There are positive
news in this entry, and I even mention TTWD again. Finally. Nevertheless, the day was still a rather mixed one. We had a family
meeting which was lovely, but I spent early morning with granny and today that
was really hard.
Granny
Granny’s is still fighting, and even though I don’t want to see
it, her fight is harder than ever. She is the one who taught me most about not
giving up, and she shows me how this works till the end. Writing this with the picture of her in hospital is so hard, I'd love her to be good again. Oh heck. She is so
small in this bed, she looks so lost there. I went there early in the morning
together with Tilda and today seeing granny like that hit me so hard that I
just sat there and focused on breathing, so that my sobs would not alarm my
little one too much. I don’t know, I
have been so uneasy when I went to hospital during the last week, but today was
so sad that it hurt to have not one reaction from her side. This is so sad. :( I am sorry for the downer, I know that many of you are dealing with the same or similar situations. I wish you all the strength you need and the best possible outcome; something that makes the pain and grief bearable.
Sister, the car, Amy and I
Maybe I am
also frustrated because I am sort of almost grounded when it comes to driving. Sister
has been back home for the last few weeks, not on bed rest anymore, but only
allowed to move a bit and not do much of the housework. So I took over for a
while. Until last weekend …
Hubby has
decided to limit the time I am allowed to visit my sister to not more than two
times a week - and only when the weather is good enough. I can phone her all
day long, but not go there by car, because one tour takes around an hour, so
that makes two hours when I go there, in addition to going to granny or grocery
shopping, going to the doctor’s and other things.
I am not
even miffed because I know hubby is
right, especially now since the roads have become slippery at times. In
addition I do not want to drive that much if possible (yep, I really mean it!), and sitting behind the
wheel too long does not feel good anymore either, that's why I am almost fine with
this. But it feels like I let my sister down. She understood, and I believe
her, so there is no grudge or anything, but I would have loved to help more.
Amy shares
half the driving with me now, because whenever she can, she comes with me to
see granny, and afterwards we try to get back into town where I can help my
sister then. Amy has expressed her displeasure of doing that at all, which is
only because she worries that I might do too much. I promised to be careful,
but it will not be much longer till she stops me for good.
Hehe,
she is not my nanny, but she is extremely convincing and my trust in her is too
big not to do as she wants. Not to create the wrong impression, I am listening
to my body and I do feel a little less nimble, which is ok, as I do not under
any circumstances want to do anything that could harm baby.
Baby
Since I do
not blog much at the moment (although I’d love to!) I rarely have a chance of
doing my pregnancy countdown …. I am already in week 28!?! Whoa that was fast!
Seriously, I have already seen that this
last year passed quickly, after all Tilda has already had her first birthday
party! Her first birthday, imagine that, and there are moments when I do not
know what I did in this year. Somehow it really feels more like Tilda was born a few
days ago, and suddenly baby sweetie has grown and we are week 28 again?! Wow.
So,
even though I had a gloomy start into
this entry, just thinking about my little one and her little brother or sister
makes me smile. There are the pangs of sadness when I wish for granny to see
Tilda play, to touch my bump, to have time with us, but for me, those two sweet
little cuties mean the world and help me go through rough days like this one. And granny loves baby news. Knowing that helps me, at least sometimes.
I
do not know whether we will have a boy or a girl. Hubby would like a boy,
though more because he wanted to tease me a little after I have said that I am almost
sure we’ll have a little girl again. LoL, I cannot even say why, maybe it is because
her kicks feel just like those I got from Tilda. Not surprising, is it? :) Baby
has her own rhythm, she is more active when I go to bed and early in the
morning. So, we do have our bonding time then, though less often on the sofa
than I’d like to.
On another
positive note I am pretty happy that there are only few pregnancy-related problems that I have to
deal with. Ok, the loo needs to be close, but the only things that are not too
awesome are a lot of heartburn and sometimes insomnia. Sounds familiar, and I
think I handle both rather well at the moment. :)
TTWD
Woohoo,
finally I have TTWD in my blog again. But that does not really mean a
lot, because dd is pretty limited for us at the moment. I mean, hubby is HoH, he
decides, and he really does. He keeps an eye on me, I think he has noticed that
there have been times after returning either from granny or sister when I was
not like myself. I literally got some quiet time then, not like being in the corner, just
a quiet thirty minutes to breathe, be a little sad, calm down, just take my
time on the sofa or in the bedroom.
But somehow
he has given me a lot of room in other situations, too. I am glad about that, because there have
been moments when I was maybe tired, or simply over-emotional, and he
has definitely warned me more than he would have done in non-pregnant times. I
am grateful for that. Maybe it is just my lack of concentration, but I have had
moments where I really did not know how to act the right way, it was like I
just forgot completely. Probably doesn’t make sense to anybody, but I
appreciate that hubby did not take away privileges and instead told me what I
did, which was enough for me to be embarrassed. He didn’t always keep me out of
the corner though. I have been a wee bit too liberal with some information
online for his taste, so hubby was really vexed and in a way the only reason why he did not
take away my online time was that I don’t have much time to be online anyway
due to our current situation. However, I should better be careful, or else …. .
Just because ...
