the pre-birth class - a lengthy rambling

Phew, I think I need a holiday! :-) We had our pretty compact pre-birth classes during the weekend, and actually it was great, but also tiring. My main concern was that I’d just fall asleep, because we only had last Friday to recover a little from our trip, while Hank was running and we bought groceries and stuff for the weekend. Even though we went to bed rather early and had enough sleep, hubby and I felt tired throughout Saturday. Uhm, well, I felt tired throughout Saturday, hubby just took a shower … and was all new and shiny. 

They were two long afternoons, but the organizer had told us that we were meant to appear in our most comfy clothes. Haha, no difference to my current everyday outfits which I would only wear for doing sports, if it were not for my bump. So, when we went there and entered, I had one picture coming to my mind immediately. It was an oil painting which showed fishermen in a storm, hauling the nets out of the wild ocean. I swear, the scene in the room was like a group of wales, especially since some of the bumpies were sitting/spread on blue yoga mats. I guess the corresponding partners were the fishermen. All in all we were only ten, but half of the participants really looked like much more. :)

Once it started, time flew by, and there was only one moment, during our relaxation exercises, that I was in danger of falling asleep. I would have loved to, because although I sleep better at the moment, sleep has been the major topic for months by now. And maybe I can add back pain, because I get a lot more of it, from the sides of my bump and along the lower back. That was probably another reason why I would not sleep in the course, because I did not always know how to sit and even with me shifting around a lot, I found no way out of the back pain on Saturday. Sunday was easier, maybe because we had had a little more time to readjust to Hamburg again? 

In my return post I had somehow disrespectfully mentioned that we’d learn some ‘serious breathing’ in that course. Weeell, of course we did. The panting-exercises were hilarious, it was pretty much looking like a Maori ritual in some moments, and I am sure the midwife enjoys that every time, when the women start panting. But the breathing exercises were actually one of the shortest units in the course, and if I really reduced the course to panting only, I would be pretty unfair, because we learned so much more, and for us, it was definitely worth the time we spent there. 

Hubby learnt to give me some support when we’ll be in the labor ward. But, apart from doing this course with hubby. I think what I liked best about it was actually that the midwife had plenty of time for our questions, which were pretty different from one woman to the next. I did not ask about the sex-drive, but some questions went into that direction, both ways, higher and lower/non-existent sex-drive. Ha! I am not alone. :) I think some of the questions would have been even more intimate without men present, but some women had less reservations than I had to ask into that direction. LoL, I have no problems to describe all the details of our sex-life here, in my blog, and talking about sex among friends is fine too, but suddenly, in the class which is meant to help us and where it should be most normal to find out about such things, I don’t have the courage.  …  But I got my question answered afterwards, without everybody else listening.

It turned out that hubby and I have done a lot of things just right; basic moderate exercises, relaxing, and my cravings for certain kinds of food are ok, too. Well, I knew that, because I had discussed that so often in the past, but it is always nice to hear it again, isn’t it?

Of course, we also went through everything around giving birth, anesthesia included. I would like to go without, but this is something that might change quickly, if the pain is too much. We’ll see. Oh, and I am glad that there is no dogma about ‘no pain killers’ in our house, because obviously other couples discuss that differently. One woman corrected herself, after saying ‘we don’t want pda’, she changed the wording into ‘I don’t want that’. Well, hubby and I have talked about that, but he made it clear from the start that he would not possibly interfere with my decisions on any form of pain killers while giving birth. I must admit that I am glad that we had no reason to argue about this. Imagine the situation, legs spread wide, doc or midwife between my legs, hubby next to me and we discuss that ‘we’ don’t want the pda, while ‘I’ cannot stand it?! Hmm, no thanks. 

No surprise, pain is a topic that probably most, if not all preggos ponder and this topic came up more than once. Add to this the stories of every mother and you'll have the ideas of giving birth as a wonderful experience and giving birth as the most horrible experience ever. You can add any number of variations. I will find out soon enough, and will get through it when it happens and it does not scare me much. I mean, I am almost week 33 by now and honestly, even though I have enjoyed this pregnancy so much up to now, I have also passed this point by now where I am glad when baby is there and the 'little inconveniences' stop. But this pregnancy is the most positive thing that ever happened to us, too, of course. So, I am most grateful for it and the pain does not bother me much at the moment. Aaaand, mothers, docs and midwives keep saying one thing: if the pain of giving birth was so unbearable, most girls would not do it again. This thought doesn't have to appeal to anybody else, but it sounds great for me. :) Actually, it is not the question of pain, no, I am more afraid of being cut open due to some unexpected complications.

