Final words before the take off

I am super scared about the flight now and if you watch tv  tomorrow, and see a bumpy woman running away, chased by security, either in Hamburg or in London, that can only be me. I’ll be screaming then, too, so that you know who you see. :-)

 aviophobic woman who learned that she had a new job as a flight attendant.

I am still trying to figure out the schedule function in my blog, and don’t trust it at all, because it is computer related. They hate me and know when to retaliate!

I had the next part of Sue and Martin finished for weeks by now, and most of what I started with ‘I quit’ has been done for ages too, and even now, when I have to decide what to do with it, I am not sure what of it I want to publish. Some comments have left me thinking and although I’ll just go on blogging, I actually do think a little longer before I push the publish-button, because of these strange events in blogland. It left me with a queasy feeling in my stomach…and my stomach looks pretty impressive  these days, meaning that some confidence of how much I can give away about us, has left me. I might have infringed our anonymity already in past entries and much of ‘I quit’ would be pretty obvious to anybody connected to it. But this is so long ago that I am not worried too much yet. If it contained current information, hubby would shut my blogging place down, I think.

Gloomy. I think some of these thoughts come directly from my brain’s angst center, because I imagine all sorts of horrible things connected to the flight again, now that it comes closer and I can count the hours. Why couldn’t we walk to Britain?! It’s only a little puddle of water between here and there, and flying is overrated anyway.

Well, I’ll better finish my schedule for the entries, and I’ll write down when they were meant to appear, to see if it works. So, if nothing pops up at all, I got it all wrong and had no chance to fix that with one of our in-laws’ computers. 

I am so excited to see them all, and can't wait to hear their latest news, 

... and ...

I hope you all have a pleasant and wonderful summer time

Nursery school party

This was a super cute event (see quick note). Although the oldest kids were meant to be the stars, actually it was a party of the whole nursery school. All groups of all ages had participated in two little plays and the oldest children, those who will be school kids soon, had a kind of solo. 

 

The main play was about a little girl who had lost her cat. She was going to different places, all over the world and looked for her little cat. So you could see the most famous cats, like tigers, lions, pumas and leopards. My niece was the leopard. It was a very colourful event, because the children had fantastic costumes, faces and hands were coloured, too, so that they all looked the part. 

The setting was very basic, which was just right, because since they only had four trees in the background and lots of room in the foreground, they could move around easily. Oh, and of course, the trees were talking all the time, they discussed how time passed and the little girl went through the world. They were absolutely fabulous, three boys who were a little shy and were barely audible and a girl who screamed her tree-messages out into the crowd. I really had to hold my bump because I couldn’t stop laughing. They were all too cute and sweet. 

Btw, the little girl returned home, unhappy, because she could not find her loved cat. :-(   But then something that looked like a bush (no idea what that was meant to be) told her to look into her garden. The little cat had born a litter of little kittens, who were also played by children. They were half hidden behind a bench, so that you could only see their heads, face in full kitten make-up and little cat ears in black, brown and yellow. :-) Those kitten actors really took their part seriously and did not flinch once throughout the scene.

(not from the party!)

In the second play they had lots of animals from the sea, primarily dolphins, though, and everything was kept in blue, the children included, with dark blue faces… and white shining teeth and eyes.  According to their looks, they were the junior version of the Blue Man Group. But the kids were cooler, because they had big dolphin silhouettes at the sides of their heads. 

Afterwards, there was a final song sung by all children and then the buffet was open for all and after they all had something to eat and drink, the crowd dispersed a little and there was time for some small talk, final goodbyes for the older kids and nursery school teachers. As far as I understood, they had done that already in the morning, but make assurance double sure. I thought that maybe they should have put the buffet outside, because they have a large area outside and the weather is currently fantastic. It’s sunny and windy, just right to be outside.

 

I was not the only one with a bump, there were at least three other visibly very pregnant women, and one who looked like seventh month stood close to a man, probably in his fifties, and his belly was bigger than hers. According to the size, he was long overdue with twins. There also was a little boy, maybe four, who stood close by and looked closely at those two protruding bellies. And you could see that he had several questions, but he did not ask immediately. I admit I had been waiting for that to happen. His mom took him up a short time later and he asked her. She also tried to hide her smile in vain. Too bad I could not hear her answer.

