We are all in this together

With this our way through life is meant. For some life is like a race, although I cannot see what their goal might be. Hopefully it is not being there first. We will all reach the finish, sooner or later. For me, personally, it is like being on an endless ocean, in a boat. I want my boat nice, a big one, so that many people can be there, I think it is colourful. :) I don’t follow a direction, or have a motor, instead I have some sort of sail that will help lead us where the wind wants us to go. 

 

There are so many different boats, some ugly on the inside, some awesome, some only with a single seat (sounds dreary to me), some fast ones, some making big waves, some even endangering or sinking other boats and their crews, and I have also seen several boats sink and felt like sinking in my boat too, as there was a lot of water in it. 

You can guess that at different times and even simultaneously hubby and Amy were the ones who helped getting all that water out of the boat again. At different times, Amy and hubby have been captain of my ship, as much as they could, because I think a boat might appear strong, as if it could withstand any storm, but in reality boats can be pretty fragile and delicate, easy to break, and so easy to be separated from other boats so that they are lost.

You might wonder if I am completely nuts now, or if there is another reason behind my writing about boats. There is. Granny is not good at the moment. I am so completely worried about her, after rather minor surgery –which was not even really cancer related – she had an allergic shock and has been comatose ever since. The doctors have tried to wake her up, and physically she is healing, but she has not woken up yet. I am talking about two weeks by now.

Granny’s boat is not deserted at all, but it looks fragile and empty, and it is such a beautiful boat. I love people who are open and friendly because they mean it, granny is like that. I don’t know all the people that stayed on her boat, but those who I met have always been positively impressed by her and those who come closer love her. 

I want granny’s boat to go slow, so that there is a lot of time for all of us together. I want her to see Tilda, baby and our family grow up, have fun with us, and the kids would love to have more time with granny who has always been so awesome at steering her ship. Right now, my boat is definitely floating a little more than I like to. I am so worried, sad that this silly thing happened to her, and I am sorry to bother you with this but couldn't really stop myself. 

We are currently at the seaside, waiting for a call and could be back with her any time. We have watched some ships, so that might explain a lot, and the metaphors made it easier to sort my thoughts.

Anyways, 

my Captain calls me to bed,

wishing you all a wonderful week, hopefully with some good weather, 

so that your boats go where you want them to. :)

We are doing fine

As usual, my original plan was to post far earlier. I had written down some, pregnancy related, but then I changed it all again and again after talking to my besty Amy.

She has hit an emotional low, she is in a very difficult situation that slowly seems to clear up again though. This is about love, so it can be tricky, oh heck, it definitely is complicated and tricky. However she is taking the right steps and all will be good I hope. But it has taken more than two weeks by now for me to figure out that all will come to a good ending. There is still a lot of struggling going on in her, and for Amy nothing is really solved yet, but she also is a very responsible woman and she has all the good characteristics you could wish for. And since I have bragged about her in other posts, :) some do already know that she is a real keeper. So, I am pretty sure she will do the right thing. Short version: It is an intense time for her, I wouldn't want to be her right now, and I'd never want to be in her current situation.
Sorry for being this enigmatic here. Maybe this was more like sorting things for myself, and I really couldn't put more about Amy's trouble here.

Holiday news

I hope Amy will solve this within the next two weeks. If not, I’ll be in real trouble with hubby, because we’ll go on a trip to the coast (oh yes!), and I can only go when Amy is in the clear (oh no!). This time it is not off to Britain, not even far away from Hamburg, instead it is a nice little holiday trip to the North Sea for a few days. 
I wanted us to go and meet family on the little island again, but hubby didn’t want to. He was so absolutely against it, that I had asked more than once if there was something going on which I should know. Rare occasion that I am like that, it sort of made me feel rather confrontational and pushy, which is awful. 
It is still a strange sort of behaviour from hubby's side. He was pretty vague about his reasons, and somehow I am almost expecting my in laws to pop up out of nowhere while we are at the Sea. But if I really expect that and it doesn’t happen then, I’ll be too disappointed. So, no expectations, instead I’ll just go with the flow and enjoy the time we have there. :) Oh, woohoo! This means hubby has time, which has been rather scarce lately !!!! 

