Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Why do submissives end up doing so much oral?
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Monday, January 20, 2014
We're going on a bear hunt. We're going to catch a big one.
Ehm, no, not me. We have had some discussions about hunting in the past. Hubby is pro hunting, a friend from Canada is pro hunting, then there are three women who are against it as a sport, because it is cruel and we think killing as a sport is wrong. I am one of them three. Ok, protagonists and antagonists have assembled, let the games begin. ... You can imagine that an argument about something like hunting could come to a bloody ending. :) This is because if you have an opinion about it, you are usually an uncompromising proponent or opponent. And then again, I could understand why hunting is nothing to be condemned completely, though I have done so most of my life. This being said by a former vegetarian who did not eat any kind of meat for fifteen years because of the cruel ways animals are killed in abattoirs.
Anyway, what I found most convincing was the point of view that I heard from our Canadian friend. He is from a wild area in Western Canada, where the next major city is several hours away. Trees everywhere, more deer, wolves and bears than people. He said he grew up with hunting and had learned that even before he came out of his diapers. His father would shoot some animal and they would actually eat the meat, keep the fur or sell it. Using guns is normal for him too, accordingly. He likes the excitement that comes with hunting, some of it is sports, but he never lost this attitude that it is done for the food.
Actually, I could understand that reasoning. Probably because it has never occurred to me before that modern western people go hunting for food, because they live in the real wilderness. The biggest wilderness around here is a nearby park with big trees and nice squirrels. You find young and old people there, sitting on benches or playing football, but no deer or bears.
Of course, I don't like bloodshed of any kind and if an animal (e.g. Bambi) looked at me with its big brown eyes, I would take it home and could not shoot and eat it. But I understood that it is acceptable or even important to do in areas with wild animals or where you don't have shops to get food from.
I, in contrast, am a complete city-girl. In my life, wild animals exist in zoos only and outside, the wildest I have ever seen was Bambi together with his friends. So, hunting was never something I found interesting at all, and because I don't like it when animals are killed, I could never do something like that, since it is cruel and causes so much pain. And still, I cannot deny that there also is some truth in the reasons given for hunting.
Hubby has admonished me repeatedly to listen to what people have to say, listen for the message and understand, instead of jumping to conclusions which just satisfy my own prejudices. I know he is right with that and even though you would never find me shooting at Bambi, it was really easy to understand what was said, instead of protesting without accepting the others' point of view.
For those of you with little ones, here's the link with the complete lyrics + video for the activities.
I only found this link after I had written my text. There was no need to look for it sooner, because I have hubby, who knows most of it by heart, movement and noises included. Watching him doing all that was hilarious, because he could not sit, but had to do it walking around. :)
P.S. I know this was completely off-topic again, but sometimes I just have to do some rambling.
Anyway, what I found most convincing was the point of view that I heard from our Canadian friend. He is from a wild area in Western Canada, where the next major city is several hours away. Trees everywhere, more deer, wolves and bears than people. He said he grew up with hunting and had learned that even before he came out of his diapers. His father would shoot some animal and they would actually eat the meat, keep the fur or sell it. Using guns is normal for him too, accordingly. He likes the excitement that comes with hunting, some of it is sports, but he never lost this attitude that it is done for the food.
Actually, I could understand that reasoning. Probably because it has never occurred to me before that modern western people go hunting for food, because they live in the real wilderness. The biggest wilderness around here is a nearby park with big trees and nice squirrels. You find young and old people there, sitting on benches or playing football, but no deer or bears.
Of course, I don't like bloodshed of any kind and if an animal (e.g. Bambi) looked at me with its big brown eyes, I would take it home and could not shoot and eat it. But I understood that it is acceptable or even important to do in areas with wild animals or where you don't have shops to get food from.
I, in contrast, am a complete city-girl. In my life, wild animals exist in zoos only and outside, the wildest I have ever seen was Bambi together with his friends. So, hunting was never something I found interesting at all, and because I don't like it when animals are killed, I could never do something like that, since it is cruel and causes so much pain. And still, I cannot deny that there also is some truth in the reasons given for hunting.
Hubby has admonished me repeatedly to listen to what people have to say, listen for the message and understand, instead of jumping to conclusions which just satisfy my own prejudices. I know he is right with that and even though you would never find me shooting at Bambi, it was really easy to understand what was said, instead of protesting without accepting the others' point of view.
For those of you with little ones, here's the link with the complete lyrics + video for the activities.
I only found this link after I had written my text. There was no need to look for it sooner, because I have hubby, who knows most of it by heart, movement and noises included. Watching him doing all that was hilarious, because he could not sit, but had to do it walking around. :)
P.S. I know this was completely off-topic again, but sometimes I just have to do some rambling.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Me speak woman - me no speak man :)
I admit
that I am biased, prejudiced, use stereotypes and am currently in the mood to
show how superior female communication skills are … just teasing, gentlemen. I’ll ask hubby
later on why teasing men this way is so much fun, and I’ll get a short three word
answer, because the reason will be so logical.
When you
look at how communication between the sexes works, you can see that the reason
for communication is already different between men and women. Men communicate
first of all, to report a problem and to find a way to solve that. Once the job
is completed, they go and watch football with some pals. No word spoken for the
rest of the night, because those two, three or more guys can connect via
electronic means, or just by sitting on the sofa and drinking lager,
non-verbally, by supporting the same team. They are all good friends,
connection completed. Words spoken in 24 hours: 150.
Women
communicate often because they need the exchange as a means to give support to
others, to receive support from their friends, to connect to others. Being
together with friends, talking about everything is not because you want all the
information and then go home. Tea with friends is an event, because you can
connect, you feel better because you are with them and share how you and they
feel. I am perfectly able to describe the innermost of myself in words, but it
takes time and many words to do so. Talking to each other is a way to make you
feel good. Imagine how good it feels if you hear how your friends share ideas,
have similar views on things. In a way, I can see where my friends and I stand
emotionally and in relation to each other. It is a never ending process of relating
to each other and creates heaps of happy hormones. Words spoken in 24 hours: 12500.