It’s countdown time again :-) Baby and I are in week 28 now and feeling good all in all. 
 Maybe I will find time to send reports from the small island, but otherwise there will probably no preggo countdowns for the following four weeks!

Only a quick note

My youngest niece will start school in August and today they celebrate in her nursery school with the oldest children. This will be super fun,  because they also have a little play that they want to show their families.

Honey, are you awake?

This is one of these mornings when you come out of bed and feel as if you have not slept at all. I woke up at 6 am, my usual time. Does it help when I write that I felt heavy? My lids, too. Bad start into a day. When I wake up, I am fully there and want to do things and usually have the energy for it. Not today, though. I went downstairs and made coffee (Not for me, I drink tea, dear). The smell of it wakes me up further ... usually. Not today, though.

I closed my eyes as I stood at the kitchen counter and inhaled deeply. It made me dream of the Caribbean, I think. There were palm trees, along a white, sandy beach, the sea was a mix of different shades of emerald and arctic blue. It was very inviting, because it was hot outside and the water looked so refreshing. There was a brilliant blue sky with a few birds in it. Somewhere along the horizon, water and sky blended into one. I saw myself walk closer to the water, looked around, saw lush green plants and colourful fruit hanging down from them. Somewhere, further away, there was one of the natives, or was he ship-wrecked? He talked to me, as he came closer. At first, I did not understand and moved to the water line. My toes crunched into the sand and I loved the feeling of it. I wanted to sit down and enjoy, later I'd go swimming. What was the native saying? ".... coffee ready? I'll get the rest, you just get the milk." What a strange thing to say on a tropical island. I dreamed on. I took my nightdress off because I wanted to feel the pleasant water. Silence. Up to this point I had heard the surge of waves far away, but that was gone. The native was gone by now, too. I felt someone caress me from behind. I did not bother to open the eyes, just enjoyed the moment and felt very tired. "Honey, are you awake?" What a wonderful way to be woken up on a tropical island. "Hey, are you ok?" Hmmm, don't be rude, native, or I might look for another one! I frowned. Slowly I opened my eyes, and sighed deeply as I looked directly onto our kitchen counter. The tropical island with the marvelous beach was gone. :-(

Hubby looked at me and repeated his question. I have such moments, and currently my body seems to work a lot more. I nodded and noticed that I was still in my nightdress. Strange. I thought I had dressed, but no. At least I had made coffee. It must have been a very bad one though, because hubby  winced as he drank some. He gave me a very long look, of the pitying kind, I think. Not sure if I wanted that look from him.  Then he kissed me and left me standing there, a little confused. Weekdays are busy days. "Don't forget the milk, sweetie!" I took the milk carton, saw another one and took it too. One was empty and one was brand new. Why had I put the empty one into the fridge? I threw it away, took the other one and went to the table. Hubby took the milk carton and stopped. "Hey, are you ok?" He shook the carton. It was empty. I had thrown away the new one and brought along the empty one. I let my head fall on my chest. No idea what's going on. Hubby came around and hugged me. "You go to bed and sleep now." He took my hand, brought me upstairs and put me back into the bed. I slept immediately, most of the morning and when I woke up, it was better. I had hoped to see this lovely little island again, but I don't remember any of my dreams. I still feel a little wobbly, but at least awake! :-)

Too bad it is raining cats and dogs here today. I'd love to go out and have a nap in my hammock ... and dream of tropical islands again. 

But I hope that you have a great and pleasant day, in fantastic weather and with the chance to make the best out of it!

 

Beware ...

... I found this picture in my email and wished I had practiced kegels harder. 

BBQ preparations

(I wrote this Saturday, but was not allowed online, therefore I could only publish it this Sunday morning)

Due to the stupid beginning of yesterday (Friday), Amy and I had a long talk, and she’ll be here today (Saturday) too, for a BBQ we had arranged last week. I have written down some of yesterday’s talk. But since there is an Amy-part in it, I would not publish any of it without her permission. We’ll see. So this is what occupied my thoughts throughout the morning, but this is Saturday, a good Saturday. I have prepared salad for our BBQ, everything is arranged and all I have to do, is make butter rolls. They can be spicy if you want that. I will have some with diced bacon and ham, some with cheese, some with herbs and some will be plain white. If you want to, you can do them with onion and garlic. Not for me, though, I cannot stand the smell at the moment.

