In the labour ward

The pregnant cheer-me-up bit

When I went to my doc this morning, I had to wait a while. Only a moment later, another woman came into the waiting room. Compared to mine, her bump looked twice as big. She is expecting triplets and is in her 26^th week now. I mean, she carried her bump as if it was nothing though it looked really heavy. You know, compared to her, I must look so slender. I made sure I sat close to her  as long as possible, because she made me feel delicate.

Of course, she also has some problems, but she was so cheerful and happy that she infected me with the good mood virus. Haha, usually I really don’t need that, but every week at the doctors I am still a tiny little bit tense, until I get all the good news about baby. 

She told me that she has been leaking a little bit milk the second week by now. Hmmm, I know that this can happen almost anytime, but now I am waiting for mine to start, just to know all is the way it should be.  Another way of catching up. According to my doc, it could start any minute. Hooray, leaking above and below navel it is then! 

Hmm, maybe the leaking is a bit of a cheer stopper, unless you are actively waiting for it to happen, so I better bring some of the things I just do N.O.T. want to hear in the labour ward. I cannot even imagine any one woman who would enjoy hearing the following during delivery:

• "Aww, look what you did honey; now the floor's all wet!"

• "Do you think the Tivo recorded my game?"

• "The vending machine here has Fritos!"

• "That needle looks GIGANTIC!"

• (Stands next to the doctor) "Oh honey, can you pass me my phone, I want to Instagram this."

• "Boy, this is exhausting!"

• "I think I just unplugged something..."

• (Blows up a surgical glove) "Do you think they'll notice if we take some of these home?"

• "Do you think we'll be done here within the hour?"

• "I see the baby's head already!! ... Just kidding!"

1 Thing Never to DO while your wife is in Labor:
• RUN!

(all nicked from : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mimi-minsky/10-things-never-to-say-while-your-wife-is-in-labor_b_3791588.html).

The weekly countdown 

...from someone who feels so … spacy (jaunty, actually)

Space time 2340981235543,4 

(probably Pacific Time, because I still don't know what time it is there when I go to bed here)

This is the Captain onboard the bulky space ship Nina

Wohoo! We have been in outer space for 37 weeks now. 

Well, due to a complex and marvelous biological experiment, it has become pretty crammed inside our ship over the last 37 weeks.

 Wohoo - again. First timer Star Trek reference in my blog. Might be better this way, I don't want to offend anybody with my ignorance. 

1st anniversary 

Wohoo - again, again! Today I have my first anniversary in Smacking Bottom! If anything, time flies. So much has been going on over this last year and I have written about all sorts of stuff in my blog. It has started more like a diary and has had some pretty weird entries, too. Nobody protested; thank you for that! :) And thank you for reading in my blog, at all. (even more so if you survived my 'wrapped boxes' entry). I really appreciate your thoughts and that you are there and share your ideas. Thank you!


Currently my blog is more of a pregnancy journal; although my second one is a little booklet, for baby to have, once she is grown up. Sara encouraged me to do this and I am still very grateful for her doing so, since this turned out as something very personal and special.

I think my blog was more about dd and bdsm when I started, but beginning with February it changed more and more. 'Pregnancy' is label number one and has been for ages. Buuuut, I cannot wait to return to dd, writing about it included .... and I'd love to write more about our family, then. I mean, I couldn't really stop myself when baby was not even there, so how could I stop, once she is born. I guess there will be much to discuss, e.g. how to do dd with kids around. Don't be surprised when you see me reading through your blogs all over again, looking for ways to hide ttwd from our little one. And I might ask a few more questions concerning little big giant dogs next year, because hubby wants one of those, too. You know, the one I am gonna call Mimi, only in really big.

Therefore, everybody, prepare for the second season of my blog ... uhm did I make it sound like a threat, now? Nah, never!

I hope everybody in Smacking Bottom has a wonderful week.

Cat night edition

Hi, this is my Monday late night edition, because of sleep issues, a.k.a. preparing my body for even less sleep. :) Today was not one of the fabulous days, I was without motivation to do anything. Instead, I feel horribly moody, from crying to laughing out loud within two minutes. Not funny. Well, maybe it is, if you have that on video. 