Interlude:
He: “Did you come?”
He: “Did you come?”
She: “How
subtle ?!. I don’t want kids from you any longer!”
If she had
not been tired before, she will be now, because this question is so insensitive;
for me this ranges next to “Have you got your period?!”
Non-verbal communication
He, in a
moment of emotional closeness, hugs her long and tight. Translation
men-women: “I love you so much”
She appreciates
the moment of connection, is looking for the meaning behind it, but does not
necessarily see the hug as his weekly utterance of ‘I love you’. Instead she
complains to her best friend, because her partner never talks to her and never
says ‘I love you endlessly.’ She is distressed and he does not even know why,
because he has expressed his feelings non-verbally. Now, that’s a dilemma,
because non-verbal communication is great and women like that, because it can be so symbolic, but not when it
comes to expressing degrees of love.
How do you express the degree of love towards your partner non-verbally? Ever tried that? A kiss= a little? Smack on the bottom=More than average? Outright shagging= endless love, ooh, here it comes, baby? (I have asked hubby, I was allowed to use the indecent word for dramatic effect).
How do you express the degree of love towards your partner non-verbally? Ever tried that? A kiss= a little? Smack on the bottom=More than average? Outright shagging= endless love, ooh, here it comes, baby? (I have asked hubby, I was allowed to use the indecent word for dramatic effect).
Gentlemen, sexual intercourse is not the same as love. That’s another misconception of yours. It is a great way to connect, to show intimacy and can add to love and it would not feel right for me with someone I did not love, but the emotion is not the same as the physical act.
For me, non-verbal communication simply is not good enough to exchange how much you love someone. It is the wrong way. I for one need to hear that so that I can understand it and connect to my partner. Speaking about non-verbal: Flowers are a nice supplement to express love, and I love that, but if you get flowers every week, instead of the words “I love you”, it just is not enough and becomes less meaningful. But it is still nice and lovely to get them now and then..
Actually,
my idea about non-verbal communication and men is, that they are not worse or
better than women, just like in most other areas, the training and mental makeup that men and
women have is probably just different. Therefore, I think that women can read
some non-verbal better which men do not even see and vice versa.
How do you deal with stress?
If hubby is
stressed, he would often try to find a place for himself, he would talk less,
and he would not like to talk about what stresses him. He wants to relax then,
no talking, nobody around, not even me, which I hate a lot, because I always
have this feeling I could help, or at least I’d try and show sympathy, if
nothing else. Instead, he wants to have this time for himself and usually he
comes up with a solution again, later.
The second annoying bit here is that male communication kicks in immediately
afterwards and it might happen that I never find out why he was so quiet.
Instead I’d get a short explanation on the solution he found for the problem he
had pondered. Maybe I do not even get the chance to see how much of a problem
he had. (Sir, no criticism, I am dramatising).
For me, dealing
with stress would be the other way round. I’d look for hubby to talk to, to go
through every detail of what created the stress, I’d need the support from him,
the sympathy and the knowledge that he is there for me and that he really
listens to me. When I have unburdened my heart to him or a good friend, I feel
better again and everything is better again. See? Opposites attract.
Let me tell you … vs. you should know what I
want
Ok, let me contradict
myself a little now. Women talk more in a day than men. But when it comes to
expressing their needs and wants to their partner, I have the feeling that men
are so much better. Maybe I just project to how it has always been for me and
turn it into a general statement. But some of my (female) friends share my
idea. This is connected to a sentence hubby uses again and again on me. “If you
want it, ask for it.” This is not meant in the D/s sense, which it could have.
No, there is a different approach of how men and women communicate what they
want. Men just say it. No problem, no second underlying meaning, just the plain
fact. Sometimes this could lead directly into conflict, because I am used to
hubby reading me, which he is awfully good at. And then suddenly there is this
moment again, where he did not read me properly. This coincides with the moment
where I did not speak, although I should have, according to hubby. Why should
I? I expect hubby to know what I want. Usually it just works, but not always
and I also know that I am blessed with hubby because he can read me most times.
Still, I have to state what I want or need and sometimes I do.
Imagine how
many misunderstandings you would see, if husband was a bad wife-reader and wife
had my highly spoiled expectations to be read by her husband. So, the basic
problem is, women have to state what they want, just the way men do. But don’t
appear demanding either, because that would create different problems.
Jo and Jane
As you know,
misunderstanding each other is easy. The reasons are many, but one of the major
differences in the way men and women communicate is that men tend to detach
emotion from thoughts and most activities they do. And where men tend to
connect some –more or less- logical reason to their actions, they don’t see the
need to communicate much about it. Women’s communication does not work that
way, usually. If you go through a house or flat where everything was arranged
by a woman, you can see the love for detail in it. I am talking about the
tendency of it, of course, this is not an inflexible rule. With women’s
communication it is similar. Where Jo would just see that it is logical for him
and not lose a word about it, Jane would ask about details. Everything has a
meaning, at least that’s the first thought that would come up. What’s the
meaning behind the first layer of information. She would ask why and how
someone came to this conclusion or what your thoughts were while you pondered
the problem. And Jo? Jo only looks for the result.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
My 2nd ballerina upload
This is another of mine. The original reason why I made this was to have a nice drawing pattern for kids to draw into. Tomorrow my nieces will be here and they love colouring all kinds of shapes. Usually that's a good starter and a few minutes later they invade our workshop where we have some easels and then the real fun starts when they paint freely, it's guaranteed that they use bright acrylics then.
I hope I don't bore you with these, but there will be one or two more dancers. I'd like to sketch some tango dancers, but don't know if my poor paper will do for that, because usually I imagine men and women dancing tango in very dark colours. But the white paper I need for that will not be here before the weekend, I guess, so I'll just try and see what I can do. The dancer above was a quick sketch, which also explains the degas-esque look of her. The term was coined by Ava Grace .
But I won't bother you with many more of my drawings, because blogging texts is what I like best here. Therefore I'll return to writing soon again.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Do I need it or do I want it?
