TTWD with a baby?

 

Finally, something DD related again, after all this time! Feels like a DD interlude, because my next entry won’t be on DD. Anyway,back to TTWD. 

Hubby and I have never had problems with doing TTWD all over the house. I mean, usually we had our favourites, like bedroom, living room and kitchen, but we have also been in the garden and everywhere else. Well, lately, the SM part is less exotic, due to me being less flexible, and honestly, I do feel bulky. So, when hubby has to heave up the heavy goods (=me), the pulleys that he has in the bedroom  are quite useful. ;) Actually I haven’t been hanging around for a quite a while, because the more the bump grows, the more limited the SM action has become. Being on all fours over an extended period of time (…like 5 to 10 minutes :D feels like a feat for me lately) borders on sadism from hubby’s side and that I can still make the best out of it might reveal unknown masochistic tendencies in me. … And gravity sucks, too!

Anyways, whatever happens in the bedroom, can be quite noisy, unless I am gagged. But being gagged is not what hubby does to me for a longer period of time right now, either. Being bound,  being gagged, being beaten, these are all lovely things to do during a session, but they can be awkward or even dangerous while pregnant. Hey, that’s why I can’t wait for Christmas. I hope so much that we have all of this then again. … If we are up to the task, with our little one next door. 

Let’s just assume baby is asleep and we have the energy to do something really naughty like a scene. No problem, as long as baby is a baby. But, according to latest scientific research, babies grow and become older and then they can be so nosy. We do not want baby (or even better, baby and her siblings) to ask questions like “Why did mommy scream last night?”. Kids also have this need for justice, so they would protest if they thought their dad beat innocent mommy. ‘Yay kiddos, defend your mommies!’ They would not understand the expression of bliss in my face when I am reminded of such a great night, would they?

And we surely do not want to have baby stroll along with a paddle or a dildo in hands, asking what this might be good for, while we have visitors! Imagine that. How you would bridge this embarrassing silence? ‘Some more tea  or something stronger, my dear?’ 

I am almost week 34 by now, therefore delivery approaches quickly. Maybe it is understandable that  I would like to have these little things cleared up in time. This is probably exaggerated from my side, but when we return home from the clinic, it won’t be long till family and friends will swarm our place, and this will surely include our bedroom. 

After our return home from our holiday I have already tidied up everything. Well, I had done that before, too, but you never know, what it is good for. Just in case. Yeah, I have also re-packed my clinic bag again, about the 50^th time. Does that qualify for an OCD? I really have done that a lot, lately! 

 But so far there was no real need to be able stow away all canes, crops, cuffs, whips, bondage gear, clamps, and what have you, quickly. (Imagine your four year old running through the house with mommy's favourite leather hood, just because you forgot to put it away). I think some more lockable containers are in order. Where is the key to our bedroom door, btw? Oh but we won’t put the gags far away, because I think we absolutely have to use them on me, so that I am not that loud and wake up baby. :-D 

Safety-advice:

We enjoy sensory deprivation play, therefore, this happens to me, often. But everything BDSM-related should always be safe, that’s what safewords are good for. … Unless you are gagged and blindfolded. They are pretty much useless then. That's why hubby insists on some signal he cannot miss during a scene. So, last night, while I was bound, blindfolded and gagged, I had to hold a little metal box with coins in my hand. If I had shaken it, this would have meant ‘yellow’, close to what I can endure, but if I had let it fall, it would have created a lot of noise and this signal means ‘red’, stop, emergency of some kind.  Nothing happened. The only emergency was baby pushing on the bladder, as usual. Safety is important and this knowledge, that everything will be ok, makes a scene far better, too. I can let myself fall into these moments far better, knowing that hubby wants to see me safe, always. That's why I recommend to be safe, sane and consensual!

And I hope you all have a great start into your week!

I can still break rules

... and I claim foggy brain as my only real excuse, I think. Last night was noteworthy. I was alone at home with baby. The two of us had a pleasant evening with some music and reading, but I went to bed early (9.30pm). Considering that I still have trouble sleeping this is very exemplary from my side. :-) 

The night before, when baby moved and I recognized this the first time, I slept well, once the excitement had settled a little. But this night was as many before. I had tea and was relaxed and very willing to sleep. And simply couldn't. I tried hard and was relaxed and thought I'd doze off while waiting for baby to dance again. She did that for a few minutes and I loved it. But I was no closer to sleeping than before. I should add that at this time there had been thunder and lightning and heavy rain. This was really impressive, the lightning went on and on, just like the rain. Did I also mention that it was rather warm in the house from a very warm day? Well, I couldn't sleep, was a bit uneasy, and one major reason was that it was too warm to sleep. 

So I did the only thing I could. I went up again, tried some more tea and had no real idea of what to do. I think it was about 2 pm at night and I felt sweaty and the climate was as if I was in a jungle. And it was raining again. So I decided to go out into the rain - and loved it. I got completely soaked and it felt as if I was taking a shower. In a way, I was. It felt fantastic and after maybe half an hour outside I went in again. I felt refreshed and more tired than before. I locked the door (!) and went to bed. But I didn't tell you that I had opened some of the windows downstairs, but only towards the garden. I did not close them, they were wide open throughout the night. Actually I had not thought at all about them. Forgotten. 

When I came down in the morning, I almost got a shock from seeing that two windows were still wide open. I felt fantastic last night, in and after the rain, but in the morning, when I felt more alone and all was quiet, it was pretty scary. I went all through the house, to make sure there was no intruder. The good news about this is, that I found an old cake pan in the shape of a sheep (no joke) .... And I felt like a sheep too.  Of course, there was no burglar, nobody had entered and I closed the windows again and no harm was done. 

