Non-spanking discipline and unexpected bumps in the road

Since hubby flatly denied any form of punishment spanking, we have talked about alternatives. The first days without physical dd it was more like a theory, because I really behaved and all was bliss and happiness. But then there have been incidents where I admittedly could have been better than I was.

The point about that was though I could have slept endlessly during the day due to feeling tired, but I was wide awake the later it became. All good so far, because this has happened years ago to me too, during my first trimester. But this time I had an evening where I should have gone sleeping earlier than I did and I used my inner restlessness as an excuse. It was not outright lying, but I knew that it also was a convenient excuse. Maybe it was something like stretching the truth a little. It doesn't make it better, it still is a no-no.

Hubby has been rather lenient lately and was pretty busy too this evening, so he accepted what I said. I stayed up longer than I should have and the later it was, the better I knew, because I actually felt that I needed my sleep. Finally I did go to bed, with a bad conscience, because I felt that this was not right. Next morning I told hubby and apologized. Hubby was not angry and he also felt that he had failed, because he had not paid enough attention to discipline lately. I thought that he was angrier with himself at that point than with me which I am sorry for, too. 

The result of this, for the moment is that hubby has restricted computer time for me until further notice, which is definitely right, because I had spent most of the time there. We have had a closer look at bedtimes again and even though  I am still required to have a midday nap, I have to be in bed not later than 10 pm. For last night I did cornertime, to think about additional alternatives for physical dd, but the best I came up with was grounding, especially when I am only allowed to be in one room most of the time.

There are many other privileges that I could lose, such as not using my mobile, no tv, no girls' nights and others. We'll do all that too, though what hubby wanted last was that I lose contact to friends. He has done that in the past, but this is something he'd like to avoid now more than ever before, because he wants me to meet my friends and also to exchange experiences about pregnancy. This is because he knows that I need a lot of contact time to talk about these things in depth. Well, a tricky situation.

I am not going to blame anybody else than myself for my mistakes, definitely not. But when we talked things through, hubby said that he had stepped back a little from being in control, because he wanted to give me enough room for the changes that are happening. And lately he also was busy with giving me sex, which was enjoyable for both of us, but it also hid the problem that I was beginning to be out of bounds. 

We had discussed how to do dd when physical discipline was not what we could do,  but in February it was more like a theory. Now I have experienced something again I have known for years. I need to feel that hubby is in control and the lack of this triggers inacceptable behaviour in me. 

Hubby on the other hand wants to be more lenient than he was before. He says there are situations currently when I am not in submissive mode, but not because I don't want to, but because I am in nest-building and preparation mode. He says I don't even notice how absorbed I am by preparing at the moment. :( . But this is not negative. He also says he enjoys to see that in me and considers this very attractive and beautiful. I love that man so much :) 

All  I do know is that I keep my fingers crossed all the time, and hope all will be well. I also know that I am not willingly creating trouble and have the feeling that I really need hubby's support. One thing which I have asked for is that hubby actually be more HoHy with me again and to stop me rather one time too often than not. That made him grin in this diabolic way, so I guess he has ideas.

Since computer time is restricted now to roughly five hours a week, I publish two texts today (the odd babies were already finished before), because if I really want to have a chance to go online Sunday, I have to save that time up during the week.

This is a pretty painful cut for me, but all I can say is that it is my own doing that led to it and I am actually very grateful that hubby is there to help me. :)

Self-control

I know, it is hard to believe, but I have that too, because you can learn self-control. Obviously it is easy to achieve, if you have somebody right behind you, willing to prove on your bottom that self-control is good for you.

That I write this passage about self-control is because I had it highlighted in my text on what qualities good dominants should have. Of course, all the points in that list are worth thinking about, but self-control could be vital. I just imagined what could happen if, let’s say I started wriggling around during our activities. I know from personal experience … :) ...   that Master is aroused then too. Ok, if it were just a vanilla situation, where he could virtually jump onto me and nothing dangerous could happen, fine, I love that.