When Master and I initially started our relationship it became quite obvious that I had no idea about my needs. What I thought I needed were just things that from nowadays point of view were just things I wanted, but they were not really necessary for emotional satisfaction and well-being. Most of the needs I could not even put into words because I was not aware of these and only felt the lack of something in my life. Instead I had twisted ideas about women who are only strong if they act and live independently, though I also always had felt deep within then, that this was not part of my agenda. But I acted against my deeper desires, because they were not mainstream. I paid too much attention to how negative others (women) thought about women who craved a strong man who took them in hands. Apart from that, I could not even give such needs a name.
Needs or wants?
This was until hubby actually talked to me about needs and wants. The difference is not difficult to understand, but I had trouble at first, because I never had thought about the difference. Let's stick to something basic, like food. I need some kind of food and fluid to stay alive. But bread and water would fulfil my need to satisfy my hunger. What I want is fruit, sweets, meat, oysters, lobster, tea, juice, champagne, chocolate and any other kind of interesting taste. Still, everybody knows these things are not vital.
And now the tricky bit. Try to put into words what you need concerning your partner and way of life, if you did not feel well with what you had experienced so far. If anything, you had a vague feeling that what the man of your dreams demonstrated, or better exhaled as his way of being, was what heated you up more than anything else before. Lacking awareness, this was difficult to put into words and I am happy that my husband and Master helped me there. I had a lot of luck then, because the sheer force of attraction that emanated from him towards me was so enormous from the start that I had only eyes for him and would have done anything to get him. I know for sure than many women know exactly what that feels like.
The hopeless romantic in me who is endlessly in love with hubby says that I need him. He is my first need. But the down-to-earth Master who I wanted to impress with this line did not want to second that :( ; he says the needs go deeper. Ok, therefore I'll try to be more general with describing at least a few of my needs. I might not go into detail with all of these, because I have written about needs and wants in a few other texts of mine.
Trust
What I need is somebody I can trust completely, because without that I'd not be at ease, even if I derived something from submitting then. I do not know what I would have done if I had found a dominant who was not trustworthy; would I have taken the opportunity or not? Well, the more probable answer scares me. But I simply could not resist Mr Right when I met him, and I trusted him from the start, even in difficult moments which we had early on.
Control
What I know is I definitely need the feeling that somebody is there who is in control, who can control me and who is able to enforce his will on me. I know, sounds harsh, but is lovely for me. And if I have the feeling that he is not there to keep me in check, I come closer to going ballistic every minute. This is something which is close to the core of my being. And it is also related to my trust towards him. I have to feel that his hold on me is complete, because anything else worries and disturbs me. Although it sounds like it, I do not need 24/7 care, or somebody who is around me all the time. It is the feeling of being not alone, of being close to someone who has control over me. Of course, there is more to it, but that would lead too far away.
That's one of the main reasons why former relationships with decent vanilla guys simply could not work with me. I could trust them, I believe, but they were unable to give me anything else than that. I felt like I was in control and that was awful. Try leaning on a wall which is not there. This feels like you have no hold and fall down deep into the dark abyss. There is nobody holding you back, no anchor, nothing. Some of these moments I remember from that time are horrible, because I can relive this feeling of being lost, completely disconnected, in the presence of someone you should connect to. Imagine that you are sitting close to someone you love and there is an invisible barrier between you and him and there is no way for you to touch him. I never ever want to relive that and just thinking about it sends shivers down the spine.
But this was not even the worst. I am not going to describe how I treated them sometimes, that was awful in itself and I have a bad conscience from that to this moment. The worst in these relationships was that I could do what I wanted. What I mean is complete chaos, not complete liberty. It's doing arbitrary but rather meaningless things in life because you have no clue. Like I did for years, long after I had been out of these relationships and had lost interest in meeting new partners completely. What for, if it never worked out? Instead, I could go for nights without sleep, I could go and party for weeks, if I managed to be at work in time. I could be with people who were no real friends, I could hurt people without wanting to, annoyed people, disappointed those that mattered. I had the feeling that I had reached my personal hell and started to build my house in it. One of the straws that I still had, were some really good friends, the best, who stuck with me when they had no real reason to. They helped me a lot and gave me some kind of stability. I try to be a really good friend for them, have tried so for the last ten years to make up for former mistakes and doing so has been a lovely and very satisfying experience. The chance to do so was only there because they did not leave and my Mr Right was able to change my attitude completely. I think for him it must have been a lot like helping me tidying up a huge mess.
Communication ... and a bit of sex
Communication is a need. I couldn't do without the reassurance and feedback that I receive through that. It is the most valuable way of expressing my submission towards my Master, too. The acts that are connected to submission are often only the visible expression of this need of mine. In this moment I do not mean sex. The sex we have is fabulous and just like anybody else who has unbelievably fabulous sex, I could not imagine anybody having a better sex life than us. :) Compared to what we have now, former vanilla sex times were dull and boring, a bit like finding the needle in a haystack ... in the dark. But is sex a real need of mine? I guess I have no idea. I submit completely during sex. So, as a means to show my submission and to feel good from that, it is a need. But I could also kiss Master's feet and that would serve the same purpose and it would not even ruin the hair as happens all the time during sex. Sex is synonymous with scenes and session, because physical intercourse usually happens during the scenes that we have. They are a mix of creating endless sexual pleasure on the one hand and a means of creating a number of moments where Master exerts his power over me and I submit, accept his dominance completely. Virtually a case of non-verbal communication. The pure intercourse part of those scenes I could do without, not that I would ever like that, but if I could still submit, it would work.
