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Thursday, April 23, 2015

Some months are like that



We are back in our daily routine, which is something I am very happy about. I don’t know why, but at the moment I am really bad at dealing with much more than that. Maybe it is the time of the year, no idea, but I feel that it is currently pretty easy to unbalance me. I can go from happy to sad in no time lately. I got so overwhelmed from watching my daughter sleep at night that I started crying out of happiness and afterwards sat down and wrote what I want to protect her from and what sort of happy things I'd wish her to experience. They are pretty impressive lists, so I should cherish this sort of emotional overload for the creativity it includes. :)
Well, and I also learned just how easy it is to upset me when I read something on Facebook. It was prejudiced, an expression of pure intolerance, and it really hurt. At other times I would have been able to shrug it off, but at the moment it seems all comes close and hits me.



The moments of intimacy and reconnection we have are wonderful and right now I feel hubby’s love so much stronger, just like I miss him so much more when he is gone. I need him a lot at the moment and I absorb all he is willing to give. Sounds strange, I know, but actually I am glad that I see what’s going on at all. In past times we have had it worse, when I did not notice these things. Maybe things have changed to the better because whatever I do, I am on Tilda’s schedule in the first place. I love this, as it automatically structures a lot of our time, which is good for me.


Then there was last Monday. My lovely mommy car broke down … ha, but the good news is it wasn’t me. Tilda and I were somewhere not far away from nowhere and this was one of the moments when I appreciated our mobile phone rule so much more. Hubby gets mad when I leave the house without it and I am so glad that he insisted on always taking it with me. At first I was really down, because it was something car-related again and it had happened to me – again. So I called hubby in his office and was relieved that he only wanted to hear that we were ok (‘Forget the car for a moment, what about  y o u!?’). It did take a while but then we were brought home safely. And it turned out that there was something wrong with the motor, so it was nothing I had dabbled with.

 

After the trouble around me messing up hubby’s business was over I think we had a really close connection. Apart from ongoing sleeping troubles there was nothing that could somehow disturb peace and harmony. And still, somehow I found myself in a strange place at times, focusing on nothing in some moments, daydreaming or being absent-minded, then overthinking, overanalyzing. Whatever it is, for me it was something that leads to distancing, and it can grow if you let it.
Hubby did not notice that I had been somehow a little away, and I guess it was pretty ghost-like, which makes it really difficult for me to even describe it. Well, and usually I notice these things too late. 

This time it went a little different though. At the beginning of this week I had asked hubby for a spanking that would be well below punishment, more like maintenance or stress relief. I thought this could help me with the sleeping issues, because if anything, I am relaxed and at peace after these. So, it happened, and we had a wonderful time and sleeping was no problem at all that night. It took me another two days to see just how much hubby spanking me had helped. It was after hubby told me that I was so much more myself again that I realized that he was right and that all this what could lead to distancing, was gone again. It was not why I got spanked, but it had definitely helped me.




So, as the weather is getting better, we are finally spending a lot of time outside again which is wonderful. We got two new plum trees which I dug in a few weeks ago and I loved every moment of doing that. The lawnmower is my favourite machine in the garden… and I am allowed to use it again, too! Doing these things in the garden is so much fun, and at the moment it is all I want because I know I can handle that. Sorry for the melancholic sound in the first part, but all in all I can say we are in a very good place!


I hope you are all having the most awesome weekend ever!






14 comments :

  1. Hey Nina...it you are still very emotional, you might want to have your doctor check your hormone levels...it took almost a full year after my oldest was born for my hormones to level out and it was a very emotionally painful time. Hang in there and know that your blogland family is here if you need anything. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and postive thoughts your way.

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

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    Replies
    1. Hi Cat, I am going to have hormones checked on Monday morning. I mean, being emotional, yes ok, I am used to that, but lately this has been like a shower of fire and ice, sometimes at the same moment. So, this one starts making me believe I am crazier than usual. Hehe, maybe I am. :) Nevertheless, all in all we are in a good place, hubby doesn’t have as much time as I’d like him to have, which is ok and we couldn’t change that anyways. Tilda is fabulous, she’s a sunshine, currently not as open towards others as she used to be, but that’s pretty normal and will pass. Thank you for your prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts. I appreciate these a lot and know that they help. Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

      hugs

      Nina

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  2. HI Nina, Oh bless you, I think maybe this sis hormonal. It isn;t long since you had Tilda and it does take a long while to get your equilibrium back! Just try and not be too hard on yourself and if spanking helps you sleep, ask for a few more!! Getting a good night's sleep goes a long way to putting everything right. I hope the weather continues to get better. It is lovely and sunny today, It is my son's moving day so I am hoping it is a good omen!
    kisses to Tilda
    love Jan,xx