But...

...  I do claim a serious case of foggy brain? Just wanted to make that clear.

... I am not allowed out at night, alone. Safety issues.

... I am not allowed to leave doors or windows unlocked. Same reason.

... when I open them, I have to close and lock them again. See above.

So, usually I would have hubby in the house and actually I would feel safe with him around, even if we slept in the middle of a pitch. Last night I felt safe, too, I think. I sort of did not think at all, to be honest. Bah, I don't want to whitewash anything, either. I am angry about my stupidity. And I am willing to accept all that hubby decides.

Still, I don't want to ruin Monday morning, when hubby will come back early. I want hubby to be happy when he comes back and the last thing is to start our reunion with something like 'Oh, by the way, I left two windows wide open on the ground floor, so that any murderers, burglars, and whoever, could come in while you were not there, and so that everybody was invited to take advantage of the situation. Some more tea, dear?'

I know two things for sure: 

1. The Queen is not amused.

2. He will be worried because of what might have happened to baby and I. At the same time hubby will be a little cross because hubby considers leaving doors and windows open at night a safety risk.

2.1 Honey, I love you !

To sum it all up:

I claim sort of guilty and not guilty, your Excellency.

And the display of lightning that night was marvelous.

I have thought about writing an email, because hubby checks these every day. But I don't want to distract him while he is working.

This will give me another sleepless night, because I'll have to decide quickly what would be the best way to deal with this. 

Safety

No baby-news today, but  this is related to doing the right thing.

Safety - this is one of the rules which is pretty important for us, now more than before. Somehow I guess it has been more important for hubby than for me in the past. It's about personal safety, not taking risks, endangering yourself or anybody else. 

If you have read other entries here you know that I have been speeding-challenged. Driving recklessly has been one of my favourite pastimes for a longer period of time. I absolutely enjoy driving fast and the police are not always there to stop fast subs! This has been one of the issues that we  I  really had to work on. I think that hubby helped there a lot, because what I kept doing was endangering lives, maybe those of other people but definitely my own. 

 As you can probably all see, such behaviour is driving hubby absolutely crazy and I really am sorry for the problems that I have caused. From today's point of view, I have no excuse for my behaviour and try hard to stick to speedlimits. The pain I'd cause for hubby was the first reason that got me thinking seriously, hurting him is something I cannot stand. I am not sure if I really should admit that, but the image of seeing hubby devastated is what lets me try hardest to drive slowly and carefully, of all possible reasons. We had to discuss that matter repeatedly in verbal and physical ways and I have become better over time :) .

But let me assure you, in my current situation I would never risk anything because I'd endanger someone who cannot leave the car and take the next bus home.

Similarly, I'd never ever drink alcohol at all for the next months. If I were a smoker, I wouldn't do that till October, because at the moment everything always revolves around 'us'. Hubby would never allow risking baby’s well-being anyway, of course, and since we are both trying hard to do things right, we don’t expect problems from that side. After all, I have realised completely that my responsibility has grown, too. I love that, and it sort of lets me think again about some rules we have.

Rope, chain, scarves and safety

When I am bound we use either ropes or chains. If it is to press onto certain sensitive spots, Master prefers rope.Usually we have the colourful nylon ones for that and if it is going to be a bit tighter, I like the ones that have a wider diameter than my thumb, because I always feel they hurt less, if at all.
Hemp is something that we have here too, but I don't like it much. If Master uses that, I don't dare to move around or wriggle my wrists, because that hurts and is bad for the skin. Of course, he uses it because I don't wriggle around in it.

If I am meant to dangle from a hook in the ceiling, Master takes chains more often. I like that best with leather cuffs, because they are very soft and nothing hurts along the wrists with them on. Metal cuffs are different, but Master does not use them in that situation.

Of course, there are also other means to stop me from wriggling around, one of my favourites are silk scarves. If Master uses these, I feel as if I get an extra treat. Usually the activities he does then are intense but somehow add up into another direction than the ones he does with rope or chains. It is probably just my expectation that changes how I feel about it, because for me it feels different with rope and different again with chains. With scarves, everything appears to be more erotic from the start, like what might easily be after a candlelight dinner, with a fireplace and a warming fire in the background. With rope I feel the urge stronger and quicker to be used sexually (I am talking about intercourse), and with chains I feel more helpless than with the other kinds of being bound, the feeling of surrender is greatest then.
None of these kinds of being bound is bad, I love them all, because they are all exciting and arouse me even before Master has started doing anything else. I could recommend them all, but whatever you do, make sure that you have a pair of scissors at hand, in case of emergency, and don’t drink alcohol if you intend to do bondage. Make sure that your sub has a way of communicating if something is wrong. Either a safeword, or put something into her hand, which makes a lot of noise if she lets it fall down.
Since I am Master’s slave and also because Master and I have been together for so long it is not necessary to negotiate anything. He does it the way he wants to. Nevertheless I know that I can rely on him, because even though we don’t negotiate a scene (which you should, if you are not with your regular partner or don’t know enough about her, or just try something new, etc.), we talk a lot about what we like or dislike, what worked well or did not, especially where the pain went into the wrong direction. Even though I am not the real expert about the how to do-section, I am always the one who feels the result of what he does, first.Therefore I am glad that he listens to what I have to say about sessions we do.
 
And whatever you do, be safe, sane and consensual.