Anyway, we talked about different positions for giving birth, baby care, changing diapers, baby skin care, holding babies, etc., … because once she is there, this might be useful to know about, right? :) And, I was (secretely) cheering myself, because we got taught about kegels, too. I congratulated myself on doing them every single day. Even at the airport, I did them. Too bad I won’t get a medal for that. :) 

Unless there are good reasons not to do it, I want to breastfeed baby. I did not need the class to know that, but the advantages of breastfeeding for baby and for our bonding outweigh any inconvenience that might be part of breastfeeding. -> Leaking is the most visible one that springs to my mind first, because one of my friends had that; even with pads, she was leaking from her breasts and soaked her tops faster than she could change into new ones. 

Hey, this is Monday morning, everybody should have a fresh start :)

I am not the biggest How I met your mother-fan, but I simply love Barney ... and him being awesome

 

Uh oh!

  

I think I am going to start looking for my lost texts again now. I mean the ones which were scheduled to appear during our holiday, but got lost. One of the texts was only about why it never worked out with men before hubby, maybe not really exciting, but in one of the other ‘I quit’-parts I decribed an incident where my former professor had an appearance and that night was really noteworthy and creepy. …. It was a cold winter night … :)

I am still trying to catch up on Smacking Bottom news, and it might still take a while, ... 

 

And I hope you all have a lovely and pleasant start into your weeks!

Guess who’s back, back in town, ... :-)

(I think I nicked the title line from Eminem, at least it is from some song)

We made it back! Across the North Sea. In a plane, again. I don’t believe it, but the flight back was much easier than the trip to Britain. I was tense, but not close to passing out, so I can tick that flight off as a success story. But at first I was stiff as a poker. No, make it flat as a pancake, because I am hungry from thinking about the flight. The flight attendants were really nice and I think one was more afraid than I that I might go into labor and create a mess in her plane. When she saw me first she really looked a little worried, and that worried me, but later on, in the air, I relaxed (hubby distracted me and I slept !!!), and she didn’t look relaxed whenever she came close to me and eyed my bump. Maybe she thought I’d smuggle something bulky inside? No idea, but her being a bit tight, helped me a lot, because there was no reason to worry. 

The worst parts were taking off and landing, but I did not scream, was only pale and not green, did not hyperventilate or anything. … I almost kissed the floor though, when I was on safe ground again. :-) I was so relieved, just because it was over. Didn’t one of the popes kiss the ground after leaving the plane? I think I watched that once on tv. I know why he did that ! There is nothing better than getting out of a flying metal cigar and hitting the ground. You feel so … earthbound after that experience. :-D

But more important is that I couldn’t even countdown in my blog. :( Doing that always gives me this feeling of having achieved something (let it grow), and with week 32 (!) and baby moving, everything is good. … Let’s forget some annoying things pertaining my body for a minute. As long as baby kicks me, life is good; hmmm, two weeks ago baby has kicked me downwards from inside (in a shop, it came as a complete painful surprise) and that one kick hurt horribly, but otherwise all is fine. :) (I guess, you’ll get a pregnancy report soon enough, probably with a little more whining from my side. :-D  )

Woohooo ! week 32 ! Awesome. I feel like celebrating that, but today my feet and my back are killing me and I want cookies. This was one of the first things I did when we came home, I went into the kitchen, grabbed two cookies, made coffee for hubby and slumped onto the sofa, feet high up on a pile of cushions. Wonderful!

Anyway, enough whining, but I am very sad that we left our family in England and I am glad to be back here. Lots to do in the garden, as far as I can see, but for once, I am really after some quiet moment and a lot of sleep. This flight was awfully early, which was good because we got around all traffic problems there and here, but we had to leave so early in the morning that it felt like midnight.