This morning, it is quite warm here, and I had thought about just wearing my support belt in the kitchen. Hubby did not want that, but we compromised. Belt, short wide blue dress and in the kitchen, my apron. I am barefoot. The coolness of the stone floor is pleasant and if I could come up again easier, I’d sit on the floor to knead the dough. Instead, I stand and work the dough on the kitchen counter. My hands are white from the flour, and the dough, yellow and still not soft enough, will need a lot of attention from me. I blow a wisp of my hair away. Where did that come from? I had it all tied up securely. It’s too long to have it open in the kitchen. It comes back. I blow it away a second time. If it comes back again, I’ll have to stop kneading the dough, because it disturbs my rhythm. Nothing, it is gone. Good! I knead on, move my shoulders to give me more strength to knead the dough.

 I dwell on what the afternoon will be like. I can barely wait for it to start, but there’s plenty of time. I sigh deeply. Inhale the smell of my favourite spices. Cinnamon, yummy. I want to make cinnamon coffee whenever I smell it. Bad girl. Don’t even think about it. Curry. Lovely, but my stomach says no. I try to smell some others, but instead I receive a kiss onto my neck and I smell my freshly shaved hubby.

I lean into him, but he would not let me turn around. It would have been so sexy, with me unable to use my hands covered in flour. He holds my arms down, on the counter. “Knead on!” Oh, that sounds promising, doesn’t it? I do as told. He nudges my ear, I can feel his hand hitching my dress up. High, very high. He caresses my breasts, my bump and reaches below my belt. He stops his movement before his finger sweeps along my hip and lets me shiver. “Knead on, sweetie” I hear next to my ear.  He did not know that I was naked underneath. Maybe I should make sure that this was ok? “We had not discussed my knickers” I answer to a question he never asked. His nose is still at my ear. He breathes me in; hey wait, does he laugh at me?! I hear him chuckle behind me, his upper body rocks slightly. How can I possibly knead on? At least I try, and my hands are on the counter, too. I would love turning around, but it would be over immediately, I know that.

I feel another kiss and lean my head back and try to find his lips. But I can barely snatch a kiss from him. He leaves me yearning for more, moves my ponytail aside and kisses me along my neck, to my cheeks, and finally, my mouth. I can feel in different spots of my body how much more I want now. And I want to get rid of my clothes, because somehow they are restricting. His hands are moving softly under my dress, find their way to my breasts and down. Eventually, he touches between my legs. I moan, and would love him to do more, now, immediately. “Please” Can he hear my craving? He has started this. If he stops now, I’ll yearn for more all through the BBQ! His hand moves on and finds a tantalizingly slow rhythm between my legs. He knows what he is doing to me. I can barely breathe, can just stand still. I feel the other hand exploring, slowly caressing my bum, my hips. Suddenly he stops. But why? I open my eyes slowly.

Casually, he turns me around, to face him. I keep my hands away from him, because they are still soiled and white. I push the dough back. He takes me under my arms and places me on the counter. My bum is full of flour now, but at least the dough is saved. “Don’t use your hands, or I’ll stop.” I nod, my throat feels so dry that I have to clear it before I croak “Yes, Sir”. 

While we face each other, he reads me. By now, my body has taken over and I don't read, instead, my body responds. I see him take off his T-shirt before he takes off my apron. The dress follows and I see some flour dust trickle down as he pulls it away over my head and lets it fall. He opens his pants and lets them slide down. As he frees himself, I would love so much to touch him. Actually I would love (!) to leave traces of flour all over him, his cheeks, his chest, arms, bottom. None of this will happen, and I better obey. I lean back, rest on my hands and look at him invitingly. Slowly he pushes my legs apart and comes closer. His skin touches my thighs. I lean further back, onto my elbows, so that my bump is out of the way. He knows that I am all ready, it is too obvious, but he won’t enter until I am close to begging. He teases me, kisses my nips, pulls me slightly forward, so that we can kiss long and intimately. His hands move over my body.  By that time it is him who leaves traces of flour all over me. Dusty fingerprints. If I were not so endlessly aroused, he would probably tickle me with some of what he does, but now, it all makes me wish for more. “Please!” I can hear the urgency in my own voice. And before I fully close my eyes, I can see him elated by what he does to me. As he enters, I lay down to give myself to this moment. 

