk deep down and pressed on her pelvis … and caused a lot of discomfort with that, I remembered her description when the same happened to me around ten days ago. ... I have to make a mental note; never play the ‘I suffered for you’  - card on baby; not on hubby either! 

Hmm, thinking about this, hubby wouldn’t give me his laptop, so that I could write on bed (more probably in the bathroom, though). Maybe I should play this card? .... Oh no! We definitely enjoy our time here! Hubby even more, because he can eat ice cream … in front of me. This is another kind of torture. I can’t have any of that cold and delicious kind of sweets at the moment. Either my stomach protests, or baby. She has kicked it almost out of me again once. Healthy cereals and soaked prunes are great too …. Sometimes.

In the first week of September I have had two bad nights with false labour. For me, this was not really clear when it happened, but it did not feel like labour, it was just pain in my lower abdomen, without a real rhythm. I was not too worried either, more like waiting what would happen, but had good advice and took a pleasantly warm bath. After midnight. With candles and hubby. You know what, this was one of the best moments ever,  the relief was marvelous! Just the right thing to do, this helped immensely. Since true labour wouldn't stop from taking a warm bath, I felt on the safe side.

Well, I called my doc later, at a decent time (not after midnight!), but she had prepared me for this and apart from being pretty painful, there was nothing too it. Well, maybe the bathroom has become even more of a friend, if that is possible. Anyways, we had a scan only one day later and I went home like a boss. All was and is fine, but sometimes baby kicks up a little bit too much. I think I have had her toes in my nose once, not sure, but it felt like it. It hurt, but that she had kicked me made me so happy while I dried some tears away. I am a masochist.

What next?

There is something I have heard more than once by now. Online, many have hinted at the lack of energy, being tired, exhausted, being only able to care for the bare necessities and baby's well-being. With my sister I have seen some of this in effect, too. And she almost forgot something very important at first. She had not organized some additional helping hands, be it for some grocery shopping, feeding the pets or some cleaning. I am just talking about the basics, which need to be done, where you really should ask for and have help. 

I know, many women do everything without or only little help, even when everything still hurts, too. To be honest, I am very sorry for those who have to do everything, because there is nobody to help.  But if anything, trying to be a display of female independence sounds plain wrong to me right after giving birth, when you are back home the first night. 

I am not there yet, but there will be a lot of pain, during and after delivery. So, this makes it even more important to have someone to help, if possible! Here, we have organized this and our house will probably be overcrowded. Nevertheless, having this backup is so essential, besides, I think it also helps enormously to create this little bit of feeling cared for, which I consider so much more important with baby in my arms. I don’t feel qualified to give advice of any kind, but I wish for every new mom to have this basic support, especially right after returning home with a newborn baby. 

Oh yes! There is no escape, it is countdown – time again!

We have reached week 38!

Starting with week 37, delivery is no longer considered preterm.

This means baby is definitely complete and will just develop a stronger immune system.

I would love to snuggle baby every new week for doing the right things. She will get a lot of that, once she is there!

Placed on hold

I am halfway through week 37. Everybody around keeps telling me to enjoy these last weeks, because afterwards, everything will be different. Yep, that’s what we do. Hubby and I spend time together. Some pretty raunchy, some is just reserved for talking, often in bed, head to head. This might lead to other things, which I still cannot get enough of.

 

 Now and then I thought I should be annoyed about my uber-sexdrive. … Actually I am not at all annoyed, on the contrary, I love it. Hubby is obliging, too, which makes this part pretty easy. :) Some might think I am just crazy for sex, which is true, but this is also very special, because it doesn’t cause embarrassment. After all, I am horny as hell 24/7 and still, hubby is more than willing to help out. Uhm, I have to give clear signals by now; maybe he is worn out a little? 