Bump news

Finally, my belly is looking like a bump! I look less overstuffed, and a little bit more like pregnant now. :) I love that, it is so much better for my body image, and I don’t have to explain every second minute that I eat for two. Ok, I might take that too literally at times and have eaten for two adults now and then, not only the obligatory 300 calories more. Yep, I know I’ll suffer a lot next year when I want to get rid of extra weight. Nevertheless, for now, all is good. Week 14 means that baby is about the size of a lemon, fine, but I love that with the beginning of the second trimester baby is much safer again.

The other good news is that I did not really doubt that she’d be fine. This is an achievement for me. Feeling like this is awesome and I have not known that much confidence in my bump before. With Tilda I felt pretty safe after week 32, but this time I have been better from the start and felt like nothing could get between baby and me at all.

I have only had a little morning sickness, which is currently almost gone, and my cravings are still about spicy things. Yeah, and when I eat that, it seems I get heartburn from it. But I can handle that. :) You know what is best? It is summer, Tilda will start making her own real steps soon and I am not too bumpy to help her. We can do all sorts of things together in this year’s summer! Woohoo! Awesome.

Tilda news

So far, Tilda is standing, but not walking yet. However she can work her way up from sitting to standing alone, too. Sitting down is slightly bumpy at times, but her bum is well-padded, so she doesn’t worry much, … if she falls on her bottom, that is. A few days ago she landed on her face, but it didn't bother her. Seems to have been a recurring experience. 

She is becoming quite a character now. Hubby and I had discussions about that. From her looks, she is so much daddy’s girl. Hubby says from what she does, she’s mommy’s girl. That’s because she loves putting things into boxes. :) I can’t let her play in the kitchen when I work there, too dangerous, but I do give her some Tupperware and she has lots of blocks. I showed her how to put these into the boxes and she still does that all the time now. Put them in, empty box again, put blocks in, empty box. Oh, when she’s in the playpen it goes like put them in, empty box outside playpen, protest until mommy gives them back to her. :)
I am not always sure if it is her or me who really has bouts of separation anxiety. But I am getting much better about it (really!!!). Tilda on the other hand has had some bad moments when I was around the corner where she couldn't see me and crying like mad because of it. The door was open, she could hear me, but could not come because of the safety gate. I think this is something she has to get used to. I am not away, she can always hear me, most of the time she is right with me, but sometimes not. Well, we are both learning and we are in this together; it is the first time for both of us. :) 

Exercise, hormones and corner time

Apart from collecting things for Tilda, we do more of our morning walk than ever, but last year’s rule about not going into the forest/fields alone is there for good. I got a reminder about that when this crazy customer of hubby’s turned up at our house earlier this year. As it turns out, this guy was a bigger problem for hubby than he had told me, but it seems to be ok now.

So far this year the morning walk has become a wonderful tradition which has given Amy and me lots of time to talk. Now, with the hot weather we have not always been walking through the forest, sometimes we only walked to a little café (no coffee for me, no thanks). I am not like avoiding exercise though. Exercise is important, and I love it, even though I am not overdoing sports either, but I do a little something every day. I am fully back into yoga and do some extra swimming too, but only to feel good. Walking is ok, but running? No thank you, maybe next year.

In general I think that Tilda and I are doing a great job at keeping everything around the house going. Accordingly, corner time is rare at the moment. The last one I got was because I was pretty snappish towards hubby. I have no idea what I was up to, but I was pretty moody that day. Actually I think that I am pretty moody in general lately, not too horrible, but sometimes I am overwhelmed, even by little things. Monday I found some cute little feathers next to our door, and I could see that a cat had eaten the little bird they belonged to. Well, there are cats around, and they do hunt, I know all that. My tears were rolling nevertheless and I felt silly. It happens just as easily in other moments, and I am glad that this is not always about sadness.

Anyways, hubby was so right with giving me time in the corner to come to my senses again after I had been snappy, but this was one of the hot days and I start having problems with swollen ankles while standing. So, instead of standing I was ordered on the floor with a blanket underneath, feet up against the wall. It felt great and actually it was not like a discipline measure for me, I found it yoga-esque and after a while hubby brought Tilda and made this the best corner time ever. She was moving through the office like a pro, hubby had an eye on her, because I was still not allowed to leave my place, but I was allowed to look what she was doing. So, actually I have been lounging on the floor, feet up the wall, nothing to do, only watch our little kiddo discover the office. It was family quality time. :) It worked, I was so deeply relaxed. :)

Well, there has been another sort of corner time, but that was in May, which feels  pretty long ago. However that one sucked, as a result I’ll try to stay out of the corner for the coming weeks.

