Physical distance

Yeah, I know, the title is like for a medical abstract. But actually it is the opposite of academic thinking. And it is only a little bit bump-related,  even though the thoughts started with my bump. I have written in a comment that if a man (a stranger; a non-friend) touched my bump, I'd always pray to have hubby around to stop that immediately and convincingly. I probably could do that on my own, but not as quick and not as good as my husband. This little space around me is too important for me, but not only this, also the way I use it for communicating.

So, the first thoughts are about my physical comfort zone. I don't mind, if friends and family hug me, kiss me, touch me. On the contrary, I need that so much, a lot of it. I want to have it and I want to give it. If anything, I'd probably become stunted if I had to live without loads of physical contact. It helps to connect, it has meaning, it helps me to bond, it adds to feeling good or better, it is a lot of comfort for me. Have you ever tried to remain unaffected by a tender touch? I guess it is impossible and you cannot avoid being affected and feel closer to each other. And, it definitely helps to create a feeling of safety, which is very important for me.  I could really recommend hugging as a therapy form. If you do that, or even just squeezing someone's hand, not out of pure habit, but consciously, this really makes you feel better and you have a mutual connection. Well, it works for our family and friends.

What I don't say to friends and family can sometimes be expressed better by hugging them, or touching them in the right moment. This does show so much affection, or does help so much to comfort one. You are simply closer. And these are only a few out of a very long list of positive and strengthening feelings that you easily express by using physical contact. Think about reassuring your friend. You could go for the verbal approach: "you will manage that, you can do it, you are fantastic, lovely, ....." Of course, but if I want to give reassurance to a friend, I think the verbal form is not enough for me. The other half of my message would have the form of hugging someone, squeezing, patting, etc..

And still, if someone who I don't want to have there, enters my comfort zone, I am immediately upset and in a fluster, and the nicest thing that I do is asking the intruder to step back.

I am not talking about situations where you simply cannot avoid close contact, e.g. in a crowded subway. I don't like that tooooo much, but it is ok, as long as the gentleman behind me keeps his fingers away from my bottom.

But there are people who intrude in situations where they could just keep this little distance  and don't do so. I don't want people that close who I cannot do the complete physical communication with. It is disturbing. I am known for even having preferences to who I might let closer. I have no problem with women who are intruding into my comfort zone and female friends are usually the ones who get the full benefits of much physical contact from me. If I have a really bad day and am less enthusiastic about showing much affection physically, they just ask what's wrong, because not hugging and touching is unlike me. :) And they want their hugs and being touched, too, which I think is so lovely.

But with men, it is far more complicated. Within family, it is ok, but with male friends I am far more reserved and reluctant. They get less of the good stuff. :) The major reason is of course that I don't want to give any wrong signal, neither to them, nor to hubby. So, it is another way of sending a message and keeping the distance, alas, some men don't understand that.

backache edition - week 20 :)

I have had it a little here and there and now and then: backache. It is normal to get some of it during pregnancy and one major reason is connected to your pelvis which is already extending. So, this is not only weight-related, because then many women would only have it in their third trimester, when they carry a lot more around than before that time. But you can work against back pain and with a bit of luck you might get rid of it again.


1. Ask your partner for a massage of the back. This relaxes your back muscles and might lead to other regions that need to be relaxed.

2. A warm bath is good, but don't use too hot water. It's bad for baby.

3. A little stretching; don't overdo this. My backache happened round about the start of the second trimester and occasionally a little now and then. Do not try to stretch like an acrobat, you are none at this point of time. The magic term is: moderate.

4. Yoga and Pilates are good to strengthen muscles in general. In urban areas you'll probably find yoga and pilates classes for pregnant women. In one book I have read that a woman did not want to join a class and instead had a video with yoga exercises at home. According to her, the backache disappeared within one week after she had started doing exercises for about half an hour each day.

4.1 Do your exercises,   you could go walking or swimming, and your doctor will know a few exercises for you, to strengthen the back.

5. Stand straight! It's about posture, so don't let your shoulders slump forward, take them back and keep them relaxed. There is more to it, e.g. you could prop up your back with a small cushion while you sit.

5.0 Don't stand too long, but don't sit too long, either.

5.1 One of my favourites: sleep with a pillow between your knees. This should help, probably the main reason is because you sleep on the side and if you pull one knee a little up, it relaxes many different abdominal muscles.

6. Wear shoes with low heels. High heels would always be a balancing act for me by now. Flats are not my favourites and somewhere I also heard that flats are not the best choice either. This must be because you need some good support for your arch.

7. Wear a maternity support belt.  They can help a lot and give support to your bump.

8. I haven't tried this one yet, but applying cold packs to the back for the first days and then switching to warm packs is supposed to help. But don't apply heat to your bump, because this could really harm baby.

From other backache, not at all pregnancy related, I would always prefer the warm pack, e.g. from a nice warm water bottle.


9. If the pain doesn't vanish within a rather short period of time, I would go and see the doctor, just in case.

10. You could try acupuncture. You could, only I wouldn't, because of the needles. If I were absolutely relaxed, I could do that, but needles make me tense. I am not completely afraid, though.

11. But when you are tense, you might also be stressed. That leads to muscle tenseness and that could result in backache, too. You need stress relief! Some ideas are in another post of mine, on reducing stress levels.   And the least you should do, if you are troubled, is to talk to someone you can trust!

12. Don't lift anything heavy. Only a few pounds are ok. If you have to lift something from the ground, bend your knees, squat down and lift with your legs. So, don't bend your back. If you squat down and cannot get up again, forget lifting anything else but you, at all.

13. Don't sit at the computer too long, and if you have to, use the little cushion or a towel to support your back.

14. If this could be sciatica, try massaging your lower back, buttock and upper leg with a tennis ball. I don't know if this works for others, but it did the trick for me.



Backache can also mean that there is something else going on, e.g. UTI or beginning labour. Therefore I would always recommend to ask your doctor in time.

Baby and I have reached week 20! Now it turns into something really big.:)

... not that big, please!

Originally, I was looking for jokes about back pain. There are some, but I also found these here, below.

BDSM - jokes

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally? Ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a new truck.

---

Q: What's green and carries a bull whip?
A: Kermit the Flog

---

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.  They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.  The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says "It's OK.  We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?" Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M." Sue is aghast.  "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

---

One day Mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, " Well what should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

---

Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?
A: Sensuous they use the feather,
   Kinky they use the whole chicken.

Beer belly edition

Ok, Somehow, there are many little things around home that let time fly so quick that I don't know how to organize myself better. 

The venting-part:

I am able to do everything! Well, not lift heavy things, but otherwise my bump is just a part of me for now. Then again, I don't know if I have a sign on my head that says 'I am helpless'. I am not!!! This morning I had a quick run to hubby's office, the townhall, the supermarket and a few other places. One of the really nice parts about being pregnant is that you can almost rush through public buildings and people are nice and open doors and do some other goodies, like not letting you wait too long. 