Nevertheless, it doesn’t make me feel awkward with him, which is more important for me than I usually bother to tell hubby. I do, now and then, but then again I do not actively seek to talk about my endless sexual needs as a topic per se. We talk about it, sure, but this has turned from something I wondered about when it was new, to something I just want done, but not discussed too much. It just has to happen naturally, so that I don’t end up feeling awkward. I don’t know exactly when this changed, but it did.

Later on, when we have adapted to being three, with baby around, I am sure that hubby will play around with me, in other ways. He will let me feel a lot who is in control. We have, of course, discussed these things over and over again. Still, I can see that hubby also suffers in some moments, since we don’t do as much dd as we want to. We do our best, I work hard to be good, obedient, to please, and let’s face it, I am also glad that I have my way of doing some things here. I am held accountable for some of what I do, but definitely not for all. In a way, this leniency also puts some strain on us. I for one love it and hate it.

Yes, we enjoy our time together, with family, with friends. And the days are simply packed, but in some way, hubby and I are placed on hold. We are waiting for baby to happen. Sounds strange, but we are waiting for the action to get started. It means something completely new and wonderful and hopefully, the return of something we already had, which was also wonderful.

I hope everybody has a wonderful start into the week.

In the labour ward

The pregnant cheer-me-up bit

When I went to my doc this morning, I had to wait a while. Only a moment later, another woman came into the waiting room. Compared to mine, her bump looked twice as big. She is expecting triplets and is in her 26^th week now. I mean, she carried her bump as if it was nothing though it looked really heavy. You know, compared to her, I must look so slender. I made sure I sat close to her  as long as possible, because she made me feel delicate.

Of course, she also has some problems, but she was so cheerful and happy that she infected me with the good mood virus. Haha, usually I really don’t need that, but every week at the doctors I am still a tiny little bit tense, until I get all the good news about baby. 

She told me that she has been leaking a little bit milk the second week by now. Hmmm, I know that this can happen almost anytime, but now I am waiting for mine to start, just to know all is the way it should be.  Another way of catching up. According to my doc, it could start any minute. Hooray, leaking above and below navel it is then! 

Hmm, maybe the leaking is a bit of a cheer stopper, unless you are actively waiting for it to happen, so I better bring some of the things I just do N.O.T. want to hear in the labour ward. I cannot even imagine any one woman who would enjoy hearing the following during delivery:

• "Aww, look what you did honey; now the floor's all wet!"

• "Do you think the Tivo recorded my game?"

• "The vending machine here has Fritos!"

• "That needle looks GIGANTIC!"

• (Stands next to the doctor) "Oh honey, can you pass me my phone, I want to Instagram this."

• "Boy, this is exhausting!"

• "I think I just unplugged something..."

• (Blows up a surgical glove) "Do you think they'll notice if we take some of these home?"

• "Do you think we'll be done here within the hour?"

• "I see the baby's head already!! ... Just kidding!"

1 Thing Never to DO while your wife is in Labor:
• RUN!

(all nicked from : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mimi-minsky/10-things-never-to-say-while-your-wife-is-in-labor_b_3791588.html).

The weekly countdown 

...from someone who feels so … spacy (jaunty, actually)

Space time 2340981235543,4 

(probably Pacific Time, because I still don't know what time it is there when I go to bed here)

This is the Captain onboard the bulky space ship Nina

Wohoo! We have been in outer space for 37 weeks now. 

Well, due to a complex and marvelous biological experiment, it has become pretty crammed inside our ship over the last 37 weeks.

 Wohoo - again. First timer Star Trek reference in my blog. Might be better this way, I don't want to offend anybody with my ignorance. 

1st anniversary 

Wohoo - again, again! Today I have my first anniversary in Smacking Bottom! If anything, time flies. So much has been going on over this last year and I have written about all sorts of stuff in my blog. It has started more like a diary and has had some pretty weird entries, too. Nobody protested; thank you for that! :) And thank you for reading in my blog, at all. (even more so if you survived my 'wrapped boxes' entry). I really appreciate your thoughts and that you are there and share your ideas. Thank you!