I can’t wait reading from you all in Smacking Bottom again, and I think I have missed a lot here, and will have to do a lot of reading to catch up with what you have done. I might need a day or two longer, because there won’t be much time to be online. Apart from some acclimatizing we will have our pre-birth class this weekend. … I will learn some serious breathing there, won’t I ?! :D In case you cannot see my broad grin, I’ll better tell you that I am pretty excited about it, especially after one of hubby’s brothers kept teasing me that I’ll go into labor before we’ll make it to the class, (he is the same brother who likes telling stories about horrid plane crashes), and I think we’ll learn a lot in this course which we will put to good use within the next eight weeks! 

Even Facebook had news for me ->Just in case you need a good laugh, they are American grammar fails, I think. Enjoy!

 This is the teaser, the link to more of these is below

http://www.viralnova.com/grammar-fails/

My reading experience of Prague Counterpoint (Zion Covenant book 2); authors: Bodie and Brock Thoene

Now, let’s have a complicated start. I write primarily about Prague Counterpoint here, because this one was available for my Kindle. Vienna Prelude, the first book of the Zion Covenant series is available for Kindle in the US and the UK, but the German amazon only had the paperback edition and not the ebook. So, while I was waiting for the first of the series, I peeked into Prague Counterpoint and later found myself on the bed, reading and reading until I finished book 2. By now, I have read halfway through the first book of the series, too, and I also have read the first pages of book 3 (Munich Signature). I am not paid for this, nevertheless, something positive is to follow. :-)

Originally I got the suggestion for the books of the Zion Covenant series from Anastasia Vitsky. Since I enjoy reading her reviews and know she has an eye for the important bits, I thought I’d give the Zion Covenant books a try. I did not regret that I did, and I say that even though the historic topic covered in Prague Counterpoint is not exactly mine.

The plot of the series starts in 1936, in the early years of the Third Reich, and you can follow the development in Germany and her neighbours primarily through the eyes of two jewish women, musicians, and an American journalist. You see with a lot of detail, how the jewish people are degraded and humiliated systematically and continuously, how racial hatred takes over and only the basest instincts and immoral behavior rules and how jewish people suffer because of this.

The historic background must have been researched in great detail and it sounded convincing and accurate to me. I remembered some of German history under the Nazi regime from school and found all that in the books, too. Some of the historic descriptions went into greater detail than I would have cared for, but leaving them out would not always have been easy either, because the historic events are intermingled with the plot. I think this is a matter of personal preference and it did not reduce the positive reading experience for me.

What I found absolutely well done, is how in many scenes the main characters are tossed around, often victim-like helpless, unable to change much, unable to influence major parts of their own or their loved ones’ fates. There were some cruel scenes, though they were by far not as cruel and horrid as they could have been. But for me, they were more than enough. I could virtually feel how helpless and humiliated the characters must have felt. Their suffering is described in a convincing way, at least for me. And even against all odds, these characters go on. While reading I felt several times how they drew me with them and I felt as lost as they must have. They do not give up, nor do they find ways easily to solve the problems they have to face. Their sorrows are heartbreaking and touching and in a way, how they cope is one of the reasons why you want to read on. 

If you are looking for a fully fledged love-story, you will be disappointed. This is a family and friends drama with a little bit of a clean love-story included. The characters often enough act out of love and out of a selfless sense of responsibility and there are romantic moments, thought they are few. The lovers in the book have problems, too and don’t find to each other easily, but the interpersonal problems of them appear actually rather small, compared to those they have to face just because they are in the wrong city in the wrong moment. Sometimes it reminded me of a ship that is lost in a severe storm and can only move to and fro helplessly, as the wind dictates. Still, this is not a negative point, because it fits well into the plot. The historical development is interwoven with it and all in all, this combination with characters who have to face enormous problems, a believable plot and the historic background of a cruel time, definitely made it a good read for me.

Who is meant to read the Zion Covenant series? I assume that the Zion Covenant series is meant to be read by youths and young adults, starting around the age of not younger than 15. The assumption is based on the level of understanding you need to see the immoral and cruel behavior of people in the book, to understand the systematic reduction of rights for jewish people and to understand the implications of it all. The book has a section with questions which help to understand what was read before. This is pretty helpful for younger readers and readers without any background knowledge. The language that The Thoenes use in all three books I know about, is very clear, as are the descriptions. The language is also very easy to understand, which I think I am allowed to say as a non-native English-speaker. But that does not mean that you can only enjoy this book at that age.