But the not so nice things are that there are people who really don't know when to stop. Even after I said 'No thank you' they wanted to be nice and almost took my shopping bags away to carry them for me. That's intruding into my comfort zone - with the best of intentions. And that's what makes it hard for me to stop them, because I know people want to help, :) and the bigger the belly, the more help. But this morning I had three 'No, thank you, no really not, no thank you'-moments within two hours.

 

I wonder what would happen if I did that to someone with a beer belly, looking as if ninth month!

If you need something funny, instead of venting, here is a belated mother's day video.

12th month

I wonder what it'll be...

Sorry for the beer :)

Problems, problems, problems - love is where you find it :)

I think hubby's life is not always easy, because he has me. :) Ok. I could leave this statement as it is and stop the entry, but there is more to it. Only a short while ago, I have written that respect is an issue here at times. And since there have been moments when I showed a certain lack of that and I know that this vexes hubby, I'll elaborate on this and some more. This is actually DD-related again, for a change and the event it refers to has been about a year ago (May? 2013). A happy time, when spankings existed for me, though my bottom was not fond of what happened then. Ah, I am reminiscing about the good old times. :)

So, I have been an exceptionally good girl all my life ... Just kidding! Throughout our time together, hubby and I have worked on issues that caused problems. I am talking about all the little things that happen to everybody, such as being thoughtless, being moody, breaking rules, trying to be right although you are not, bumping into lamp posts and such things. These little conflicts and problems happen, even though we are willing to work on a good relationship and succeed.

Well, no, it is not only the little things. This is also about the bigger problems that could occur. Those silly stunts that could happen as a result of being thoughtless, or because of PMS or whatever other reason. A major issue is for example if you left the impression that you wanted to provoke your loved partner, or if you give him the impression that he doesn't matter as much as he should. The last one really hurts, and I never did that intentionally during our marriage, but hubby has felt that way once, very very long ago, because I was thoughtless and my behaviour could be understood the wrong way; I simply gave the wrong signal, but definitely unintentionally. Well, there are more, and since I don't really believe that the issues hubby and I deal with are much different from what others go through, I sort of believe that most of you know what kinds of problems could occur. I also believe that there are some special issues that maybe you have to deal with more often than we have and, of course we have some issues that are bigger for us than for you.

But, although the focus of what I wrote up to here, has been on the problems, this does not mean that our relationship doesn't work, or has ever been jeopardised. No, far from it. We have problems to deal with, like everybody else, and we discuss and work on our problems, first of all by means of communicating. This is most important for us. The second most important way of working on our problems is very much based on DD. We have set boundaries and especially I should try not to overstep those, because usually it is me who is boundary-challenged. <--Sounds nicer than 'I break the rules'. And over time, these transgressions have become less and less. 

I guess I have learned something from hubby and the boundaries are good ones. There is nothing restricting in such things, as the restrictions that we have are only there to keep us and others safe, to create room for harmony and being together without any negative thoughts, without resentment. If a bedtime that hubby imposes on me results in me being relaxed, calm and more joyful, then the restriction is a very positive one. If our communication results in showing that he and I want to be treated nicely, then this is absolutely positive. If speeding penalties result in me getting the bottom heated and I drive slower (only) after being disciplined, then this is very positive. And it works for us! 

Don't get me wrong, though, ever since I have learned about baby growing in me, I have become really careful with the car. DD has taught me a lot before, but having baby on board makes a real difference!

I guess I feel inclined to emphasize how much good DD did for us, because from my experience, loving a partner is not always enough to make a relationship work well. There is a lot of work involved to make it a really good one, where both partners feel cherished and loved, problems that exist are solved or at least dealt with, so that they are not overwhelming. Maybe for other couples this is completely different, and I just don't find the right words, but apart from love, I think a certain kind of commitment, the willingness to give something positive into the relationship, is very important, too. 

Now, I have given examples of what problems there are, or could be, and also written that DD works. But nevertheless, sometimes things just go wrong. They did completely go wrong this good year ago. Yes, it was the time of the month again, and I had no real idea that I was pms-ing, because otherwise I felt pretty relaxed, I thought. From what I have read in other blogs, the pattern is so similar to what others experience: pms is there and you don't notice, until it is too late, because things have been said or done which could be detrimental to an unstable relationship. The moment when you realize that pms struck again often enough comes far too late. Pms is a perfidious bitch! (Sorry) I know, it is no excuse, but since I am currently more on hormones than ever before, I sort of feel inclined to say that hormones have an influence. Duh!

So, there was this slow build up that neither hubby nor I had noticed. It was about the little things, as so often. I wanted contact to hubby on the one hand, but then again, I had somehow distanced. I don't know if it makes sense, it is pretty contradictory, I know. Then there have been situations where I maybe behaved less attentive towards hubby than usual. Depending on his own situation, he is faster or slower in seeing what's going on with us, but usually he is the good one at that and often enough it is him who stops this process in time, with a little reminder via the bottom into the brain, which helps me to come to my senses again. But what happens when hubby is busy and cannot help? Then I spiral downwards into the unpleasant regions of weakened connections between him and I. 

So, basically I had three days where I extended my bedtime rule here and there, maybe did not do all the chores as good as I should have, forgot about a few things which were important, I did not show how much I love and cherish hubby and talked back for no reason. And then hubby took his time with me. He was really busy, but he skipped some appointments to settle matters at home, because I had gone besides myself. As soon as he held me accountable for my behaviour, it was like a wake-up call. He stated that my behaviour had been completely inacceptable and I could do nothing but admit that he was right. In a way it was a cold shower when you want a warm and cozy place, but then again, it worked and brought me back to the place where I really want to be. I had no excuse, though hubby told me that I was obviously pms-ing. If anybody else had said that to me, I'd probably have called him a chauvinist or something like that, but actually hubby was right and once it was said it did not take long to see where the trouble came from and that the pattern was the one it often takes with me. Maybe I am a complete moron, but I do not always  rarely  see what's going on with me and obviously I need a man to tell me about pms. 

Well, hubby had admittedly given fair warning before and I had not listened. Therefore he had a more extensive form of punishment in mind. The first punishment is nothing that hubby does. It is about the sudden awareness of what you have done. I mean, breaking a rule is something that happens now and then. But what I have dramatic problems with is when I realize that I have disappointed hubby, or even worse, when I realize that he must have felt less cherished and loved than he deserves. This is most devastating for me and the physical punishment that I receive after that is more than welcome to me, because otherwise I'd go for a long time full of self-reproach. To have done such a thing to the one you love most brings me down completely. And if I recognized that earlier, I'd stop, but I do not see any of that until it is far too late. Bummer. Even one year later this creates a whole bunch of mixed emotions in me. 