Currently my blog is more of a pregnancy journal; although my second one is a little booklet, for baby to have, once she is grown up. Sara encouraged me to do this and I am still very grateful for her doing so, since this turned out as something very personal and special.

I think my blog was more about dd and bdsm when I started, but beginning with February it changed more and more. 'Pregnancy' is label number one and has been for ages. Buuuut, I cannot wait to return to dd, writing about it included .... and I'd love to write more about our family, then. I mean, I couldn't really stop myself when baby was not even there, so how could I stop, once she is born. I guess there will be much to discuss, e.g. how to do dd with kids around. Don't be surprised when you see me reading through your blogs all over again, looking for ways to hide ttwd from our little one. And I might ask a few more questions concerning little big giant dogs next year, because hubby wants one of those, too. You know, the one I am gonna call Mimi, only in really big.

Therefore, everybody, prepare for the second season of my blog ... uhm did I make it sound like a threat, now? Nah, never!

I hope everybody in Smacking Bottom has a wonderful week.

I love Lucy

Baby is still playing twister in me, just saying, because you might have the wrong idea otherwise. Instead, this is about the tv show I Love Lucy. It has been mentioned more than once by others around Smacking Bottom; Wilma did so in her comment about last week's difficult Saturday start, too.  So, this made me curious (again). I have watched a little on YouTube and found this hilarious (again). Since the show was obviously pretty popular in the US (looked it up: 6 seasons;1951-1957) it is no surprise that so many bloggers know about it. Oh, yes, an additional reason might be that there are spanking scenes in a few episodes, too. And as far as I could see, Lucy has the ability to end up in slightly complicated, probably embarrassing and weird situations. .... This is the connection between Lucy and myself, isn't it?

Well, hubby knows a bit about the series, although he is British and not American. Since I thought this might be something we could enjoy watching together, we ordered the first season. Hooray, soon we could sit on the sofa, watch tv, snuggle and more. Hm, well we don't have to wait for the series to snuggle, but it is an additional chance, isn't it? So, it'll be here soon ... early in October...

Just in case one little piece of information concerning my pregnancy has evaded you ... my due date is 1st October. Which means that I will probably only be able to watch I Love Lucy sometime this autumn, perhaps with baby, while feeding her. Actually I would love it that way, too. :)

Maybe this is just the best way it could be for the next months. I simply accepted from what every mom told me, that I won't sleep too much over the next months. Depending on who talks to you, this could also be like over the next 15 years. :) So, whenever we need to be cheered up for whatever reason, we have I Love Lucy to help out. Uhm, or we just kiss and cuddle. The best about this is, from October onwards we can also cuddle with baby. I can't wait for that. ... And hope I find a little energy to do anything in addition to baby care and household then, even if it is only watching tv for 30 minutes while sleeping ('sleep when you can', they say).

About baby's name:

Ok, I couldn't resist, but no secrets will be revealed about baby's name. With 'I Love Lucy' I brought up the question of names again. Such an innocent sentence like "Lucy is a nice name, isn't it?" makes hubby a little tense lately. Don't know why...

Whether baby is a boy or a girl is still unknown to me. I wanted this surprise. Originally it was 'we' but hubby seems to have seen more during one of the scans, which he promised to keep a secret.

After long and funny discussions, we are prepared with names for girls and boys. According to the list of names that we liked best, I could have a soccer team and give each of them a decent name without any problem. Lucy is not among them, btw. It is a nice name, though actually some similar form of name, Lucia, sounds nicer to me. This is not her name, either, but Lucia was on our early lists with baby names. For the record, I have a huge weakness for Scandinavian and English names, nevertheless, we also looked beyond that. The process of reaching a decision was long and hard, and even sexy. 

... But since that was manipulating it didn't work at all and hubby had me almost excluded from choosing a name. ... Just teasing.:) We actually discussed names in bed, but not in a manipulative way at all. ... Wait, hubby brought cookies once ...