Since we have a few friends we can talk to about DD and D/s as well, I feel rather privileged and appreciate the opportunities we have because of it. But the real problem in communication had existed when I was not aware of what I needed and could not express the necessary things as a result. And being bitchy is also a kind of communication, so I maybe was desperate enough to be that way, maybe it was a cry for help that nobody understood, myself included. When I finally had my loving dominant partner, communication was no longer a problem. We could not only talk, but we could also understand the underlying messages the other one wanted to convey. Suddenly there was somebody who could give my problems a name. Imagine how that feels, you try to express something but cannot find any words for it and he says them, and this happened all the time and still does happen. At first he always left me speechless because he told me about my desires and they were true, like a revelation. Sometimes I thought that he was quite bluntly talking about these things, but we talked things through again and again, forward, backward, again and again. He always left a choice, though he also said that it is no real choice because if I wanted to be happy from deep within I could only follow these deeply rooted desires.
It's like the doctor says 'Well, young lady, you have a serious case of being chronically undersupplied with the satisfaction of your real needs. You could live with it for a few more years untreated, but not taking your medicine will inhibit your happiness and mental health a lot and probably will let you fade away finally, as if you had never been alive.' What is the name of the medicine, Doctor?' 'It is called submission. Take a heavy dose of it every day and the more you take of it, the better you will feel.' I heeded my doctor and he knew exactly what he subscribed to me. Thank you, Sir.
Needs or wants?
This was until hubby actually talked to me about needs and wants. The difference is not difficult to understand, but I had trouble at first, because I never had thought about the difference. Let's stick to something basic, like food. I need some kind of food and fluid to stay alive. But bread and water would fulfil my need to satisfy my hunger. What I want is fruit, sweets, meat, oysters, lobster, tea, juice, champagne, chocolate and any other kind of interesting taste. Still, everybody knows these things are not vital.
And now the tricky bit. Try to put into words what you need concerning your partner and way of life, if you did not feel well with what you had experienced so far. If anything, you had a vague feeling that what the man of your dreams demonstrated, or better exhaled as his way of being, was what heated you up more than anything else before. Lacking awareness, this was difficult to put into words and I am happy that my husband and Master helped me there. I had a lot of luck then, because the sheer force of attraction that emanated from him towards me was so enormous from the start that I had only eyes for him and would have done anything to get him. I know for sure than many women know exactly what that feels like.
The hopeless romantic in me who is endlessly in love with hubby says that I need him. He is my first need. But the down-to-earth Master who I wanted to impress with this line did not want to second that :( ; he says the needs go deeper. Ok, therefore I'll try to be more general with describing at least a few of my needs. I might not go into detail with all of these, because I have written about needs and wants in a few other texts of mine.
Trust
What I need is somebody I can trust completely, because without that I'd not be at ease, even if I derived something from submitting then. I do not know what I would have done if I had found a dominant who was not trustworthy; would I have taken the opportunity or not? Well, the more probable answer scares me. But I simply could not resist Mr Right when I met him, and I trusted him from the start, even in difficult moments which we had early on.
Control
What I know is I definitely need the feeling that somebody is there who is in control, who can control me and who is able to enforce his will on me. I know, sounds harsh, but is lovely for me. And if I have the feeling that he is not there to keep me in check, I come closer to going ballistic every minute. This is something which is close to the core of my being. And it is also related to my trust towards him. I have to feel that his hold on me is complete, because anything else worries and disturbs me. Although it sounds like it, I do not need 24/7 care, or somebody who is around me all the time. It is the feeling of being not alone, of being close to someone who has control over me. Of course, there is more to it, but that would lead too far away.
That's one of the main reasons why former relationships with decent vanilla guys simply could not work with me. I could trust them, I believe, but they were unable to give me anything else than that. I felt like I was in control and that was awful. Try leaning on a wall which is not there. This feels like you have no hold and fall down deep into the dark abyss. There is nobody holding you back, no anchor, nothing. Some of these moments I remember from that time are horrible, because I can relive this feeling of being lost, completely disconnected, in the presence of someone you should connect to. Imagine that you are sitting close to someone you love and there is an invisible barrier between you and him and there is no way for you to touch him. I never ever want to relive that and just thinking about it sends shivers down the spine.
But this was not even the worst. I am not going to describe how I treated them sometimes, that was awful in itself and I have a bad conscience from that to this moment. The worst in these relationships was that I could do what I wanted. What I mean is complete chaos, not complete liberty. It's doing arbitrary but rather meaningless things in life because you have no clue. Like I did for years, long after I had been out of these relationships and had lost interest in meeting new partners completely. What for, if it never worked out? Instead, I could go for nights without sleep, I could go and party for weeks, if I managed to be at work in time. I could be with people who were no real friends, I could hurt people without wanting to, annoyed people, disappointed those that mattered. I had the feeling that I had reached my personal hell and started to build my house in it. One of the straws that I still had, were some really good friends, the best, who stuck with me when they had no real reason to. They helped me a lot and gave me some kind of stability. I try to be a really good friend for them, have tried so for the last ten years to make up for former mistakes and doing so has been a lovely and very satisfying experience. The chance to do so was only there because they did not leave and my Mr Right was able to change my attitude completely. I think for him it must have been a lot like helping me tidying up a huge mess.
Communication ... and a bit of sex
Communication is a need. I couldn't do without the reassurance and feedback that I receive through that. It is the most valuable way of expressing my submission towards my Master, too. The acts that are connected to submission are often only the visible expression of this need of mine. In this moment I do not mean sex. The sex we have is fabulous and just like anybody else who has unbelievably fabulous sex, I could not imagine anybody having a better sex life than us. :) Compared to what we have now, former vanilla sex times were dull and boring, a bit like finding the needle in a haystack ... in the dark. But is sex a real need of mine? I guess I have no idea. I submit completely during sex. So, as a means to show my submission and to feel good from that, it is a need. But I could also kiss Master's feet and that would serve the same purpose and it would not even ruin the hair as happens all the time during sex. Sex is synonymous with scenes and session, because physical intercourse usually happens during the scenes that we have. They are a mix of creating endless sexual pleasure on the one hand and a means of creating a number of moments where Master exerts his power over me and I submit, accept his dominance completely. Virtually a case of non-verbal communication. The pure intercourse part of those scenes I could do without, not that I would ever like that, but if I could still submit, it would work.