Enough singing the blues! I had undressed and got the hairbrush and arnica. But hubby had brought two other implements which did not bode well for my bottom. He had brought a round wooden spoon for the very stingy biting part. And in addition to that he had brought the dark and heavy paddle. I was close to asking him for the nasty cane instead of the paddle, but I guess that would only have come as an additional implement, not as a replacement for the paddle.  So, I went over hubby's knees and he lectured me and I got a rather extended session with the hairbrush. My bottom felt very warm and it was no fun session with it, but as I was to learn soon, this was the relaxing part of punishment. What followed was a long session with the wooden spoon. I had once put one of them into the dishwasher, to get rid of it, because they are plain wood and usually the spoon has cracks from the heat, afterwards, but to no avail, because they are really cheap and hubby had two new ones the very next day. I knew why I had wanted to get rid of it. This really sets my bum on fire. This implement stings so much that I have difficulty remaining over hubby's lap. The message behind this is: it does a great job. As does the paddle. I had been bawling from pretty early on, though the wooden spoon added a lot to bawl about. I thought that the paddle would be too much, but then again I also know that hubby looks very closely at how much I can take. So, actually the paddling was the shortest of the whole punishment, and for me, the wooden spoon felt worse than the paddle. 

Afterwards hubby put arnica on my bottom and I was still flustered, but so much more relaxed than before. I thanked hubby and I was grateful for the discipline I got. It was a big relief for me and I felt that I had deserved every single stroke of it. We hugged and cuddled right there, me naked and still sobbing and hubby said something, not to soothe me (no reason, I was fine), but because he meant it:

"You have made every mistake possible by now, ... and you are wonderful."

And he was proud of me, too! I loved that moment and I loved what he had said (still do; that's why I am bragging shamelessly with it, now). I had a really dark red bum and had a reminder for days, every time I sat or when hubby touched my bum, but I felt so good! After hubby had said that, aftercare only became an additional treat.

I don't want to provoke any punishment  and really do want to be good. But I'd definitely love a good girl spanking, I can't wait for Christmas 2014.:)

skin care during pregnancy

I know from some friends and by now also from myself, that the skin changes a lot during pregancy. I think most of it is connected to the hormonal changes, but  there could be additional reasons, too.

Well, in the third trimester, one reason should be rather obvious. Your skin is stretched to the limit, and therefore you might end up with stretchmarks and the skin will be hyper sensitive  all over your bump. I am not there yet and I might write more about this another time, but for now, it is about skin care in general. You might have dark spots, you might have itchy skin, dry skin and maybe more. 

Currently I try to avoid that my skin dries out. Before pregnancy I never had a problem with that, and therefore I am pretty sure that my skin problems are hormone related. And some of it might just be from the stretched skin.

At the moment my problems are more about dry and itchy skin. Itchy, because it keeps drying out faster than I can apply lotion. If it is too dry, it flakes. Since other women surely have other problems and some might have allergies which add to skin problems, this is a very difficult topic. The only real advice that I can give here at all, is to go and ask your doctor what is safe, what is right to use and what not to do. 

Nevertheless, I tried to collect some general ideas that I stick to or have heard from friends and family, because they should not cause problems and might help you.

So, what could you do, to help your skin?

1. There are lots of lotions that you could use to counter dry and itchy skin. At the moment I prefer those without any kind of scent, because I am still reacting to certain kinds of smell. I don't suffer from nausea, but that changes instantly with some smells and they are not all food-related. That's why I go for non-perfumed products at the moment. 

1.1 As far as I know, lotions with vitamin E are good to help minimize stretchmarks.

1.1.1 My mom used olive oil to prevent and minimize stretchmarks and it helped her a lot!

1.2 Talking about moisturizer, lotions which are rich in shea and coconut butter are good against stretchmarks, too. And I think they are healthier than the artificial products, where chemical substances might pass the skin barrier and reach baby. 

2. Oil is good. Like lotion, it is great to rub it all over the bump. Oh wait, even better, let your partner do that ... in the bedroom, with some lit candles, soft music. Well, if your partner is not in the mood for the complete event, at least let him rub in the oil.

3. I am not good at chemistry, but I would stay away from those products that contain salicylic acid (e.g. in peeling lotion)  and from  those with retinoids (e.g. in antiaging lotion). Maybe they are supposed to be safe, but both substances are said to have negative effects on unborn babies. They were linked to miscarriages, which means I would never ever touch that stuff.

4. Drink enough! I know, this will just lead to loo-racing, but enough fluids are too important, not only for your skin.

5. Eat healthy. As a result you might put on weight slower and that again is good, because you might get around some of the stretchmarks, because your skin has more time to adapt. 

6. I'd suggest whatever you want to put onto your skin, ask your doctor about it first. The last thing you might want are allergic reactions during your pregnancy.

7. I don't suffer from melasma, but a friend of mine says that sunscreen works against that.

8. Since we are getting closer to the really warm weather and mommies-to-be might have some places where the skin is chafing, e.g. the skin fold between breast and belly, or where the thighs rub against each other, here's one idea: those spots need to be kept dry. Those areas might get inflamed if they are red and wet for a longer period of time and they will be smelly then, too. In the end this might lead to infections and they should definitely be treated before giving birth. To keep those areas dry I'd use talc, just like you would do for sports.

9. Get enough quality sleep! It's good for your skin, but even better for you and baby in general.

skin care fun-section

A man dressed in a suit comes up to the front porch of house juggling a clipboard, some papers, and a briefcase. He knocks on the door and it's answered by a middle-aged man, "Mornin' stranger, what can I do for ya?"
"Well sir, I represent Schneller, Barnum, and Holtz. We're paid by private companies to canvas thousands of consumers like yourself for feedback on their products. Today we're soliciting comments on Vaseline petroleum jelly. Would you have time to answer just a couple of questions?"
"I don't see how a couple of questions could hurt, fire away, young man," says the homeowner.
Looking down at his clipboard, the survey-taker asks, "Okay...first, you do use Vaseline, correct?".
"Yes Sir, for as long as I can remember."
"Great, now what exactly do you use it for?" replies the survey-taker with his pen poised over his clipboard, ready to record the answer.
"Let's see.....we use it for dry skin, chapped lips, and sex."
The well-dressed man stops writing abruptly. He looks around, leans forward and in a low voice says, "We pride ourselves in being very thorough sir. I know how you'd use Vaseline for dry skin and chapped lips. But would you mind telling me how you use it for sex?"
"No problem," the homeowner says in a whisper, "we put it on our bedroom doorknob." The survey-taker gets a strange look on his face and takes a step backwards before the homeowner continues, "It keeps the kids out."