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jan, I am at the doctor’s to have hormones checked on Monday, because this really could be the reason for my ups and downs. Oh my, the spankings do help to sleep, and I have asked more than once. Hubby was very obliging and I loved it every time, because I knew it worked so well. Hehe, but I won’t ask every night, because I would not be able to sit within three days if I did. I love the reminder when I sit down next morning though. Yummy. :)
      Up to today (Saturday) the weather was ok here, but it started drizzling in the late afternoon. Good for my plants and I also hope the weather will be sunny again soon. I hope everything went the right way yesterday and your son has moved into the new house. Is your daughter in law at home? Hopefully not working outside home anymore though, because of how not helpful her boss was, because of her medical troubles and to make sure grandbaby is feeling fine. I’ve kissed and cuddled Tilda from you and she loves it. Well I do too. :) She’s fun and loves being with me, so this is such an awesome time for us. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend and can relax from moving house!

      hugs and love

      Nina

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  3. I still cry for no apparent reason over things. I never was that bad before I had kids! It's just being a mum gives a different perspective on life, but not necessarily always an easy one to cope with.
    Summer brings out the warmer feelings. I'm sure you'll keep moving in the right direction.
    I hate lawnmowers. Thankfully P does all that!
    hugs
    DF

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    Replies
    1. Hi DF, oh yes I have had some of these moments when I cried just because. I do cry easily in general, but now? It takes nothing, some moments I am just overwhelmed, sad, :) I have also cried because I was positively overwhelmed, out of happiness that just popped up. Well, the emotional rollercoaster is too much for me at the moment, but we are in a good situation and I think hubby feels just as loved by me as I feel loved by him. This is the wonderful part of it.

      Lawnmowing is one of my favourites in the garden. I like that I am capable of doing this and can use a sort of ‘heavy machine’, like hubby does. I guess lawnmowing is the non-girly side in me. :) Wishing you a wonderful, relaxing weekend!

      hugs

      Nina

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  4. Hi NiNa. As you know from my posts I'm right there with you in that highly emotional state and the ghost like thing as crazy as it sounds that's me too. I just didn't have a name for it but ghost like is appropriate. The nicer weather has been a blessing although it snowed! Here yesterday and is freezing today. I'm very happy you're in a great place. Enjoy your weekend. <3 Lilly

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    Replies
    1. Hi Lillyanna, oh yes, this ghost like thing is creepy. I cannot grasp that most of the time and then, if hubby doesn’t see it either, the eruption follows. This. Is. So. Annoying ! I am just glad that it disappeared again for now, I am at peace, feel wonderful for the most part and it reflects on hubby and Tilda. Add the weather which is just right for gardening and I know how good we have it right now. I hope that your weather will be much more pleasantly spring like, without the freezing. Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

      hugs

      Nina

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  5. Replies
    1. Hi Sunny, yes, all in all things are getting better. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend, with lots of time to relax after your move to Texas.

      hugs

      Nina

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  6. Hi Nina, I'm glad your husband was able to give you what you needed and that you are feeling better. I agree with the others also regarding the hormones.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    Replies
    1. Hi Roz, yes hubby is awesome and the spankings I get from him are wonderful. At other times they’d maybe serve as sexy good girl spankings, but for now, they are there to help me sleep. So, I cannot be stressed by anything at the moment. :) Well, apart from the ups and downs and I also guess that’s the hormones talking. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

      hugs

      Nina

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  7. Nina!
    I'm so glad your husband was there to support you and give you that release from all that stress. It is amazing how much better you sleep!
    I don't know if it's just hormonal and it will go away, I was very emotional after a few of my babies, but honestly being a mom has made me a way more empathetic person and I still can tear up at things I probably would've before kids. You just look at the world and life in a different way after having children. I hope you're having a great week!

    Hugs

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jennelle, you are so right, the spanking made it better, and I have asked for more during the week. It is awesome how much better I am from it.
      My doc says it will be better again, and it is definitely connected to the hormones, though she is not worried at all. Since I am sleeping better again, I am not worried either, although being easily up or down is still annoying. But even this is much better again by now. :) What you say about looking at the world and life differently is so true. I can only agree, there are things that I perceive differently than before and thinking about Tilda’s future life makes me antsy, and I definitely feel much stronger about issues that might touch her. So many things are different now. :) The week so far has been better and better and I hope it goes on like that. … And hope that yours is wonderful too!

      hugs

      Nina

      Delete

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