Since we have a few friends we can talk to about DD and D/s as well, I feel rather privileged and appreciate the opportunities we have because of it. But the real problem in communication had existed when I was not aware of what I needed and could not express the necessary things as a result. And being bitchy is also a kind of communication, so I maybe was desperate enough to be that way, maybe it was a cry for help that nobody understood, myself included. When I finally had my loving dominant partner, communication was no longer a problem. We could not only talk, but we could also understand the underlying messages the other one wanted to convey. Suddenly there was somebody who could give my problems a name. Imagine how that feels, you try to express something but cannot find any words for it and he says them, and this happened all the time and still does happen. At first he always left me speechless because he told me about my desires and they were true, like a revelation. Sometimes I thought that he was quite bluntly talking about these things, but we talked things through again and again, forward, backward, again and again. He always left a choice, though he also said that it is no real choice because if I wanted to be happy from deep within I could only follow these deeply rooted desires.
It's like the doctor says 'Well, young lady, you have a serious case of being chronically undersupplied with the satisfaction of your real needs. You could live with it for a few more years untreated, but not taking your medicine will inhibit your happiness and mental health a lot and probably will let you fade away finally, as if you had never been alive.' What is the name of the medicine, Doctor?' 'It is called submission. Take a heavy dose of it every day and the more you take of it, the better you will feel.' I heeded my doctor and he knew exactly what he subscribed to me. Thank you, Sir.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Oh no, she has found out how to create links!
Well, it only took four months until I have finally seen that there is this button saying Link.
I don't know what the others are good for yet, but I'll learn. ... Wait until I have learned to imbed pictures .... :)
I thought it would be nice to arrange my hitherto rambling into different categories, so this is my first attempt at creating a directory for my own blog. And I am a bit proud of myself now (after four months).
My little table of contents does not cover all texts and some would also fit in another category. Nevertheless, at least there is a directory now.
Resistance
Masters have triggers too?!
Feeling guilty, forgiveness and therapeutic spanking
Self-esteem, control, BDSM and our personal blend
Blocking your partner emotionally
Intimacy
Being taught a lesson in humility
Sexually frustrated meets horny
Release, release, release, hallelujah
The quality dominant
Self-control
What's your fetish?
Aftercare - do it, please, please, pleaseTrust
Strange day here we come
When is a scene good?
Abuse versus consent
Trust
11 prejudices and stereotypes that I had to deal with this year
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pain jokes
poetry: Sassoon and Shakespeare
poetry: Shelley and Heaney
favourite songs (short version)
A domestic discipline society
My bottom smarts
According to what I wrote about most, it is official now, I am a sex-possessed submissive rulebreaker with communication skills.
Edit: Ava, thank you once more, now the directory looks far better than before
I don't know what the others are good for yet, but I'll learn. ... Wait until I have learned to imbed pictures .... :)
I thought it would be nice to arrange my hitherto rambling into different categories, so this is my first attempt at creating a directory for my own blog. And I am a bit proud of myself now (after four months).
My little table of contents does not cover all texts and some would also fit in another category. Nevertheless, at least there is a directory now.
submission
Why do I submit?Resistance
Masters have triggers too?!
Feeling guilty, forgiveness and therapeutic spanking
Self-esteem, control, BDSM and our personal blend
intimacy and emotional states
Perfect momentsBlocking your partner emotionally
Intimacy
trouble with rules and punishments
Go get the brush and arnicaBDSM/sessions/sex
Earn your reward, little oneBeing taught a lesson in humility
Sexually frustrated meets horny
Release, release, release, hallelujah
The quality dominant
Self-control
What's your fetish?
Aftercare - do it, please, please, pleaseTrust
Strange day here we come
When is a scene good?
Abuse versus consent
teasing your partner
Tease him, you naughty girls!relationships
women and men
How do we share emotionally?Trust
11 prejudices and stereotypes that I had to deal with this year
funnies
12+ embarrassing momentsWhy did the chicken cross the road?
Pain jokes
communication / transactional analysis
Why did he do that? Why did I behave like that?pms and how we deal with it
poetry
poetry: W.B. Yeats: lake isle of Innisfreepoetry: Sassoon and Shakespeare
poetry: Shelley and Heaney
music
soft music during sessionsfavourite songs (short version)
incomprehensible for most, a challenge for others...
my favourite external links dealing with DD
Discipline and LoveA domestic discipline society
My bottom smarts
According to what I wrote about most, it is official now, I am a sex-possessed submissive rulebreaker with communication skills.
Edit: Ava, thank you once more, now the directory looks far better than before
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Where is my dictionary woman-man / man-woman?
Anger-management
While I start writing, I am still annoyed with hubby. I know it is just squeamishness from my side, and I am surprised by my own reaction (it's not the hormones), but he really made me angry. Hubby knows, he assured me that he did not want to hurt my feelings with it but basically he shrugged it off. <- a typcial male reaction! I think he did it because the situation is a simple men-women misunderstanding or a case of failed communication. Usually I would not even be on the computer and write at all on Saturdays, but hubby allowed me to do that to cool down again. The alternative could be running through the woods or a spanking to let my frustration out. I'll consider that later.
My chocolate treat
This morning after breakfast I took out a big bar of chocolate. If you have been reading about my relationship to chocolate and my bum, you already know the direction this is going to take. It is silly and it is not going to be better soon. Ok, the bar of chocolate was part of a Christmas present from a friend, a big piece of pure luxury and pleasure, white and sweet, something to enjoy in a relaxed moment, which I thought we had. The dining room was all clear, everything was fine and I took this out to eat a little piece of it. The idea behind it was to have some for every day of the upcoming week, so that I could enjoy it over a longer period of time. Not like stuffing it all in because it can help release happy hormones. I was sitting at the table, all focused on my treat, looked at it, enjoyed the wrapping, enjoyed the looks of the chocolate, which was almost too good to be broken and eaten, and had finally decided from which of the corners I wanted to break the first piece.
And hubby said "You should not eat it, too much fat and sugar are bad for you. They could make you fat."