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Skin#ixzz319KsKJSg

Have a nice weekend, everybody :)

Week 19 list and 'heave 'er up, lad'

1. River has written it, some others have noted it in their blogs as well, even I have noticed: it is summertime in Smacking Bottom and there are so many other things to do, instead of blogging. Since it is my first year of blogging, I have nothing to compare, but I guess that there will be more activity in blogland, when the colder weather returns.

2. Currently, I am double excused for all I write which might be weird at best. :) I still suffer from foggy brain, and I still have trouble sleeping well. The tea and some other things help, though. I'll have to try River's excellent idea in detail and repeatedly, to see how good it works :) (First tests have been very promising!)

3. As everybody can see, I am currently not writing much about DD. There are still some texts flying around somewhere, but why bother. Currently I end up writing more about pregnancy. But sometimes, there are funny moments, when submitting and being pregnant don't go too well together. Don't worry, all is ok. I didn't write about the bedroom for such a long time by now, that I thought I could risk a few words about one moment from last week. But this is not going to be a sex-scene!

So, the little submissive woman with the bump was naked in the bedroom. Master (a.k.a hubby) sat there at the corner of the bed and told me to get down on my knees. I have been huffing and puffing a little more again, lately, and did so while I went down, kneeling. Master took care that I wouldn't be too long in that position, because currently it quickly feels uncomfortable. I got inspected and some other things and was told to get up from the floor again. Ah, what a relief. Well, almost. I felt big while kneeling, and could get up without major problems, but I also saw that when I am really huge with my belly, I'll probably need a crane to get me up again. Maybe also, to lower me down on my knees, because I probably won't see them then. This made me feel self-conscious in that moment, like clambering up on the bed with a certain lack of elegance also does  in some moments. But, not to be misunderstood, I am terribly proud of my bump, so when I am self-conscious because of my bump, it is over again quickly.

Hubby gave me a lot of reassurance when I told him so, and he absolutely made my day when he said that he enjoys that because he likes to see me move with a big bump. I think he has said such things all the time and he enjoys touching my belly. We are still waiting for the first movement that I can really identify as such, and I have already dreamt about it during the last days, when sleep was short. I hope that him feeling baby move will end any doubts he might still have.

4. Today marks the beginning of week 19 for baby and me! :)  I love this countdown. Every week I can count one higher, it makes me smile. Hey, I am still tired, but smiling. :)

pregnant fun-section

An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no.
"Ah, so sad," says the European. "Your wife, she is impregnable?" "Well, um, that's not exactly the word," says the American. "Oh!" interrupts the European. "I mean, she is inconceivable?" "Um, not quite --" the American begins, only to be interrupted again. "Oh, no, that isn't right," says the European. "She is, what is it, she is unbearable?" "Well, actually, that's pretty much sums it up," says the American.



 A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew. "

sleepy news - hopefully the last of this kind

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop.

When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock.

When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall,
And down will come baby,
Cradle and all.

Baby is drowsing,
Cosy and fair.

Mother sits near,
In her rocking chair.

Forward and back,
The cradle she swings,
And though baby sleeps,
He hears what she sings.

Nope, mother is not singing yet. Mother is yawning! A little bit like this ...

... or even more, like this ....

and since I don't want to look like this .... 

I'll go and buy something similar to this!

Last night was not worth talking about. Let's leave it with that. 

The women instructions-manual ...

 ... says, when product is overtired and exhausted, she loses the ability to speak and write comprehensibly. Therefore she starts using pictographs, maybe a little like the people of ancient egypt did...

And just like they used to do from ancient times till today, I'd love sleeping in a dry and warm place, but not like a mummy, no, more like a ...

... or like a ...

So, if the tea works, I'll finally catch up on some sleep.

10 ideas to find sleep – when you can’t find sleep

Today is Friday. I should be in bed with hubby by now, out of different reasons. First of all, Friday usually marks the start of our weekend. So, this is the beginning of our quality time. Often enough, this means no blog entries. Well, it is supposed to mean that, after all, hubby is there and we can spend time together. Oh my, did not work too well lately, this idea. Hubby has been pretty busy and unexpectedly he even has to go abroad within the next weeks. As you can imagine, that is frustrating.

Ooops starting the down-post alley again? Nope, not really. I am just a little frustrated because of this kind of news on the one hand, and the other reason is, once again, that I cannot sleep. GRRRRRR this has been going on throughout the week. I have no idea why, I do not have coffee or anything similar. But the later it is, the less I can rest.

So, what am I going to do now? It’s getting later. After midnight. Definitely not my usual time, but I am getting used to it. Try to stay in bed when you feel like you had a bucket of coffee.  I just couldn’t. I tried warm milk, didn’t work, I am still under alarm. And for once this is not because I drink a lot and run to the loo all the time. Well, this adds to the fun of the situation, though. :)

I have some recipes though, which are supposed to help when you have sleeping problems during pregnancy. They have worked with me before this week, too, btw, so, in general,  they do work:

Ideas to let tired mommies-to-be sleep better:

1. Drink a lot. The healthy things only, I’d recommend. Drinking is extremely important. But don’t drink much in the evening. Then you face the run-to-the-loo-problem.

2. Don’t eat too much, too fat, too spicy in the evening. I had that only a week ago and had terrible heartburn from it. That will definitely not let you rest.

3. Do your exercises during the day. They help you to be tired in the evening. That’s true, it works fine with me, but not this week. Today we only had a walk, maybe this was not enough, but then again, don’t overdo your exercises. Moderate exercise is good for you and baby, but don’t try to get fit for Olympic competitions now.

4. Have a night walk. I did not do this one, because hubby wouldn’t allow me out. I’d be alone in the dark, after midnight, because hubby is fast asleep.

5. A short warm bath right before bedtime is a good idea. Very relaxing, I can absolutely recommend that one. Works fine with me, usually, but I have not done this tonight. The longer I am up, the more likely it becomes that I'll have an after midnight bath.

6. Light massage works fine. Be careful, of course, but shoulders, neck and feet are safe and pleasant. If your partner is awake, that is. So, you better do that in time.

7. The sleeping positions also influence how easily and  well you could sleep. I’d suggest sleeping on the side, because if you pull the upper leg a little bit upwards, the muscles around the belly area can relax better. Tried it, works fine, but not this week.

8. If your feet are cold, try either warm socks or a hot-water bottle in your bed. It feels lovely and if your feet are warm, dozing off is far easier. Sometimes I have cold feet in bed, so I can recommend this. Tried it, works fine, but not this week.

9. Valerian works. But I am not willing to give it a try yet. I know that there are other plants that have similar effects, but I haven’t tried them yet. I’d try them in tea form, because I could make a whole ceremony out of it, which is a feel-good method for me.

10. My favourite recipe to sleep easier and better: warm milk and honey. I love that. Tried it, works fine, but not this week.

I am not desperate, just a wee bit tired, what a surprise. But if it goes on like that, I might have written a complete book on pregnancy-related ideas, in record time.