Anyway, I don't like being this unbalanced at all, therefore, as a distraction I followed a link to a page and although I started closer to the down side of things, I had several good laughs from looking at the jokes and pictures. Some made it to my google+ page, and some others are here to cheer everybody up on Monday.

pretty versatile, and after Saturday I'd want them big for a reason ...

... obviously, size matters!

But then again, cats are often doing things I don't want them to do...

... are the mistakes part of the fun? Cat lingo?

Anyway, we want it always on guard

and friendly

But then again, cats can be weird....

... and they can be such a bad influence...

Maybe I should reconsider, or I could end with this...

But, as you may know, we are looking for something like a cute little dog...

I hope you all have a great week !

Beware ...

... I found this picture in my email and wished I had practiced kegels harder. 

Pregnant women=Hobbits

Monday morning, the beginning of a bright and fantastic day, after an absolutely awful night. Well, wait a moment, maybe not as awful as I thought. It was the usual sleepnessness. I stuck to the bed, only got up twice for hot milk and tea. Oh, and three more  times because I had had milk and tea. Well, but I did not sleep.

Of, course, I could go on rambling or whining about my little problems. I surely will, but not now. As I waited in the dark, I finally realized something new and it really struck me: pregnant women are the real hobbits! And I can prove it, Ha!

Yeah, you see, I really had much time last night, to think it through :-)

1. Shape

If you have some knowledge about hobbits, you know that the typical shape of hobbits is that of a buoy. You know them from the sea. So, go and have  a look at your pregnant wife, have a look at any pregnant woman. Once you can see that she is pregnant, you can see that around her belly area, she is getting bigger. Like a hobbit! Their belly area is always well-developed. Forget the Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit actors for a moment. Bilbo and Frodo are atypical examples for their species. They are more on the lean side in the movies. Maybe the movies would have been more authentic, if some pregnant women had played the Hobbit-heroes?

2. Food

Connected to the belly/bump question is the question of food. Hobbits have several meals every day. I think about seven was the rule. This is the ideal number of meals for pregnant women. The experts say seven smaller meals are the best. And they help avoiding some of the morning sickness that you might have, no matter whether it is morning, noon, evening or night.

The second fact concerning food is of course that Hobbits and pregnant women are virtually always hungry. And hobbits as well as pregnant women behave similarly when it comes to food, too. Both eat as if there is no tomorrow. If alone, they might just stuff the good things in. Food is not eaten then, it is devoured. If in company, both make sure that they get their fair share, which is about three times of what a non-pregnant  human being could possibly take.

3. Cuddle factor

The very visible point is, of course, that hobbits and pregnant women are considered cute. The hobbits described in the books have this quality, nice, round beings. Pregnant women have that quality so much, that virtually everybody feels attracted to them. As long as you are pregnant it is almost impossible to annoy anybody. You can be moody, have a fit, whatever you do, you will always receive benevolent and tolerant reactions. And you can see it in the eyes of the non-hobbits. You can read that line “She’s pregnant”. This, naturally, could be correctly translated into “She is a cute hobbit”. The worst that you might experience is that someone pats on your shoulder with so much tolerance that it hurts. Some might think that you have lost your marbles, the way you behave. But they will still be nice to you.

Be careful, though, since some are out to touch your bump. It is like touching cute little hobbits in general. Not every kind of touch is welcomed. In that case, call for help, scold them and leave.

Conclusion

Therefore, dear audience, I come to the only plausible conclusion, and repeat my initial statement: pregnant women are the real hobbits. So, what Tolkien wanted to write, was not an ordinary adventure story. His true, although admittedly hidden intention was to write an allegory on the long journey of women towards motherhood. Depending on the level of hormones, perception changes for pregnant women, too. Therefore, the more the level of hormones rises, the more women suffer. Accordingly, pregnancy might be conceived as extremely straining for those who suffer a real lot. While in labour, some might perceive pregnancy as negative.