All in all I found this a very captivating read and not at all boring. Prague Counterpoint surely is not a difficult book, and in the past I have stopped reading books by other authors because the plot was too obvious, combined with a too basic language, even for me. But Prague Counterpoint is different. The characters move through the historical events in a way that you want to know what is going to happen next. And for me, it was not clear if they’d survive all this or not. Therefore, even though the appropriate age of when to start reading the Zion Covenant might be 15 and up, I could not see that it would be boring for adults. I am 35 and enjoyed reading it. … I might even smuggle my kindle into the labour ward, if the latter books of the series are as good as the first three. :D (=clear recommendation)

 This entry is scheduled for 18th July, 2.00 AM Pacific Daylight Time. I hope it works

I hope you all have a nice and wonderful weekend !

I quit the second time and I do not mean blogging (so, no worries, please)

This is the beginning of part II of ‘I quit’.

You can find part one here

Since this is all a little longer than I had thought, I divided it into different parts which I am going to blog during our holidays. ... If the schedule function works as told, that is. And I am sorry that I may not be able to respond to comments immediately.

Introductory apologies

Yes, I know, it is always very bad style to start something like this with pleas for mercy, but since this is personal I have this urge not to put myself into a completely unfavourable light. At that time I think I’d have deserved no better, and they belong to the worst years. After that, I have learned to be better. And I know more about my limits. I behaved so stupidly at that time, and there are so many things I would do differently now, if I ever came into similar situations. But I would always have left the literature department (see part I).

I love my friend Amy dearly. The most recent entry (about her and hubby), which probably contained too much information and was rather thoughtless, was meant to show some of how close we are. I would never again let her down, and in a way, because of what has happened between us (and which is based on events that happened years earlier, at school), I feel as if she has this justified and hard earned claim on me which goes beyond anything I have ever known, apart from hubby’s claim on me. I owe her, and this has a very positive connotation, because I am allowed to be friends with the best woman I have ever known. 

 We have a lovely word in Hamburg (lower German language) for what I am doing here concerning Amy; it is called Lobhudelei and means something like excessive praise or paean (?). If you hear the word, it is actually a very cute word, just like there are some lower German swear words which sound so cute that nobody is seriously miffed, even though you insulted them the worst. Yep, I have tried it all.

Since this is so long ago and I simply trust in you as readers, to accept that people change, I thought it would be safe to let it all out in my blog. This is a place where I can do that without worrying. And I told Amy that I would write it down and she could have vetoed. She did not, because I promised not to give away anything which would identify us today, and she agrees, it is too long ago to cause problems. When I showed her the pages, she was very surprised, because I had written so much about it (14 typed pages) and she asked about a lot of what I had written. She speaks little English and just let me tell her the different parts. It was a little like reliving some of the moments, which was a small drama in itself, for both of us. It was easy for me just to write some of this down, but talking it over again was a different matter. Imagine how you would tell your best friend that she disappointed you once. There were some funny moments, of course, but all the frustration and extreme up and down we went through, was suddenly back. I had warned her first, asked if she was sure that she wanted to hear it, after all, this had been forgotten for such a long time.

Most of it ended when hubby and I married eleven years ago. If you count in my first two years of studies in literature, all these troubles took four years of our time. That’s another reason why I do write it down. Those four years were crucial, definitely shaped us and even though they are long past, they have ended with drastic changes. The best of it, with writing it down and talking again about it, it felt as if the book is closed again after understanding better what happened.

 If this proves just a waste of time for you, I apologize for that. I tried not to use a too reporting style in all parts, though I am still doing so in many.  