I don't know how you finally decided on your child's name, but one way to get started, is to write down names that you connect with something positive. The reason why I like that name goes back to the Scandinavian/Swedish St. Lucia day and some very lovely memories that are connected to it. Since there are other good names connected to personal and positive events, Lucia and Lucy didn't make it. Nor did hubby's or my name ever appear on the list. We didn't want that, though it has a long tradition in many families. And even though hubby thought that I might start the question of the best name for baby all over again, I won't! ... But Lucia is a very nice name.... :)

And, of course, I hope everybody has a good start into this week.

Stupidity unleashed

This week has been strange for me, after the weekend had turned me into a case of a slightly bad conscience. Actually it started on Saturday. Hubby really needed some time to find back to himself. Stressful week syndrome. Since he has been really great in giving me the feeling of being loved and having ‘us’ time, not getting that much of it left me puzzled. The lack of it was so obvious. Well, no surprise that I hate that, is it?

 

So, yeah, maybe the round-bellied one is on a hormone-high. Might be, and once hubby really had had some time for himself, all was better again, too. But Saturday was half gone by then! “Man, he really needed a lot of time for himself”, said the spoiled princess.” Not because of me?!” she added quickly with an uneasy glance into his direction. 

Hmm, the trouble was, that hubby had been pretty much away during the week, too, so I was waiting for some time together and waited, and waited, and waited. I was disappointed, at first by hubby, but after a while I was just disappointed because of the situation, not because of hubby. I did not want to get on his nerves, but I did not want to leave the impression that I would not care, either. Therefore, I went into his office, where he was, and asked if I could do anything for him. 

It quickly turned out this was a mistake, but it was too late. Hubby was pretty sleepy, and I was noisy (by accident!) when I came in. I think he would have fallen asleep if I had not interrupted him. Hubby just wanted some rest and not being disturbed by me. Ok. Now I also had a bad conscience. So I was still waiting, no idea what to do, because towards the weekend I usually have all things done. Haha, not currently….I F everything is sorted in all kinds of ways, neat, tidy, clean, spick and span, …. who says you shouldn’t do it all over again…?! With the best of intentions, I started sorting pots and Tupperware in the kitchen, because I thought once hubby was better, I could stow that away quickly and continue later, without leaving a mess.

Did I say mess? I managed to let several pots fall (two big ones for the big sounds; two small ones for the dramatic sounds; four lids, for awfully loud noise). According to the noise, I let them crash, from the counter onto the floor. If hubby had fallen asleep, he would not have slept any longer.

Right. So I just collected all the noisy kitchen things and put them aside and tried to sneak peek into the office again. I wanted to see what hubby did. Done with the best of intentions again! It was just to find out whether he slept or not. Well, he did not. And was annoyed, because he was really tired and wanted a little quiet time. Really, good job from my side! I should have watched tv or something like that. 

 So, hubby was a little vexed when I opened the door, quietly. He had been on his way to see if all was fine with me, but when he saw me peeking in, he thought that this was a bad joke from my side. Seriously, I would never do such a thing. Well, maybe I would, but not when I can see that he needs some rest. Next time I’ll just ask him to sleep and I’ll go shopping, so that he has his peace.

He actually gave me corner time! Not the standing one, only the preggo version of it. He put me on a chair, face towards a boring corner, and he was still in the room. He fell asleep in his office with me facing the corner.… wait, something was wrong! ... I had to pee about five minutes after I had been put there. Which was about four minutes after he had started sleeping. This was a real problem for me. I did not want to wake him again. I did not want to leave without his permission either. Did I mention that I did not want to pee in hubby’s office? Pantyliners are only for small accidents, so this would not help much either. 

What a dilemma. I really tried to wait. But with 36 weeks there is no real waiting, at least not for me. When baby pushes the button, the bathroom better be close by. Baby pushed twice. Therefore, I could only wait another minute and since I knew that hubby was asleep, only around two meters behind me, I tried to sneak out quietly.  