I’ll give it a try and go to bed again. Have a lovely night and a nice weekend! 

Tired pregnant flying women

Sorry, I am currently in lazy mode. Or was it in brain fog mode? I don't know. I have difficulties focusing, because this week is not for me when it comes to sleep. At night I am somehow wide awake. Last night I was awake till four am, the day before it was almost  4 am. During the day, I am tired, then. I manage some kind of catnap, but as soon as I lay down, I am more awake than ever-until I get up again. Annoying. Simply Annoying. And I am even too tired to be annoyed.

But then again, :) new changes, some pain here and there, but the bump is fine, and we have reached week 18. :) As you all know, because I don't miss any chance to repeat that ...  I enjoy every moment of this, up to now. It means all is good. I don't sleep, feel as if my brain is completely on holiday, but none of that matters, as long as it goes on. Hubby gave me 'We are the Champions' today. I think we really should play it more often, because as long as my bump grows, baby and I feel like champions.

Hubby feels like one too, of course. ... You know, over the years, hubby and I have talked a lot about past prgnancies and the connected sadness from them not working out as planned. And hubby did communicate how bad he felt and nevertheless he has always been the greatest support for me. During the last two weeks I could see him relax occasionally, e.g. in week 16, which was such an important date for us. But whereas I am at my alltime high now, and climbing higher (metaphorically only) with every week, simply because this time it all feels right, hubby still has times when he is far more reticent and reluctant than he should be. It is not that he is not happy about us, because he is very happy and wants baby in his arms, alive and well. It's our greatest wish. But currently, he is more of a sceptic at times, and some is because he wants to slow me down a bit, just in case. I guess it is sort of trying to protect me from the biggest disappointment possible.  And I simply cannot think that anything bad could happen at all any longer. Not this time.

I think I understand his reasons for it, because we have suffered a lot when these awful things happened and long after. But to see hubby have these moments of doubts now, makes me sad. It hurts, not because he does anything to me, on the contrary. I am spoiled by him beyond limits, but because I think that he also needs to heal more than he had expressed and shown so far, and I can listen andd give support, but otherwise I cannot help him heal. At the moment I feel like I am healing rapidly whereas I think that this healing has currently slowed down in him, and even though  I knew and saw that he had obviously suffered as well, and we supported each other, I somehow had assumed he'd heal at the same rate as I do now and he doesn't. 

Funnily enough, when I have my moments of feeling bad from backache, digestion, sleepless nights or whatever else, hubby is there and wants to help and make me feel better. Actually these are moments when there is no reluctance or doubt in him about our pregnancy at all. Maybe I should lament more, to give hubby the time to enjoy the niceties of our pregnancy? So, with more little problems to be expected the further we get along the way, the better he will feel because he sees that it works out this time a n d because I am whining more?! :)

Sorry, this is not meant as a post to bring anybody down, and even though I am pretty tired, I feel all in all almost better than ever, and had some great days, especially yesterday, and maybe this was what it took to see and understand better what hubby would not say or only hint at. At the moment I think what would help hubby most would be to hold our baby. So, another reason for October to come quickly, and up to that time I'll try to be good for him. 

Many here understand that these things happen and I am sure that many women here have probably seen similar things going on in their husbands. Everybody has the right to feel bad at times, to express their feelings and for hubby and I this works and we support each other. And then there are moments where one of us stops and the other moves on. I think that's normal too, but in this moment, it is rather painful to see that happen to hubby. Usually it is the other way round. Actually I think it has always been the other way round and he has helped me on the way. We'll talk, we always do that and this helps a lot. We'll show how much we mean for each other and I'll do my best to help hubby cope with past loss and current doubts.

Sorry once again, didn't want to spoil the fun.

I think a change of topic is due.

And ... on the thoughtless side again ...

Yesterday we had a girls' day and it was great, we had a lot of fun, could catch up, and we sang 'Let it go' and 'Love is an open door', both from Frozen. DF wrote before, that they stick, and it is so true. There was no escape. Five women singing 'Let it go' as if there's no tomorrow, it was great and with that singing we  chased the only man in the house away. My friend's husband was at home that afternoon, but when he heard us sing he wanted to leave quickly..... Don't know why.

But next time I'll ask for a girls' night again. What use is it to listen to hubby breathing, if I can't sleep at all. Not even my warm milk and honey magic worked well this week. Maybe writing helps. If you see something like öaithjröivhöahöighöarihgjöargnlkvnrijhraiotewoir further down, it only means that my head fell on the keyboard and I published this by accident.

But the good news is .....

my doc told me that we could go back home by plane this summer. :)

She said our holidays are far enough from 1st October, when I am due, and since we return not late in August, there should be no problems. We'll discuss that again, but I had already seen us on a ferry, which would take a lot longer. 

I don't want the journey to take long, that's why I'd prefer the plane, but last time I was really nervous in it. Maybe going by ferry would be worth considering, after all.

Sue and Martin II - The morning after

That’s my attempt of a sequel for ‘You didn’t go there wearing these colours’.

When Sue woke up the next morning, she needed a moment to remember where she actually was. As she sat up in the cozy hotel room bed, she smelled strong, black coffee. Martin sat on the bed’s corner, switching off the tv-set. He smiled at her, “Good morning my love. What about some coffee?” He held his cup close to her nose and she followed every move he made with the deliciously steaming cup until she finally laid hands on it. After her first sip her memories returned, and the unpleasant pain in her bottom. ’I have been such a stupid cow. Matching colours are overrated!’ It all returned, her failures, the disappointment she had caused, and how stupid she had been. But she also felt a certain kind of peace, because she had been made accountable for her stupid mistake. In the back of her mind she relived last night’s punishment, every single stroke of it, and also the sweet caress that followed. She had made amends, more was not possible for her, and she knew it.

Sue thought about her two friends and hoped they were ok. “Martin, thank you for last night. I understand how silly I have been. But I’d like to call my friends to see if they are all right.” Martin looked a moment too long at her, which Sue found queer. “Sue, they are ok. It is early and they’ll be asleep. Instead of worrying about them now, you should rather get dressed and have a quick breakfast before we leave.” She nodded. He was right, it was only six am. ‘Why was he up that early anyway? Why did he wear yesterday’s clothes? He must have had a bad night.’ Sue felt a sort of tense restlessness around Martin this morning, and her wondering whether she had perceived that correctly, let her forget to ask about his night. She considered her options. Shower, breakfast, airport, London. “Yes, ok, I’ll be quick. I can’t wait to go back to London. I haven’t been there for ages.” 