Thank you very much, that felt like a bucket of ice-cold water poured out over me. I know that he did not mean it the way I understood it, I really do know and rationally (yes, I mean that word) all should be fine, but emotionally that felt like bad criticism for me. It still does. I am still asking myself, how could he be so insensitive. Maybe I feel that way because he did not realize how much I had been looking forward to this moment where I would give myself a little treat, saved from Christmas for the right moment. Maybe he forgot that I have an issue with my looks now and then. I guess he caught me on the wrong foot, so it was sort of bad timing.
We'll talk about that later on, I know that. Nevertheless, I feel blessed that I am Master's, because he usually has a way with women which is lovely and misunderstandings like this one today are rare. But they exist and in other relationships they are a major reason for irritation or a source of endless jokes.
What men and women do differently
According to my own observations to what hubby and other men tend to do in these moments, hubby just wanted to pass on the piece of information. No second thought, no other message intended or implied. What I made out of it is what the vast majority of women also would have done. We are almost always looking for additional messages, scrutinizing the different layers of the original words and trying to figure out deeper meanings. Maybe the idea behind this exchange of ostensible facts is already the main problem. If I tell my friend (female) that I enjoyed something a lot, it might be that only two weeks earlier I had another opinion about it. Ok, she would not ask much about the why because she would understand that the feelings connected to this have changed and I want to express that. We are talking Meta in that moment. Difficult for me to explain, because usually it just happens and we never think much about it. If the feelings that we connect to something change, our opinion would also change radically. From my experience I can only say it happens all the time. Maybe you liked the blue shirt two weeks ago, but then there came this guy in a similar blue shirt and he was all unfriendly. If you connect unfriendly and blue shirt, you have a perfectly good reason to hate that blue shirt and guys with a moustache, if he had one. Even more likely is this change if it is connected to people, friends, family.
Predictable hubby (...and I love you for that, too)
I think that men are different when it comes to those things. When I experience changes in hubby's opinion, they are usually based on rationally comprehensible reasons. So, if you asked him why, he could give you the answer. 'The reason for my change of opinion is the taxraise.' Ah, ok, numbers. In addition to that, I think that hubby would not change his opinion often. He is predictable when it comes to that, which I like.
Unpredictable Nina (...for men)
If you want to know from me, why I suddenly hate going to the restaurant that we have been to before, and I enjoyed it, I even might be at a loss about giving the answer at first, because I never had the intention to explain that in detail. It does only take a moment more, before I realize the why though. But try to explain anybody not female that a subconscious connection between the colour of the waiter's shirt and some other experience at the last evening in the restaurant let you change your opinion. Between friends you would first of all want them to relate and to feel with you. The message that I need to get across in such a moment is, I hate it NOW and my feelings have changed. And then we can start to explore other reasons, which might not always appear completely clear at first sight - to a man.
Writing this helped a lot and I am going to enjoy my chocolate now. I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and whatever you do, be safe, sane and consensual.
Friday, January 10, 2014
opposites attract - loving the 'different'
After a hard Friday evening, I have a few minutes to write before sleep. This came up during a discussion after a punishment today, when everything was resolved and lovely again. And yes, the punishment was well-deserved and I cannot sit well, but that does not matter atm. It is over and when it is over it really is. So, we spent time in bed afterwards, no physical sex, only comforting, showing affection, love and showing that all is well again. ----> aftercare. Master saw that I really needed that badly this evening after the punishment. Well, so we discussed, what we found attractive in each other and in other people in general and the analogy of what hubby and I described to each other was really noteworthy.
We agreed in most of the ideas we had, and the most noteworthy aspect was that we only found people interesting who were different from ourselves. This is rather tricky to describe, but I'll do my best. I am submissive, so what I find attractive in a potential partner is dominance. I know enough about being submissive, being docile (believe me, I do!), about being a complete mess at times, about women, emotional ups and downs, pms, chocolate etc. . A potential partner who would show the same traits, would not help to create a certain balance in the relationship. Please don't misunderstand what I wrote now, it is not meant to disregard anybody who has any of these traits, I want to drive my point about being different home, nothing else.
Therefore, what I find attractive, is everything that I am not (I know that I set myself up with that one). I find alpha males attractive, I like it when they are dominant, men who are calm, determined, assertive, who can push you to the limit at times, who can maintain an overview, especially in precarious situations. Since I often have this feeling that I need someone's shoulder to lean on (and enjoy it) I find someone attractive who oozes this strength to support me accordingly. Opposites attract. Of course, there are also other characteristics, but they are another category. Someone who shows that he is different from the politically correct male mainstream, is definitely more interesting for me than those who do not show some of these traits which are diametrically opposed to my own.
Hubby told me that what he found attractive are also those people who are the opposite of him in some areas. For him women are attractive if they are submissive, if they show it in their behaviour, even without being aware of it. And now something I really loved to hear: He obviously and absolutely prefers order and structure but he still finds it attractive in women if they openly show the emotional states they are in and have this air of being carefree around them, because for him there is a connection between being carefree and being creative. I don't know if there really is a connection, because if you looked at it from the other side, it would mean that I was looking for an uncreative dominant man, which is not true, he is as good at drawing and painting as I am, I believe. Anyway, I loved that he said that.
Since the queen of chaos is writing this, she wanted to find out about how much Master liked chaos in her personality. Master said, pure chaos in a human being is nothing to be enjoyed, though if it is tamed and structured, but there is still a bit left that shows now and then, it can be incredibly attractive because it creates a lot of spontaneous action. .... :) This is my licence to chaos :) Nah, I wouldn't enjoy a return to former disaster. But I loved what he had said.
Being attracted to people who are as different from ourselves as can be, does not mean that those who are alike ourselves are uninteresting. On the contrary, they are probably great company and friends, but being only interesting and being attractive are not identical. The first could be best friends, but only the second could be life partners.
So, what we find attractive in others is what is different from ourselves. This fits so well with the two of us, and is also reflected in our way of life. In my opinion it is probably quite similar for the majority of people, but I also believe that D/s couples are more likely to show that they obviously have partners who are more or less diamtetrically opposed to them in many character traits.