Have a happy weekend, everybody!

Scary stuff

I have had an appointment with my doctor and since we are only two weeks away from our flight home, we discussed some of the things that could pose a problem. I already knew that some airlines demand papers from a doctor saying when the baby is due, and some airlines are unwilling to take women as passengers when they are too close to their due date.

But we also talked about preterm labor. Maybe I should not have asked, but I did because I am getting nervous again when I think about the flight to Britain. It will be a short flight, so I shouldn't bother, but I do, even though everything was fine last time, apart from hubby and his brothers' jokes about crashing planes, that is. 

Yes, I couldn't stop, I wanted to know what to look out for ... and got an answer. Since I am not week 37 yet, but only 27, I want to know when to call a doctor. I mean, it makes a huge difference whether you have cramps or your water breaks three months earlier than it should, doesn't it. My doctor said that I won't need the information, all will be fine. She has learned that her biggest job this time is to calm me down, because I am overanxious and I know that. Doesn't help me much to know this. "Just let nature have its way" is what I get to hear approximately three times per visit. Besides, so far, almost all tests were as average as possible, meaning that baby is perfectly fine (she has hiccups now too, or a tiny drum. :)  )

My doctor knows well enough why I am like this. She has been with me when things never worked out, which means we have spent much time together. She tells me what needs to be said, and sometimes that means to do some straight talking (a spanking would help, but she wouldn't do that). So, according to her, all will be fine when we fly home, and there is not a single reason even to assume that anything could go wrong. I do believe every word of what she said, but this does not mean that I am completely relaxed. ... And who says that believing her and sticking to my fears cannot happen at the same time?

Maybe I should not have asked her about preterm labour, because now it is stuck in my head. Maybe I should just try to relax again, but anything related to losing babies scares me to death. The topic is  serious for many and I am not able to give advice here, but maybe a simple request is acceptable. 

If you feel that anything is wrong with baby or you, please go and see your doctor, or at least call him/her. I have been running to mine more than I had to, and my doctor understood that and was with me, and with 35 you get the VIP treatment anyways. It is right and important to go and ask your doc, if you have the feeling something could be wrong. Hopefully, the message will always be that it was false alarm, and your doc should be on your side when you are anxious. You care for two and you will regret not going, and will always wonder 'Was it because I did not see my doctor when I had the chance?"

I am sorry for that down-post, and apologize if I possibly hurt anybody who knows too well what I mean with this post. I do not want to stirr up old memories, but if you are pregnant and feel something is different, ask your doctor, please. Let them roll their eyes or whatever, but your unborn child should be worth it and sometimes getting medical help in time will save a life.



Edit:  I think I have been bad at explaining anything in this one, so I felt I had to add this now. It was a disaster scenario of mine, what could go wrong while we are on board of this darn plane, with insufficient medical aid and then preterm labour sets in. Basically, it is just my imagination running wild (feels a bit like pms on speed). I don't know why, but somehow these thoughts were very unsettling for me.
I should have gone into the garden, instead of being so unreasonable. But I stick to my recommendation to see your gynaecologist rather too often than not. Sorry for the trouble I have caused.

Going places

Hubby and I talked about some of the changes that are happening right now (from average size to giant balloon), from doing more sports to doing less, from normal breathing to huffing and puffing, from emotional fits to .... oh wait, bad example. I had those before pregnancy as well. But now they are different. E.g. when hubby was on a business trip and I missed him so much that it hurt. I could go on but have already mentioned some changes in my blog, so I'll skip it now.

But hubby has reminded me of another major change, now, that it is almost too late!  It is about time. You, as experienced mommies, have already mentioned that my daily schedule will be completely different when baby is there, sleeping will also be a serious problem and fatigue will be my best friend for months. Well, I have some practice with sleeping the 'economic way', but from what the mommies say, this is only a minor inconvenience to what the first months will be like when baby is there. I have also seen that change in one of my friends. From beautiful pregnant woman, a symbol of healthy life (most of the time), to a sleepwalking ghost-like creature. Poor girl, exhausted, but very happy mommy.  