She stood up, naked as she had been when she went to bed. She quickly grabbed a hair ribbon and tied her hair together in a lose bun. Absorbed by her morning routine, she did not even notice that she was enchanting him with her naked, delicate skin, and that Martin’s gaze followed her, scrutinizing her from head to toe and stopping at her bottom as she turned to the bathroom. Her buttocks were still rather bruised. ‘What a cute reminder. I’ll enjoy watching her bum even more for the next days, until the bruises vanish again’, Martin mused as he followed her every movement with his eyes. He had been hard on her and hopefully she had learned that lesson. There would still be lots of trouble ahead until they disappeared forever. Sue had no idea yet. If the others found her, they’d have him as well, because he would not let them harm her. His face became fierce and animal-like as he thought about the others. 

… And he brushed his thoughts away, because Sue’s bruised bottom, her slender, feminine shape, her gorgeous breasts and the gaiety of her steps worked their magic on him. “Nice bruises, nice bottom. If we had no boat to reach, I’d not let you out of here until you cried for mercy and for more at the same time.” He grinned at her as she paraded along the bed. Teasingly, she let her hip swing once more, before she disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door. An instant later, she opened it again and viewed him with round, innocent but questioning eyes “What do you mean, ‘a boat’? I thought we’d go by plane and we had some time left?” Martin shook his head “Change of plans. The flight is cancelled and we go by boat. You’ll love it, it’s a fisherman’s boat, and he is a really nice guy. We can trust him. It will take a little longer to get to London, but it will be worth it.” He breathed in deeply, as if he was inhaling cigarette smoke. ‘And it will be safer’ he thought. Satisfied, Sue just nodded with a tantalizing smile and closed the bathroom door. Martin noticed it, looked at the closed door and considered his options. She was such a tease at times, sometimes deliberately, but most times unintentionally.

He shook his head with a hidden smile and used the time to check the contents of his black bag. There was enough ammunition in it to defend against an army. He put one of the pistols from the bag under his shirt. This would only help if the others had to improvise. Though, if Sue and Martin remained in this place much longer, the others would just use a bomb and his pistol would be useless.

A short time later the two of them left the hotel. Martin had made sure that there was no colour on Sue that could raise suspicions or anger. She was wearing a simple black dress and her black sandals. Sue was not too happy about this outfit early in the morning, but she had also seen Martin’s face, when they left the building. Something was not the way it was supposed to be and if he had a worried look, she should be close to panic, because Martin was rarely visibly worried. “Martin, what’s wrong with you? Did I do anything? Are you angry with me?” He looked at her quickly and gave her a quick kiss that was meant to reassure Sue, before he scanned the surrounding area with his eyes again. Sue felt insecure, as if she was walking around in a maze, blindfolded. All she knew was that she could trust Martin. But he had never been that taciturn before. Accordingly, his behaviour made Sue more nervous than before, though she trusted him enough to push most of this away again.

The streets were still empty, as it was so early in the morning. Martin nodded to the concierge as they entered the taxi that was waiting for them. It was a safe one, Martin had cleared the details and if it had been possible, he would have stayed in this car until they had reached England, because the driver and the car were there for inconspicuous military personnel transports only. They’d need this safe car, and Martin knew that their hunters were close. But if they did not want any additional attention, they had to behave like tourists. Therefore, they drove through Belfast, leisurely, like tourists did. Silently he wanted to curse the city for a moment, but then again, he had always been thrilled by the atmosphere of it. No, he couldn’t curse it. He loved Belfast and he had enjoyed every minute of being here, though now everything was different, because he had his loved one with him, in unexpected danger.

While Martin was lost in his thoughts about her, Sue looked out of the window. As was her habit when thinking about events that troubled her, she had problems with focusing on one topic. ‘What a lovely city. Full of life and excitement, well, and obviously with some danger, too. What was it that worried Martin?’ She looked at him, only to see that he had studied her closely. “Hey, what is it? Why are you so troubled? Martin, if there is anything wrong, you have to tell me. I am not a small child and want to know what’s going on. Please.” She added quickly, because she knew exactly that he’d not allow her to push him, and she did not want a second round with the belt either. Not even a romantic spanking by hand, until her bottom felt much better, she conceded.

Martin pressed his lips together for a moment and nodded, as if he had finally reached a decision. “Sue, we are not safe until we have reached the boat. I am just a little overcautious, because I don’t want you to be hurt. If you do as told, we’ll be safe and away in no time. 
Look there, the boat is almost in sight. We can go on board immediately and leave. You’ll enjoy the trip, because we’ll have great weather. And once on board, we’ll do fine.” He smiled at her, and Sue observed with pleasure that his confident self returned. Sue loved and adored him this way. A little more of it and he’d have her beg for making love, even if the whole world watched, or a fisherman.

Martin could distract her thoughts so easily, and she was always so willing when it came to that, at least that was one of his ideas about her. Sue, on the other hand, was always willing to play along, although she had noticed that sudden change of topic. But she had also long accepted that she simply could not resist this man in any way. She was an open book and absolutely defenceless, and both of them knew it. Well, in a way it was part of the attraction that he felt for her, this knowledge of unlimited trust from her side, this deep love and greed for being with him. Martin had not found out so far why she was this way, because she also had a characteristic that he had only observed by soldiers who had survived deadly attacks almost unscathed. She was greedy for life to the extreme. A rollercoaster ride? She’d take it, although she hated them. Climbing mountains? She’d do it, because she hadn’t tried that. Scuba diving? Absolutely hers, even more so, with sharks around her. Then again, she’d see a spider and run from it. He could read what was going on in her and he knew how she functioned, but then again, he was aware that she was a mystery and he understood nothing.

Martin always felt how much she loved him, and he knew that she was trusting him beyond reason. He was no saint, had done things in his job that let him detest himself. And then there was this awesome beauty with her sweetness, her doe-eyes, her willingness to believe in him, with her unconditional love and her zest for life. That was the core of her being. She did everything for him, and it was unconditional. He also knew that he held her soul in his hand, because of this ocean of love that she had reserved exclusively for him. On this warm summer morning in Belfast, with deadly danger closing in as they were on their way to the harbour, he looked at her from the side again and realized just how lucky he was and to what lengths he would have to go to protect her from harm.

Martin’s idea about her was that she wasn’t aware of how easily she could be harmed because of her too trusting nature. She had been harmed in the past and she wore a few scars on her soul from that. But he was surprised every time they spent time together, how well she healed. For him, she was awesome, she was magic, and he would make sure she’d be safe, no matter what it would take. As he looked along the row of shabby, grey city buildings, they passed, he admitted to himself his willingness to wade through a pool of blood that he had filled with the blood of those fools who dared standing between Sue and himself. He had the means and he had the will. What he underestimated was Sue’s willingness, to do exactly the same for him. They were two lovers in their own little world. And currently this world was threatened by ‘the others’.