Sue and Martin – Lost and forgotten

Haha, I still have three Sue and Martin stories in store which I found again among my unpublished posts. You know what’s best about that? They are almost like unknown stories for me too, as I barely remember a word of them, because I wrote them last year, under the influence of preggo brain. So, I guess I’ll better rewrite them before putting them here, … under the influence of preggo brain, oh my. Currently I am into forgetting things. I keep writing everything on my post its, and that helps a lot. What I do not want is forget something that involves hubby. He does understand that I might be a bit more touched these days, but so far he is really nice about that. I think he is just as happy as I am, because his wife is so sure all will be well. :) 

Wishing you all a wonderful second half of the week!

 

Cornertime instead of spankings again :)

We’ve had a very busy time again, not all was good about it though. But then again, we definitely have awesome news too. I’ll try to be concise … haha, yeah, as if.

My very sweet parents-in-law were here. They have had time for us, and in addition they have helped redecorating one of the rooms (as mentioned in my last post). We had so much time to talk and reconnect. Wonderful. They have made us so absolutely happy with their visit and I miss them more than I can say, and since I am somehow getting worse at saying good-byes lately, Tilda and I did not bring them to the airport. It was hard enough seeing them leave, but making a departure a prolonged experience is too sad atm. I do feel guilty because at other times I would have enjoyed the other hour being with them, but currently that would shake me up too much. I love them both, and especially with my mother-in-law talking is so easy and we have this connection. Seeing them leave again was so hard this time.

The very sad part of the last two weeks was that we have lost two friends of the family within three days. One of the two was much closer to me than the other one, but my parents are devastated about both, and this has created a lot of sadness here. For me, especially the loss of this one friend of the family is hard to endure, because he has been such a wonderful and charming man, and he has always been so full of life, as if he was overflowing with it. Imagine one who is close to you and makes you laugh in the best ways when he is there. That’s him. He was so interested in people and made you feel important and cherished, just because he talked to you. This is gone. I am sorry that I mention all this here, but seeing him and another friend go is something I still have to get my head around. We had hoped that he would be better, not lose his life. :(  Seeing him go also made the time with my parents-in-law even more special, also because they caught me in some of the sad moments. However this is not meant to be a down-post!

When good news come

I am glad that my mother- and father-in-law were here. They are so lovable and sweet, and in a week when not all was as good as we had wished, having them was the best that could happen. Both of them were there and I could simply hug them, which is wonderful. Maybe I am needy, whatever, but that I had hubby, Tilda, mil and fil to hug any time I wanted to, was the best that could happen. Some of you might know that I am definitely into hugging, and currently so much more than ever.

Apart from the not so awesome part, we do have all reason to be happy. We have good news, like in the best news, too. We are going to have our second baby! :) When you read this, I am in my tenth week! 

The beginning of the second trimester is not far away and just like with Tilda, I simply could not wait till the twelfth week to tell everybody. The good news needed to get out, as I have been close to bursting for several weeks by now.

My parents-in-law learned the day they arrived that they’d be grandparents again. :) I wanted to tell them, face to face, urgently, this couldn’t wait! It was so lovely, they have been as happy as can be, and also grateful because they got to know early and not on the phone. This has been so much better.

No more spankings … boo boo boo

With baby growing in me, I am out of the spankings again. :( Not good. When we started them again, life became so much easier for us here. I do silly things, get a spanking, won’t do it again, feel better, end of story. Now, keeping up discipline is tricky. I have had a few moments over the last weeks which would have caused a sore bum. I’d have appreciated that. Seriously, not the pain, but the feeling that I am really held accountable and being able to get over it so easily by being spanked. 

Instead I get loss of privileges now, and lots of corner time lately. I mean, after being spanked, corner time is good to come back, to think. But when you are a little fidgety and have no spanking, then corner time sucks big style. Since I am currently in my third month and feeling awesome once I get up (not too much morning sickness!!), I can still stand while facing the wall. Hooray! :) Well, this is not like a winner situation, because corner time is still boring. However, I like the idea that I am able to stand. Last year when I got corner time, I was sitting on a chair because my bump was a wee bit heavy towards the end and my ankles were swollen and standing quietly became more of a punishment than anything else. I hope I’ll be better than last year all in all. I think in some weeks back then hubby must have felt as if he was punished by having me around him, and last week I have not left a good impression either.