My second attempt at being soft-footed. Ta Da! I got out silently, went where baby had forced me to go to and almost sneaked back into the office …  right into hubby who had opened the door conveniently when I wanted to step in. Uh oh. “I am sorry. I had to pee and I didn’t want to wake you up this time. I could not wait. You had only fallen asleep a few minutes before. I did not want to disturb you. Not now and not the second and the first time. I only came in to help in the first place. I was only away a moment and came back without delay. I did not want to avoid cornertime. It was only because I had to go urgently. I really couldn’t wait.” Oh, I think I had that before. Had I mentioned that I love him? Hmmm, he had not really said much up to now, had he? Nothing, to be precise. This is a bad sign. Hubby made the way free for me to sit down again, in the corner.

This was a very quiet corner. It was a good one to start thinking and it did not make me feel better that I had unintentionally done everything to stop hubby from getting some kind of rest. So, I sat there and was very miserable. The disappointment that I had had because hubby wanted to relax was gone, instead I only felt bad because I had made it pretty hard for him to get any rest at all.  In a way I also felt pretty disobedient, because I had intentionally left cornertime.

There is one type of cornertime that helps get rid of guilt and helps to think positively about ways to change something. Then there is the other cornertime. This one was of that kind. It doesn’t help much, it only serves to let you realize that you did something bad. It did not take long to happen and I felt sorry for creating this silly situation. I think what worried me most was how much I must have annoyed hubby with my actions. Usually he wouldn’t be too annoyed by this, but when you are tired and strained, this might reduce any positive mood or tolerance. 

I don’t like it when hubby feels bad and I hate it when it is because of me. Yeah, so I sat there, was miserable and felt sorry and a few tears had already dripped onto my bump. ‘This will be a really wet spot’ I thought and heard a sound from behind. Hubby. He made some noises, as if he was clearing his throat. I did not turn around, but as he was not asleep and he was maybe a little better than before, I  said “I am sorry Sir”. But not in a loud way, because usually I am quiet during cornertime.  I heard him hustle and bustle behind me, but did not dare look behind. He had come closer and gave me a kiss from behind. He hugged me lightly and chuckled. I could not find this funny at all, but was so relieved in this moment that I turned around and hugged him back and let my rivers flow. But not for long. Maybe another minute before I said “I need to go to the toilet again.” ...

Hubby was laughing loud now, and ushered me to the bathroom. We went upstairs afterwards. Next stop: the bedroom. We did not talk much first, but hubby showed me in very obvious ways that we were very much in tune. I loved that. We are careful, but I am still the same sex-addict I have been for months by now. Then he told me everything I needed to hear and my bad conscience is more or less gone by now, but I still feel sort of silly for my Saturday way of acting. Ha! But at least hubby got his sleep, and after a while, when he was awake again, we had the snuggly time together we were both looking for. The situation might have been strained in the office, but the gladness I felt after that, was all the bigger.  This doesn’t mean I want to repeat the office part, though!

It took me some time to get last weekend sorted out for myself. Hubby had more or less forgotten about this on Sunday morning. But I was looking for additional signs of affection and additional moments where I could just make him feel more loved and cherished during the week. 

According to him, it was no big deal, and if he had not been that tired and his head too full with business stuff, he could have stopped me earlier, too. Ok, maybe it was not necessary for him, but I felt stupid and like a complete klutz, so it was absolutely necessary for me to be especially good for him! 

And here it is again, my weekly countdown-time:

we are in week 36! 

we are less than a month away from our due date

baby is signalling that she is more or less ready to meet me in person, I am ready, too and feel I need some serious renovation afterwards, inside and outside. 

There is no sign that baby would come now, which does not mean much, I know. But I am already excited about seeing her soon and I feel safe and supported by all around me and this gives me a lot of confidence.