As they left the car, Martin tapped the driver on the shoulder and signalled to stay there until the boat was gone. If there were signs of the others, the driver would call Martin, because then the boat would have to go elsewhere. He hoped they would be spared from changing their plans again. They left the harbour. There were some vessels preparing to leave, but theirs was the only fishing boat that left the area at this time. Martin cursed his stupidity. ‘I should have sought out another way. The boat was out too late. The airport had been no option, because they would have recognized Sue. They would have seen me. They would have found a way to stop us, either in Belfast or in England.’ He had seen that happen once. It never made it’s way into the news as an assassination. The report only spoke about a tragic car accident, in the middle of London. Martin would not let that happen to her. She didn’t even know what avalanche of sectarian violence she had set off, and as far as Martin was concerned, it would stay that way. If only he had an idea what Sue’s two friends might have told their torturers before they had been killed.

Sue enjoyed the cool breeze of a day that promised to become very hot. As they passed the remains of Belfast’s once so glorious shipping industry, there were only the noises from the boat and from the docks. She had always wanted to go to the docks and watch the workers. Now, she had doubts that would ever happen. With a little bit of melancholy, she looked at the mix of old reddish brick buildings and a few new, but rather out of place workshops along the pier. At that time of the day there were only few workers, some just stood there and followed them with their eyes as they left the harbour slowly.

She heard Martin’s mobile ring. “Yeah? Ok, good to know, thanks, bye” Sue asked Martin “Who was it?” but he did not answer. Ah, she saw Martin’s professional face expression. His was a poker face, whenever he needed one and she knew she barely stood a chance at even guessing what he thought when he shut her out like that. Sue usually loved it when he was business-like, but here, she felt ignored in this moment, and that was something she hated, though she also knew he would not act like this without reason. Not towards her. Therefore, even if he did behave strangely, Sue always had the feeling of love and could trust Martin completely. And she never felt in danger with Martin around, just like she was never afraid of being left by him. Sue was not good at assessing people, but she knew Martin well. In fact, this man was the only man she understood. When she needed help, he’d be either there, or had died trying. She knew that, because she’d do the same for him. Their love to each other ran so deep, it would outlast any problem. This was all reassurance she ever needed and nothing else could bother her with Martin as a backup.

He had this focused attitude which she also loved, went to the fisherman and told him something. The man nodded and Sue felt how the boat changed direction. Almost directly into the sun. How romantic. As Martin came back to her, he was finally smiling, though still with his professional reserved attitude. “To the south there will be bad weather. We’ll have to take another route across. It’ll be a bit shorter than I had thought.” Sue didn’t worry. If Martin had a plan, all would be ok. After all, she knew well that he planned almost everything and therefore always had alternatives at hand. So, if the plane was cancelled, the weather in the south was bad, it was only to be expected that he’d have another route to England. What a nice trip this could be. Actually, their delay would give her plenty of time to seduce him. She smiled when this thought popped up. “Martin, I only have city clothes with me, but I have a short top and skirt in my suitcase, and it is getting really warm here, could I change, please?” Martin grinned at her, his open self was back. “Love, downstairs you’ll only find dirty smelly places, you’d have to do it here, on deck. Do you want that?”

As an answer Sue opened her suitcase took out her clothes and slowly hitched her dress up, until her stocking tops were visible. “Why not?” she saw him interested, and for a moment he stopped breathing. ‘If you want a challenge, you can have it!’ Smiling seductively, she never let her eyes wander away from him, as she slowly undid her stockings, rolled them down in slow motion and took them off. She stood at the ship’s bow and could see the fisherman behind Martin, steering. His eyes rested on her, just like Martin’s, who leaned against a box and waited what she would do next. ‘Would she undress completely? Nah, she wouldn’t, not with the captain present’, Martin told himself, but her movement spoke another language. Sue enjoyed Martin’s attention. She had him and knew it. Instead of putting on the short red cotton skirt, she slowly undid the zipper of her dress. Very slowly she peeled her left arm out of the dress to present naked skin. She turned around, away from Martin and the fisherman. With slight, wriggling moves she peeled her right arm out and felt her dress sag down. She still held it high enough, and she was also wearing a bra, but her back and parts of her suspender belt were visible. Very slowly she drove the fingers along her naked skin and opened the suspender belt with two fingers, shook her hip and let it slide down. A quick glance to Martin showed her that he was focused on her. Oh, the fisherman was focused, too. ‘Well, why not? He is in his little captain’s cabin and can only see me. Martin could come over and touch me. If only he would’, Sue thought. She turned away, so that Martin and the fisherman would only see her backside. She let her dress go and it fell down. She heard Martin clear his throat, accompanied by the soothing sound of the boat’s slowly working machine. Very slowly she took up her top and put it on in slow motion. Sue wished for Martin to come over and caress her. And her wish came true, as if he had heard her thoughts. She listened to his slow steps coming closer and felt his embrace from behind. A wave of pleasant heat ran like a ripple from her most vulnerable spot away into the tips of each hair. He caressed her breasts which were sort of directing the ship’s way to safety. Slowly, Martin kissed his way up, from the neck to her ear, to the cheek and as she turned to him and put her arms around him, her lips found his. She felt this peculiar tingling in her stomach and inhaled Martin’s smell. Masculine, fresh, now salty, as his smell mixed with the air, there was this smell of old, worn leather on him. This was from his old leather jacket which he had let fall where she had seen him only seconds earlier. She dug her nose into his skin to get more of this exquisite mix. She caught a little bit of his cologne, a very volatile smell that reminded her of what the blue sky possibly could smell like. She tried again. She wanted to breathe Martin in completely, forever. Sue felt that Martin did the same with her. But unexpectedly early he took his head slowly up to her ear and softly whispered “Sue, you are a tease. You know that we can’t do anything here on board, but over-exciting the poor captain was not nice. If you hadn’t worn a bra and turned around then, I would have given him an additional show, by spanking you for indecent behaviour, my love.” “Ouch!” Martin had just given her a single sample of what could have been, and Sue was not sure if she should not go to some length to get right then what Martin had suggested. As the pain from the single swat ebbed away slowly, she reconsidered again, because her bottom was still far too sore to accept Martin’s hidden offer.

Throughout the following three hours on sea, they only saw a few ferries and transport vessels. There even was another motor boat, far away and sometimes bopping in and out of sight. For Martin this motor boat had been following them too long on a route which normally nobody would use to cross the sea from Belfast. They couldn’t do anything but wait and see. For Sue, everything was very picturesque, and she used the time to sun bathe while Martin talked to the fisherman. When they finally reached a tiny little harbour, somewhere in nowhere, on a warm and pleasant mid-morning, Sue was as disappointed as could be. There were a few old shabby industry buildings, an old ship’s landing, a huge, dirty car park and a road that came out of nowhere and led away into nowhere. At least there were pleasant hills everywhere in the background and created a scenery that would have been charming and adorable, if there hadn’t been the old buildings and the car park, that is. 