I mean, with no spankings in sight, (of course) I got a little sassy, against my will. I didn’t mean to, and it is in my/our best interest if I behave. Well, I didn’t, so hubby restricted my computer time. … I had no better question to ask if I could lend his language recognition software from his office, so that I could dictate everything I couldn’t write down myself because I wasn’t allowed to. …This is the wrong question, let me tell you, it is the wrong one! Hubby was speechless at first and I found myself in the corner faster than I could comprehend. Either hubby is rather quick with corner time these days, or I am really bad lately. Dunno, I want to be good for him, though. Besides, I can claim being hormonal and having a fuzzy brain as an excuse. :)

Fuzzy brain and her key

Before I forget it again… maybe I feel physically awesome (sleep is an issue though), mentally I have felt for weeks like I am forgetting everything and being unable to focus. Much too early, I thought that would happen later!

Oh yes, and accordingly I have been so confused that I lost my front door key. Maybe it happened while shopping, but how am I supposed to know. … You may guess now who was less amused than I. Yes, right, hubby was not happy about the lost key. So, we got a new lock for the front door, and I had effectively been grounded for the last weekend. My caring Master left me the choice, either I wouldn’t use the computer till Monday, or I wouldn’t have a key. Easy choice. :) Seriously, hubby was not really annoyed, he said as long as our address is not on a lost key, all will be fine. I mean, it did not stop him from having the lock replaced, but he knows that I lost the key by accident. He has more foresight in these things than I will ever have. I know that because I do stupid things without wanting too, like opening the front door, walking into the house, putting Tilda down, and then forgetting to close the front door for another hour! Happened this morning and I even passed the open door at least two times and did not notice.

Hammock time

Like last year, I have hammock time! It was my favourite place with Tilda and I could sleep better there than in any other place. I’ll have far less time for my hammock this year, but we have good weather currently and Tilda’s play pen has been outside on two days, so that we could chatter while I was in my hammock and she played next to me. Summer, we are prepared for you!

Wishing you all a wonderful week!

Everyday life update

I absolutely have to apologize for being away from my blog for such a long time. We are still here, though lots of things have been going on here. Since this is like a mixed bag again, I’ll tell you first what you can find here today, so that you can scroll down, if you want to. There’s a little bit about our gardening time, some Tilda news, a little about Granny and Amy, what brought some unrest into the house was an episode hubby had to deal with. I can only tell the very general idea of it, hubby would go crazy otherwise. Towards the bottom I have a surprise from hubby for me.

Into the garden

May has been a very good time for us here, really busy, but pretty fine. First of all we have moderately good weather, which means gardening time for Tilda and me. So, we spent a lot of time there. Silly as it sounds to some, I do enjoy digging in the dirt, all the spring smells that are back there after a dreary autumn and wintertime, and I enjoy looking at all the flowers. My favourite to look at was one of our apple trees, because I cut it to size early this year and it was blossoming wonderfully in bright white. I forgot to take pictures of it until it was too late, but meanwhile some other nice coloured flowers open up.

Tilda

More important than anything is what Tilda is doing. She is blossoming too, growing and thriving. Her first tooth is there, which is visible proof of her growing and becoming more of a character. If her pleasure in eating one of my wooden spoons is an indicator, she’ll fall for ttwd later on. She chewed on one of the wooden spoons so much over the last weeks, and still loves this. In addition she uses it to bang at doors and walls or anything else that might make interesting sounds.