Allegorically spoken, this negativity takes the form of wizards, e.g. Saruman, and of course, Sauron. My idea was that this is just another hidden clue to the role men play in impregnating women. They are wizards, and in some cases it seems like pure magic that a woman becomes pregnant at all. It is the men’s fault, and at times we might feel like ripping their heads of, but basically we are endlessly attracted to them. The magic spell is too strong to resist, which we could also see happening to Frodo, a hobbit, of course.

Case closed. Now give me food.

Disclaimer (my  first one)

If anybody feels offended by my reasoning, you have two options. When you are pregnant, blame your partner. When you are not pregnant but a woman, blame my insomnia. When you are a man and have read up to this line I apologize for comparing you to something negative, but according to my experience, chances might be higher that you just went and took some peanuts and enjoy yourself. … Unless you are a fantasy fiction fan. Then I am in trouble and apologize a second time, and come up with my favourite all time excuses: I am pregnant and suffer from sleepness nights and it is hubby’s fault. :-) Hope you are not really miffed, though.

Week 19 list and 'heave 'er up, lad'

1. River has written it, some others have noted it in their blogs as well, even I have noticed: it is summertime in Smacking Bottom and there are so many other things to do, instead of blogging. Since it is my first year of blogging, I have nothing to compare, but I guess that there will be more activity in blogland, when the colder weather returns.

2. Currently, I am double excused for all I write which might be weird at best. :) I still suffer from foggy brain, and I still have trouble sleeping well. The tea and some other things help, though. I'll have to try River's excellent idea in detail and repeatedly, to see how good it works :) (First tests have been very promising!)

3. As everybody can see, I am currently not writing much about DD. There are still some texts flying around somewhere, but why bother. Currently I end up writing more about pregnancy. But sometimes, there are funny moments, when submitting and being pregnant don't go too well together. Don't worry, all is ok. I didn't write about the bedroom for such a long time by now, that I thought I could risk a few words about one moment from last week. But this is not going to be a sex-scene!

So, the little submissive woman with the bump was naked in the bedroom. Master (a.k.a hubby) sat there at the corner of the bed and told me to get down on my knees. I have been huffing and puffing a little more again, lately, and did so while I went down, kneeling. Master took care that I wouldn't be too long in that position, because currently it quickly feels uncomfortable. I got inspected and some other things and was told to get up from the floor again. Ah, what a relief. Well, almost. I felt big while kneeling, and could get up without major problems, but I also saw that when I am really huge with my belly, I'll probably need a crane to get me up again. Maybe also, to lower me down on my knees, because I probably won't see them then. This made me feel self-conscious in that moment, like clambering up on the bed with a certain lack of elegance also does  in some moments. But, not to be misunderstood, I am terribly proud of my bump, so when I am self-conscious because of my bump, it is over again quickly.

Hubby gave me a lot of reassurance when I told him so, and he absolutely made my day when he said that he enjoys that because he likes to see me move with a big bump. I think he has said such things all the time and he enjoys touching my belly. We are still waiting for the first movement that I can really identify as such, and I have already dreamt about it during the last days, when sleep was short. I hope that him feeling baby move will end any doubts he might still have.

4. Today marks the beginning of week 19 for baby and me! :)  I love this countdown. Every week I can count one higher, it makes me smile. Hey, I am still tired, but smiling. :)

pregnant fun-section

An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no.
"Ah, so sad," says the European. "Your wife, she is impregnable?" "Well, um, that's not exactly the word," says the American. "Oh!" interrupts the European. "I mean, she is inconceivable?" "Um, not quite --" the American begins, only to be interrupted again. "Oh, no, that isn't right," says the European. "She is, what is it, she is unbearable?" "Well, actually, that's pretty much sums it up," says the American.