“Where are we? What place is this?” Sue frowned. 'Not exactly a holiday resort. This looks more like the end of the civilized world.' They left the boat quickly and as they waved goodbye to the fisherman, they were greeted by a bear-like, red-haired man with a strong Scottish accent. The man looked like the cliché of a Scotsman, the only thing that was not cliché was that he was wearing a pair of dirty jeans instead of the traditional Scottish kilt. ‘Too bad, I’d love to know what he’d wear under it. If everything was as big on him as his hands and arms…’ Sue smiled broadly, in the right moment. One smile was all for herself, as she imagined herself lifting up this man’s kilt, getting red cheeks and afterwards being led away for a spanking by Martin, for indecent behaviour and just so naughty thoughts. 

She sighed deeply as she gave this friendly bear her hand and smiled the other smile, the friendly contact smile of hers. As she greeted him back, she saw another one of those familiar tattoos, half hidden under his t-shirt. It identified this man as being of Martin’s kind. She did not know much about tattoos, but if there was a dagger, wings, a sword, or even a crown in it, she had learned that those meant ‘hardcore military’, as she referred to these soldiers. They’d hide such tattoos in unsafe environments, but among friends, it was a symbol of identity. She had seen that working in different places with Martin and other soldiers. Even if they had never met before, this symbol made them sort of friends, or at least a tight-knit community.

“Welcome to Scotland. My name’s Angus. I am going to bring you away from here.” What a pleasant, sonorous voice he had. They shook hands and Martin immediately inquired about the roads. “Well, the roads south are currently blocked. We can only bring you northwards. But it should be reasonably safe there.” Sue hesitated, felt angst rise slowly and forgot to breathe. “What? Why safe? Why ‘reasonably’? Martin, I want to know. NOW!” She stomped her foot like a little girl having a tantrum. Indeed, she was having one. Martin took her hand tightly and looked at Sue, seriously and sternly, with anger maybe not too far behind. He only gave her a second to calm down. She shut her mouth and tried to refrain from pouting, but her eyes were aflame with anger and frustration because she had no idea of what was going on in a place somewhere in Scottish nowhere.

“Excuse us, Angus, we’ll be back in a moment and can continue our journey then. Just a word, please!” This was getting serious. Martin led her away, a few meters closer to the calm Irish sea. Sue felt herself shrinking as she saw that Martin would scold her right now, with Angus being in earshot. She thought about trying to pull away from him, but didn’t, because that would be so silly and would only let her appear more like a little girl having a temper tantrum. She knew the rules but could not think clearly for now. It was probably the effect Martin’s tense behaviour had. Maybe others would not notice his change in behaviour, but she would.

“Come with me, unless you want to be seen by Angus. It’ll be bad enough that he’ll probably hear you in a minute! But I am surely not willing to accept your disrespectful behaviour and you’ll be spanked now. Here, right on the shore and in the presence of anybody who cares to see you squirm and cry. You think the spanking in Belfast was severe? You have no idea what the next one will feel like, if you go on behaving like a brat. I hope I made myself clear, young Lady!” Martin let out his breath, gazed at her with this strict and serious look that would ultimately turn her on, turned away and pulled her with him further down to the little stretch of brown-earthed beach. Sue never made a sound. She simply followed Martin’s lead, because she wouldn’t do anything to make him angry now. She still felt her bum being tender from Belfast and now she would get another lesson. Inwardly, she scolded herself for behaving like a silly cow, and in the presence of a stranger, to make matters worse. All the same, if it hadn't been for her tender bum and Angus, she would have embraced the way it would undeniably reconnect them.

Martin steered them to a group of rocks, right at the waterfront. Under different circumstances, this corner of Scotland would have made a nice spot for a romantic time. And Sue could even see the motor boat again. But now, it was only the spot of Sue’s first punishment, ever, in Scotland. Martin sat down, pulled Sue’s skirt up and her knickers down. “Over my knees!” he commanded strictly. Sue did as told and Martin was not waiting long for her to settle down. She was barely in position, when she felt the first swat swat and almost shattered to pieces from the pain. Her still tender bottom couldn’t possibly take that. “Nooo, Martin, owwww, this is too much!  Ooowwww, I. can’t. take. It. OOOWWWWW! Martin spanked on. She heard the peculiar sound of the spanking, swat, swat, swat, mixed with the noise from the sea and the gulls. Or was it her? The strokes were rapidly falling on her bottom, as she tried in vain to relax all muscles. Her tears were all over her cheeks, dripped down on the ground. She heard herself groan repeatedly and Martin’s breath, as he continued working her tender bottom. Sue made every effort, not to wriggle too much, but to no avail. Martin held her tightly, he did not lecture her and she would not have understood a single syllable if he had. She felt her bottom in flames. Painful explosion after explosion gave Sue the feeling to faint. If only! She felt every bit of pain far more than usual. Sue accepted the inevitable. 

It would go on, until Martin had decided that she had understood. The pain was harsh and made it harder than usual for her, but something inside lost its sharp edge. In this pain, she felt growing peace. Her acceptance was there for good. She did not consciously notice it, but Martin felt her whole body relax. And he knew so well what that meant. This was the signal he had waited for. It was not a sign that he had beaten her into submission, because he would not do that to her. Instead, her growing limp, her relaxing was the sign she would not hide from him. She was her real self again. No anger, no resentment, no tantrum. He might have to face a fierce discussion, because he had seen the lovely bruises of hers and she might scold him for spanking her in this moment. But she would do it like a reasonable woman, not like a spoiled brat, and in return, he would accept any verdict she’d deem appropriate. He grinned inwardly. This would not mean him being spanked, but if she demanded a sort of amends, he would give that to her, in recognition of the difficult situation and because he loved her and wanted to see her happy in the long run.

He mused on, with Sue still across his lap, though he had stopped spanking her. Both of them needed a moment to recover. Martin used the time to assess how long the motor boat would take till it would be here. Finally, he helped her up and held her tightly. After a short while she drew her knickers up, with her bottom so much on fire that she was not sure whether she really wanted to pull her skirt down and add to the effect. But she did, as Martin waited for her. She had winced from the pain as she pulled her skirt down, and she had her peculiar ‘severe spanking’ walk, as Martin helped her back to the road. Martin marvelled at the transformation that he had seen happen in her within the last few minutes. If anything, Sue was at peace. Her eyes sparkled, full of life, even more so, after Martin had wiped away her ruined make-up around the eyes. “Thank you, Martin. I am sorry for my tantrum. But you have been mean to my bottom! Hey, I’d like to go swimming, to cool it. Could we go here? No?” She couldn’t help it but had to smile and gave him a tender kiss. Finally, they’d go on, away from danger. Angus had been waiting patiently and tried ostensibly to remain neutral about what had happened.

Ooops, it's a bit lengthy. Sorry for that