She has some real words for mommy and daddy now and she’s crawling all over the place as well. Speaking with her has never been more fun, because she kind of obviously answers. I love to watch her, especially as we have used some basic signals for months and she does show ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘hungry’ and ‘tired’. Hungry is a quick tummy rub and tired is stretching the arms to the sides. :) We are playing a lot of peek-a-boo and a version of pat-a-cake and a few other small games such as This is the thumb. We play that in German and in English, because the speaking melody and which of her fingers I wiggle are exactly the same. Tilda enjoys it both ways and doesn't bother about language, she’s more into the physical sensation of it. :)

Granny

Thank God Granny is on the mend. She is still getting chemo, but for now she can stay at home, go to the docs every week for treatment and then she returns home. So, even with the less brilliant days she still has, she is simply so much more back to being her old self and we use our chances to see her. Being with her is wonderful, spending time with her is such a gift for me and I love watching her play with Tilda. Hehe and Granny and Tilda love playing with each other too, so the mornings are awesome for all of us. I have written about Granny before and I think that I have mentioned that she is very warmhearted and loves children. And now that she is better again, she has glinting eyes again, which is so amazing and beautiful. You can see much more of her liveliness than you could for quite a while. I am simply grateful for that and hope that it goes on like this. I mean, this year would be most awesome if only all will be good with her.

Leg up, or I’ll tie you down, Amy

Well, as I said, somehow this is a busy time. My best friend Amy has had bad luck and sprained her ankle. This has been more than a week ago by now, so she is much better. But for the first three days she could not really walk at all. Somehow this was good for her, because usually she is pretty busy and suddenly she got a break which I think she needed. So, I thwarted all of her attempts to be helpful and stand up, hence the title. Saying something like ‘I’ll tie you down’ to Amy is funny for me, because she is not into bondage, but I think I made it sound convincing, at least she stayed on the sofa. :) Not sure if I could ever follow through anyway, because she is one of the two most important authority figures for me. … But playing with that was funny. :)

In addition, her break was good for Tilda and me, because we could help Amy a little while she recovered. She had her leg on a pile of cushions for most of the day, I put Tilda onto her belly so that they could enjoy each other and worked a little in the kitchen and did some of the housework. Oh, housework is fun, and I love doing that for Amy, because in the past it was more the other way round, she helped me, so I simply enjoy having a chance to do something for her. Actually the best about the whole situation was to see Amy and Tilda play together. Unbelievable cuteness!!  And we had plenty of time to talk, which was most awesome. I mean, we do talk every day, but most of the week we phone each other, so these few days were wonderful because we could spend a real lot of quality time together.

Manners

Hubby is being busy again these days. He has had some troubles with a client from very far away, nothing to worry about (I hope), but very annoying. Well, then again, this guy pestered him and even tried to reach hubby at home; nobody knows how he got our address in the first place (it was not me!). If anything, pestering us at home is the best way to make someone extremely angry here. And hubby was not in the house when this guy knocked either. But I am better than ever and did not open the door, which shouldn't be a surprise with a rather massive looking man standing in front of it. Last year, when I had this incident with the two women who tried to getinto the house, I had wished for a dog. We wanted to wait, to find out how I’d cope once our little one was there. The matter is still not decided, but someone knocking on our door who should not even know where we live is scary. Mimi, my little dog, where are you?!

Anyways, being intrusive is obviously a bad idea, because any business that might have happened was stopped immediately. Hubby said sometimes he wished he could spank this sort of people who are all money and no manners. :)

I'm getting old now :)

… And it turns out that I need glasses, only for reading though, so that I won’t get a headache and my eyes won’t tire that quick. Finally, after all these years I can get an intellectual touch. :) At least while reading. Ok, here is another little secret from long ago. Actually I should save this for one of the memes, but now is a good time, so why not. During my studies I bought a black glasses frame, sixties style, with plain glass. I never needed glasses before now, so they were only an accessory for me, but I simply loved them for that reason … and I am still absolutely convinced that some people treated me differently when I wore the glasses. The glasses gave me a more respectable look it seems. Too bad I lost them. :(

Awesome news

So, hubby was hiding something, and tonight I saw the flight time for next Monday ... Why would he have such a date on his desk?! Well, I asked him, and spoiled his surprise unintentionally. :(

... My in-laws will be visiting next week. Woohoo, this is awesome, as we haven’t met since their Christmas visit. I am so happy to have them here again. They can see how much their granddaughter has grown in these few months, and we'll make it a great time. I can't wait to see them, because they are so incredible. If you are in need of in-laws that are welcoming, warmhearted and love you for who you are, well here they are. :) This is so exciting, and for me much better than last time, when I almost had a heart attack from hubby's way of surprising me. Only one weekend and they'll be here! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I have some more things to tell, but cannot do so now. 

At the moment my hope is that life will not be too busy, so that I simply manage to blog more again. 

Anyways, 

wishing you a most wonderful weekend!!  :)