Therefore hubby has advised that I should think about what I'd still like to do without planning ahead, as long as this is possible. Hmmm, what I'd like to do is what hubby and I have done excessively lately. I enjoyed every minute of it. Going places? Hmmm, the only place  I'd like to see again before baby is born, is our family in England, and we are right in the middle of preparing everything for that one. Oh, and going to the beach this summer would be neat. DF has written about indulgence, they are great ideas and most of them happen here in one form or the other. I added another walk in warm summer rain. But that's all I'd like to do for now. Nothing fancy.

Of course, I will think more about this, but chances are that it will not change much. So, I am content just to be boring, because I have no special wishes at the moment. I mean, I love going places, with hubby, with close friends, with family. And then it is exciting. But I really couldn't come up with anything that I wanted to do more than the ordinary, pretty average pregnant and housewife things I do anyway. I can meet my friends and spend time with them. That's what I like, and most of the time I don't care about where this is.

The other things that I have on my list are out of question now. I'd like to do some more sports again, of the kind where my bump would be at risk, therefore, no - no - no!

 I don't think I could ever do this.

 I can't wait for this here, though

What I'd definitely and always want is just more time with hubby. Currently things are going crazy in his business, which is good for us, because a lot of work means a good income. But then again it is bad for us, because hubby has to work more and that means less time for us. Hmmm, sounds like a common and widespread problem.

Well, boring as it sounds, but I am absolutely content and happy in our situation (apart from the time issue). Loved friends nearby, hubby there, baby happy and doing fine (woohoo, countdown! week 27!! I think 91 days left until our due date). I can enjoy blogging, our garden, the hammock. I don't want anything else. A year ago, I'd maybe have had different ideas (fantasies; if money was no issue), e.g. going to fancy places like Rio, Paris, etc., some mountain climbing, tracking tours, etc. .  Well, no, thank you, not now, please. I am not even interested. Currently the appeal is gone. Give me a cookie, instead.

Besides, hubby wasn't really talking about extravagant places or activities, I know. Instead, he meant to use the time and just do things the way I want and when I want. This will change completely when baby is there. Then our (mostly my) daily routine will be completely dictated by her needs. I love that idea, and I know that the difficult moments are yet to come. Maybe I should just go and sleep in my hammock now.

Grumpy day

I have no idea what went wrong, but somehow  my sleeping problem returned last night. I feel like I have been run over by a truck. Back and forth. Accordingly, I have a grumpy day. I did not even bother to make myself presentable. Properly dressed, yes. But with the complexion of a tired ghost. And it rains. And my computer hates me again.  First I couldn't go online, then it swallowed a text of mine for good.  And I am really afraid of pressing the wrong button, so that my blog disappears. It is me, so this could happen.

 But now, after ten months I have finally found out what the schedule button in my blog is good for. Usually I sit down, type, blog it. Sometimes I write more, so that I have some in store. Now I can decide, when a text should appear. That's cool. I only have to figure out which time I want it to be, because for some unknown reasons, my blog shows pacific time, which is the furthest away from European continental time I can imagine. So, baby and I will be staring on the blog today. Waiting for my real text to appear. In the pacific. As scheduled. While I am a little grumpy. But I have cookies. :) They make me happy.

headphones and kicks

If you have the feeling that your baby has been inactive for too much of a time and you want to feel her, there are two ways I can recommend, which will do no harm. Drink water and wait. If baby sleeps, it might be that she will wake up from the sounds your stomach produces. I have tried that and it has worked.

The second way of getting your baby to move a little is to put headphones  onto your bump and switch on some nice music. She will surely enjoy listening and will start dancing! :)

See, they really start early these days

Hey, baby is stronger too, because she can kick and often I can feel her from the outside with my hand. I am waiting for the tiny dents to be visible, too. So far, she probably waits until I sleep and then raves on. :) ... And if you cannot hear anything from me (unlikely), I might just be sitting somewhere and watch my naked bump. Feeling her from the outside is already happening, but she is not yet strong enough, so that I can see her kicks. I would love that, of course, but I am so glad and happy that she is active and moving. Maybe I should better start counting now.

The biggest surprise for me is that the kicks have increased a lot in intensity, within such a short time. Recently, I was not aware that baby moved and now baby is tap dancing and you can feel it if you put your hand on my bump, and I have seen her movement, too. :) Well, what a surprise, I knew this would happen, but now that it does, it is a marvel, and currently I love it even more, because in the right moment, hubby can feel baby kick too, and this makes him happy and proud. And this makes me happy and proud again. :)