We agreed in most of the ideas we had, and the most noteworthy aspect was that we only found people interesting who were different from ourselves. This is rather tricky to describe, but I'll do my best. I am submissive, so what I find attractive in a potential partner is dominance. I know enough about being submissive, being docile (believe me, I do!), about being a complete mess at times, about women, emotional ups and downs, pms, chocolate etc. . A potential partner who would show the same traits, would not help to create a certain balance in the relationship. Please don't misunderstand what I wrote now, it is not meant to disregard anybody who has any of these traits, I want to drive my point about being different home, nothing else.
Therefore, what I find attractive, is everything that I am not (I know that I set myself up with that one). I find alpha males attractive, I like it when they are dominant, men who are calm, determined, assertive, who can push you to the limit at times, who can maintain an overview, especially in precarious situations. Since I often have this feeling that I need someone's shoulder to lean on (and enjoy it) I find someone attractive who oozes this strength to support me accordingly. Opposites attract. Of course, there are also other characteristics, but they are another category. Someone who shows that he is different from the politically correct male mainstream, is definitely more interesting for me than those who do not show some of these traits which are diametrically opposed to my own.
Hubby told me that what he found attractive are also those people who are the opposite of him in some areas. For him women are attractive if they are submissive, if they show it in their behaviour, even without being aware of it. And now something I really loved to hear: He obviously and absolutely prefers order and structure but he still finds it attractive in women if they openly show the emotional states they are in and have this air of being carefree around them, because for him there is a connection between being carefree and being creative. I don't know if there really is a connection, because if you looked at it from the other side, it would mean that I was looking for an uncreative dominant man, which is not true, he is as good at drawing and painting as I am, I believe. Anyway, I loved that he said that.
Since the queen of chaos is writing this, she wanted to find out about how much Master liked chaos in her personality. Master said, pure chaos in a human being is nothing to be enjoyed, though if it is tamed and structured, but there is still a bit left that shows now and then, it can be incredibly attractive because it creates a lot of spontaneous action. .... :) This is my licence to chaos :) Nah, I wouldn't enjoy a return to former disaster. But I loved what he had said.
Being attracted to people who are as different from ourselves as can be, does not mean that those who are alike ourselves are uninteresting. On the contrary, they are probably great company and friends, but being only interesting and being attractive are not identical. The first could be best friends, but only the second could be life partners.
So, what we find attractive in others is what is different from ourselves. This fits so well with the two of us, and is also reflected in our way of life. In my opinion it is probably quite similar for the majority of people, but I also believe that D/s couples are more likely to show that they obviously have partners who are more or less diamtetrically opposed to them in many character traits.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
10 quotes from my husband and Master
He has used them all on me several times.
1. Per Mare, Per Terram (for carefree bedroom moments) : )
2. It builds character (He took that one from Calvin and Hobbes but denies that, even though I read it there, too)
3. I'm gonna pave the stairway to heaven for you - bring me the riding crop
4. Wild thing, you make my heart sing ... Wild thing, I think I love you (Master is humming some melody with that and he also used other lines which I forgot, so it must be from a song, but I cannot ask him, because he doesn't know about this list - yet; this one is bedroom humming)
5. You are in trouble deep (I love the sound of this quote, but not its meaning)
6. I know what you need right now, young lady! (oh my, I have learned to love and dislike this one)
7. A disciplined wife is a happy wife (well, I'd like to object, but I simply cannot)
8. Don't you agree (used exclusively with a sardonic smile when he knows that I do not really want to agree though I also know that he is right and have to)
9. A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.(usually followed by) ... Come here my little garden. (before the real punishment procedure starts)
10. You're cruisin' for a bruisin' (I'll write about that another time, but it is a nice warning of his)
I've got five texts in the making and all I could come up with before the weekend starts, was another list, that's brilliant :) I need the weekend with hubby.
But at least I did not come up with allusions to wrapped presents again, because whenever I start writing about those, I become incomprehensible. See? it happened again.
1. Per Mare, Per Terram (for carefree bedroom moments) : )
2. It builds character (He took that one from Calvin and Hobbes but denies that, even though I read it there, too)
3. I'm gonna pave the stairway to heaven for you - bring me the riding crop
4. Wild thing, you make my heart sing ... Wild thing, I think I love you (Master is humming some melody with that and he also used other lines which I forgot, so it must be from a song, but I cannot ask him, because he doesn't know about this list - yet; this one is bedroom humming)
5. You are in trouble deep (I love the sound of this quote, but not its meaning)
6. I know what you need right now, young lady! (oh my, I have learned to love and dislike this one)
7. A disciplined wife is a happy wife (well, I'd like to object, but I simply cannot)
8. Don't you agree (used exclusively with a sardonic smile when he knows that I do not really want to agree though I also know that he is right and have to)
9. A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.(usually followed by) ... Come here my little garden. (before the real punishment procedure starts)
10. You're cruisin' for a bruisin' (I'll write about that another time, but it is a nice warning of his)
I've got five texts in the making and all I could come up with before the weekend starts, was another list, that's brilliant :) I need the weekend with hubby.
But at least I did not come up with allusions to wrapped presents again, because whenever I start writing about those, I become incomprehensible. See? it happened again.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The dominant in a scene and why Paris of Troy is a wimp
This is a follow up on 'When is a scene good' (December 2013) and I'll try hard to focus on what I feel is important for the dominant partner to do or maybe not to do. The difficulty for me in describing this is that I can not describe scenes from what I saw, because in the majority of scenes that we do, I am blindfolded and bound. Sensory deprivation is a powerful tool that my owner uses on me. We have also had scenes where my hearing was blocked almost completely.