But what if you were bound, helpless, and he does something which could cause harm if he did not stay on top of the situation? Imagine your partner would not stop in a situation when you tell him to? Or even worse, there is no self-control and he does not feel the responsibility that he has, maybe because this partner drank alcohol before you started playing, which obviously is a bad idea because it weakens self-control and definitely the ability to judge situations correctly. That could lead into outright dangerous situations. E.g. if you did something like breath-control, it could be quite deadly, if your partner lost control. Therefore, I believe that a good dominant partner needs this trait in him.

But I also think that it is good for the submissive partner to have that. First of all, it makes life easier, because it helps a lot in every day life. Ok, not only good for subs, also for dominant partners. Self-control has been one of the traits that I had to learn more about in our relationship. Actually it helped me a lot to learn that, during sex too. It really makes a huge difference sometimes, when you wait to be allowed to orgasm and you wait and wait, completely absorbed and just waiting for his permission. When you finally have this permission and you let actively go, the feeling which I get from that is completely overwhelming me, it is like you walk up a mountain and as long as you are not allowed to jump from it, so that you can fly, you walk on and on but finally, from the highest top, you are allowed to fly. All I can say is that I had enormous flights which seemed as if they would never end. Marvelous. This is one lovely reason to learn self-control. 

Still, there is another one, which is as important as the chance to elevate orgasms with it. Learning self-control helps to do what Master wants me to do. I love it, when I am able to please him by doing as told. It makes me incredibly proud if I manage something I did not manage to do before. They are sometimes petty things, very mundane or even minor events, that I think about now. E.g. not driving too fast, finishing chores in time, preparing meals, not spending money, not eating sweets, following a daily schedule, and so on. I know they are simple examples, but you probably also know that it is not always easy to succeed in all these things. Self-control has helped me a lot there, and I have become considerably better in doing all these and other things successfully. And if you manage all these little things successfully, suddenly, your life starts being easier than ever, there is more room for other activities, spending time together, meeting friends, sewing, and whatever you like. One of the best bits about it is that suddenly you have less reasons to argue, because there is far more structure and order in your life which helps preventing that. No more dirty dishes that Master might have been annoyed about. If you stick to the rules, there is no bickering, and if you don’t stick to them, you know you have to face the consequences. For us, self-control and everything that comes along with it, has done so much good. It created a lot of harmony from the beginning and left us free of many minor quarrels. Much of this is connected to me learning discipline, being more in control of myself, because Master is in control of me and helps me on this good way. 

Having said all that about self-control, It appears I have lost control in the wrong moment and did not have enough self-discipline to drive the way I should have, i.e. slowly. I am going to be punished tonight, because I got another penalty notice for speeding that Master will have to pay. We just got the letter, nice picture of mine included. There is no excuse for that from my side, but I am sorry for it, and I am more than willing to accept the consequences for something that nobody else but me did. I am angry about myself because of what I have done. Master is annoyed too, which is the reason why I will get my punishment only later tonight. Never do that when you are angry, another rule where you need enough self-control to be able to follow it. … here it proves to be good for my bum, too.

What nice topics have you talked to your partner about during the weekend?

relationship

how to help each other / comfort each other in emotional crisis'

why we like what we do and who we are

sweet memories

review of past weeks' events

obedience → it is a really important anchor for me; thumbs up

discipline s.a.

favourite food (real food, not chocolate this time)

restaurant

10 favourite ways of teasing him

10 favourite ways of torturing me

sex (I am still waiting…)

massages

babies (we are late, but working on it)

single friends

friends with babies (all married)

hair styles (his: short cut; mine: slightly curled at the moment, no curls again soon)

clothes/fashion

to do's for the next week (chores are ok or even nice, but sewing is fantastic!!! This time it is really easy, it is a Viking maid’s outfit for one of my little nieces)

shoes (no joke!)

sports (this time it was only about jogging through the fields, preferably at daytime)

blogs

The Voice

painting pictures

drawing pictures

this could be an endless list, though these above are the ones that were best