1. Arts and a phone call

… My thinking had cleared up, slowly, but steadily. “So, what you mean is, I should go and do arts?” Amy nodded eagerly. “Yeah, why not? You are just the right one for it. You could be a teacher or…” Here she left it. I grinned, while I finally also had a bite of the roll. “Or I could be a cleaner, to earn a living. I am not good enough for more and I told you that.” I studied what Amy had left on the tray and dipped my finger into some red jam. Hmmm strawberry. The roll followed and I munched. Amy had not spoken and waited. Obviously she wanted me to listen closely to her. I stopped eating and looked at her. She has warm eyes and an abundance of patience, whenever necessary. Guess who she needs that for, usually. But I wanted to be nice, too, stopped chewing and waited. I could see her motherly instincts come forward, and I have always known that she was going to be an awesome mom. No, she would be THE MOM. She is lovely with kids of any age, … . Well, she is lovely with me, too. She waited, until I was ready to listen to her. “You can do that easily. They are not literature at all. You’ll find all you are looking for with them.” I basically agreed. According to what I had told her as my main reasons to let studies go, the art school we had visited once, would be the ideal place. 

I nodded. “Maybe, but we’d see less of each other, because they are in the opposite direction.” So far, we had had many times when we met on campus, had the same ways, could meet easily whenever we wanted to. This would change. “Oh come on. You are not going to skip this chance because you have to take another bus line, are you?” I waited and thought for a moment , but I knew she was right. I’d still need some time to get used to these upcoming changes, but inwardly, I had already agreed. Amy grabbed my piece of roll with jam, pushed it into my mouth and held my arms. “Say it!” Munching, I nodded “Promise, deal, ok!” We hugged and as usual she had made me feel like a champion, as if I had achieved something. “Good girl.” I kissed her on her cheek ”Thanks. You made things easy. Bribed me with Aspirin and rolls and not leaving an alternative.” I pressed her closer a second time. “I am glad that you helped me”. She beamed at me. “My pleasure. … I knew the rolls would do the trick.” She laughed and started being Miss Buzzling. “Up now, get dressed, there are so many things to do.” I was not inclined to follow suite, but she had stood up, taken the tray and simply pulled my blanket away, before I even knew what was happening. She loves that, and although she is the warmest and most understanding woman I know, she also enjoys bossing sleepy flatmates around on occasion.

The following weeks differed a little from my original schedule on campus. Before I had decided to ‘Let it go’, I would have appeared in the literature department, would have attended courses and written my papers. Kafka! This was my first one I would not write. I wouldn’t collect the credits and felt free. Instead, I went to the arts department. It was around fifteen minutes from our flat, so no big deal. I had weeks off, because I did not attend the courses. Amy had suggested that I’d work some more in that time, which was the obvious thing to do, after all I’d need a few new things.

Now and then, I got calls from my former department. It was always the same phone number. I had only once in this time made the mistake to answer the call. “Hello, Nina xxxxxxx speaking.” I had been far away with my thoughts. “I am glad to reach you. Where have you been?! I worried.” I did not know what or if to answer, but my professor went on before I could. “You should have left a note that you could not attend my course. We wouldn’t want to exclude you from my course due to such a slip. … Would we?” It took only this little moment to feel as if I had been thrown in front of a car. “What? Well, ehm, sorry…” I was absolutely dumbfounded. I mean it is easy to do that to me, but hearing this woman’s voice was like a very chilling shower. And I had not expected her to call me. There was no reason. Her office deals with these petty things, like unruly students.

“We can talk about it and there will be opportunities to avoid problems. I have no time this afternoon. But please do me the favour and meet me in my office at 7pm. We can discuss everything.” I hated every word she said, but the way she stressed this ‘everything’ made me almost vomit. “Be there in time. Goodbye!” This brought life back to my senses. “NO! Wait. I can’t… I won’t come.” She was still there. I could hear her breathing in. Either she was smoking, which I did not believe, or she was getting annoyed, because I was rebellious and appeared to complicate matters now. “O.K. Then tomorrow. Same time, 7 pm…” Quick now. “No, thank you Ma’am. There is no reason for us to have an appointment. I have left your course. I apologize that I caused any inconvenience. There is no reason to call me again. Goodbye!” I almost smashed the phone receiver into the cradle. It was done. I had had the last word, too! No more buxxxxxt from her side. I had kept all air in, which always happens when I am nervous or too excited. Try to speak then. She must have heard how nervous and agitated these few words had left  me. I did not want to hear her voice again, ever. She was too awful. Another four seconds and the phone rang again. It was her, and she let it ring for quite some time.

Around three months later I was officially declared an arts student. Amy even bought me one of the cliché black French berets, so that I would look the part of the poor artist.

 This is scheduled for Monday, 14th July, 7.00 AM. Hope it works!