Maybe I should write another article later, about sensory deprivation. Back to topic. I can most often only feel the sensations as they happen and blindfolded there is only one voice that can direct me, and that's my Master's. What I feel in these moments is that I am somehow drifting, still, I do not feel like something bad is going to happen as a result of that. There is this voice, sometimes even telling me that all is fine. Giving orders, sometimes strict, sometimes less so, at other times teasing me, in combination with physical sensations. I never know how long this takes, because once the blindfold is on, I completely lose track of time. There are moments where I have to answer questions, there are also moments when I am slightly reprimanded, e.g. if I am almost completely absent mentally (Haha, don't say what you think now) and can barely talk because I am too aroused to think at all. This is when I might even forget to say Sir or Master, though it is mandatory during a scene. There is not much more than moaning from my side at a certain point of the scene.
Why is this possible? Of, course, sexual stimulation. Boring answer, and not the complete truth anyway. It is because I submit, he can do all he wants. Master could hurt me, I would submit, yes, sure, that is sexy and arousing. The idea of him doing all he wants and me being at his mercy, is a great turn on, sure, but there is even more.
What counts most during the scene is that I know Master is serious with what he does. Maybe I should say it is his attitude? He is not faking anything of what's going on, not only during a scene, also at any other given time. His attitude and confidence show me that this situation is real. I submit to someone who is completely in control, someone who has the ability to have his way with me, and someone who is more than willing to do to me whatever he likes.
I could not imagine that a scene would be a turn on for me if it was with somebody who was a wimp like Paris in the movie Troy (2004). I hated the movie, but Brad Pitt looked fantastic in it, especially when he was naked. But would anybody seriously believe a single word, if Paris, the epitome of a women whisperer, would tell you 'kneel and lick my sandals', and then he runs away from a huge brute who makes Paris look like one of Snowwhite's dwarves ? That's not a recommendation for being a good protector.
Hubby objects a bit, because he is a fan of the movie, and he says that Paris the wimp was clever enough to choose a better time for a fight. Maybe I misunderstood the movie.
Or imagine your dominant partner had the high-pitched voice of Michael Jackson. It would ruin my scene, but make my day from a comedian's point of view. I mean seriously, could you do anything but laughing, if someone told you 'I am gonna whack the guts out of you' with that voice? This is not meant to ridicule Michael Jackson, but this voice in a scene just would not work for me. I think I would need the chains or rope I am kept in then to prevent injuries from falling down because of laughter. I am obviously not only hormone-driven but also voice-driven.
At the heart of the matter is therefore, I could not let myself fall into the session, if I believed it was all staged, not real, that the Master is not true. If he wants me to be scared he has to be able to do so for real. It is easy to make me submit, because I can't do much else but follow my heart there. But I don't want to have the wrong feeling connected to that. I need someone who has presence in the room, who is able to control me genuinely. This should always be the case, but in a session it is important, if it is meant to work for me. Somewhere in the back I'd always know I am perfectly safe and secure, but still, his demands have to be real and he has to be able to get the badass out, if it takes that in a session.
With this text I have more or less focused on the importance of the attitude and presence of a dominant partner, though I know that there is more. I have already addressed some other points in past texts, but will probably delve deeper this year.
Maybe I should write another article later, about sensory deprivation. Back to topic. I can most often only feel the sensations as they happen and blindfolded there is only one voice that can direct me, and that's my Master's. What I feel in these moments is that I am somehow drifting, still, I do not feel like something bad is going to happen as a result of that. There is this voice, sometimes even telling me that all is fine. Giving orders, sometimes strict, sometimes less so, at other times teasing me, in combination with physical sensations. I never know how long this takes, because once the blindfold is on, I completely lose track of time. There are moments where I have to answer questions, there are also moments when I am slightly reprimanded, e.g. if I am almost completely absent mentally (Haha, don't say what you think now) and can barely talk because I am too aroused to think at all. This is when I might even forget to say Sir or Master, though it is mandatory during a scene. There is not much more than moaning from my side at a certain point of the scene.
Why is this possible? Of, course, sexual stimulation. Boring answer, and not the complete truth anyway. It is because I submit, he can do all he wants. Master could hurt me, I would submit, yes, sure, that is sexy and arousing. The idea of him doing all he wants and me being at his mercy, is a great turn on, sure, but there is even more.
What counts most during the scene is that I know Master is serious with what he does. Maybe I should say it is his attitude? He is not faking anything of what's going on, not only during a scene, also at any other given time. His attitude and confidence show me that this situation is real. I submit to someone who is completely in control, someone who has the ability to have his way with me, and someone who is more than willing to do to me whatever he likes.
I could not imagine that a scene would be a turn on for me if it was with somebody who was a wimp like Paris in the movie Troy (2004). I hated the movie, but Brad Pitt looked fantastic in it, especially when he was naked. But would anybody seriously believe a single word, if Paris, the epitome of a women whisperer, would tell you 'kneel and lick my sandals', and then he runs away from a huge brute who makes Paris look like one of Snowwhite's dwarves ? That's not a recommendation for being a good protector.
Hubby objects a bit, because he is a fan of the movie, and he says that Paris the wimp was clever enough to choose a better time for a fight. Maybe I misunderstood the movie.
Or imagine your dominant partner had the high-pitched voice of Michael Jackson. It would ruin my scene, but make my day from a comedian's point of view. I mean seriously, could you do anything but laughing, if someone told you 'I am gonna whack the guts out of you' with that voice? This is not meant to ridicule Michael Jackson, but this voice in a scene just would not work for me. I think I would need the chains or rope I am kept in then to prevent injuries from falling down because of laughter. I am obviously not only hormone-driven but also voice-driven.
At the heart of the matter is therefore, I could not let myself fall into the session, if I believed it was all staged, not real, that the Master is not true. If he wants me to be scared he has to be able to do so for real. It is easy to make me submit, because I can't do much else but follow my heart there. But I don't want to have the wrong feeling connected to that. I need someone who has presence in the room, who is able to control me genuinely. This should always be the case, but in a session it is important, if it is meant to work for me. Somewhere in the back I'd always know I am perfectly safe and secure, but still, his demands have to be real and he has to be able to get the badass out, if it takes that in a session.
With this text I have more or less focused on the importance of the attitude and presence of a dominant partner, though I know that there is more. I have already addressed some other points in past texts, but will probably delve deeper this year.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)