 A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew. "

Sure signs that you are pregnant :-)

1. You have just planned and paid your journey around the world

2. The BMI says your weight is currently ideal

3. You don't remember last night 

4. You can't see your feet while standing

5. Someone offers you a seat in public transport

6. Suddenly you like to eat icecream with cheese

7. Your boyfriend has said 'nothing can happen when you pull it out in time'

8. You believe in flowers and bees

9. Everybody wants to touch your belly, even strangers

10. You have naughty thoughts about your partner when he is away, and when he returns, it is all his fault

11. Gardening has a second meaning for you

12. You redecorate the toilet seat in your favourite colour because the bathroom is the place you spend most time of the day in

13. You have the pregnancy test and wish you were colour blind (that's mean)

14. You can't stand watching documentaries about whales

15. Your idea of a perfect party is a nap

16. You can spit like a Llama

17. Mosquitoes love you

18. The only thing you do not forget to do is eating 

19. You have Godzilla's hands and feet but are only 5 feet tall

20. You hope that your breasts will be like that forever

Laughter

Sadie had this idea, to write about a funny event that we had, to be published on 1^st April or in April, to allow more bloggers to participate, under the title ‘Laughter’.

So, a few years ago, we went to the Baltic sea. It was a hot day, all we wanted, was to laze about and go swimming. I even had brought my new swimsuit. I had not worn it before, only tried it in the shop. It was white and I had only bought it because we had been in the sun so often that I had a nice tan and thought this would go well with a white swimsuit. Well, hubby said I looked great and I loved it, too. Ok, all things packed for lazy time. The beach was already pretty crowded when we arrived, but we found a nice spot in the sand. First, we tried the water but did not go into it. All was fine, and the hot weather was just right to get more of a tan and then, afterwards, I’d go swimming in the cool water. Hubby had been in once while I was still roasting. 

The second time, maybe an hour later, he would not accept a ‘no’ from my side. Lazy day or not, he wanted me in the water. So, we went into the water. After heating up it was a shock at first, but it felt great. We swam for quite some time, I think. We even caressed out in the deep water, and actually hubby could have seen the state of my swimsuit. He didn’t, maybe it was that it did not matter in the water. Finally I said that I’d go out again. Hubby is a sports-monster, hence two times in the water was not enough for him and he wanted to swim a bit more. But I went back to the beach and slowly, relaxed I went out. I really took my time, because with each step the hot sun warmed my skin and that felt great after being in the cool water. 

I turned around to see where hubby was and I could see him far out in the water. I stood there, right at the water’s edge. Then I turned around to go to our little spot where we had a blanket, bath sheets and dry clothes. I thought that there were a few people looking at me, but I didn’t really bother, because I felt cool, white swimsuit and tanned skin is something I really like, so I felt really good…. until I looked down my chest. I had expected that you could maybe see a little shade of my nipples. I had not wanted that, but you could never know. Well, I absolutely had had no idea. My swimsuit was almost invisible because it was wet. So, I stood there, only dressed with an almost completely see-through swimsuit and our bath sheets were still a little walk away from where I was. People were watching.  Some were ignoring me, which I was grateful for. Some were almost excited. After all you could see everything there was to see. Since I had come out of the cool water, my nips were erect too, of course. And when you feel self-conscious about them, nips do never appear small, no, they poke through everything and are huge. If only that had been a nudist beach. I would have felt better there.

I mean, I don’t mind walking around naked, at home. At the beach I’d maybe take off my top, to get a tan without the silly white strips. But I’d do that preferably with one of my friends, because she’d do the same and then it is not really embarrassing. But I wasn’t prepared for wearing an invisible swimsuit among the crowd, for everyone to enjoy. 

So, I tried to walk straight line to our little place, as if nothing extraordinary was going on. There were several men whose eyes almost fell out, as if they’d never seen a woman in a transparent swimsuit. Hmmm, coming to think of it, they probably really never had. Anyway, preserving some dignity was what I wanted to, so I went along the beach as if I’d always walk virtually naked along beaches. A short moment later I was back, took a bath sheet and my sunglasses. Bath sheet first, ok, all covered. Sun glasses next. Ok, nobody would see my embarrassment. Apart from the red glow all over my face and ears, that is.

I did not go swimming again that day!